u/Secret_Cat_823

I lost my mom suddenly almost a year ago, and lately I've been missing her a lot. I dream about her very often these days.

My family is preparing for my wedding, which is about six months away, to a guy I've been dating for around 9–10 months. Initially, I was very excited about it, but now I've completely lost that excitement.

The wedding is in his hometown, but neither he nor his parents live there anymore. It's very far from where my family and I stay, and I still have to travel there to look at venues and figure things out. What has been bothering me is that he doesn't seem to contribute much, even on weekends when he's free. He isn't helping with research or planning and is mostly relying on a family friend to show us venues and guide us through things. Maybe it sounds like a small thing, but it has taken away whatever excitement I had left. I don't even feel like looking at lehengas anymore.

At the same time, I left my job because it was extremely toxic. It's been quite some time now, and despite having what I thought was a decent background, I haven't been able to find another job.

I just feel hopeless. Nothing seems to be going well. I miss my mom terribly, I'm struggling with my career, and something that I thought would be a happy phase of my life now just feels exhausting.

I don't really know who I'm supposed to talk to. Most days I feel like I have no one.

I guess I'm just putting this out there because I needed to get it off my chest.

I mostly need to vent and hear from women who have gotten married recently.

My wedding is happening in my BF's hometown, which is neither my city nor my state. He does not live there either and because of work he cannot travel there with me to look at venues. I completely understand that and have never expected him to take time off work for venue hunting.

His family has a friend in that city who is a priest at the temple where we plan to get married. We have been told that when my family and I visit, he can show us around some venues and help us explore options. So I am not completely on my own and I want to be fair about that.

What is bothering me is something else.

I feel like I am carrying almost all of the mental load of planning. I am the one researching venues, making lists, looking for makeup artists, thinking of backup options, coordinating visits, and generally trying to make sure everything comes together.

I do not ask my BF for help during the week because I know he is busy with work. But when I have asked him for help with things he could do from home in his spare time on the weekend, like researching venues online, checking out vendors, comparing options, or taking ownership of a few tasks, he just does not seem interested.

Whenever I tell him I am feeling overwhelmed or stressed, he usually says things like "don't worry" or "it will work out." I know he means well, but it does not actually reduce the amount of work that needs to be done. It just makes me feel like I am carrying the worry alone.

The issue is not that there is nobody to help. The issue is that I do not feel much personal involvement or interest from the person I am actually marrying. Sometimes it feels like I care more about planning our wedding than he does.

To be fair, I am currently not working and he has a full time job, so I understand that our schedules are different. I am also not looking for people to hate on him or tell me to break up. I genuinely want to hear from women who have gone through this.

How involved was your BF in wedding planning? Did you end up handling most of it? Did that bother you? How did you divide responsibilities and, looking back, would you have done anything differently?

I am trying to figure out whether my expectations are unrealistic or whether it is normal to want your partner to show more initiative and interest, even if they cannot physically be present.

My boyfriend and I were discussing pregnancy recently, and I'd love to hear from women who have been through it.

For context, I've always wanted children, but lately I've been seeing more content from mothers talking honestly about pregnancy and postpartum—not just the cute baby side of things, but the physical and emotional realities. Things like the changes your body goes through, recovery after childbirth, breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, postpartum depression/anxiety, etc.

While discussing this, I mentioned that pregnancy seems incredibly demanding on a woman's body and that many women talk about lasting changes afterward. The conversation then turned to surrogacy, celebrities who use surrogates, and eventually my boyfriend brought up an Indian influencer (IIM graduate, works at an MBB) who recently had a baby and appears to have had virtually no change to her figure.

To be clear, I don't think he was being malicious or saying women "should" look a certain way. I think he's genuinely confused because the examples he's seeing online seem very different from the stories I'm seeing.

My view is that pregnancy can be extremely taxing on the body, but I also know there are women who seem to recover very quickly and look almost exactly the same afterward. So now I'm wondering if I'm missing something.

How would you explain this to someone who sees examples of women who appear unaffected by pregnancy and therefore doesn't fully understand why people say pregnancy takes such a huge toll on the body?

For mothers here: what changes (physical, mental, emotional, visible or invisible) did you experience that people on the outside may not have noticed?

I'd really appreciate honest experiences and perspectives.

Hi everyone!

I’m getting married in Deoghar in late November this year, and I’m looking for recommendations/suggestions from locals or anyone who has recently planned a wedding there.

I’m the bride, while the groom’s family is from Deoghar, but my side of the family will be traveling there, so I’m trying to figure out good arrangements for both wedding functions and stay.

Here’s what I’m specifically looking for:

A decent marriage hall / marriage garden with nice aesthetics (not overly flashy, but clean and elegant)

Accommodation for around 40–50 people for 3–4 days

Preferably somewhere not too far from the temple/main city area

I checked a few marriage gardens with rooms attached, but they become extremely expensive if we stay beyond the wedding day itself

Some cheaper options looked nice but were very far away, so I’m confused about what’s practical

Would really appreciate recommendations for:

Marriage halls / resorts / hotels

Properties with both event space + stay

Makeup artists

Mehendi artists

Photographers/videographers

Decorators

Caterers

Any wedding planners or reliable vendors in general

Please help a stressed bride out 😭

Thank you so much in advance!

Hi everyone!

I’m getting married in Deoghar in late November this year, and I’m looking for recommendations/suggestions from locals or anyone who has recently planned a wedding there.

I’m the bride, while the groom’s family is from Deoghar, but my side of the family will be traveling there, so I’m trying to figure out good arrangements for both wedding functions and stay.

Here’s what I’m specifically looking for:

A decent marriage hall / marriage garden with nice aesthetics (not overly flashy, but clean and elegant)

Accommodation for around 40–50 people for 3–4 days

Preferably somewhere not too far from the temple/main city area

I checked a few marriage gardens with rooms attached, but they become extremely expensive if we stay beyond the wedding day itself

Some cheaper options looked nice but were very far away, so I’m confused about what’s practical

Would really appreciate recommendations for:

Marriage halls / resorts / hotels

Properties with both event space + stay

Makeup artists

Mehendi artists

Photographers/videographers

Decorators

Caterers

Any wedding planners or reliable vendors in general

Please help a stressed bride out 😭

Thank you so much in advance!

Recently, my boyfriend and I were discussing dowry, and he brought up his sister’s marriage as an example. She wasn’t earning at the time, married a man with a government job, and dowry was involved. His point was simple: she’s happy, the marriage works, and there are many women for whom this arrangement “makes sense.”

But something about that conversation has stayed with me.

I know marriages and financial realities are complicated. I know not every woman who gives dowry is forced at gunpoint. Sometimes families willingly participate. Sometimes women themselves agree because they believe the trade-off is security, status, stability, or simply a better life.

And yet, I cannot imagine feeling emotionally safe in a marriage where my family had to pay for my acceptance into it.

Even if I earned less than my husband. Even if I earned nothing. Even if the marriage later turned out “happy.”

Because somewhere deep down, I think I would always wonder: Was I chosen, or was I afforded?

What I genuinely want to understand is this:

For women who did give dowry — whether willingly, reluctantly, or somewhere in between — how did it affect the way you viewed your husband and in-laws afterward?

Did resentment creep in later? Did it feel transactional? Did you eventually stop thinking about it? Or did it genuinely feel like a practical arrangement that everyone was okay with?

No judgment at all. I’m trying to understand the emotional reality behind something that is often discussed only morally or legally.

Because happiness can exist inside unequal systems too. But does acceptance always mean comfort?

Recently, my boyfriend and I were discussing dowry, and he brought up his sister’s marriage as an example. She wasn’t earning at the time, married a man with a government job, and dowry was involved. His point was simple: she’s happy, the marriage works, and there are many women for whom this arrangement “makes sense.”

But something about that conversation has stayed with me.

I know marriages and financial realities are complicated. I know not every woman who gives dowry is forced at gunpoint. Sometimes families willingly participate. Sometimes women themselves agree because they believe the trade-off is security, status, stability, or simply a better life.

And yet, I cannot imagine feeling emotionally safe in a marriage where my family had to pay for my acceptance into it.

Even if I earned less than my husband.

Even if I earned nothing.

Even if the marriage later turned out “happy.”

Because somewhere deep down, I think I would always wonder:

Was I chosen, or was I afforded?

What I genuinely want to understand is this:

For women who did give dowry — whether willingly, reluctantly, or somewhere in between — how did it affect the way you viewed your husband and in-laws afterward?

Did resentment creep in later?

Did it feel transactional?

Did you eventually stop thinking about it?

Or did it genuinely feel like a practical arrangement that everyone was okay with?

No judgment at all. I’m trying to understand the emotional reality behind something that is often discussed only morally or legally.

Because happiness can exist inside unequal systems too.

But does acceptance always mean comfort?

30M, 6 feet tall, own house, financially stable (IIT+ IIM earning 8 figures), and looking for an arranged marriage.

Requirements are straightforward:

- Age between 18–20.

- Around 5'7" height because compatibility and future genetics matter.

- Should be attractive, fair, feminine, traditional, soft-spoken, and family-oriented.

- Fitness and physical appearance are important to me.

- Should earn at least 20 LPA because I believe modern marriages work best when both partners bring value to the table.

- Prefer someone who respects traditional gender roles and believes the man should lead the household instead of constant arguments and “equality debates.”

I already have a house settled, so naturally I’d appreciate a family that also contributes meaningfully toward building the future together — practicality matters more than spending crores on wedding functions anyway.

Funny how women openly demand 6 feet height, high salary, emotional maturity, confidence, communication skills, stability, protection, loyalty, ambition, etc., but the moment a man has standards, society loses its mind.

Not here for lectures. Serious proposals only.

Hi!

I don't know if this is the right place to ask but would wanna try anyway.

I am a B.Tech. and MBA grad with 5 years of experience. I did my MBA from IIM Indore and have worked in General Management (product strategy and project management). Ever since I lost my Mom I have been trying to find a job near home or else something that allows me to work from home. With the current job market I am failing hard and would be grateful for any suggestions that you guys might have. If you know of any job openings, sources where I could apply, govt/contract jobs, etc. please please do help me out!

Thank you.

Hi!

So my (30F) bf texted a random girl on Instagram "wow such amazing boobs" while we were broken up for a week due to a fight that I can't remember.

We are living in different cities and he was visiting me for my birthday after the fight. I had been through an emotional turmoil during this period. I quit my job, I lost my Mom 1.5 years back, I discovered I was pregnant and I was begging my bf to marry me but he refused and then I had a miscarriage.

The fight was about the marriage timeline itself. We have been dating for 10-11 months, but we met through Jeevansathi and I honestly expected to get married ASAP.

We both have a past, insecurities and trust issues. We both have each other's passwords. I found him checking my Instagram and I said jokingly that I want to check yours too. He started snatching his phone and I just happened to find this DM. He claimed he was thirst trapped by the girl's reel. I cried he cried he apologized. I went to check his telegram but he ran to the washroom locked the door and later the app was wiped clean. He apologized profusely and for some reason I let it go!

I feel so stupid now that our parents have started serious shaadi talks and he is not even supportive of my feelings and opinions. There have other incidents of triggered aggression from my end and non- triggered aggression from his end (though he refuses to see it the same way).

I know I should get out. I am so scared. He will act nice and apologise whenever I try and break up. I get scared because I think nobody else will marry me if I tell them about the miscarriage. I can't lie, and reddit has shown me how men hate women who take time to get to know them before revealing private stuff. I have seen men encouraging the guys to reveal the girl's secrets to her parents, and I don't think my Dad will be able to handle it.

I am so ashamed and I am so scared. I literally feel like dying all the time. I don't know what to do! I wish my Mom was still here and maybe I could have confided in her or at least hugged her and cried.

What should I do? Practically and logically!

I am going through some stuff and it's gotten very overwhelming. I feel absolutely misunderstood and there have been instances where I literally see red and want to smash everything in front of me to a pulp. These incidents in my 30 years of life on Earth have only happened a couple of times and I was poked so much that I literally couldn't hold myself back. But more than causing harm to others I have always reverted to causing harm to myself.

I want recommendations for good therapists in Tricity (amazing if they are in Zirakpur/Mohali).

I know the rant was unnecessary but thanks to whoever read this.

Need to buy 9K Gold for my wedding (or other cheaper versions lesser than 22K) so that it's a little easier on my Dad. Any ideas? Anywhere else in India? I know Palmonas has it but they only sell with diamonds which then gets expensive.

Looking for objective opinions on whether this situation qualifies as dowry or not.

Context:

Couple met through a matrimonial app, have known each other for about a year, planning to marry in ~6 months

Both are highly educated (MBAs from top institutes)

Groom’s family is financially more well-off and places importance on their caste identity (Brahmin), while the bride is from a different lower caste background

Expectations communicated by groom’s family:

Bride’s family will travel to the groom’s hometown and bear their own travel and accommodation costs

Bride’s side has been explicitly asked to pay for the wedding dinner (~700 guests, majority from groom’s side), costing ~₹10 lakh

Groom’s mother has stated that the bride’s father should arrange jewellery for the bride, as they will only provide a token

Groom’s stance:

Says he is personally willing to help financially if needed

Does not believe his family is doing anything wrong

Is not willing to question or push back on these expectations

Considers these practices normal in cultural context

Concern: There is no explicit “dowry demand” in the traditional sense, but the financial expectations are significantly one-sided and explicitly communicated.

Question: Would you consider this:

A form of indirect dowry

A cultural norm that’s acceptable

A fairness issue rather than dowry

Something else?

Trying to understand how others interpret this.

Looking for objective opinions on whether this situation qualifies as dowry or not.

Context:

Couple met through a matrimonial app, have known each other for about a year, planning to marry in ~6 months

Both are highly educated (MBAs from top institutes)

Groom’s family is financially more well-off and places importance on their caste identity (Brahmin), while the bride is from a different lower caste background

Expectations communicated by groom’s family:

Bride’s family will travel to the groom’s hometown and bear their own travel and accommodation costs

Bride’s side has been explicitly asked to pay for the wedding dinner (~700 guests, majority from groom’s side), costing ~₹10 lakh

Groom’s mother has stated that the bride’s father should arrange jewellery for the bride, as they will only provide a token

Groom’s stance:

Says he is personally willing to help financially if needed

Does not believe his family is doing anything wrong

Is not willing to question or push back on these expectations

Considers these practices normal in cultural context

Concern: There is no explicit “dowry demand” in the traditional sense, but the financial expectations are significantly one-sided and explicitly communicated.

Question: Would you consider this:

A form of indirect dowry

A cultural norm that’s acceptable

A fairness issue rather than dowry

Something else?

Trying to understand how others interpret this.