u/Saucisse1996

Hi there, I posted this in a "Over 30 women" group and it was not well received at all. Am I a jerk or was it just the wrong place to say this ?

--> Being childfree and trying to keep friendships while everybody is busy with newborns, and complaining about it

I was wondering how a childfree 30F like me could still have spontaneous meetings with friends or simply have friends while everybody is making kids and don't have time for anything anymore.

I love just being the cool aunt and spending time at their house but... first, it is IMPOSSIBLE to have a conversation with kids around. Second, most parents I know actually don't like to play with their kids, so it's not like we could do that together. Third, all my friends who have or had babies just spend their time complaining about their life with kids or talk about what they buy for them (which is really not interesting for anyone who doesn't rely on consumption in their search of fulfilment). It is getting really hard for me to spend time with them in these circumstances. I also don't understand why they have kids and put them in daycare all day even when they are not working or why they put them at the grandparents as soon as school is closed for the holiday for example. I have a goddaughter and I can barely see her because she's NEVER home with her parents.

Am I embittered or is this relatable for anyone else here ? I should say they are really good people and good parents, but still...

I was wondering how a childfree 30F like me could still have spontaneous meetings with friends or simply have friends while everybody is making kids and don't have time for anything anymore.

I love just being the cool aunt and spending time at their house but... first, it is IMPOSSIBLE to have a conversation with kids around. Second, most parents I know actually don't like to play with their kids, so it's not like we could do that together. Third, all my friends who have or had babies just spend their time complaining about their life with kids or talk about what they buy for them (which is really not interesting for anyone who doesn't rely on consumption in their search of fulfilment). It is getting really hard for me to spend time with them in these circumstances. I also don't understand why they have kids and put them in daycare all day even when they are not working or why they put them at the grandparents as soon as school is closed for the holiday for example. I have a goddaughter and I can barely see her because she's NEVER home with her parents.

Am I embittered or is this relatable for anyone else here ? I should say they are really good people and good parents, but still...

Hi, I'm 30F and since I was an adult my life has been a mess (a productive one but still). I changed studies three times, ended up in jobs I didn't like, almost burned out several times, my love life was a rollercoaster, I moved/changed cities like every year since 10 years. I never had emotional support of any family member and was kind of ending up very lonely after every break up. I always hoped to fit in the families of my boyfriend's to compensate. I'm not great at making friends, I wanted to have a family (not kids of my own but a family system around me). It was a very messy decade but I always rebounded, like I was invincible. I struggled with anxiety and depression but always kept going (was in psychotherapy for years). I went through everything basically without any safe emotional support/grounding.

Now my life has come in order : I just graduated With a masters degree, have an amazing boyfriend who loves me, we live rent free near his parents on the country side, I found a part time job nearby,.. I can finally rest and enjoy the life that I built by not being afraid to stand for myself... But I feel so exhausted and physically anxious.

Most of the times, people told me "oh my god you must be stressed because of the moving out/because of your exams/because of the breakup,... And I was like "that's fine show must go on".. but now that I can rest and relax, I realize that what I had to go through was a lot. Still I need confirmation on that...

Is this normal to feel so bad after so many years of rollercoaster and changes ?

(English is not my native language so sorry for any weird phrasing)

Hi, I'm 30F and since I was an adult my life has been a mess (a productive one but still). I changed studies three times, ended up in jobs I didn't like, almost burned out several times, my love life was a rollercoaster, I moved/changed cities like every year since 10 years. I never had emotional support of any family member and was kind of ending up very lonely after every break up. I always hoped to fit in the families of my boyfriend's to compensate. I'm not great at making friends, I wanted to have a family (not kids of my own but a family system around me). It was a very messy decade but I always rebounded, like I was invincible. I struggled with anxiety and depression but always kept going (was in psychotherapy for years). I went through everything basically without any safe emotional support/grounding.

Now my life has come in order : I just graduated With a masters degree, have an amazing boyfriend who loves me, we live rent free near his parents on the country side, I found a part time job nearby,.. I can finally rest and enjoy the life that I built by not being afraid to stand for myself... But I feel so exhausted and physically anxious.

Most of the times, people told me "oh my god you must be stressed because of the moving out/because of your exams/because of the breakup,... And I was like "that's fine show must go on".. but now that I can rest and relax, I realize that what I had to go through was... a lot. My body seems fucked up now.

Is this normal to feel so bad after so many years of rollercoaster and changes ?

(English is not my native language so sorry for any weird phrasing)

Hi, I'm 30F and since I was an adult my life has been a mess (a productive one but still). I changed studies three times, ended up in jobs I didn't like, almost burned out several times, my love life was a rollercoaster, I moved/changed cities like every year since 10 years. I never had emotional support of any family member and was kind of ending up very lonely after every break up. I always hoped to fit in the families of my boyfriend's to compensate. I'm not great at making friends, I wanted to have a family (not kids of my own but a family system around me). It was a very messy decade but I always rebounded, like I was invincible. I struggled with anxiety and depression but always kept going (was in psychotherapy for years). I went through everything basically without any safe emotional support/grounding.

Now my life has come in order : I just graduated With a masters degree, have an amazing boyfriend who loves me, we live rent free near his parents on the country side, I found a part time job nearby,.. I can finally rest and enjoy the life that I built by not being afraid to stand for myself... But I feel so exhausted and physically anxious.

Most of the times, people told me "oh my god you must be stressed because of the moving out/because of your exams/because of the breakup,... And I was like "that's fine show must go on".. but now that I can rest and relax, I realize that what I had to go through was a lot. Still I need confirmation on that...

Is this normal to feel so bad after so many years of rollercoaster and changes ?

(English is not my native language so sorry for any weird phrasing)

Hi guys, I'm desperately looking for a job (in Wallonia) and don't seem to do the right thing because it's not working. I know the market is bad, but I need your input.

In 2019 I was graduated with a bachelor's degree in hotel management (so basically management but with extra knowledge specific to the hotel industry) - had several internships, including a 4-month internship in London (Mayfair Hôtel) as Sales coordinator. Then I worked for 5 years in different places - I wanted/needed to work and earn money, I didn't have the "luxury" to sit at my parents waiting for the perfect job (didn't have the support) so I didn't think about a career path at all, ever... I am interested in a LOT of fields so basically I just choose depending on what opportunity comes by. First I took a job in a real estate agency (admin role), stayed 2 years, loved it until my boss tried to kiss me at an afterwork (he was old enough to be my father and knew I had a boyfriend..) - I couldnt see his face anymore at work, and management above was terrible, so I quit a few weeks later without any backup solution. I took a receptionist job in a crappy hotel, stayed 6 months and then landed in a nicer hotel, stayed for 2 years, also as receptionist which is the most crappy job on earth btw, you just work all the time, in 2 or 3 languages, do a lot of contracts for events, billing, etc in a lobby full of noise, the pay is terrible and you constantly deal with all the shit without any reward ever (financial or from management). When they needed backup in the kitchen for the dishes I would rather go make the dishes instead of dealing with clients at the reception...

During those year I was also studying nutritherapy which basically is a bio-chem program in human nutrition, I was just interested in it and wanted to be informed for my own health. But one day a psychiatric hospital searched for exactly my profile, I loved nutritherapy so I applied... And was hired. It was supposed to be a dream job, long term. But the contract they make you (Vivalia) is INSANE. I was supposed to be in charge of nutrition in a new project of the hospital with office hours, and in the contract they said things like "in case of a new pandemy crisis we can call you to work anytime at night to do all kinds of things like taking care a patients (which I'm incapable to do), we can change your job location anytime in Wallonia without your consent, etc.) I asked them to change that, they wouldn't, telling me "don't worry we will never make you do that, but we don't change these mentions in your contracts". So I asked a 3 months contracts to have time to see if the job was good enough to take the risk - turned out it wasn't.

So I took another job as a dental assistant, stayed for 6 months but I was like, wtf I'm not a dental assistant. I always thought I'd have at least a masters so I started my master's degree in labour sciences - I loved it and just graduated.

NOW WHAT ? I've never had a dream job in mind, in terms of field or job position, I just know that I want a "not too dumb" employer, and an interesting job, no matter what that means. I want to stabilize my career and stay somewhere nice for years, but now employers tend to fear this lack of stability from me. I apply for admin jobs, project management, HR, a lot a different jobs positions (including ones that only require bachelor's degrees) but most of the time they don't even give me an interview...

Now I regret having worked all these different jobs, it seems like it's a bigger asset to have stayed at home doing nothing than working without a goal like that... I didn't have any tools so I thought I was doing the right thing, learning new things and gaining experience.

Of course when I apply, I don't put everything like that on my CV, I adapt it and put only what's relevant... My CV is fine according to HR friends and people from FOREM/Actiris, they say it's great and that I'm so polyvalent so it's "amazing". But employers seem to think I don't know where I'm going. Which is true in a sense but hey, the market is bad, I can do a lot of things, I'm just open to any opportunity that can suit me. I've seen a lot a psychologists and psychiatrists these years, I worked on myself a lot, they don't agree on wether I have ADHD, autism or both, the are amazed by my capacity to fit in a lot of different fields, I have in IQ of 113 (which is just a little above the average score, so it's not like I'm the dumbest person on earth) with a very high verbal comprehension score. I would have liked to continue my studies and do a doctorate but it's a difficult position to find, with financial aspects etc. I don't have family support, just my boyfriend who can support a little but don't want him to pay for everything.

What should I do...? Plus, I benefit from hiring subsidies, which means that (with job plus) my future employer will receive 1000€/month to hired me. Wtf is wrong with me... Unfortunately I'm far from Brussels or Luxembourg, where big companies are and where my masters degree would be useful... So I apply in smaller companies, public service, etc. I can work in Namur, I'm willing to drive max 45-60 from home to work (one or two days remote would be amazing but I don't even think or talk about that now).

Any advice is welcome !

Hi, F30, I had a job interview today and I desperately want this job, mostly because it is stable and predictive and I need this after years of job changing, working in the hospitality, etc. The interviewer thought that, because I changed jobs a lot these years, that I will be bored soon in this job. It felt so unfair that I told him that I was diagnosed asperger yesterday (which is true, but came out of my mouth so fast I couldn't even stop myself) and that in fact this kind of job may be the greatest place on earth for me.

He didn't really react to that piece of info, globally the interview want well but I had to reassure them a lot about this, and I feel bad/guilty to have overshared like that...

What do you think ? One part of me says "fuck them if they can't understand" and one part of me keeps trying to fit in...

Edit : This takes place in Belgium (Wallonia)