u/SentientBeing62

im sure im alone in this idea. but for the longest time, i have felt this... inability to motivate myself not to do something, by normal means. such as, not eating junk food. i had tried pausing any time id get a craving, it never worked. the only thing that ever worked was snapping a rubber band on my wrist. this was when i was much younger.

im much older now, and its escalated. i like to think i am well adjusted, motivated, strong. but when i begin to fail, it does almost feel like i deserve a thrashing. i keep a cat of nine tails, not for anything sexual as im not a sexual person whatsoever. i prefer people to not look at me in that way. but the act is almost.... liberating. the sweating, the pain is very motivating to me. im not entirely sure how to put it into words, but it feels deserved. it feels like i had found the one thing that works for me. its biblical to me. as i am a Christian man. not "follow my religion or die" type, but i think alot of ideals of christianity translate to my life. i know its an incredibly cliche and ridiculous notion, used by man children that just figured out that running a couple miles hurts. but i really do believe that pain is weakness leaving the body.

i decided to write this out, ive been watching alot of Criterion collection movies, and in one of the movies its shown. i had wondered if id ever find someone that i could share this act with, and they wouldnt try to change me, or think im incredibly weird. trying to see it in this way did turn me on, which to me, defeats the purpose? what do i do?

im sure im alone in this idea. but for the longest time, i have felt this... inability to motivate myself not to do something, by normal means. such as, not eating junk food. i had tried pausing any time id get a craving, it never worked. the only thing that ever worked was snapping a rubber band on my wrist. this was when i was much younger.

im much older now, and its escalated. i like to think i am well adjusted, motivated, strong. but when i begin to fail, it does almost feel like i deserve a thrashing. i keep a cat of nine tails, not for anything sexual as im not a sexual person whatsoever. i prefer people to not look at me in that way. but the act is almost.... liberating. the sweating, the pain is very motivating to me. im not entirely sure how to put it into words, but it feels deserved. it feels like i had found the one thing that works for me. its biblical to me. as i am a Christian man. not "follow my religion or die" type, but i think alot of ideals of christianity translate to my life. i know its an incredibly cliche and ridiculous notion, used by man children that just figured out that running a couple miles hurts. but i really do believe that pain is weakness leaving the body.

i decided to write this out, ive been watching alot of Criterion collection movies, and in one of the movies its shown. i had wondered if id ever find someone that i could share this act with, and they wouldnt try to change me, or think im incredibly weird

Hey all. Mothers day has always been a rough one for me, my mother kicked me out at 16, i was homeless until my girlfriends family offered for me to live with them a year later. i then moved states, didnt hear from my mom for years until i get a call saying she has developed a severe methamphetamine addiction and she was going to jail. another few years, i get a call from her randomly one day. she tells me what shes been doing, shes getting help etc. ANOTHER few years, she tells me shes found a guy she likes her and him are gonna move in together. seems like a good guy. shes starting to try to buy me things, which i decline. fast forward to last year, i get into an absolutely horrendous relationship which ended up severely negatively effecting me. My ex gets pregnant, i tel my entire family so excited, including my mom. we kinda bond over me having a baby. after a few months ( and after i gave my ex all my money) she tells me she lied to me and the baby isnt actually mine. she cheated on me while i was working 13 hours a day. i had to tell my entire family, my mom cried.

i ended up supporting my ex anyways, she didnt have anyone and i dont think shes inherently an evil person, i believe when you choose to love someone you love them through anything. we were not together, she ended up wanting to talk about something that happened in the relationship and it turned into a huge fight. she ended up showing up to my apartment with a gun, the cops were called. a few days later i end up with an eviction notice and i lose my apartment.

my mom brings me to her house. we've talked a bit while ive been here. ive helped her around the house, and weve been gardening together. but today, it feels so incredibly weird to have a " Mothers Day" for her. part of me still hates her. i spent the coldest winter i can remember in my car with no blanket, just my winter jacket. i was showering at a buddies house and somehow still making it to school. i had to figure all that out by myself. What do i do? any advice?

me and my ex had been going back and forth about this and i disagree with her 100%

this is on the topic of consent in sexual encounters. she would tell me she HATED when i would ask. she really loved it when i would grab her, she wanted me getting angry and us having angry sex. shes told me several times, throught text and in person. when we would try new things, such as like slapping during sex (never again) she told me she hated when i would ask if shes alright she says she doesnt need me to check up on her. we had the consent talk when we first started dating, but it seems like she changed her stance. if i try anything when shes just not in the mood or something, she wil treat me like im disgusting like i didnt try to make it abundantly clear how we both felt. one time she ripped into me so hard i just brought the texts up. she said it doesnt matter how she felt before, shes talking about now. entirely valid! but it would go back to the SAME exact thing, she even stopped us having sex because i was kissing her and i asked if i could touch her she said it gave her the ick. i just stopped initating everything altogether.

im entirely confused. am i doing something wrong? AIO?

i was wondering how many people here have read this book and i was hoping to maybe get more insight to some of the topics they propose!

i read through this book. i actually really did love it, but some of the points made just felt....off. really off. i saw alot of victim blaming towards men in the book, which i understand the context is that the book is FOR women but alot of it says basically, that things like reactive abuse are reserved entirely for women because men are the abusive ones. if a man get angry, hes abusing you. if a man breaks something, hes abusing you. which.... i believe to be partially true. i pray NO ONE ever has to get to this point, but my ex would very, very purposely push me to the point where i would get angry with her because she LIKED it. she'd tell me several times she liked it. but she could so easily deny ever having said that because she *said* it. luckily she did text me about it a few times.

another point thats brought up is the "man victim" its basically saying that no man is a victim to womens violence really, and if he says he is, ask the woman. that take makes NO sense to me. of course theyre gonna say no! my big brother watched my ex kick in my door, slap me, etc etc and i wouldnt do anything, but when i tried talking to her about it she'd flat out deny it and reverse it back onto me saying i made her mad. this seemed to entirely deny that men CAN be victims? am i missing something here? "When the Victim joins an abuser group, his story tends to go like this: “I put up with my partner’s mistreatment of me for years, and I never fought back or even tried to defend myself. But I finally couldn’t take it anymore, and I started to give her back a little taste of what she was doing to me. So now I’ve been labeled abusive. Women are allowed to do those things and nobody cares, but as soon as a man does it he’s a pariah." to me, this sounds like reactive abuse. them framing it like this man is the same as every other abuser doesnt quite make sense unless its a pattern. if EVERY relationship is like that, its one thing.

overall, i do think this is a GREAT resource, and if your man reads this and hates it that may be a problem. i found it helpful and insightful but there were some things that DID feel very " you're in a corner, you're not a victim, and women dont do wrong" which felt....weird. this book basically says if a man reports abuse, or says hes been abused before, dont believe him. hes probably lying. that is SO incredibly harmful i cant even wrap my head around it

so, after a long, abusive as hell relationship with my ex, i eventually ended up finding out she was pregnant. there was a VERY slim chance it was mine, but still a chance. we were very off and on, and i had caught her trying to cheat on me in the past but i only found texts. I ended up helping her the first couple months, around the first 5. i sold my car to get her supplies, whenever she needed something id try to get it for her but it just turned into her getting really upset with me over things that i find very unreasonable.

there was one instance where i asked what she wanted for dinner, she told me this and this i went and got it for her she came to my apartment i had bought everything she wanted and she tells me she doesnt want any of it. i thought okay, we can figure out what you want. the next morning, i woke up late for work because she turned my alarm off, i had to throw my pants on and very literally run out the door. i get a call from her PISSED that i didnt put everything i bought for her in a box and set it by the door. i thought like....alright, i get it but you said you didnt want any of that stuff. she says yeah but thats not the point i might want it later. i said oh alright, well everything is in the cabinets you wanna grab it? she hangs up. i get a text from her saying how absolutely rude it is that she has to "shop" in my apartment when i need to be treating her. it made no sense.

another instance, (this one, is after she tells me the baby isnt mine! and i offered to help her, because it didnt seem like the dad was in the picture!!!) she comes to my place, i make her food and we end up making out for like....a really long time. it gets to be around 4 am, i work at 5:30. she gets out of my bed and says shes hungry and i think ugghhh where can i even go at this time. im trying to think of what i can do for her, when she gets up super pissed at me clearly, goes into my living room and i can hear her rummaging around. i get up to put my clothes on and i come out to her already gone. i run out to the parking lot, find her at her car and im asking her what shes doing? im standing by the front tire, arms up trying to be as calm as a can im going baby whats going on? whats got you upset? she turns her car on, and hits me with it. took my legs out. i ended up injuring my leg and having to take days off work. i called her, PISSED. wondering what the hell i did. she tells me week and weeks later that she did that, because when her mom was pregnant and her dad asked her for anything, her dad would spring up and go get it immediately. that was her reasoning for hitting me with her car.

i dont expect anyone to read this, but im seeing a bunch of tiktoks of men during womens pregnancies and its got me feeling absolutely horrendous. i wanted my family.

Ill start: She very genuinely drove me to want to commit sewerslide. She had me hooked, every single day it was something else wrong with me despite my absolute best efforts. bringing home flowers after she berated me all day long? check. did whatever she asked of me and its still not good enough? check. other men are better than me? check. we reached the point where we took a break, she called me at 4 am one night and begged to come over. once over, she told me in the span of a week, she took pole classes and posted them on her instagram, went on several dates and said to me "she was really lucky her ex was at this club she was at or me and her wouldnt be together right now" i reached my breaking point. she woke up one morning and told me she didnt love me, i told her i didnt wanna live (what an absolute moron) without her and she said " well maybe you shouldnt" so i waited till she fell asleep, kissed her on her head went into the bathroom with a big bottle of jager, sat in her tub and began to c*t myself. i was done. i couldnt take it anymore, i felt worthless. i got absolutely obliterated. she broke into the bathroom after a couple hours i think, stood over me with a bottle of peroxide and just sprayed me with it like she was cleaning her car. she just looks down at me and goes "this is what i get for dating a white guy." i still think about it every day