u/SadbhLikeFive

Hi friends,

My OCD refuses to give me any relief and I’m so exhausted. I stress out very often, hyper focused on a particular OCD theme. I desperately seek reassurance from strangers on the internet. I spiral out of control, feeling hopeless. My OCD creates false memories and makes me doubt things that have happened over my life.

“What if I did something bad and I can’t remember?? Remember that tiny, innocent mistake you made 5 years ago?? You should be ashamed of yourself.”

It convinces me that I am an awful person, and that I’ll never feel happiness again. This goes on for about a week or two before I calm down for a couple of days. This temporary relief feels nice.

But it’s like my brain realises that I’m not panicking anymore, so it desperately searches for something new for me to worry about. And so the cycle of compulsions continue.

I would really appreciate it if you would pray for me to have some relief. Thank you and God bless you all 🙏

A very common (and unhealthy) compulsion for me regarding OCD has always been reassurance seeking. I’m constantly ruminating over every single mistake I’ve ever made throughout my life, no matter how small.

I have had a burner account for quite a while, and it was a constant cycle of seeking reassurance, being told by internet strangers that I’m not a monster, and repeat. But a few days ago I decided to stop the compulsion of constant reassurance and deleted my burner account for good. It will be difficult but I want to get better.

It doesn’t seem like much, but I’m really proud of myself.

I work in food service, and while I was in the middle of making someone’s sandwich in front of them, I suddenly became extremely overwhelmed and sad. You know that feeling with OCD when you feel like you’ll never experience joy or happiness ever again? That was how I felt.

Looking back at this a couple of days later, I cringe and feel so embarrassed. I was literally in the middle of making someone’s sandwich when I just stopped and walked away. I ended up having a panic attack in the cupboard where we keep the mops. I remember repeating to myself “This isn’t fair, I’m a good person” over and over again.

It’s quite scary looking back at that now, knowing that my sense of logic or reasoning was pretty much gone. I was just so done with everything.

What made things worse was when my manager asked if I was on my period. When I told her it was my OCD, she started asking extremely personal questions about my symptoms, what medication I was on, etc. I was so pissed.

I went to the doctor on Monday, asking him to up my dose of sertraline. He increased it from 100mg to 125mg and so I’ve been taking 125mg daily for 6 days.

However, it seems to be having the opposite effect that it’s supposed to have. For the past few days my OCD symptoms have absolutely spiked. Mental/physical compulsions and rituals and constant anxiety over past mistakes. Has anyone else experienced this? Does it get better?

I have had a burner account for quite a while, and it was a constant cycle of seeking reassurance, being told by internet strangers that I’m not a monster, and repeat. Today I decided to stop the compulsion of constant reassurance and deleted my burner account for good. It will be difficult but I want to get better.

It doesn’t seem like much, but I’m really proud of myself.

I (20F) am honestly exhausted, because I know I can never please everybody. It’s impossible to meet every person’s expectations of what I should do and be. It’s weird, because I’m not exactly fazed by what people I know think of me, like friends and family. It’s society’s expectations that scare me. I’m afraid of being someone who would be judged by people I don’t even know! I’m constantly second guessing myself with any decision-making, whether it be important or insignificant.

I was applying to college courses recently, but then I remembered one person online years ago saying that the course I’m considering is useless, so I seriously reconsidered whether or not I should even apply. Isn’t that pathetic? I’m letting this internet stranger dictate my life choices because of a single comment they made 5 years ago that wasn’t even directed at me.

That’s not the only example. If I hear about something being socially unacceptable somewhere in the world, I’m hesitant to do it, even though it’s perfectly normal and acceptable to do in my country. It makes no difference, as the people who follow those cultural norms don’t even know I exist, but I feel the need to meet their expectations anyway.

If I notice people judging others for certain lifestyle choices, I get really scared that I might end up like one of those people who they’re ridiculing. What if something happens in my life that I have no control over, and I’m forced into a situation that these people judge others for being in? What if I make a big mistake in the future, and people judge and mock me for the rest of my days?

Anyway, I know I’m being dramatic. I truly am trying not to care so much about whether or not people would approve of everything I do. But it’s difficult and tiring, and I don’t know how to stop caring so much.

I watched this show as a child, but I haven’t been able to find it anywhere. One episode I remember is when a character (I’m pretty sure it was an animal, but I’m not entirely sure) becomes friends with a small green creature that looks like a pea. The animal brings their new friend home and tries to give him food, but the pea-like creature keeps refusing. Eventually they discover that the creature only eats food that is the colour green. That’s pretty much the only episode of this show I remember.

Also, I could be wrong, but I think I faintly recall the narrator of the cartoon having an English accent.