u/SativaSunshineX

TLDR - I have concerns about my grandmas ability to live alone but I don’t know what (if any) grounds I have to do anything about it. Or if I’m overreacting.

My grandma is ~ 85 and my aunt is her POA. My grandma has AFIB and also supposedly dementia. I say supposedly because that’s part of the problem, no one seems to know if she actually does or doesn’t, including my aunt who goes to her doctor appointments. Grandma also has a walker, she can get around without it but not great.

Grandmas house is disgusting. She shoves garbage (wrappers, tissues) in random corners, doesn’t wash her sheets (there appears to be feces on them regularly), her bathroom wall usually has feces on it, the floor gets so sticky you can see the layer of filth over the linoleum. It’s GROSS. My mom goes over about once a week now to clean so she isn’t living in filth. She refuses a maid service and says if one comes she’s not going to open the door.

Grandma lived alone up until ~ 3 years ago when my cousin (let’s call her Jane) moved in. Grandma had a few falls so the one thing my mom and her 3 siblings seem to agree on is that she can’t live alone, but Jane is awful and is rarely home. Jane screams at her all the time. Jane is supposed to be helping with taking garbage out, cooking, cleaning, etc but is pretty much a free loader and has destroyed grandmas house with her two cats that piss everywhere.

NOW: FOOD. The biggest point of contention right now. My mom is in charge of ordering her groceries every week. But she does not use ANY of them. She’ll ask her to order stuff for a meatloaf or stew, she doesn’t cook it, and it all goes bad. My mom even gets her stuff like muffins, fruit, juice, yogurt that SHE ASKS FOR, that don’t require cooking, and she doesn’t eat it. She’ll text my mom saying she doesn’t have any food and ask her to door dash McDonalds for breakfast. For dinner almost every night she orders delivery over the phone and pays with checks for this local pizza place. My aunt handles her $$ and she’s given ~ $500 in cash every month, my aunt said by the middle of the month she’s writing checks for pizza delivery.

My mom throws out ~ $150 worth of groceries every week. Grandma will text her like “I made the meatloaf, it was delicious!” Or if she tells my mom she’s hungry and needs McDonald’s, my mom says “You have XYZ”, she’ll say she ate it already, but she didn’t. When she’s confronted about it she just says she didn’t know the food was there. If my mom says she isn’t ordering more of something because she already has it, grandma screams at her. Sometimes my mom calls me crying afterwards out of pure exhaustion. She wouldn’t even admit to ordering the pizzas when confronted until my mom and aunt teamed up and told her they see the checks.

She refused meals on wheels because she was “embarrassed” but finally my mom and aunt signed her up anyway. It started Monday and she lied to my mom that they didn’t come and said she needed a McDonald’s breakfast.

No one seems to know WHY she does these things. Can she physically / mentally not clean or cook bc of dementia? Does she actually think she’s cooking and making the meatloafs, stews etc? Does she actually not know the food is there? Is she just old and lazy and wants to eat her McDonald’s and pizza all day and doesn’t care if she lives in filth? She’s losing weight, she lost so much weight last time I saw her that none of her clothes fit and I guess she won’t let my mom buy her new ones, she says she doesn’t have the money (when she def does).

My aunt says she doesn’t think she really has dementia and she’s just being difficult because that’s how she is, my mom doesn’t seem to know what to think. My aunt says she lies to the doctors during appointments so they think she has it. My mom can’t do anything about this because my aunt is the POA. They all hate eachother and it’s rare that my mom and her siblings actually talk let alone agree on anything. I just feel like if she’s actually being difficult and doesn’t really have dementia, my mom should just stop caring so much about whether or not she eats the groceries and if she wants to be dirty. Or if she is truly physically and mentally incapable of taking care of herself then isn’t it sort of considered elder abuse to let her live like that when she can’t make decisions for herself??? Shouldn’t there be a point where they say she needs to go to a home or needs help?

My aunt has all the power and doesn’t want to send her to a nursing home because grandma would have to sell her home and Jane wouldn’t have a place to live. My aunt doesn’t seem to care that Jane doesn’t do shit to help and just tells my mom that if she doesn’t want grandma to live in filth she can go clean. My mom’s other two siblings refuse to even talk about the issue and don’t even go see grandma.

I hate hearing my mom vent about this. I feel like if I were her, I’d call the state and see if there’s a social worker or something that can take over and manage this. I hate thinking of my grandma starving or wasting all that food, I hate thinking about her living in her own shit, I hate Jane freeloading and not helping. There has to be a better way. I’m in my early 20s and have no experience with this so I’m not sure when it’s time to draw the line and how to even do that if the POA doesn’t care.

Advice ?

Pls LMK if there is a more specific sub I can be using. Sorry this got long.

TLDR - I (F24) have concerns about my grandmas (F85) ability to live alone but I don’t know what (if any) grounds I have to do anything about it. Or if I’m overreacting.

My aunt (F55) is her POA. My grandma has AFIB and also supposedly dementia. I say supposedly because that’s part of the problem, no one seems to know if she actually does or doesn’t, including my aunt who goes to her doctor appointments. Grandma also has a walker, she can get around without it but not great.

Grandmas house is disgusting. She shoves garbage (wrappers, tissues) in random corners, doesn’t wash her sheets (there appears to be feces on them regularly), her bathroom wall usually has feces on it, the floor gets so sticky you can see the layer of filth over the linoleum. It’s GROSS. My mom (F61) goes over about once a week now to clean so she isn’t living in filth. She refuses a maid service and says if one comes she’s not going to open the door.

Grandma lived alone up until ~ 3 years ago when my cousin (let’s call her Jane) moved in. Grandma had a few falls so the one thing my mom and her 3 siblings seem to agree on is that she can’t live alone, but Jane is awful and is rarely home. Jane screams at her all the time. Jane is supposed to be helping with taking garbage out, cooking, cleaning, etc but is pretty much a free loader and has destroyed grandmas house with her two cats that piss everywhere.

NOW: FOOD. The biggest point of contention right now. My mom is in charge of ordering her groceries every week. But she does not use ANY of them. She’ll ask her to order stuff for a meatloaf or stew, she doesn’t cook it, and it all goes bad. My mom even gets her stuff like muffins, fruit, juice, yogurt that SHE ASKS FOR, that don’t require cooking, and she doesn’t eat it. She’ll text my mom saying she doesn’t have any food and ask her to door dash McDonalds for breakfast. For dinner almost every night she orders delivery over the phone and pays with checks for this local pizza place. My aunt handles her $$ and she’s given ~ $500 in cash every month, my aunt said by the middle of the month she’s writing checks for pizza delivery.

My mom throws out ~ $150 worth of groceries every week. Grandma will text her like “I made the meatloaf, it was delicious!” Or if she tells my mom she’s hungry and needs McDonald’s, my mom says “You have XYZ”, she’ll say she ate it already, but she didn’t. When she’s confronted about it she just says she didn’t know the food was there. If my mom says she isn’t ordering more of something because she already has it, grandma screams at her. Sometimes my mom calls me crying afterwards out of pure exhaustion. She wouldn’t even admit to ordering the pizzas when confronted until my mom and aunt teamed up and told her they see the checks.

She refused meals on wheels because she was “embarrassed” but finally my mom and aunt signed her up anyway. It started Monday and she lied to my mom that they didn’t come and said she needed a McDonald’s breakfast.

No one seems to know WHY she does these things. Can she physically / mentally not clean or cook bc of dementia? Does she actually think she’s cooking and making the meatloafs, stews etc? Does she actually not know the food is there? Is she just old and lazy and wants to eat her McDonald’s and pizza all day and doesn’t care if she lives in filth? She’s losing weight, she lost so much weight last time I saw her that none of her clothes fit and I guess she won’t let my mom buy her new ones, she says she doesn’t have the money (when she def does).

My aunt says she doesn’t think she really has dementia and she’s just being difficult because that’s how she is, my mom doesn’t seem to know what to think. My aunt says she lies to the doctors during appointments so they think she has it. My mom can’t do anything about this because my aunt is the POA. They all hate eachother and it’s rare that my mom and her siblings actually talk let alone agree on anything. I just feel like if she’s actually being difficult and doesn’t really have dementia, my mom should just stop caring so much about whether or not she eats the groceries and if she wants to be dirty. Or if she is truly physically and mentally incapable of taking care of herself then isn’t it sort of considered elder abuse to let her live like that when she can’t make decisions for herself??? Shouldn’t there be a point where they say she needs to go to a home or needs help?

My aunt has all the power and doesn’t want to send her to a nursing home because grandma would have to sell her home and Jane wouldn’t have a place to live. My aunt doesn’t seem to care that Jane doesn’t do shit to help and just tells my mom that if she doesn’t want grandma to live in filth she can go clean. My mom’s other two siblings refuse to even talk about the issue and don’t even go see grandma.

I hate hearing my mom vent about this. I feel like if I were her, I’d call the state and see if there’s a social worker or something that can take over and manage this. I hate thinking of my grandma starving or wasting all that food, I hate thinking about her living in her own shit, I hate Jane freeloading and not helping. There has to be a better way. I’m in my early 20s and have no experience with this so I’m not sure when it’s time to draw the line and how to even do that if the POA doesn’t care.

Advice ?

Pls LMK if there is a more specific sub I can be using. Sorry this got long.

TLDR - I have concerns about my grandmas ability to live alone but I don’t know what (if any) grounds I have to do anything about it. Or if I’m overreacting.

My grandma is ~ 85 and my aunt is her POA. My grandma has AFIB and also supposedly dementia. I say supposedly because that’s part of the problem, no one seems to know if she actually does or doesn’t, including my aunt who goes to her doctor appointments. Grandma also has a walker, she can get around without it but not great.

Grandmas house is disgusting. She shoves garbage (wrappers, tissues) in random corners, doesn’t wash her sheets (there appears to be feces on them regularly), her bathroom wall usually has feces on it, the floor gets so sticky you can see the layer of filth over the linoleum. It’s GROSS. My mom goes over about once a week now to clean so she isn’t living in filth. She refuses a maid service and says if one comes she’s not going to open the door.

Grandma lived alone up until ~ 3 years ago when my cousin (let’s call her Jane) moved in. Grandma had a few falls so the one thing my mom and her 3 siblings seem to agree on is that she can’t live alone, but Jane is awful and is rarely home. Jane screams at her all the time. Jane is supposed to be helping with taking garbage out, cooking, cleaning, etc but is pretty much a free loader and has destroyed grandmas house with her two cats that piss everywhere.

NOW: FOOD. The biggest point of contention right now. My mom is in charge of ordering her groceries every week. But she does not use ANY of them. She’ll ask her to order stuff for a meatloaf or stew, she doesn’t cook it, and it all goes bad. My mom even gets her stuff like muffins, fruit, juice, yogurt that SHE ASKS FOR, that don’t require cooking, and she doesn’t eat it. She’ll text my mom saying she doesn’t have any food and ask her to door dash McDonalds for breakfast. For dinner almost every night she orders delivery over the phone and pays with checks for this local pizza place. My aunt handles her $$ and she’s given ~ $500 in cash every month, my aunt said by the middle of the month she’s writing checks for pizza delivery.

My mom throws out ~ $150 worth of groceries every week. Grandma will text her like “I made the meatloaf, it was delicious!” Or if she tells my mom she’s hungry and needs McDonald’s, my mom says “You have XYZ”, she’ll say she ate it already, but she didn’t. When she’s confronted about it she just says she didn’t know the food was there. If my mom says she isn’t ordering more of something because she already has it, grandma screams at her. Sometimes my mom calls me crying afterwards out of pure exhaustion. She wouldn’t even admit to ordering the pizzas when confronted until my mom and aunt teamed up and told her they see the checks.

She refused meals on wheels because she was “embarrassed” but finally my mom and aunt signed her up anyway. It started Monday and she lied to my mom that they didn’t come and said she needed a McDonald’s breakfast.

No one seems to know WHY she does these things. Can she physically / mentally not clean or cook bc of dementia? Does she actually think she’s cooking and making the meatloafs, stews etc? Does she actually not know the food is there? Is she just old and lazy and wants to eat her McDonald’s and pizza all day and doesn’t care if she lives in filth? She’s losing weight, she lost so much weight last time I saw her that none of her clothes fit and I guess she won’t let my mom buy her new ones, she says she doesn’t have the money (when she def does).

My aunt says she doesn’t think she really has dementia and she’s just being difficult because that’s how she is, my mom doesn’t seem to know what to think. My aunt says she lies to the doctors during appointments so they think she has it. My mom can’t do anything about this because my aunt is the POA. They all hate eachother and it’s rare that my mom and her siblings actually talk let alone agree on anything. I just feel like if she’s actually being difficult and doesn’t really have dementia, my mom should just stop caring so much about whether or not she eats the groceries and if she wants to be dirty. Or if she is truly physically and mentally incapable of taking care of herself then isn’t it sort of considered elder abuse to let her live like that when she can’t make decisions for herself??? Shouldn’t there be a point where they say she needs to go to a home or needs help?

My aunt has all the power and doesn’t want to send her to a nursing home because grandma would have to sell her home and Jane wouldn’t have a place to live. My aunt doesn’t seem to care that Jane doesn’t do shit to help and just tells my mom that if she doesn’t want grandma to live in filth she can go clean. My mom’s other two siblings refuse to even talk about the issue and don’t even go see grandma.

I hate hearing my mom vent about this. I feel like if I were her, I’d call the state and see if there’s a social worker or something that can take over and manage this. I hate thinking of my grandma starving or wasting all that food, I hate thinking about her living in her own shit, I hate Jane freeloading and not helping. There has to be a better way. I’m in my early 20s and have no experience with this so I’m not sure when it’s time to draw the line and how to even do that if the POA doesn’t care.

Advice ?

Is it just me or is every single post on here about belly buttons now?

No, you don’t have the anatomy for a navel
Yes, your navel is rejecting

There you go, any other questions see your piercer because we can’t answer them for you.

I have been in a happy, healthy relationship for over two years now. I have been stable for over 4 years - rarely any symptoms aside from some difficulties managing changes in schedules or coping after big ups or big downs.

Anyways, a guy I dated in college messaged me the other day out of the blue. My “one who got away.” We would talk every now and then over the last few years, but he moved across the country so it was always more of a “how have you been”, until I started dating my current partner & haven’t talked to him since. I had no desire for even chit chat with another guy especially an ex - my current partner completely fulfills me in ways I never would have expected. But, I caved when my ex said he moved back to the area and I decided to talk with him on the phone last night. We left off saying we’d like to see eachother but I just know this is entirely a bad idea and I feel awful already!!!!

The reason I’m even posting this is because I am just getting over the worst mixed episode I have ever had since getting stabilized. I quit the juul together and shit was hard AF for me. My psych put me on Wellbutrin to help and that totally fucked me up on a hypomanic spiral. It caused major waves in our relationship as he had never seen me like that since I’ve been stable for years now. He had no idea how to handle it, I was a wreck, feeling guilty, I was panicky because I was worried I’d never get stable again, having full blown psychosis and panic attacks, just a snowball of freak outs. FINALLY I went off the Wellbutrin a week ago today and it’s been a huge sigh of relief, I feel way better and so does my partner, but now this.

Of course my brain is like, “He’s the one and now I have another chance”, “Maybe I should just see how it goes”, my heart feels confused, I have the urge to keep texting him and even sent a dirty text last night but quickly unsent it…. But I love my life. I live in a perfect home with my partner, we travel and go on adventures, we LIVE. After over 2 years I still get butterflies for this man. We laugh, play games together, really spend quality time. So I’d be really stupid to fuck it up because I feel like that’s rare to find.

Has anyone experienced this? Is this “normal”? Could I just be falling into old manic habits, am I delusional, or should I try spending time with my old flame while he’s in the area just to see how it goes? I don’t know what to do or if this is a unique experience… or if everyone else has been here and I need to just stay strong lol

I have seen 3 OBGYNs now for hormonal acne and all have given me some variation of “we can’t help you.” I know that it is somewhat common for providers to be dismissive in the women’s health space but maybe I *am* the problem ?

I have miserable hormonal acne. My face, chin, chest, back, butt, and thighs. I get cysts that are huge and painful and sometimes bruise.

I got my period at 12, and at 13 I went on a hormonal birth control pill which worked wonders!! However, when I was 18, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and went on Lamotrigine…. Which interacts with estrogen.

At that time I was advised my only option is an IUD, because Lamotrigine basically renders the birth control part of the pill ineffective meaning I could still get pregnant. Within about a year of getting the IUD, my acne returned in full force. After 3 different OBGYNs, the answer I’m being given is that I can’t treat both unless I get something topical from a dermatologist. I’m told that any treatment they can offer for the hormonal acne would either make the Lamotrigine ineffective or not be an effective birth control method.

I feel like in 2026 there has to be a better answer?? Like, why couldn’t they put me on the IUD /AND/ pill to treat my acne? I really don’t want to put any weird creams on my skin every night when I know the cause is hormonal. I was told the only thing that could help would be if I can go off the Lamotrigine or increase my dose but I can’t do either of those. Does anyone have any insight here? Am I really untreatable??

I feel like there are already quite a few posts about this but, I really feel like drink water and take a stool softener can’t be the answer for the next however long I’m on this medication. I do not have a PCP, nor the time or money to go to the ER, so hoping some good ole Reddit anecdotal evidence might help.

I’m going into my 3rd week on this medication. Emotionally I feel amazing, I do not want to have to go off it. It’s 50mg extended release.

Poops are rare, one BM every 1-2 days. And they’re often small / hard unless I have a coffee or something spicy, then it’s just a bit of diarrhea and back to square 1. Stool softeners do not seem to change anything. I have always been good about hydration and am drinking even more water now. I use electrolytes in my water. I eat plenty of fiber daily. I even started drinking prune juice the last few days and it’s not making a difference!!!!

I only had a little bit of bleeding the first week 1/2 but that kinda stopped… I haven’t felt terribly crampy. But I just feel like this can’t be good long term and get scared about what might be going on in there. I don’t want to have to take a stool softener daily, I’m hesitant to try a laxative because I don’t want to get dependent on that, and I’m afraid an enema would be too extreme.

Does anyone have ANYYY feedback, comments, guidance, etc??? Does it get better? Is it always going to be like this and I just need to find a better routine or something?

I feel like there are already quite a few posts about this but, I really feel like drink water and take a stool softener can’t be the answer for the next however long I’m on this medication. I do not have a PCP, nor the time or money to go to the ER, so hoping some good ole Reddit anecdotal evidence might help.

I’m going into my 3rd week on this medication. Emotionally I feel amazing, I do not want to have to go off it. It’s 50mg extended release.

Poops are rare, one BM every 1-2 days. And they’re often small / hard unless I have a coffee or something spicy, then it’s just a bit of diarrhea and back to square 1. Stool softeners do not seem to change anything. I have always been good about hydration and am drinking even more water now. I use electrolytes in my water. I eat plenty of fiber daily. I even started drinking prune juice the last few days and it’s not making a difference!!!!

I only had a little bit of bleeding the first week 1/2 but that kinda stopped… I haven’t felt terribly crampy. But I just feel like this can’t be good long term and get scared about what might be going on in there. I don’t want to have to take a stool softener daily, I’m hesitant to try a laxative because I don’t want to get dependent on that, and I’m afraid an enema would be too extreme.

Does anyone have ANYYY feedback, comments, guidance, etc??? Does it get better? Is it always going to be like this and I just need to find a better routine or something?

I feel like there are already quite a few posts about this but, I really feel like drink water and take a stool softener can’t be the answer for the next however long I’m on this medication. I do not have a PCP, nor the time or money to go to the ER, so hoping some good ole Reddit anecdotal evidence might help.

I’m going into my 3rd week on this medication. Emotionally I feel amazing, I do not want to have to go off it. It’s 50mg extended release.

Poops are rare, one BM every 1-2 days. And they’re often small / hard unless I have a coffee or something spicy, then it’s just a bit of diarrhea and back to square 1. Stool softeners do not seem to change anything. I have always been good about hydration and am drinking even more water now. I use electrolytes in my water. I eat plenty of fiber daily. I even started drinking prune juice the last few days and it’s not making a difference!!!!

I only had a little bit of bleeding the first week 1/2 but that kinda stopped… I haven’t felt terribly crampy. But I just feel like this can’t be good long term and get scared about what might be going on in there. I don’t want to have to take a stool softener daily, I’m hesitant to try a laxative because I don’t want to get dependent on that, and I’m afraid an enema would be too extreme.

Does anyone have ANYYY feedback, comments, guidance, etc??? Does it get better? Is it always going to be like this and I just need to find a better routine or something?