u/SignificanceBusy8258

Trigger warning

I got married 8 months ago. We're in our early 20s. It was a total love marriage after being together for 2 years. The first 6 months were perfect. We were so in love, it was everything I could've asked for.

It all changed 2 months ago. His mother passed away; she had been in hospital for a while but the death wasn't genuinely expected.

During her last moments, our relatives were trying to reach him. We were being intimate. He recieved a few missed calls but we didn't think anything of it at all. I got annoyed and asked him to turn his phone off. He was REACHING FOR it and almost picked up. I didn't let him. I'll never forgive myself for that.

We had no idea what was happening. After we found out, she was already gone. He was extremely close to her. closer than his brothers or his dad were.

Since then he's a completely different person. I don't see old him at all. In the first few weeks he completely broke down. He blames himself for not being there and for what he was doing instead. He blamed me too.

He would punch walls, break things, scream at me, and he woud shove me away whenever I tried to comfort him. He came close to saying the divorce once before his brother physically stopped him.

I've never argued back. I understand him. But I apologized over and over because I know it wasn't my fault but I still feel guilty for stopping him from being with his mother in her final moments.

He has started drinking. I suspect pills too. He barely eats I have to force him to. He doesn't sleep. He snaps and yells at me and then cries apologising and swears it won't happen again. And then it happens again hours later. He doesn't take therapy seriously. He doesn't want to get better.

Sometimes he still needs me. He cries and sleeps in my arms, only eats if I feed him, and he either hates me or wants me. We haven't been intimate since. It's just unpredictable and I feel like I've been walking on eggshells this entire time. I feel so hurt and disgusted with myself when he shoves me away or ignores me.

I've apologized to him so many times. I feel sick with guilt every day. I replay it and think what if I had just let him pick it up? But it's of no use. What's done is done.

I'm terrified for us. I love him so much. I'm financially independent, that’s not an issue. But I don't want this relationship to break. I need him back and I'm scared he's ruining himself. He was always the protective one and has never showed this much vulnerability before.

I know reddit can't solve this. I just need to type this out and ask for advice, if any, that people may have. What do I do about this relationship? He does take therapy but he sits through it without really engaging.

Quick context because I've seen these types of posts invite judgement (sometimes rightfully so):

- We've never been physical. I have boundaries before marriage. He has always respected them.

- Idk if you can even call this a typical relationship, we've always treated it as something leading to marriage.

- He's been pushing for a nikkah or atleast an engagement. I'm the one delaying it because my family won't discuss it until I graduate.

- We were friends before dating. I know he's genuinely a good person. Never heard anything bad about his character.

For the past few days he's been stressed and anxious; very unlike him.

Last night he blurted out that he cheated, recently, he couldn't stop thinking about it and that the guilt was killing him.

I think I saw him crying too for the first time ever.

I was numb. I physically couldn't speak. I foolishly believed our relationship was different. I still don't feel angry, every time I think about it I just start crying.

I don't care about the girl. She owes me nothing and it's his job to control himself.

I'm reserved. I've only had 2-3 close friends who don't even know my personal life. He's the only person I've ever opened up to. Younger me would've never believed I'd trust someone this much.

I tried to leave but he begged me not to, that he regrets it which is why he couldn't hide it.

He said it was after an argument (he was upset I still haven't told my family and accused me of not being serious about marriage). We didn't talk for a few days after that.

I get why he felt that way, but not how that translates to cheating on someone you've apparently loved for years.

He's been blowing up my phone since and begging me to hear him out. I already know he'll say regrets, mistake, etc.

My selfrespect is telling me to leave but I just don't know.

Ironically he's extemely jealous himself. Would get angry and confront any guy who approached me. It's hypocritical that he was so possessive while doing this himself.

I never thought I'd be in this position. Any advice is appreciated.

Edit: The cheating involved making out but I don't know the extent (but he wouldn't go further I know). I know the girl. She wasn't a friend or anything but she'd slept over at my house when she was going through stuff. I've even given her advice about her own relationship problems. The fault lies entirely with him but it still hurts.

Quick context because I've seen these types of posts invite judgement (sometimes rightfully so):

- We've never been physical. I have boundaries before marriage. He has always respected them.

- Idk if you can even call this a typical relationship, we've always treated it as something leading to marriage.

- He's been pushing for a nikkah or atleast an engagement. I'm the one delaying it because my family won't discuss it until I graduate.

- We were friends before dating. I know he's genuinely a good person. Never heard anything bad about his character.

For the past few days he's been stressed and anxious; very unlike him.

Last night he blurted out that he cheated, recently, he couldn't stop thinking about it and that the guilt was killing him.

I think I saw him crying too for the first time ever.

I was numb. I physically couldn't speak. I foolishly believed our relationship was different. I still don't feel angry, every time I think about it I just start crying.

I don't care about the girl. She owes me nothing and it's his job to control himself.

I'm reserved. I've only had 2-3 close friends who don't even know my personal life. He's the only person I've ever opened up to. Younger me would've never believed I'd trust someone this much.

I tried to leave but he begged me not to, that he regrets it which is why he couldn't hide it.

He said it was after an argument (he was upset I still haven't told my family and accused me of not being serious about marriage). We didn't talk for a few days after that.

I get why he felt that way, but not how that translates to cheating on someone you've apparently loved for years.

He's been blowing up my phone since and begging me to hear him out. I already know he'll say regrets, mistake, etc.

My selfrespect is telling me to leave but I just don't know.

Ironically he's extemely jealous himself. Would get angry and confront any guy who approached me. It's hypocritical that he was so possessive while doing this himself.

I never thought I'd be in this position. Any advice is appreciated. Edit: The cheating involved making out but I don't know the extent (but he wouldn't go further I know). I know the girl. She wasn't a friend or anything but she'd slept over at my house when she was going through stuff. I've even given her advice about her own relationship problems. The fault lies entirely with him but it still hurts.

Quick context because I've seen these types of posts invite judgement (sometimes rightfully so):

- We've never been physical. I have boundaries before marriage. He has always respected them.

- Idk if you can even call this a typical relationship, we've always treated it as something leading to marriage.

- He's been pushing for a nikkah or atleast an engagement. I'm the one delaying it because my family won't discuss it until I graduate.

- We were friends before dating. I know he's genuinely a good person. Never heard anything bad about his character.

For the past few days he's been stressed and anxious; very unlike him.

Last night he blurted out that he cheated, recently, he couldn't stop thinking about it and that the guilt was killing him.

I think I saw him crying too for the first time ever.

I was numb. I physically couldn't speak. I foolishly believed our relationship was different. I still don't feel angry, every time I think about it I just start crying.

I don't care about the girl. She owes me nothing and it's his job to control himself.

I'm reserved. I've only had 2-3 close friends who don't even know my personal life. He's the only person I've ever opened up to. Younger me would've never believed I'd trust someone this much.

I tried to leave but he begged me not to, that he regrets it which is why he couldn't hide it.

He said it was after an argument (he was upset I still haven't told my family and accused me of not being serious about marriage). We didn't talk for a few days after that.

I get why he felt that way, but not how that translates to cheating on someone you've apparently loved for years.

He's been blowing up my phone since and begging me to hear him out. I already know he'll say regrets, mistake, etc.

My selfrespect is telling me to leave but I just don't know.

Ironically he's extemely jealous himself. Would get angry and confront any guy who approached me. It's hypocritical that he was so possessive while doing this himself.

I never thought I'd be in this position. Any advice is appreciated.

Edit: The cheating involved making out but I don't know the extent (but he wouldn't go further I know). I know the girl. She wasn't a friend or anything but she'd slept over at my house when she was going through stuff. I've even given her advice about her own relationship problems. The fault lies entirely with him but it still hurts.

Quick context because I've seen these types of posts invite judgement (sometimes rightfully so):

- We've never been physical. I have boundaries before marriage. He has always respected them.

- Idk if you can even call this a typical relationship, we've always treated it as something leading to marriage.

- He's been pushing for a nikkah or atleast an engagement. I'm the one delaying it because my family won't discuss it until I graduate.

- We were friends before dating. I know he's genuinely a good person. Never heard anything bad about his character.

For the past few days he's been stressed and anxious; very unlike him.

Last night he blurted out that he cheated, recently, he couldn't stop thinking about it and that the guilt was killing him.

I think I saw him crying too for the first time ever.

I was numb. I physically couldn't speak. I foolishly believed our relationship was different. I still don't feel angry, every time I think about it I just start crying.

I don't care about the girl. She owes me nothing and it's his job to control himself.

I'm reserved. I've only had 2-3 close friends who don't even know my personal life. He's the only person I've ever opened up to. Younger me would've never believed I'd trust someone this much.

I tried to leave but he begged me not to, that he regrets it which is why he couldn't hide it.

He said it was after an argument (he was upset I still haven't told my family and accused me of not being serious about marriage). We didn't talk for a few days after that.

I get why he felt that way, but not how that translates to cheating on someone you've apparently loved for years.

He's been blowing up my phone since and begging me to hear him out. I already know he'll say regrets, mistake, etc.

My selfrespect is telling me to leave but I just don't know.

Ironically he's extemely jealous himself. Would get angry and confront any guy who approached me. It's hypocritical that he was so possessive while doing this himself.

I never thought I'd be in this position. Any advice is appreciated.

Edit: The cheating involved making out but I don't know the extent (but he wouldn't go further I know). I know the girl. She wasn't a friend or anything but she'd slept over at my house when she was going through stuff. I've even given her advice about her own relationship problems. The fault lies entirely with him but it still hurts.

Quick context because I've seen these types of posts invite judgement (sometimes rightfully so):

- We've never been physical. I have boundaries before marriage. He has always respected them.

- Idk if you can even call this a typical relationship, we've always treated it as something leading to marriage.

- He's been pushing for a nikkah or atleast an engagement. I'm the one delaying it because my family won't discuss it until I graduate.

- We were friends before dating. I know he's genuinely a good person. Never heard anything bad about his character.

For the past few days he's been stressed and anxious; very unlike him.

Last night he blurted out that he cheated, recently, he couldn't stop thinking about it and that the guilt was killing him.

I think I saw him crying too for the first time ever.

I was numb. I physically couldn't speak. I foolishly believed our relationship was different. I still don't feel angry, every time I think about it I just start crying.

I don't care about the girl. She owes me nothing and it's his job to control himself.

I'm reserved. I've only had 2-3 close friends who don't even know my personal life. He's the only person I've ever opened up to. Younger me would've never believed I'd trust someone this much.

I tried to leave but he begged me not to, that he regrets it which is why he couldn't hide it.

He said it was after an argument (he was upset I still haven't told my family and accused me of not being serious about marriage). We didn't talk for a few days after that.

I get why he felt that way, but not how that translates to cheating on someone you've apparently loved for years.

He's been blowing up my phone since and begging me to hear him out. I already know he'll say regrets, mistake, etc.

My selfrespect is telling me to leave but I just don't know.

Ironically he's extemely jealous himself. Would get angry and confront any guy who approached me. It's hypocritical that he was so possessive while doing this himself.

I never thought I'd be in this position. Any advice is appreciated.

Edit: The cheating involved making out but I don't know the extent (but he wouldn't go further I know). I know the girl. She wasn't a friend or anything but she'd slept over at my house when she was going through stuff. I've even given her advice about her own relationship problems. The fault lies entirely with him but it still hurts.

Im writing this quickly because i need urgent advice

My mom just beat me up alot i fell on my chin i think i injured it really badly

i managed to lock myself in my bathroom but my chin keeps bleeding alot no matter how much i wash it it hurts so much

im a girl and a minor i cant leave my washroom rn let alone my house shell kill me i cant go to a clinic

please tell me what to do

my father doesnt live here my mom removed any contact i have w him and he maybe doesnt care i dont know

no siblings only a younger brother

i hv an interview in a few hours its important but i guess i cant attend it now but idk what to do do i cancel or not show up or what

I dont have any relatives here

im gonna hv to stay in my bathroom for an indefinite period of time plz tell me what i can right now im used to being beaten up but never this bad i feel dizzy plz dont judge and im using a random account and i cant tell anyone irl

Im writing this quickly because i need urgent advice

My mom just beat me up alot i fell on my chin i think i injured it really badly

i managed to lock myself in my bathroom but my chin keeps bleeding alot no matter how much i wash it it hurts so much

im a girl im only 16 i cant leave my washroom rn let alone my house shell kill me i cant go to a clinic

please tell me what to do

my father doesnt live here my mom removed any contact i have w him and he maybe doesnt care i dont know

no siblings only a younger brother

i hv an interview in a few hours its important but i guess i cant attend it now but idk what to do do i cancel or not show up or what

I dont have any relatives here

im gonna hv to stay in my bathroom for an indefinite period of time plz tell me what i can right now im used to being beaten up but never this bad i feel dizzy

plz dont judge and im using a random account and i cant tell anyone irl

I've been with my bf for a few years now, serious/marriage track - we're in university. Apart from this one issue, things are great. He's caring, soft spoken, comes from a good family, well liked by everyone, never aggressive etc. This is genuinely the only problem we have.

But the jealousy has gotten to an unhealthy level. I disregarded it as first bcs i assumed guys are possessive anyway but it's interfering with the relationship now.

He cant stand me breathing the same AIR as a guy. No male friends or guys added on social media - fine, but now even a 1 second interaction with a guy turns into a big thing.

If some guy I don't even know approaches in public to ask for my insta (which ive never ever entertained, ive always declined even before uni), he somehow finds out and blows up my phone and i have to spend the next hour trying to explain myself. If hes physically present he'll make a scene with the guy directly.

He has started stuff with guys over completely unnecessary things, like some guy (who doesn't even know who's dating who) asking me for notes, he'll threaten/argue with him. It's never-ending drama and I feel like he isnt at peace unless he has fought with me about it afterward.

The double standard is what gets me. I'm so chill, I fully trust him, I've never checked his phone or questioned his interactions. We have a mutual friend who admitted to me early on (before we started dating) that she was interested in him, and she still talks to him sometimes.

I've never thought twice abt it because I trust him enough to know he'd handle it. Why cant he extend me the same trust?

Whenever i try to explain how i feel he flips it on me, accuses me of "defending" the guy so I must be enjoying it.

It's not a mentality issue, he's open minded, lived abroad (we're in pakistan), all for women having careers, but the second I leave my house or a guy breathes the same air as me, he argues with me for hours. But he wants me to be social and hv a career too?

My friends tell me to leave but I feel like among girls that's just the default advice the second u mention any relationship problem. But it gets to a point, why do i have to keep on explaining myself when i didnt do anything wrong? I'm scared of any interaction bcs i know an argument is waiting for me when i get home.

If anyone could advice me on what to do i'd appreciate it.

I've been with my bf for a few years now, serious/marriage track - we're in university. Apart from this one issue, things are great. He's caring, soft spoken, comes from a good family, well liked by everyone, never aggressive etc. This is genuinely the only problem we have.

But the jealousy has gotten to an unhealthy level. I disregarded it at first bcs i assumed guys are possessive anyway but it's interfering with the relationship now.

He cant stand me breathing the same AIR as a guy. No male friends or guys added on social media - fine, but now even a 1 second interaction with a guy turns into a big thing.

If some guy I don't even know approaches in public to ask for my insta (which ive never ever entertained, ive always declined even before uni), he somehow finds out and blows up my phone and i have to spend the next hour trying to explain myself. If hes physically present he'll make a scene with the guy directly.

He has started stuff with guys over completely unnecessary things, like some guy (who doesn't even know who's dating who) asking me for notes, he'll threaten/argue with him. It's never-ending drama and I feel like usko sukoon nai milta unless he has fought with me about it afterward.

The double standard is what gets me. I'm so chill, I fully trust him, I've never checked his phone or questioned his interactions.

We have a mutual friend who admitted to me early on (before we started dating) that she was interested in him, and she still talks to him sometimes. I've never thought twice abt it because I trust him enough to know he'd handle it. Why cant he extend me the same trust?

Whenever i try to explain how i feel he flips it on me, accuses me of "defending" the guy so I must be enjoying it.

It's not a mentality issue, he's open minded, lived abroad, all for women having careers, but the second I leave my house or a guy breathes the same air as me, he argues with me for hours. But he wants me to be social and hv a career too?

My friends tell me to leave but I feel like among girls that's just the default advice the second u mention any relationship problem.

Liken hadd hogayi hai yaar why do i have to keep on explaining myself when i didnt do anything wrong? I'm scared of any interaction bcs i know an argument is waiting for me when i get home.

If anyone could advice me on what to do i'd appreciate it.

I've been with my bf for a few years now, serious/marriage track - we're in university. Apart from this one issue, things are great. He's caring, soft spoken, comes from a good family, well liked by everyone, never aggressive etc. This is genuinely the only problem we have.

But the jealousy has gotten to an unhealthy level. I disregarded it as first bcs i assumed guys are possessive anyway but it's interfering with the relationship now.

He cant stand me breathing the same AIR as a guy. No male friends or guys added on social media - fine, but now even a 1 second interaction with a guy turns into a big thing.

If some guy I don't even know approaches in public to ask for my insta (which ive never ever entertained, ive always declined even before uni), he somehow finds out and blows up my phone and i have to spend the next hour trying to explain myself. If hes physically present he'll make a scene with the guy directly.

He has started stuff with guys over completely unnecessary things, like some guy (who doesn't even know who's dating who) asking me for notes, he'll threaten/argue with him. It's never-ending drama and I feel like usko sukoon nai milta unless he has fought with me about it afterward.

The double standard is what gets me. I'm so chill, I fully trust him, I've never checked his phone or questioned his interactions. We have a mutual friend who admitted to me early on (before we started dating) that she was interested in him, and she still talks to him sometimes.

I've never thought twice abt it because I trust him enough to know he'd handle it. Why cant he extend me the same trust?

Whenever i try to explain how i feel he flips it on me, accuses me of "defending" the guy so I must be enjoying it.

It's not a mentality issue, he's open minded, lived abroad (ik abroad doesnt always = open minded), all for women having careers, but the second I leave my house or a guy breathes the same air as me, he argues with me for hours.

My friends tell me to leave but I feel like among girls that's just the default advice the second u mention any relationship problem.

Liken hadd hogayi hai yaar why do i have to keep on explaining myself when i didnt do anything wrong? I'm scared of any interaction bcs i know an argument is waiting for me when i get home.

If anyone could advice me on what to do i'd appreciate it.

Edit: because i've seen people get mean comments after discussing their relationship i want to point out that there's no physical aspect at all, both our parents know and have met eachother etc etc!!

Suppose a couple in Pakistan in their early 20s/university years in a serious relationship (no physical intimacy) decides to do a nikkah to make the relationship halal.

The rukhsati, wedding events, walima, etc would all happen a few years later once they finish studies and become settled.

The nikkah is valid but known only to immediate family and close friends (to avoid unnecessary questions and gossip).

Islamically they're both husband and wife and can fully engage in physical intimacy, but what about the social and cultural side of things, especially in Pakistan?

Is full intimacy considered acceptable in this situation or is it frowned upon before rukhsati? And how do parents usually view it, do they approve/allow it or no? If not, what expectations are usually placed on them? Or how do couples navigate it in this situation.

Suppose the families are educated and in an urban environment.

Suppose a couple in their early 20s/university years in a serious relationship (no physical intimacy) decides to do a nikkah to make the relationship halal.

The rukhsati, wedding events, walima, etc would all happen a few years later once they finish studies and become settled.

The nikkah is valid but known only to immediate family and close friends (to avoid unnecessary questions and gossip).

Islamically they're both husband and wife and can fully engage in physical intimacy, but what about the social and cultural side of things, especially in Pakistan?

Is full intimacy considered acceptable in this situation or is it frowned upon before rukhsati? And how do parents usually view it, do they approve/allow it or no? If not, what expectations are usually placed on them? Or how do couples navigate it in this situation.

Suppose the families are educated and in an urban environment.