u/Savings-Strength-864

My ex and I have a custody order, but I haven’t really been following it. Instead of taking my alternating weekends, I’ve mostly just been seeing my son for the one overnight during the school week.

He’s about to start a new school, and now I’d have to fight rush-hour traffic to pick him up after school (big city) and then take him back the next morning before work. I’m realizing I don’t really want to spend hours every week sitting on the freeway. It’s not what is best for my child.

I’m thinking about asking to switch to Friday nights instead, or just go back to alternating weekends only.

My ex is not flexible and says follow the judge’s order. I can’t do this commute for me or my kid.

Would I be the jerk for asking to change it because I don’t want to spend hours driving every week? Or is that just being realistic?

My ex and I have a custody order, but I haven’t really been following it. Instead of taking my alternating weekends, I’ve mostly just been seeing my son for the one overnight during the school week.

He’s about to start a new school, and now I’d have to fight rush-hour traffic to pick him up after school (big city) and then take him back the next morning before work. I’m realizing I don’t really want to spend hours every week sitting on the freeway. It’s not what is best for my child.

I’m thinking about asking to switch to Friday nights instead, or just go back to alternating weekends only.

My ex is not flexible and says follow the judge’s order. I can’t do this commute for me or my kid.

Would I be the jerk for asking to change it because I don’t want to spend hours driving every week? Or is that just being realistic?

My ex and I have a custody order, but I haven’t really been following it. Instead of taking my alternating weekends, I’ve mostly just been seeing my son for the one overnight during the school week.

He’s about to start a new school, and now I’d have to fight rush-hour traffic to pick him up after school (big city) and then take him back the next morning before work. I’m realizing I don’t really want to spend hours every week sitting on the freeway. It’s not what is best for my child.

I’m thinking about asking to switch to Friday nights instead, or just go back to alternating weekends only.

My ex is not flexible and says follow the judge’s order. I can’t do this commute for me or my kid.

Would I be the jerk for asking to change it because I don’t want to spend hours driving every week? Or is that just being realistic?

I have a court order that gives me my young child every other weekend.

I told my ex I wasn’t going to be doing weekends anymore and that weekdays would work better for me instead. I work in a Big Apple comedy club and weekends are my favorite time to be there. It fills my cup.

She said no, that the custody order stays in effect unless a judge changes it. I asked for more time on a weekday and she told me to follow the court order.

Now she’s sending me invoices for babysitters she hired on the weekends I was supposed to have our child. This is outrageous. You can’t hire babysitters then expect me to pay. So of course, I am ignoring the requests. She says she had to arrange childcare because I didn’t exercise my court-ordered parenting time, and that I should reimburse her.

I don’t think I should have to pay because I already told her I wasn’t available on weekends anymore. She says I can’t unilaterally change the custody schedule and avoid the costs my decision caused.

AITB for refusing to pay the babysitting bills?

Ex is a pain. Being an aspiring open mic comedian Dad is no joke. My ex is ruining my life. Stopped replying to any of her moaning messages! AIW?

My ex took me to family court and paid for a lawyer herself. We ended up with a parenting “schedule” where I get one weeknight overnight and every other weekend with my son.

The issue is that life changes. When the schedule was created, my work situation was different. I do security at a comedy club and I’m also working on building a future for myself in comedy. Anyone who understands that world knows opportunities don’t arrive on a fixed schedule. Sometimes you have to be available when opportunities come up.

Over the past year I’ve asked for a lot of schedule adjustments and I’ve cancelled parenting time when work or other opportunities conflicted. My ex claims it’s happened many dozens of times. Maybe. I haven’t kept count because I don’t keep score in relationships.

The irony is that when I try to make up time with my son, suddenly that’s a problem too. I’ve picked him up from school early, dropped him off late, or spent extra time with him outside the exact schedule. Technically that’s not what the order says, but I don’t think a child benefits from parents staring at a clock and saying “sorry, court order says your time is up.”

We’re also supposed to use a court-approved parenting app. I stopped using it because I don’t think co-parenting should require a paid subscription. My ex refuses to communicate normally by text and keeps directing me back to the app.

Her position is that I chose my work schedule, I agreed to the parenting plan, I repeatedly cancel, I don’t follow the communication requirements, and I can’t just create parenting time whenever I feel like it.

My position is that being a parent requires flexibility, circumstances change, and maintaining a relationship with your child is more important than rigidly enforcing a court order drafted months ago under different circumstances.

I stopped texting, replying and have gone radio silence.

AIW?

My ex is making life miserable!

My ex took me to family court and paid for most of the legal process herself. We ended up with a parenting schedule where I get one weeknight overnight and every other weekend with my son.

The problem is that my work situation has changed since then. I do security at a comedy club and I’m also trying to get stage time myself. Nights and weekends are when opportunities happen, so I’ve increasingly needed weekends free.

Since the order was entered, I’ve asked for a lot of schedule changes. I’ll admit I’ve cancelled parenting time quite a few times when work came up, when my availability changed, or when other opportunities popped up. My ex says it’s been dozens of times over the past year. I don’t know the exact number, but it’s definitely happened a lot.

Because of that, I now see my son less than I’d like. To make up for it, I’ve sometimes picked him up from school early, dropped him off late, or kept him outside the court-ordered schedule. I know that’s technically against the order, but I feel like otherwise I don’t get enough time with him.

My ex’s position is that she spent a lot of time and money getting a final court order because I was constantly changing plans before court. She says the entire point of the order was to stop the schedule from changing every month. She also says I can’t cancel my parenting time and then make up new hours whenever I feel like it.

We’re also supposed to communicate through a court-approved parenting app. I stopped using it because it costs money and I don’t think I should have to pay for an app to communicate. My ex refuses to discuss parenting matters by text and keeps telling me to get back on the app.

I think she’s being rigid and inflexible. She thinks I’m putting my work and comedy ambitions ahead of my son, ignoring the court order, disrupting school, refusing to use the required communication app, and expecting everyone else to accommodate my changing schedule.

AITB!?

The court order says my ex and I have to use a parenting communication app. She picked TalkingParents and sent me the invite code. I don’t like it and the free version you can only use on a web browser.

Up until June 1 it was free. Now it costs $7.99 a month and you have to use the app!

I refuse to pay for it. I think texting is good enough. My ex says the court order requires us to use the app and she will only communicate through TalkingParents. She also says if cost is the issue, I can pay for the subscription and submit a request to the court for a waiver.

I still don’t want to pay and think she’s being unreasonable by refusing to text me instead. I am texting and that’s it!

My son plays youth soccer. His mom’s partner pays for basically all of it, the registration, soccer gear, cleats etc. I contribute nothing financially toward soccer right now because they were the ones who decided to sign him up and only around half the games even land on my custody weekends anyway.

I still turn up toward the end of games or practices, especially because exchanges often happen there. I stand behind the goal, film myself watching him, take photos, and post them because he’s my son and I’m still his dad.

My ex and her partner are apparently irritated because they think it looks “performative” when I show up with 5–10 minutes left after not contributing to the actual planning/cost side of things. They also get annoyed because they send extra clothes and shoes with him and expect me to change him after soccer, which honestly feels controlling to me. Sometimes I intentionally don’t change him because I’m tired of feeling managed by another man regarding my own kid. They send me screenshots of the bill and ask me to contribute.

I’ve also told my son a few times that his stepfather isn’t his “real dad” because lately the guy has been acting very involved and my son is becoming more verbal/repeative. I also told him to call it soccer not football and honestly some of the Adidas Predator cleats/outfits this guy buys are a little too Euro-looking for my taste. I get it that he watches him the whole time and pays for the clothes, but I think his Stepdad (who is European) is doing it on purpose.

From my perspective, they chose this whole soccer lifestyle and then resent me for not participating the exact way they want. I still think showing up at all matters. I work at a prestigious Big Apple kind of stand up club and can’t be there much.

They think I’m insecure and fake. I think the stepdad is overstepping and trying to slowly replace me while also making me look bad.

My neighbor was playing music with bass this afternoon. Got me thinking. Whether it be the park, trains, waiting rooms or back gardens there are two types of people: Quiet people who use headphones or keep it quiet, or loud people who make it so everyone has to hear their music. Problem is, quiet people don’t effect loud people, but loud people really effect everyone else. It’s imbalanced.

The A’s left Oakland over a year ago. Anyone who is a baseball or sports fan will know how painful losing your team is. I still wear my A’s hat everywhere and will always love the Oakland A’s and miss going. My dilemma is this. I said the team is now dead to me. Of course, the A’s aren’t dead. They are an hour away in Sacramento. I didn’t attend a game last season. I have begun to really miss my A’s. However, for many fans the A’s are dead. Do I go watch them in Sacramento, and become a mark for Big Sports? Or do I stay away, and miss my A’s and stay loyal to Oakland?