u/Separate-Handle-3469

The day I sleep comfortably all night will be the day my heart and mind is finally at peace. I’ve been waiting my entire life for you. For us. I deserve to be happy. As do you. And no matter how much time passes your still there tugging at my heart day and night. I don’t want to imagine my life without you.

It’s 4:00am I woke up and can’t sleep again. The usual. You’re on my mind. It’s not anything new. I miss you. Do you miss me too? You said you’re working a lot. I’m not sure why. Is it all for the money, to escape your reality, to avoid the truth. Perhaps it’s that you’re stuck, and you don’t know what to do and you can’t stop thinking of me. I told my sister that I love you a few days ago. I often wonder when I’ll get to see you again. I pray it’s not when we’re old in the nursing home, but if it is I’ll climb into your bed and hold your hand and say I’ve been waiting for this my entire life.

Nobody has ever made me feel the way you make me feel. I would go through all the hell with went through the last few years just see you again.

Man tonight is one of those nights. I can’t stop thinking about you. So it’s been a hectic week. Everyone was sick and we were all cooped up in the house luckily I was the only one who didn’t get the flu.(I guess those dang vaccines finally worked.) Anyway. It’s kinda been hell lately and you’ll know why if you’re my person. When it’s just the kids and I at the house we are all at peace; they are happy and I’m so productive. However their father sees them a few days a week and today mr negativity emerged from his sick slumber after days and it has been the worst day today. We were bossed around, they were yelled at for being kids and having feelings. Heck I couldn’t even cook them dinner without the negativity from him.Him saying I didn’t cook this right, I should have done this blah blah blah.
But… what really broke my heart today was when my oldest said to me , “does daddy even love me? I wish I had a better daddy that was nice to me.” Jeeze it really hurt my heart. You see I am their protection and I provide as much love as I can for them. Days like this remind me why I deserve better and they deserve better too. So you see…I KNOW you would be a great girl dad. I know you wouldn’t talk bad about them and act like they are a burden. I know you would give them the love they deserve. Some days I just picture you and your son here with us just integrated in our daily routine but all of us truly happy laughing, smiling and just being at peace. I want this life with you. I understand there are a lot of factors at play. I do. God put you in my life for a reason. Your fear of the unknown, the hardship we might face it’s just the devil trying to bring us down. Remember that good things don’t come easy and they are the only things worth fighting for.

I miss you ALOT. Give me a call or a text.
-your best friend

I had a great dream last night… I was so happy. I reached for your hand and you held mine. Then you came up behind me wrapped me in a hug and nestled your face into my neck.ughhhhh I crave your affection and sincere love as much as the air I breathe. Everyday that passes the further into limbo you place me. It’s getting pretty dark now I’m just waiting for you to bring a little light.

You know, every fairytale talks about a knight riding toward something worth protecting. I’ve spent a lot of time riding into battle for us, carrying hope, effort, and patience. As much as I care for you, I’m starting to think I’d like to know what it feels like to be the one worth crossing the distance for. Maybe my knight has been taking the scenic route? lol
And maybe that’s why I keep thinking about that night—the moment things stopped feeling simple and started meaning something more. Remember when I told you that I could just be your quiet escape and you said to me I was more than that…that one night of texts changed everything for us. I’ll never forget it. I hope you don’t regret it now… remember you can always be honest with me, even if it hurts.

I guess what I'm wondering now is whether you'll decide to show me what it means to you.

P.S,
Hard conversations were had and if you happen to drive by my place again, you’ll find only my car in the driveway (for most days).

Anyway I miss you. Goodnight 🌙 🦉

Sometimes I wonder if you know how often I wish I could trade a hundred text messages for one afternoon together. It’s been too long since I’ve seen you, and while life keeps moving forward, there are certain people who make time feel different. You’re one of them. No matter how much time passes, you still have a way of feeling close to my heart, and I find myself looking forward to the day we can finally sit down, talk, laugh, and make up for all the moments we’ve missed.

Time to see you IRL again. You are worth the miles.

I told myself to leave you alone because you aren’t responding to my messages. You said you were afraid the last time we spoke. I wish I could give you the strength. I told myself my feelings will fade. I told myself to bury my feelings deep inside and forget about them. I tried for like a week. Today I woke up with the strongest longing for you. Nothing feels right in my life. I feel like I’m living in the wrong reality. I’m supposed to be with you. I’m so sad. I want to drive to your house so bad you know it’s not so easy as it is for you.