u/SeededPhoenix

I have an undiagnosed chronic issue(s). I've been experiencing fatigue my whole life, and some days it's just brutal.

I want to get up and do the things, but I have no energy. Even just thinking about doing the things makes me tired.

Some people think I'm just lazy. If I could get up and get moving and be in go-go mode all day, I'd love it. Rest would then actually feel like rest.

But my rest isn't restful or restorative at all. I sleep all night, I spend the day on the couch, and I still feel exhausted and drained.

I just sit, or lay, and watch the world pass me by... I hate it. It's depressing

I see everyone mostly getting along with people (in my acquaintences network), and I sit back and judge people for not caring so much about really big social issues, or at least they only seem to care in areas that impact them. I can't stand the hypocrisy and short sightedness. Meanwhile, I know I'm a hypocrite too. Though I'm really trying and am very vocal on issues and try to get people to connect the dots.

Meanwhile they all have good friendships between each other and I'm just on the outside looking in.

I try to not care as much about social justice and ethics, I try to ignore it to be able to have friends. But over time I see how they don't really care about bigger issues or issues that don't impact them, and I become irritated.

I just don't understand how people can ignore big stuff.

I don't know how to shut this part of my brain off. How do I do it?! Because it's ruining my life

Or is this internalized ableism and am I trying to conform to neurotypical ways of being? But also, in this case, is that a bad thing?

I'm so confused..

I see everyone mostly getting along with people (in my acquaintences network), and I sit back and judge people for not caring so much about really big social issues, or at least they only seem to care in areas that impact them. I can't stand the hypocrisy and short sightedness. Meanwhile, I know I'm a hypocrite too. Though I'm really trying and am very vocal on issues and try to get people to connect the dots.

Meanwhile they all have good friendships between each other and I'm just on the outside looking in.

I try to not care as much about social justice and ethics, I try to ignore it to be able to have friends. But over time I see how they don't really care about bigger issues or issues that don't impact them, and I become irritated.

I just don't understand how people can ignore big stuff.

I don't know how to shut this part of my brain off. How do I do it?! Because it's ruining my life

Or is this internalized ableism and am I trying to conform to neurotypical ways of being? But also, in this case, is that a bad thing?

I'm so confused..

Edit: thank you for those who've validated my feelings and needs. We can be justice oriented and we also need to be around folks who are safe and similar minded. Being around people who befriend racists and ionists does not feel safe for me - especially considering I'm a person of colour.

Many folks have suggested to seek out activist spaces. I used to be in these spaces and used to organize as well. I've had to step back due to burnout, chronic illness, and trauma. Those spaces, however, were pretty much single-issue motivated. If they were LGBTQ+ advocates, they were silent on racism and colonialism. If they were anti racist advocates, they were silent on racism against varying races and were silent on LGBTQ+ rights, etc. If they are anti data centers, they are not necessarily pro Palestine and don't really see the link between what's been inflicted on the people in Gaza via AI. Or they'll say 'free Palestine' but won't boycott and will befriend zios.

My issue is that people are not connecting the dots and understanding that all oppressions are linked. 'we are not free until all of us are free'.

So if I want friendships, it means I have to be less rigid and befriend people who do not have the same values as me, who are okay with oppressions. But then they don't feel safe, and I won't feel safe enough to relax around them and genuinely enjoy their company.

Also, I'm not at all saying that it's my job to fix the world. I'm not saying that every waking moment am I forcing people into my values or that I'm obsessively trying to be perfectly ethical. I do what I can, but I actively try.

I want to be able to have chilled out hangouts with people, but if I don't feel like they are safe, then I won't be able to relax around them.

I'm not looking for advice. I want to hear about your journey.

Tell me how your world crumbled when you realized you aren't who you thought you were (popular, wanted, having many possibilities ahead of you, etc), how you accepted your limitations, and how you learned to find yourself and embrace it.

Not seeking advice, just wanting to commiserate and bitch about it

There's a guy friends who's been helping me out with stuff. He's AuDHD, as am I. I think he has a crush on me. I am asexual and am actually completely repulsed by sexual attraction from cishet men.

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He hasn't put the moves on me, but he's stated some uncomfortable things to me. For example, he's said he's helping me because he thinks I'm cute (about 2 or 3 times he's said this). He's commented that one particular time I hung out with him he still remembers what I wore and was mesmerized by it.

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For context, he has a partner and is supposed to be in a monogamous relationship. He has stated repeatedly that he has an extremely high sexual drive and that one partner isn't enough, but that he loves and respects his monogamous partner and wouldn't do anything.

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Aside from the sexual stuff, he has no concept of personal space and always hovers around me and literally follows me around like a shadow. I fucking hate it. It drives me up the wall. It makes my skin crawl. I really need my personal space.

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He also does not follow social cues at all and has told me he needs direct communication. But then he also stated multiple times that he loves when a woman tells him what to do. It's a kink for him.

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I'm so grossed out by him. While I don't think he'll actually do anything, he makes me feel very uncomfortable. I do not appreciate any cishet man commenting on my appearance. I have experienced so much sexual trauma from cishet men in the past that I'm absolutely repulsed by their attention.

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I feel like a bitch because he's been helping me. But I've had to take a 1.5 month break from him because I get the icks.

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Is it okay if I end the friendship, even though it appears like I just used him for help and now I'm discarding him?

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I bought patio chairs and they wouldn't fit in my small car. I tried multiple ways of shoving them in, but my car is just like 1 inch too small.

I saw one person in a car across from me, and he was laughing. I was about to yell out "why don't you offer to help instead of laugh" but he actually did offer to help. Though, there was nothing anyone could do except to offer their bigger car or truck to me.

There were many other people walking around and looking at me.

I truly wish I could be the kind of person who is light hearted and doesn't take things seriously. But I was mortified and embarrassed and felt like I was the joke of the day.

My tendency is to lean into the negative. Self deprecation.

I went to return the chairs. I am hoping I can get someone I know who has a truck to help me transport them.

I've been taking it usually in the evening to help curb the stimulant crash. But today I took it in the morning and wow - energy! And then I took it in the late afternoon, and holy smokes - evening energy!

I've been dealing with some stomach health issues plus dealing with trauma for the last few years. Plus I'm depressed.

I have no desire for food. I crave nothing. And food really doesn't taste the same anymore for me. It has little flavour and never 'hits the spot'. Weather it's healthy food, takeout, junk food, sweets, etc.. doesn't matter. It's not satisfying.

I end up eating because I'm starving. I delay and delay until I *have* to eat.

Aside from all that, it's just annoying. It interrupts my flow. It requires so much capacity (even if it's just deciding what to get for takeout). And the different textures. I wish our bodies didn't need food.

Anyone else like this or been like this? What did you do?

For example, one person in particular (my sister in law), I feel like she takes me for granted. She doesn't seem to understand or respect my burnout and current recovery from a recent trauma - in the sense that she understands it generally speaking but when it comes to the day-to-day, she still treats me like usual and asks me to do her favours when I'm currently in executive freeze and dysfunction.

But then I recognise she doesn't have it easy either.. so I get torn.

Am I too sensitive? Do I have grounds to be distant?

But the problem is how do I maintain a balance when my thinking is very black-and-white. I want to cut her off, but then I want to enjoy her company...

And it's like this with almost everyone. I can't figure out how to regulate and create boundaries or balance.

Does anyone else struggle with this??

I moved into a new place out of trauma and abuse, not because I *wanted* to move. While I'm now safe, I'm still in burnout and still recovering from the trauma. My brain is a bit fried.

This new place is a lot smaller than my previous place. I have to get rid of a lot of stuff. But I'm not sure if I should keep it and store it (either in the storage room in the creepy dungeony basement or at my parents place), or if I should sell it.

The place I'm in now will likely be temporary (1-2 years). So I don't want to get rid of my stuff, though at the same time I don't know where I'll move next. I also love my stuff and I don't want to get rid of it. Some of it I refinished myself.

Most importantly, I'm not capable of making permanent decisions right now. So if I put it all in storage, I'll still need to buy new stuff that actually fits in this space.

Some of the stuff is making the new place cluttered, so I need to get it out of my apt.

I'm so confused and staring at all the clutter is making me even more overwhelmed.

Whether it's at night and it's cold and I get under a warm blanket, or if it's a cool/cold day and I drink something warm, or it's getting home from a cool/cold day and putting on warm pj's.

If I don't have the opportunity to warm up when I need to, then it's torture.

Generally speaking, I hate being cold/freezing. I don't retain body heat, so I love being warm and I love summer.

But, the opposite isn't true. I hate being too warm/hot and needing to cooling down. This is not a cozy or comforting feeling for me. I do not enjoy drinking something cold on a hot day. I'd prefer that I didn't need to cool down.

I'm trying to figure out why half my hair has become curly. Only the back half of my head is now curly. It started with just one tiny piece that was curly, and now the whole back half of my hair. Some of it looks like waves. Some of it looks like I crimped it.

I'm 40, btw. And I have no idea how to manage curly/wavy hair. So I use a straightener to straighten it or to give all my hair the wavey look.

Mine is mostly to do with other people, but if we really get to the heart of it, it's really about feeling like an idiot or doing something that was regrettable. I'm a perfectionist because I suck at being a "normal" person. I catastrophize and feel like I failed so bad at that 'human interaction/situation' therefore I lose points and I die (like a video game). Often in these situations I do end up losing money or losing something because of it.

I wish I could just see the 'failure' as an unfortunate mishap and just carry on. Instead I snowball into a panic attack.

How do y'all deal with the panic?