u/Sad_Drama_6796

I had a really unsettling interaction with a neighbor, and I can’t stop thinking about it.

Last night, I walked out onto my balcony to hit my vape just as she was getting out of her car. I felt awkward, so I stepped back into my doorway to give her space. After a minute, I peeked around the corner to see if she’d gone, and she was standing there starring at me like she had been waiting for me to reappear. We awkwardly starred at each other for a minute and I pulled my earbud out of my ear and was about to ask “What’s up?” when she said “Okay” and walked away. The whole thing felt incredibly awkward and I felt like she thought I was creeping on her or something

This morning, I left my phone number on her car because I wanted to ask what that was about and clear the air. Instead, I got a call from a man telling me that if I was the one who left the number, all contact needed to stop and that they were close to filing a restraining order.

I’m honestly shaken. My intention wasn’t to scare or bother anyone—I was trying to understand an interaction that left me confused. I’ve never had much contact with the girl other than her smiling at me a couple weeks ago and me giving a wave a few days ago.

Shortly after I received a call from the police about the situation and I explained my side of it. Safe to say I will not be going on my balcony anymore. I realize that I could have explained more in the note I left rather than just leaving my phone number. I honestly thought she would text and I would be able to clear the air in text. What a way to start the day 😅

My wife filed for divorce on June 24th (8 days ago) and I haven’t received anything yet. How long does it typically take to be served with the divorce papers? She knows my schedule well so locating me isn’t a problem

I don’t know what to do with myself. It feels like my life is ending. I’ve posted a few times on this sub about my 7 month separation with my wife. It had its ups and downs and I thought eventually we would make it. I ran into financial trouble on top of being separated and I couldn’t help but pressure her sometimes about my situation in the separation. Was just about to get on my feet again and I made the worst mistake of my life this weekend. I’ll never recover from it. She filed for divorce today. She was my best friend. Nobody has ever impacted my life more. I’m absolutely devastated. And to know she sees me as somebody who failed her and hurt her. My heart is really hurting right now

There’s a lot of things that I believe are mine but are taking a lot of time coming to me. I would like to speed things up if possible. I’m also just interested in learning altogether

I’m a 34-year-old man going through a separation after an 11-year marriage. My wife and I have been separated for 7 months. I’m struggling with the loss of my relationship, figuring out who I am outside of it, and feeling like I don’t have any older male mentors in my life.

I’d especially like to hear from men who successfully reconciled with their wife after a long separation. What helped? What hurt? What do you wish someone had told you during that first year?

I’m looking for perspective from people who have actually lived through it.

This is the part of my separation that I can’t make sense of.

My wife and I separated about seven months ago after 11 years together and 6 years of marriage.

If we had completely cut contact, I think I would understand where things stand. If she had wanted to actively work on the marriage, I would understand where things stand.

Instead, we’ve spent the last seven months somewhere in the middle.

We’ve remained in regular contact the entire time. We text frequently. We talk on the phone. We coordinate things involving our son, but many of our conversations go beyond basic logistics. Throughout most of the separation, I have still felt like I was one of the first people she turned to when she was stressed, upset, needed advice, needed help, or needed someone to listen.

In many ways, I’ve continued filling the role of a husband without actually being her husband.

At the same time, she has shown very little interest in actively working on the marriage. There have been no consistent efforts toward reconciliation, counseling together, rebuilding trust, dating each other again, or creating a plan to repair what was broken.

So I find myself stuck with a question I can’t answer.

Why maintain so much connection with someone you don’t want to be married to?

I understand wanting a healthy co-parenting relationship. I understand being civil. I understand not wanting conflict.

What I struggle to understand is maintaining a level of emotional closeness that feels far beyond co-parenting while also having no desire to invest in rebuilding the relationship itself.

From my perspective, it sometimes feels like I’m being asked to remain emotionally available, supportive, dependable, and present while accepting that the marriage may never be given another chance.

Maybe I’m seeing it wrong.

Maybe what feels like emotional dependence to me is simply comfort and familiarity after more than a decade together.

Maybe she’s trying to figure out who she is outside the marriage.

Or maybe she’s keeping a connection because she still cares but doesn’t believe the relationship can be repaired.

I genuinely don’t know.

What I do know is that being close enough to provide support, but not close enough to rebuild the marriage, has been one of the most painful and confusing experiences of my life.

Just want to make sure I’m doing this right. When I masturbate I already think about her like I’m doing it with her obviously. So what do I do differently to do the “O” method correctly in order to manifest her back?

I’m currently in a no-contact phase with my wife (separated, co-parenting two kids), and I’m trying to stay disciplined while still being a solid dad and not escalating things emotionally.

Last night she reached out about one of our sons not eating. It started logistical — asking if he ate, etc. I answered directly and kept it neutral.

Then she started spiraling a bit about it. She said she was really anxious, struggling all week, and that the situation was “really messing her up.” She even clarified that it wasn’t about him, it was her anxiety.

Instead of leaning into that emotionally, I kept it grounded and said something like:
“I get it. I think they’re both pretty good at listening to their bodies. I’ll check in with him.”

After that, I didn’t really engage further on her anxiety.

Later, she reached out again because our son broke out in itchy bumps (likely from laying in fresh cut grass at school). I stayed in problem-solving mode:
– Asked if he ate anything unusual
– Suggested it might be environmental
– Recommended Benadryl and where to get it

I didn’t comfort her emotionally, didn’t validate her anxiety beyond a basic acknowledgment, and stayed focused on the situation.

My question:
Did I handle this correctly?

I’m trying to:
– Stay in my frame
– Not become her emotional regulator
– Keep communication about the kids only
– Avoid coming off cold or uncaring

I feel like she may be upset that I didn’t engage with her anxiety the way I normally would.

I’m trying to break that pattern and not step back into being her emotional support while we’re separated.

Did I stay grounded here, or did I come off too detached? She stopped responding altogether when I suggest where to get Benadryl instead of addressing her anxious nervous system.

I’m about 4 days into no contact with my wife. We’ve been working on things for about 6 months now since I moved out. Things were getting a lot better then there was an argument a few months ago that caused her to put distance between us again. Ever since then I’ve been struggling to stay grounded and not get reactive about her distance. It’s gotten to the point she doesn’t want to work on things anymore. I told her I need time to detach from her 4 days ago so we’re only doing child logistics now. A few days ago I started back on my medication that I was off of for a couple years. I feel fantastic and now I’m feeling really guilty for the pressure and lack of regulation I’ve displayed around her about our dynamic. I feel like I should break no contact so she can see that I’m different now. Idk what to do

My wife (33F) and I (34M) separated about 6 months ago. We have two kids together, so we’re still in regular contact.

At the beginning, we had a lot of space while I moved out. Around January, we started spending more time together again and things felt like they were improving. But in February, she started becoming distant again, and I noticed I would get reactive when I felt that shift.

Since then, I’ve been working hard on giving her space, not pushing emotional conversations, and showing up more calmly and consistently.

We were in marriage counseling, but yesterday our counselor canceled future sessions because we have different goals. My goal is to work toward getting back together. Her goal is to feel emotionally safe again. She’s told me she doesn’t think she’ll be able to feel for me the way she used to, and that I deserve more than she can offer right now.

That was hard to hear. Counseling was really the only place I felt like I could talk openly about the relationship, so now I feel a bit stuck.

I’ve seen a lot of advice about going “no contact” after separation, but that doesn’t fully apply since we have kids. I also don’t plan on seeing anyone else unless things move toward divorce, which doesn’t seem to be happening at the moment.

Right now I’m torn between two approaches:

1. Continuing to show up consistently, calmly, and without pressure — giving her space but staying present in her life
2. Pulling back further (as close to “no contact” as possible outside of parenting) to give both of us space and let her figure out what she wants

I don’t want to push her further away, but I also don’t want to disappear or make it seem like I’m giving up.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What approach actually helped — especially when kids are involved?