u/Short_Gain8302

So my mom used to be in an "parents of autistic kids" support group years ago, when i was a kid, because me and my brothers have autism. This was both used for sharing resources and a place to vent aboit things parents with non disabled kids dont get. She has kept a couple of friends from that group and one of them has an adult kid that has autism and other developmental disabilities, because of her disability her irl social circle is pretty small, but she is in a lot of online groups. Now recently, this mom friend and her daughter went to a con (the daughter cant go alone and her parents are usually her buddies for events). During the con, she suddenly saw someone from her online group, for cosplaying, and they had a heartwarming moment were suddenly a bunch of people from the group were there and were socializing and taking pictures.

Now the mom friend was extremely happy to see that these online groups were having such a positive effect, because before this she had no idea what these groups were about and just hoped she wasnt accidentally chatting with a serial killer. She excitedly told my mom, and now my mom has been "pitching" the idea of online groups to me, with the idea that ill have more friends without the social pressure of being irl. I wholly love my mom for trying to find ways to help me be more happy, she doesnt care about the friend part specifically but she can see im getting more socially isolated as of late and that i dislike it.

But how tf do i explain to my mom that i am in online groups for autistic people, but that its called evil autism and that we are planning to vaccinate everyone and get autism+ from drinking milk and that we are superior to NTs lol. She is not the age of getting memes like these hahahaha

Just something fun i thought id share

My parents are clearing the deck to scrub it, and i suddenly hear my mom say to my dad "yeah i asked [OP] to do that a bunch of times already, and theyve never done it so im not gonna ask anymore", so i go out and ask her what shes talking about, and its about cleaning out my dogs toybox, see what toys need to be cleaned and which need to be thrown out. She has never said "hey, this needs to happen, can you do that today" nono, instead what she does is the following

"Oh hey honey, i was thinking about cleaning the deck and i saw the box and i thought maybe we should clean that out sometime, maybe its something you can do, idk"

She always asks when we are doing other things already, so by the time i have time and energy to do it, ive already forgotten. She also never point blanc says i need to do it, she just implies it. And its not like this is some kinda new thing either, theres been multiple times where she wants me to do something and she just does not tell me in a straightforward manner. Its always "you know i would love if this was done", "you know we really should do thing (doesnt mention any specifics about time and place and its something we need to do together, and when i suggest a time its never convenient)", "somebody should really do thing". Weve had multiple talks about this, including with therapists telling her that im not being malicious, im just fucking autistic and need clear instructions, including a time. But she keeps saying that she wants me to do things on my own initiative without her needing to tell me. I LITERALLY CANT, I NEVER COULD BEFORE, IVE ALREADY IMPROVED A LOT ON MULTIPLE THINGS BUT THIS IS APPARENTLY THE ONE THING SHE DOESNT ACCEPT ABOUT ME BEING DISABLED!?!

Like jeebus fekking christian, no need to be snarky about me when youre the one not being clear

EDIT: to the people saying they prefer my moms way of asking over a more direct approach, good for you, must be nice, but this is about something I struggle with, wether you think it's clear or not has no effect on my abilities. God forbid an autistic person has trouble with communication, one of the very things they ise to diagnose people with our condition. Also "other people are gonna have the same communication style, especially at a job" falls right into the "the world is not an accesible place so you need to change something about what youre doing" category. The world isnt accesible, ok, but we deserve to be accomodated instead of just accepting everything sucks. As stated, multiple therapists specializing in autism have seen this trait in me and told my mom that i cant help it and she needs to be more direct in order for us both to be happy. You dont know me. This is a silly vent post about a silly situation.

So me (oPeach, 24, NB) and my mom (61) were on our morning walk. For context, i graduated uni in february and have been looking for a job since, finding one is hard because my field of study doesnt have a lot of jobs and since im disabled (autism) i cant work full time, so not a lot of options rn. My mom has been home since june with burnout from her job, which means weve been doing a lot of stuff together and dont get breaks from eachother often, which has led to us having silly arguments a lot more.

Now as we were on our walk the topic of cleaning came up, my mom has never been good at it and weve always had cleaning help. She said that she envied people who make a habit of cleaning up immediately after they finish something, because she doesnt have that reflex and because of her burnout she also lacks the energy. I said that i completely understand and said that i have the same thing with cooking, i am also bad a cleaning and after i make a meal i simply dont have the energy and mental bandwith to also clean. My mom said "well, you can just clean it the next day" and when i said i couldnt because if i use that time to clean, i wont have energy to cook, she quickly interrupted, saying "well then you just need to do it in the morning". She then continued about cleaning culture with upstairs downstairs cultures (weve been watching downton abby and love talking about it) and how it would be way nicer if society was programmed to let people do things they are good at and love instead of expecting everyone to be able to do households by themselves.

I let her finish and said that i didnt like the way she dismissed my problems, and that i dont like it when i talk about something i struggle with and she answers with "just do x then", because it makes it seem like my struggle isnt real and something easily fixable. She said that thats not what she meant and that as my mother she just wanted me to know that my struggles arent "insurmountable" (i used translate for the word she said in dutch), and that well always find a solution if i struggle with something. Weve had this discussion before, where i say i cant do something and she starts listing possible solutions (which oftentimes are things ive thought about but dont work), and to me it comes across as "this is not a struggle, because look at all these solutions". I know she doesnt intend this, but ive told her before i dont like it and she keeps doing it.

My mom got extremely sad, almost to the point of crying and said that i take everything as criticism, and that she just wanted to talk about downton abby. I know my mom is extremely vulnerable right now and i am doing my best to support her in everyday tasks and arranging things for her to have fun. But i feel like i am not allowed to struggle either? These past weeks a lot of the times when i get overwhelmed with something my mom will respond angrily. When she asks whats wrong and i say "idk its just too hot rn, i cant do it" shell answer "well i am also way too hot rn and i cant do it either" or ""i am also hot and you dont see me complaining". My mom will also insist that im honest about my feelings because keeping them in is unhealthy, but i feel like everytime i say i dont like something, she gets mad.

I dont know how i can communicate me disliking something she said without her thinking shes a horrible human being? Is it even possible with her current burnout, that makes her feel like everything is her fault, and my depressive tendencies which make me think everything is my fault?

So where i am theres currently a heatwave going around, temperatures of 30°C its really not fun. My guy is struggling very much with obedience. Were on a holiday and ive had to make the decision of not taking him to stores a lot of days because its simply too hot for him to function. Theres also a lot of dogs around, im talking seeing a new dog every 5 meters when we go outside. He is very well behaved, but has trouble ignoring the dogs and following me. He will also sleep from like 10 in the morning to 7 in the evening because of the heat. I dont expect him to be able to function perfectly rn and im not mad or looking for advice, im just sad for him cause he cant really enjoy vacation as much as id hoped. We cant walk very far because of the heat, but even on cooler days i cant walk that far because of a recent hip thing.

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Wondering if anyone else has any similar experiences.

Im pretty sure this has been asked before but a quick search doesnt bring up the right things, so with the risk of being the 100th person asking; what is the ideal order of buying armor. I know you need to go inside out, buying a gambeson and padding first and then measuring the other parts based on your padded measurements. Then im thinking helmet, since you wanna protect the head. But then, do you go arms first or legs 1nd what about the rest.

It would be for historical/reenactment purposes, but in any case would be for the hopefully near future and not right now. Im just asking beforehand. I also have the list of armoursmiths saved already.

So for context, my parents own a seaside appartment that they bought with my late grandfathers inheritance. We used to go there every summer with me, my parents and my three siblings. However the moment they turned 18 my siblings didnt wanna vaction with their family anymore and did other stuff. This turned into me and my mom going on holiday, because me and my dad dont get along. We have been going at least once a year for the past 7 or 9 years and my oldest brother and sister have made it a habit of "visiting" when we were there, and staying a night or two. This is always hectic since they use public transit to get there and almost always need to be picked up somewhere along the way and theyre never clear on when theyre coming and what they wanna do.

Now, me and my mom planned a stay of a little over two weeks, because i havent found a job yet and my mom managed to get a month off work. Im really looking forward to this because applying for jobs has been exhausting, there was a heatwave that completely destroyed my daily plannings and i just need a break. My mom said that shes also not gonna invite anyone over, because she doesnt want visitors. Now my sister knows of our plans of going and invited herself again, like she does every time. And im like ok, fine, you do this every time i guess, were going for more than two weeks so ok. And then she says if its ok if she comes FOUR DAYS. I think this is incredibly fucking rude? You dont just ask to visit for four days during someones vacation?!

She says its because her boyfriend will have just had exams and wants to wind down, like i get that, but it sounds like you want your own vacation, why are you using mine? Luckily she said it was okay when i said four days is too much but im really bothered by the fact that she even asked. Also they way she asks, my mom will say to my siblings that they have to communicate with me when they plan on coming by and they always make such a show of how accomodating they are towards me, when all im asking is for them to say when theyre coming by and when theyre leaving. I think sharing your timing when youre coming into my space is not that big of an ask? Like fr FOUR FUCKING DAYS. Bruv

Ive been thinking of getting my own canoe instead of renting, especially since there is a new route accesible close by. I would love to be able to bike there so i thought inflatable would be best, including that it doesnt take a lot of space. I would be able to do a test "drive" with the sellers, since they also rent them out.

I love taking my dog with me, he loves just floating around with me (also maybe important that this would be focused on leisure rather than sport). Im worried about the canoe holding up to my dogs nails, which are perfectly trimmed within reason, but still are spike shaped pointies. I will definitely ask the seller about this as well, but was wondering if anyone had any experience?

TIA

So i have a friend and shes a really good friend, would have my back any day and accepts when i have difficulties with things. She is just such a freaking negative Nancy. She'll regularly talk about how someone at work sucks, or public transit, or things with her new house shell be moving into soon. And thats okay, venting is important for self regulation, and shell do it in the groupchat where we all hype her up, going: public transit sucks, coworker is horribly daft, yeah it should be easier to get that permit. I dont mind her being a lil grumpy gremlin, thats what shes like, thats what we love.

But i feel like she doesnt react the same way when i or others in the group share minor nuisances. Just now, i sent a message saying how i was annoyed i hadnt gotten a notice from the government for a job application. She says, "well its the government theyre always slow". To which i answer that i find it annoying because the person that interviewed me said results would be posted last monday, and we are a week further still without any news. What bothers me is the broken promise, if they had said it would take longer i wouldnt care, but they said last monday and it didnt come. She says, "yeah thats worklife and collueges, better get used to it".

Another time i was talking about how i wanted a cargobike and she completely stomped on the idea. She said she hated having ti bike behind them or around them. But the thing is when i said my dad was bullying me about how bad of an idea a cargo bike would be she was totally behind me, with an attitude of "okay i dont like them, but you should be able to do whatever the fuck you want".

And in other situations too, last DnD sesh i asked when we were gonna order food and she said "well we have a bunch of snaxks so maybe we dont have to order food" and i guess i mustve shown on my face that it was dissapointing because after a while she said "hey do you still wanna order food? Because then we should order now", noone else was focused on food anymore but she made sure i was happy. And when its about emotional stuff she also always supports me. Its just silly little things that she insists on being a 'realist" with.

En rant i guess