u/SadlySpooky

Partner purchased a lettuce head from heb, product was from mexico, seemed to think it was safe. Are we effed? CDC says "Taylor Farms de Mexico of Guanajuato, Mexico is voluntarily removing all iceberg lettuce sourced from central Mexico from the U.S. market, because it has the potential to be contaminated with Cyclospora".

I used to work at HEB so maybe I'm dumb but I would assume they would pull products & not keep them on the shelves when they could potentially make customers sick... right?

I've posted here before, how unhappy I am in my relationship but I want to try to make things work otherwise I will be homeless. He's tired of me, tired that I'm always upset, that I complain about not being appreciated, that I'm a bitch who should be grateful someone even wants someone as hideous as me.

I deserve this; if I change it'll be easier & I won't feel as miserable as I do.

I don't have family near me, or any friends that can help. I don't have any means to leave & I don't want to risk leaving my cat because he may decide to let her out & I'll never see her again. I'm tired of being told I'm not doing enough to actively leave but I literally have nothing.

I don't need advice. I don't need anyone to be cruel either, I get that daily. I wish I had run when I had the chance but I didnt want him to hurt himself.. wish I wasn't here anymore.

Fiance has been in a shitty mood since the weekend, I've asked what's up & he says nothing but continues to be moody. He apologized Sunday but I don't care anymore.

I'm tired of doing his laundry because he never remembers to do it (he has ADHD & a work uniform but can never remember to wash his gear), tired of cooking, cleaning the dishes, putting stuff away, making sure he's comfortable & taken care of while he doesn't even say thank you. Today especially made me angry.

Immediately comes home & goes to bed, which is fine, he's tired. But then I start cooking, he comes down, grabs food, doesn't really talk to me & I had enough. I ate my dinner & left the room. No thank you, no nothing, doesn't bother to clean up after himself.

Yes, he has ADHD, yes he has depression & as he has said many times he probably has autism but I'm done. He doesn't appreciate anything I do for him ever. Whereas if he cleans something I have to tell him how good a job he's done or he pouts.

I'd never say this to him but I can see why his first wife left him, and yeah I know how shitty that is to even think. He's never going to change, he has said he doesn't need me to help or take of him so I don't plan to anymore. He'll be having surgery in September & if he doesn't need me then his parents can do it.

I know how I sound. I'm NOT looking for relationship advice, I already know what to do. I'm just tired and fed up. We've tried talking through this but he usually starts yelling until he's red in the face & I lock myself in a room till he calms down. I can't do this anymore.

My sister (30s) had to put her kids cat down yesterday, who was only four. It's still very fresh & I'm trying to be there for her but their are a lot of things that don't sit right with me & I'm struggling with what to do next.

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A few days ago she called me in the middle of the night because her cat was exhibiting troubling symptoms & she called me (I used to work as a veterinary nurse) but I told her she needed to take the cat to an emergency vet immediately.

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She said she couldn't afford it, I told her they could maybe arrange a payment plan, see if they'd work with her. I looked around for places that were open (we don't live in the same state), I told her to contact one of the places that was closer.

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She didn't want to, stating money was the issue & that it was a 30 minute drive at night (she doesn't like to drive & usually has my dad do it). Eventually the call came in from her yesterday, describing in detail everything that was happening & I told her their was nothing that could be done at this point.

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She continues to sob with me on the phone, asks my dad to come get the cat & have her put down...I stay with her on the phone, she asks if I want to see what's happening but I keep saying no because what was happening was horrendous, she at one point starts yelling at me, telling me she has no one else to talk to about what's going on & it would help her if she showed me...

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Pet death is hard, I know, I've experienced it, I've seen it first hand when I worked in a clinic, it's heartbreaking..

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Obviously the kids are devastated, theyre asking questions & she doesn't know what to say & she's continuing to ask me what I think & I told her I have no idea, I don't work with animals anymore, you asked for my opinion days ago, I told you what to do & you didn't.

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She let that cat suffer for days, I begged her to see a vet but she just wouldn't & the worst part about it was what she confessed earlier today, that she would have had to surrender the cat & she just couldn't do it..

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I snapped at her that she was selfish, that that cat deserved better & that you can afford to take a trip overseas, buy new gadgets, gifts, toys but you couldn't do the decent thing for a pet you said you loved?

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She didn't say anything, just completely ignored what I had said & continued to describe in detail everything that cat had gone through,showing me pictures, videos etc I told her to stop because I couldn't hear/see it anymore. Her response was "k".

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I know she's pissed at me, my dad confirmed it but hes mentally drained as well & wants me to make peace with her & listen to her since he can't deal with her right now.

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I love my sister, she is grieving but when something horrible happens she has to involve everyone, if we don't comfort her correctly she gets pissed & says (mainly me) that I'm an awful sister..

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I know I'm the AH, I should have kept my cool & just helped her grieve

I know this isn't the best place for it because it's reddit but please be kind, I'm trying my best we both are & I just need to vent.

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We had an argument over dirty clothes, that's it. It's dumb. I apologized for upsetting him because he completely shut down, I had asked him a few weeks ago to not put his dirty clothes on my side of the closet, hamper was full of clean clothes I had just washed so he had nowhere to throw them.

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Yes, it is stupid, it is a stupid thing to argue over, I apologized for being an asshole & ruining the day but now we are not talking. I told him we need couples counseling, but we cannot afford it, we are barely scraping by & its going to get worse. He already has a therapist & doesn't believe we need couples counseling but in the same sentence questiones why I'm not trying to make this work, that I'm being difficult & not doing enough, that I don't need to always try to fix things..

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We are both dealing with a lot of health issues, my mom is going to need care for her dementia & it's caused a lot of issues in our relationship because he doesn't want me taking care of her, he wants me here, I can go visit but for a limited time. I don't feel supported, he knows how hard this is & he just shuts down when I try to talk about it. And now his mom has had a health scare, and I'm trying to be supportive but he won't accept it;

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I asked why he wanted to be in a relationship & he couldn't answer me initially but then he did & it was just.. he doesn't know if he really wants to be with anyone or if he just wants someone to be there at the end of the day, like a pet.

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My heart hurts, my head hurts, I can't talk to my family about this because mom is the priority right now & yeah. I needed to get this out, I don't need advice, I can't afford to move, dont want to leave my cat behind, I'm trying to find solutions but right now we are existing in the same place. I want to make things work, he is burnt out with work & life but as he keeps saying I can't fix everything... All I'm good for is doing chores, making sure he has clean clothes for work, cats are taken care of & whatever else.

I posted here earlier but deleted it because I was afraid someone in my family would see it but now I know they will not. This will also be long, I apologize.. please be kind I am already beating myself up physically over this.

Older sister- Ava (lives abroad)

Older brother-Ben (lives in home state)

Younger sister- Kay (lives in home state with her kids)

Dad- divorced from mom also lives in home state, Kay lives with him

Mom (lives in home state near Dad & Kay)

Me (lives in another state with fiance).

Mom has always been ill but in the last few years her memory has been bad & after some lengthy appointments it's confirmed she most likely has dementia. Initially we weren't sure, her doctors don't have a time frame or really know how things will progress so right now it's a waiting game.

Background

Mom has always been sick, she's dealt with a lot in her life, she & my dad lost their first child many years ago & when Ava was born it was a miracle but they still never really recovered, especially mom.

One of the earliest memories I have of mom is her being ill & asking me to call an ambulance but I was scared so she had to & ever since then I've learned how to properly take control of situations & take care of others, mainly her.

Parents divorced, I moved in with mom & for over ten years I "cared" for her, id take her to appointments, clean, cook, entertain her, read to her, brush her hair, make sure she was okay despite not really being ok. Their were days she'd be unable to get out of bed, that was partially her mourning her first born & just being unwell.

My siblings all lived far away & would sometimes visit but it was difficult for them, mom can be harsh & has the tendency to rub people the wrong way so everyone butted heads, especially mom & Kay. They'd also say "it's a good thing you can take care of her because I could never do that" or "you cant leave mom, she needs someone like you around", and that guilt built for years. I would work but have to quit because she'd need me home or id be told I'm neglecting her needs, id try to date & it would be the same thing or they'd meet my mom & realize she came first.

I made a promise to myself when I was young that I'd take care of her until she passed & then I'd start my life. Mom found out about it when I was in my 20s & Ava now knows & says its silly.. but it isn't.

I met my fiance during the pandemic & eventually he moved in with me & mom since the house was big enough but my time was then divided. I always felt I was neglecting someone, my fiance & I struggled & my mom & him never got along. She eventually decided to sell her house, despite everyone telling her not to & move back to our home state while me & fiance stayed behind in the state we're currently in.

Present

Ava, Ben, my dad & Kay have all been talking about what will happen with my mom but I had no idea until Kay slipped up. Why wasn't I aware of what was going on? I'm not in the group chat they have & from what Ava said they weren't going to say anything to me until it was too late.

Ben is saying he'll step up & find a place for mom & him to live in. Except he's never taken care of anyone, Kay refuses, Ava lives too far away so I am suited to it since I've done it before. But that would require me to end things with my fiance because he doesn't believe we will survive the plan Ava gave me.. which was three months, every year, I travel to mom & help out. But with a possible six months added because Ava would have mom fly abroad to be with her & id accompany her & still help out there. But then I'd have to accompany her back home & resettle her into a routine... So a year.

I asked Ava, what about me working? No employer would allow that. She didn't respond.

What if Ben just doesn't want to do it anymore & leaves? No response.

We can't afford to put her in a facility, Ava is moms executor & everything has to be run by her & according to her & moms finances it's unaffordable. We could potentially have a care taker come in once in a while but ultimately mom will need someone full time.

Ava believes if my fiance truly loves me he will be fine with this, fiance is not, he's hurt & feels he's disposable to them.

So I'm struggling with this... Either end things with fiance, move back home & take full control of her care or stay with fiance, occasionally go back to assist but be shamed & shunned till she passes. Then I lose them as well.

I love my mom, I do, I also love my fiance but right now I am torn. Family wants me there, they've complained so much to me about mom since she moved back home & each time they complain I have to just listen because if I say "I know, I had done it before" it causes an issue.

I'm sorry for how long this is & for reposting, I'm trying to collect myself & I know I am partially TA. I'm her daughter, she raised me, i made a promise & I don't want to break it but I also don't want to lose my fiance..

This will be long, so I apologize.

Older sister: A (lives abroad)

Brother: B (lives in home state)

Younger sister: Y (lives in home state)

Dad is D

And then me (lives in another state)

Our mom's mind is going, shes in her 70s, my parents are divorced but are on friendly terms due to Y & her kids after she left an abusive relationship. Moms doctor mentioned dementia last year & initially he wasn't sure but now everyone is sure it is.

Now, prior to all this, mom & I had lived together & she's always been ill in some way so even before all this, as a kid, I learned how to take care of my mom. The earliest memory I have is her being sick in the bathroom & asking me to call an ambulance, I panicked & she had to grab the phone from me because I was so scared.. afterwards I learned how to properly handle those situations.

After my parents divorced I moved in with mom & for over ten years I "cared" for her. She was still independent but some days she couldn't get out of bed, slept for days, id brush her hair, help her bathe, cook, clean, entertain her, take her to appointments or to the hospital etc. And all in that time my siblings would say it was so great I was there for her, that I was doing that because they didn't know if they could, that she can be a lot.. and to be fair she can be, she's fallen out with a lot of people over the years, my younger sister being the worst of them.

During the pandemic I met my now fiance, I had not planned on being serious with anyone due to a promise I made to my mom & myself years before which was I will care for her till she dies & then I will start my life. Mom & my fiance don't care for each other, they had a big fight a few years back due to finances & in that state my mom sold her house & moved back to my home state.

Which brings us to now, Y let slip mom was not in a good way, so I contacted my dad who was evasive & then A.. who told me she will likely need someone to live with her & care with her & that B was saying he could live with her. But my brother has never taken care of anyone, he works & travels & while mom & him get along it would be difficult. A then said I could fly each year for three months & be there to help.

I asked but then I can't work because no employer will allow me to leave for three months (realistically it wouldn't be three months for many, many reasons because A would have mom fly abroad to stay with her for six months & id accompany her) then what if something happens when I'm back at home? Do I fly back out & take over? She didn't answer me. Worst part is no one was going to tell me how bad it was until it was too late so I'd have to make that decision then & there.

I love my mom, I do, but before I met my fiance my life revolved around my mom. I would get a job & start to gain independence & she would become ill, need me to be there & I'd have to drop everything. My siblings would say I'm neglecting her for not being at home & dating, None of my siblings did that. They would instead get mad at me for not doing more, for not doing a better job, that I needed to make her happy... But this has been going on since I was little. No thank yous, no "you're doing the best you can", it was always "you're not doing enough"..

So I have to make a decision: break up with my fiance & care for my mom till she goes or stay with my fiance & not care for my mom but go back occasionally, which would cause a lot of issues because Y is unwilling to help, she hates my mom & thinks mom can control herself, B could be capable but again he's never taken care of anyone & A lives abroad so she can only do so much from there but she's moms executor she everything has to go through her.

As it is, I'm the problem because I don't live in our home state & they've complained to me how she is always sick, always needs help seemingly forgetting that I had been doing all that by myself for years. And now I'm being asked to give up my life to care for her because I'm used to it.

I know how it sounds, I sound selfish & a brat but this is a difficult situation I'm being put in by multiple people. My whole family doesn't think it's a big deal for me to either leave my fiance & devote the rest of my life to caring for my mom while they live their lives & occasionally help, my fiance doesn't believe we can survive this if I leave for three months or more at a time.

So AITAH, because I feel like TA. I apologize for how long this is, and messy. My mind has been all over the place.

Just need to vent:

Reconnected with someone from years ago (they messaged me) was hesitant to talk to them but decided to just reconnect. They were going through a bad breakup & I slipped into my role of trying to help because I don't like to see anyone hurting. Really wish I hadn't because they proceeded to trauma dump, say how their ex was the problem, how they were SAed, how they have no friends, no one likes them etc. But then would say "you're so special", "you deserve love because you're a good person", which I told them to stop saying that because it's weird & love bombey. They did not like that.

My birthday was a few days ago & I didn't respond to them & found myself blocked. I'm just fucking annoyed because it upset me & what made it funny was they said "please don't block me, ok? I don't think i can handle you going away" and then they do that lol. Whatever man, fuck you, you're a baby who cries that no one likes you but you act like a complete dick.

I'm just over it. I felt used & you know what that's on me because I should have known better. I have only myself to blame but yeah no more reconnecting with "old friends" or meeting new people because every time I try I become an unpaid therapist.