u/Silver_Visit_7397

I’m 23 and never been ina relationship and I also come from a culture where they kinda get married young on top of that. But absolutely everyone around me keeps asking why I choose to be single why I reject ppl that like me and so on

I have had talking stages but the minute it gets ALMOST real I just can’t do it anymore. And it kills me, the entire time I can’t stop thinking ab them and it’s painful and takes over my daily life. While I’m with and while I withdrew that pain is there always.

Is it wrong if I decide that being single is the move for me ? What answer do I give ppl my parents are concerned and sick of me. I honestly don’t think I would live a long life anyway for some reason I have that fear in me and whenever someone approaches me it’s like I can foresee the future of me being in shackles bc of this love but also in absolute despair if they leave or hurt me. I can’t get passed it no therapy is doing anything or working.

But I rlly am just so over the constant questions every single time from friends family coworkers strangers every single setting I go to the only thing ppl seem to care about is my relationship status and why I haven’t given a try yet. And I constantly get looked at crazy when I respond with “just don’t want to” bc I can’t rlly give and don’t wanna give any of these ppl the real truth.

My main issue is I wish I could atleast be consistent with my self and love my self without having periods of hating myself. If I cannot love myself even when I’m not the best that day/week/month then I simply will never be in a relationship. It just doesn’t click in my head or make any sense at all

I might be a little awkward so just saying that. Anyway, if u could be apart of any tv show/anime/movie series, which one would it be?

please don’t judge. You never wanna be in a situation where it physically pains u to stay away from drugs and run away from everything, it’s easy to judge when u aren’t in so much depression. I hate how much everyone judges like it’s so easy to keep living and on top of that do “right” things. I’m overwhelmed and burnt out from doing right thing and getting absolutely no where with that

I’m 23f and the way I have always coped with mental health struggles was walking/running and type of cardio but mainly just very long walks. I have done this since I was 11. However back in 2021, I got extremely depressed and fought so many urges and bad habits to cope that I focused rlly hard on movement, I would walk for 4-5 hours every day or jog untill I couldn’t. In 2022 I developed plantar fasciitis which was pretty bad but got injected and was fine after. Ofcourse I stopped and recovered and started cardio again for sanity with better hours like 1-1.5 everyday nothing intense bc the point of this is to be steady and enjoy it just moving a lot.

Now I have terrible ankles pain in both ankles, I assume it’s Achilles tendinitis but I have to get checked and see again. But I am so irritated bc I’m only 23, I feel like I could be doing much heavier or harder workouts as many ppl my age do, but I’m having all these problems and I’m still young is concerning to me. I do feel a little dismissed from my doctor bc they just say to rest. But I hate that solution, I’ve rested, and when I do an hour of walking, not even running, the pain comes back.

I feel like life is laughing in my face, the one thing I rlly love and keeps me going is hard for me to do now and causing me problems. I wonder if there is something more serious ab me that may need to be checked as idk if it’s normal to even have such problem from simply getting steps at such a young age. I’m pissed tf off mainly bc I have forced stayed away from way worse things bc I feared addiction to them as I get addicted easily.

Idk what questions to even ask my doctor or what this means I should do at this point. I feel like I have to advocate for myself but don’t know. But I also do not want this taken away from me, I really want to walk again without any pain.

I have some terrible ankle pain rn which I assume is Achilles tendinitis or something I still have to get checked but it’s so so bad I can’t even touch both of my ankles and it hurts to walk.

I’ve learned so much about myself over the years, and I may have so much struggles, but if there’s one thing I’m forever grateful for is to be Muslim. I could cry bc of how much it has saved me and what it’s done for me to accept Islam.

I have a lot of mental struggles, I struggle with bpd even tho I know many ppl don’t believe in this stuff. It makes feelings like love so terrifying and consuming, so for example, even if allowed, sometimes I think marriage doesn’t seem like an option for me due to this issue, but I’m not mad at it if it’s something I have to give up to not hurt someone else.

Because Islam has protected me from so much, with this disorder, majority of ppl have addictions towards drugs, alcohol, self-harm, sexual relations, serious dangerous impulsive behaviors, activities, abuse etc. I have stayed away from each thing only due to being Muslim which has made things a lot more easy for me alhamdulillah. Each thing I’ve desired, especially dangerous behaviors not caring for my life, but have restrained from it.

While I do struggle with severe internal mood swings, depression, anxiety, paranoia, and such I value that we should not be angry, or have others feel the wrath of our pain which has truly helped be regulate my actions immensely, not emotions, as that’s not as easily controlled, but atleast actions. Being Muslim most of all protected me from ending my life.

So I’m just thankful and I wish Muslim people were more kind and gentle with eachother even when one may do wrong, the kindness goes further than u may think. I hope Allah blesses me and us all with more Muslim friends in our lives. We need eachother more than we think.

I would have done every single thing for you and with you.

You were the first person who truly loved me, loved all of me and especially loved my flaws. And I have never been more terrified in my life than when I was with you. I had something to lose for the first time in my life, it wasn’t just the love that I was afraid to lose, but it was myself in the process of loving you.

You made me vulnerable, you had all the power, you stripped me of self control I thought I had. I was ride or die for you, my life revolved around you, I would’ve fell to my knees for u, and yet, you had no idea you had this much power, because you were the most gentle.

Still, I had to run away from u. My attachment to you stole my life.

I broke my own heart, and yours, and for that I will never be free from the guilt of it. Missing you has felt like grief. Loving you was an addiction and I had to free myself from it. My heart is in so much pain.

This love has taught that some hearts are better left untouched. I will never love again.

I’m 23f I just never thought he would tell me I now owe money on top of all the things I already do as a daughter in the home, I don’t mean to compare but my brothers would help financially and do nothing at home, but I do stuff at home and now he wants me to pay him back for things over the years and start paying at home too, I feel like it’s too much to work go to school and do all home stuff esp as it’s kind of unfair. He also expects me to do this late and he did not allow me to work in my easier years before this where I could have been saving up money to do this. there’s already a lot of struggles I’m facing I didn’t expect financial struggle to be placed on top of it bc now I have to work more to pay him and still somehow do everything at home.

Apparently only if I get married will I not need to do this but it doesn’t make sense as the men only expected to provide financially while I have to provide financially and do everything at home by myself too while finish school and moving out is not allowed bc atp what am I doing staying here when all I do is work day and night and don’t have any social life at all anyway. Also it’s not like I am career oriented or anything nor am I a daughter that spends money on useless things it’s all necessity stuff so it’s just confusing to me. I’m also not allowed to not go to school or work I’m also not allowed to not do anything at home and again I’m not allowed to go out anyway so I don’t see why add more stress like this.

I feel like this is just pushing me away from home so much since in that case I can just pay bills and only take care of myself as one person and I won’t be so mentally and physically burnt out doing everything all day. And “get married” is not an easy solution bc that is not somethn I’m incontrol of only Allah is for who is right for me. Otherwise who knows the life I would live after. I’m not saying I won’t do it, if he wants to be paid back for every dime he ever spent on me sure I’ll do it and make it happen somehow. Just a little hurt by it but I’m at the point where I expect the worst anyway and just suck it up. I think it’s also cuz I see him pay for a lot of other ppl so I would have thought he put his kids first but it’s ok. Also no my brothers won’t help bc again they put their kids first unlike my parents.

I think overall it’s just making me feel alone. Parents siblings grandparents every family member has someone else first and due to not allowed a social life I don’t have friends I see or can talk to much anymore. I hate that I’m even complaining about it. I just never put myself first in my life and I feel like I should and just be 100% independent atp.

Just wanna hear kind of words

I wonder if one day things will be easier. I just can’t do anything about it and now my face and eyes naturally rests with sadness. Does anyone have any words of allah or duas they could share right now

I have noticed that’s there’s a big gender-role gap in our generation, especially in cultures where traditional expectations for men and women are still strong like mine, I’m yemeni. Women are expected ( and if they don’t they will be talked down to) to pursue education and aim for a career while still cook and clean at all times even as daughters not just when wives (not even mentioning that big expectation they have when it comes being main caregiver for kids). They also genuinely want to enjoy life itself by having hobbies, going out, put them selves first by having personal goals as little as going OUTSIDE to get their walk. But this fun part is considered too much and unnecessary from their male counterparts—who also complain if asked to be the mahram on an outing.

Men my age, 23, however, are expected to just make money one way or another. Education isn’t even important anymore, neither is their behavior and character. as long as they make money nothing else matters and it’s how most of them are being raised atleast in my culture with the exception of some families.

I could go on and on ab the unfair things I’ve seen and lived but I won’t do that. I just think it’s crazy how me an arab American growing up in ny have such different expectations placed on me compared to my male peers of the same exact situation as me. Im also not allowed to marry out of my culture. And it’s leaving alot of girls wanting to remain single. Sure the man will find someone, but for us women we are not allowed to do that outself and it must be who our parents choose, which actually wouldn’t be a problem if the men had any ambition, or were atleast interesting themselves bc they are the same men that find it very hard to be good to their wives.

But maybe this is just a Yemen problem honestly. And if a Yemeni person wants to talk ab how their life is nothing like this, that’s great for u. However atleast 90% of Yemenis live like this. And no I am not a man only blamer, women of the culture enable this behavior too unfortunately.

Also i did not rlly talk ab the big problems, such as how alot of yemeni ppl think women should not have an opinion and if they do it values to zero. They expect us to be angels who never leave the house while they do complete opposite. And u don’t wanna know what happens when a woman even makes just one mistake. Im tired of yemenis caring about reputation just for so much to go down behind doors.

but anyway this is just problem i see with it being so hard to marry right now for alot of ppl, idk if anyone else has a closed culture like this. Ofcourse there’s alot of things i love and yes i know not everyone is like this, but it’s a very real yet nuanced observation.

I’m bored can’t sleep and down to annoy u with random questions if you’d let me rn

For the girls who can’t move out whether it’s due to rules or not having enough money, how do you get through the day everyday? Idk how to cope at all I feel like I’m going crazy and insane all day and it is holding me back from so much. I feel terrible when I look at myself. I’m not one to put the blame on others but in this case living in my home with my family they don’t allow me to do anything even at home everything is a problem. I just can’t breathe anymore and the burn out is affecting my education which is probably the only ticket to doing better. I feel like no one in my life could possible relate to this and it’s only 1% of what my household is like.

I feel so awful to say this but atp I feel like even Allah is mad at me and I can’t be blessed and I’m looking at my whole past and I’ve always been so grateful so thankful so religious always constantly doing the right thing was bullied and excluded for staying away for haram things since everyone I went to school with was into that and I was basically a loser for not doing anything I go home right away always listen to my parents and still in the utmost depression I wish my household can just be slightly better idk what to do anymore and for the first time I’m losing myself and overwhelmed by everything and the idea of following a religious rule now makes me so angry I don’t even wanna wear the hijab anymore I don’t care to pray anymore read Quran anymore anything.

All I’m told is everything is wrong everything is ayb if I must live like this it’s better to die

I’m (23f) in school and it’s required to work 40 hours Mon-Friday with night classes ( the hours are clinical hours) but I need to work atleast one day a week or find time before work to do some sort of work I just need some sort of income even if it’s so small I can’t afford to not work and i can’t change my internship hours bc it’s required and I have to graduate by a certain time as my scholarship is requiring me to finish by that time and it’s helping me a lot.

It’s sounding impossible but if any chance someone out there had any similar experience or knows of a job that is possible again idec ab income and I would start as early as 4-5am

I’m 23 and wanna take this “winter arc” seriously even tho it’s only August. I wanna feel good by December and keep it working. I wish I had someone to share this bc it makes it more fun together with even tho I know this is something that is personal. I don’t really post on social media at all which has its benefits but I do think it would be more fun sometimes if I did. Idk, but any one who have done this before have tips?? I’d love to make a friend w similar goals and talk about it if anyone’s down for that as well

All I wish to build a healthy attachment so I can actually enjoy having friends and building relationships. I run away everytime and self sabotage and I think at this point unless I seek therapy I will end up alone as I always do. I already know I have bpd so one part of me constantly feels like I’ll be burdening someone and that may be one part of why I avoid so much