u/Silent_Roll859

My mom has always been deeply transphobic, when I first came out she wasn't terrible about it but we had already been at each others throats my whole life at that point because I was never the sweet little girl she wanted me to be and I was constantly getting in trouble for being unladylike and when I was sixteen I started teaching classes at the community center, and she started cussing me out in front of our neighbors for going to work and not doing as many house chores.
It has been a lifelong uphill battle with her, she homeschooled me and intentionally kept me from stem subjects and replaced them with learning domestic skills.
So by the time I came out at 26, we had already stopped speaking to each other once and we were both worn out.

"Youre still my child. I don't agree with it, but I still love you."
She prays for me everyday, that I will detransition.
She asks god to save me and believes that my queerness is a road to hell.

My first marriage was to a cis man, before I transitioned, and he left me because I started living as a man.

Now I'm dating a wonderful trans woman and we can't wait to get married and get our degrees and settle down with a bunch of cats, we are happier together than I have ever been with anybody despite being broke as a joke.

But I don't wanna tell my mother because two years ago, I got into a very toxic relationship with a nonbinary person who stalked and intimidated me and basically kept me hostage for a year until I found out they had molested a freind of mine, and I finally got the strength to run them out.
My family knows about this and I worry that they associate it with transness, my ex used they/them pronouns and identified as agender.

My girlfriend now is completely different, but I don't expect anyone to trust my judgement again after all that.

I get so jealous of my older sister who got married at eighteen and our mom made the wedding cake, helped her dress shop and she was offered our grandmother's wedding dress, the whole family was there... but I feel like I can't share my happiness with my mother about my own marriage because she doesn't want to see it and thinks we're all sexual deviants and perverts.

My girlfriend is a wonderful partner and we have a healthy, normal sex life that most would probably consider kind of boring to be honest.
If she wanted kids I would have them with her but I feel like my whole family absolutely does not want to see me become a parent and that makes me sad, even if it's not gonna happen.

I have set boundaries and moved on so many times in my life but missing the support of my family never gets any easier.

I'm about to start school with a focus in plant and soil science and my hope is that this will give e a foot in the door for a farm loan and I can get into crop production.

But am I missing anything? I have thought about getting my associates in agriculture and then maybe getting my bachelors in environmental science and working with climate research.

Right now I work in manufacturing and food service and the most I've ever made in my entire life was $28,000 a year, and that was with me working 70 hours a week all year.

I know starting my own farm investment is a liability and I'm not really question that, but I would like to find employment to keep the bills paid and was thinking about becoming an arborist, and when I start my farm it will be orchards and christmas trees.
Are there any high paying employment jobs in the agriculture industry that I'm overlooking?

I'm a trans guy who enjoys being penetrated and still uses all my original parts, but I get extremely dysphoric about this particular behavior:
I've had trouble climaxing with some people, and I don't know how to politely tell them that it's because they are treating me like a fleshlight.

I've been told I'm just frigid and that I have a condition that keeps me from enjoying sex, when I could masturbate and finish in less than three minutes. I often jerked off after my date left in previous times.
My current girlfriend and I are working through this and she is listening, but she had an ex who made her feel the same way, and we are both scared of losing control.

I was reading a forum one time a few years ago that stuck with me in a particularly bad way- men talking about how much they loved letting their girlfriends "use" them.

When I hear the phrase "use", I think of things like treating someone as furniture, or making them lick my boots or clean up my cum or I dunno just generally stuff that actually portrays use.
But these guys were talking about just having their girlfriends ride their dick to climax. One of the most vanilla things you can do, they were talking about it like it was some elevated doninatrix business and it freaked me out so much.

Like I'm glad everybody's having a good time but why do people seem to think that when a person with a vagina asks for literally anything, its them being extra?

I don't want to be a dom just because I want to cum.
I don't mind domming, I'll do it if that floats your boat but why the f is just me wanting to have equally as good a time as the other person aways some huge deal?

I don't understand why so many people hear "I just wanna cum too and I want control over how it happens" and it translates into "I wanna dominate you."

I grew up doing ballet and for a little while as an adult, I decided to go back to class.

Ultimately I quit because I couldn't handle seeing myself in the mirror anymore but one thing I also noticed was that I went out to the store and got some men's under armor tights and I was wearing that with a tshirt and my black shoes which is standard mens class attire, and some of the women showed up in the same outfit after they saw me

I also have cis women frequently nudge me when talking about deodorant and let me know they like the guys deodorant better too.

I never say anything mean because people can do what they want, I certainly am, and I want them to be liberated but at the same time I feel like every coping mechanism I make to pass is being co-opted by women who think it looks more comfortable

I feel guilty for not being happy about them copying me.
I hate feeling like I'm indistinguishable from a woman who's just kind of butch.

Had an order the other day for food delivered to a hotel.
"Leave at receptionist desk" sounds easy, great.
I get there and I hand over the food to the receptionist and give her the name and she asks if I have a room number.
They did not give me one.
I call and text, no answer.
The phone rings and the receptionist answers it, while helling a line of guests that have filled the lobby.
I waited the required seven minutes and snuck out the door.

What would you do?

Ever since I was a kid I've been noticably slower than most people, I can't run very well or do anything quickly and its becoming a problem again at work. My brain just wont allow it.
I used to work at a burger restaurant and my manager would get irritable but one night he said "You need to work on your speed!!!!" and then showed me how to organize the grill better even though he was annoyed, at least he gave me some helpful info on how exaclty to get faster, and I did get better over time.
Now I work in a manufacturing plant and I've been yelled at twice now by people who have no business talking to me just because they see that my numbers are low. I've been there two months.

Management told me it was ok and that my quality makes up for it, as long as I continue to improve (which I am).

Long story short- I am going to start wearing a digital watch to help me keep track of time better, but I am so tired of getting treated like subhuman just because I can't do anything fast.

Is this an autism trait? or something else?
I remember my older brother trying to bring it up to my doctor once and they gave me some supplements to help with fatigue but it did absolutely nothing.
I just want to be able to blend in and not garner a whole bunch of attention but I got called lazy and told I wasn't trying hard enough today and it really hurt my feelings.
I'm already working two jobs and handling so much and I hate being called lazy.

I chose ag science, specifically plant and soil science because I do want to work in the farming industry but I also think a cool perk would be getting to participate in climate research and how it affects terrain.

I didn't notice that my school had an option for environmental health but now I'm wondering if I should change it to that, since I do partially want to work in that feild?

My main plan was to become an orchard farmer eventually but I'd also like to be an educator on soil health and the best was to utilize different biomes