u/Sorry_Salamander8302

So I (26f) went on a first date recently, and the guy (29m) kissed me at the end of it. It was my first time going on a date from a dating app, and also with someone I didn't know for a decent amount of time prior to dating. I've never kissed anyone at the end of a first date before.

The date was nice, we talked for like 4 hours, he was very respectful and funny, and we had a good time. As we were parting ways, he asked for a second date, I agreed, and then he kissed me. It wasn't anything dramatic, he just went in for a quick little peck on the lips, but I wasn't expecting it and it caught me a little off guard. I wasn't uncomfortable or anything, just surprised. it happened so quickly that i didnt have time to really process that he was going in for the kiss or what had just happened.

Ladies, how do we feel about kissing on the first date? I don't know why I feel a bit conflicted about it. And for the guys, is this something you normally do on a first date?

(and before anyone asks, he did bring it up afterwards and we did discuss, like a "sorry if I kissed you too suddenly, I just felt like it was right in the moment and should have asked first", just want other perspectives)

It really sucks, but talking to him and spending time with him has been getting increasingly more and more draining. He just hasn't matured past high school. Like, when we met in our early 20's, him being a bit immature made sense, but now? I turned my life around after a rough patch from being laid off, I'm going after the things that I want, and I've also matured a lot mentally in the past few years. I'm doing pretty well for a 26 year old woman. my best friend on the other hand, has 0 ambitions, hasn't put in a job application in the past 2 years, and is now 30 and genuinely thinks that 6 7 is the funniest shit ever. like, he still feels the need to be found funny and validated by high schoolers. more and more his "humour" with me is to just be as loud as possible, like LITERALLY screaming in my ear. he's just really immature in general, and his entire personality has shifted from being a really fun loving, outgoing dude i could both go on hikes and play video games with to someone who is more or less an agoraphobe who cant leave his house and just recites an endless stream of tiktok memes. I'm just at a different phase in my life now. I dont want to just abandon him as a friend because its not like he's done anything wrong, but I feel like im constantly having to baby a grown man.

First of all, yes I'm aware that the following hobby is considered "cringe" and this isn't that serious, I'm just frustrated because this friend will act like they already know what theyre doing, then ask me for my expertise on something, ignore what I have to say, and then gets upset when they end up making a mistake and wasting hundreds of dollars because they refuse to learn the basics.

So my friend and I are both cosplayers. We both like to make our own. Now, cosplay is a community and hobby built on trying new things, and creative freedom. I'm not saying there is a right and a wrong way to do something. theres more than one way to skin a cat, so to speak. But sometimes the basics are the basics for a reason and ignoring guidance from a professional based on "vibes" as a beginner can sometimes be dangerous especially when dealing with high heat and chemicals

For context, I'm not just a cosplay hobbyist, I have also done professional costume work. I'm not a costume designer as my full career, but I do have formal training and experience. I know the techniques it takes to work with more difficult materials. I've taken masterclasses. I know how to not just fabricate a garment or prop, but how to make them last and function long term as well.

My friend started cosplaying a year and a half ago and dove in headfirst. Which is great! They love it and theyre having fun and genuinely making some cool stuff. I'm incredibly supportive of them taking up this hobby. However, they confuse passion for expertise. I obviously have more experience, and they will come to me with questions and then will GENUINELY SAY TO ME "hmmm, no i dont think i want to do that" AND THEN ACT SHOCKED WHEN SHIT GOES WRONG. Like why ask for my assistance as someone with PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE, then scoff and act like I dont know what I'm talking about, and then literally call me crying about how devastated you are that you ruined a wig, or worbla, or whatever because you didn't listen.

for example, recently they wanted to try dyeing fabric for the first time. they asked if i recommended anything. They were working with polyester, I told them that using basic Rit dye was fine, and to make sure to get synthetic fiber dye or the color might not absorb properly. "its all dye isnt it? Its not going to matter and michaels is out of the red for synthetic" and guess what? the dye came out so patchy they had to get more fabric and get the correct dye.

and this has happened over. and over. and over again. you want recs on how to style that 20 dollar amazon wig, you can use heat styling just check the temp threshold. oh, the wig fibers all melted together and you almost started a fire! you want to sew spandex for the first time? make sure to use a zigzag stitch or stretch stitch to prevent bunching and thread break- oh you used a straight stitch and all of your seams are bunching and you broke your needle! you want to know how to make a corset? okay, here are some materials you can use for boning. Oh, you didn't use anything for structure and you're confused why your waist isnt being snatched! You want to make wings? okay, heres some different ways to build a back mount! Oh, you literally tried to use exclusively velcro to attach your extremely heavy wings to your dress so they fell off and broke! You want to try casting gems with epoxy resin? Here's some tips for reducing bubbles and- Oh, you decided it wasnt a big deal if you left the resin that got onto your hand and now YOU HAVE A CHEMICAL BURN!! GREAT IF ONLY SOMEONE WARNED YOU ABOUT PROPER CHEMICAL HANDLING!!!

Like I get that this is a hobby with a learning curve. not everything goes right the first time. I still draft patterns that dont work and I have to try again. Experimenting and fucking up and learning how to make anime clothing that makes 0 sense is part of the process and part of the fun. i WANT them to have fun, and we have fun cosplaying together and going to local meetups and cons. I'm not upset that they arent doing things exactly the way I would, its just like... why ask for my help if you werent going to take it? you have the knowledge of a PROFESSIONAL COSTUME DESIGNER AT YOUR DISPOSAL, why are we acting like we dont need to do the work to learn foundational skills as a beginner? and why are you acting surprised when a difficult material to work with is behaving the exact same why i told you it would behave if you didnt handle it properly?! WHY ARE WE NOT PRACTICING SAFETY AROUND CHEMICALS??!!

Well, it's been a bittersweet second go with the Siren, but my notice was officially given.

I came crawling back to the bux after my previous company dissolved and I needed a survival job/health insurance, and I FINALLY got another full time offer. For all of my bitching and moaning, I really loved my other baristas and my store had a lot of really cool regulars. Now its back to the corporate rat race, but at least I'll actually be making enough money to kinda thrive not just survive, and wont only have Tuesdays off anymore.

Anyways, two more weeks and then I can get my nails done, lol.

EDIT: some of you are both way too comfortable being nasty, and lack critical thinking skills. so some quick addendums. number one: yes, obviously negotiations always involve a bit of risk. don't ask for anything outrageous, and be able to back up why you believe you deserve the increase. number two: Yes, there are sometimes circumstances where negotiating is inappropriate, use your best discernment. However, most of the time companies expect negotiation as part of the process. number three: in some countries it may not be the norm or may be tabboo, this is from a USA based perspective. number four: yes, i understand that situations like internships, retail/food service, and some entry level positions are risker negotiate with and are usually inflexible. again, discernment. and finally number five: offers being rescinded due to you negotiating are exceptionally rare. we see the stories and they are scary and can cause alarm bells to go off, but 99% of the time this is not going to happen. everyone i know who has gotten an offer recently (including myself) have all negotiated and no one has lost an offer. if you dont feel comfortable asking, don't. just dont fearmonger others who DO have a chance of getting better pay out of asking.

Im saying this with love, you guys need to ask for more money. You can do it. even if you get told no, you dont get what you dont ask for. I know people are usually asking for advice here, but im going to give some.

usually you're being offered the lowest end of the budget (especially for women. it's the unfortunate truth, but we do typically get low ball offers more often than men), and they dont anticipate that you'll ask for more. however, 9 times out of then, if you DO ask, you'll get more. if you dont youre genuinely leaving money on the table.

anyways, heres a base template of asking for a higher salary when that job offer comes in.

"Hello (hiring manager),

Thank you so much for the offer, I'm grateful for the opportunity.

Before I sign, I did want to ask if there is any flexibility regarding the budget for this role. After reviewing the offer and considering the current cost of living in (city), the average salary for similar roles, and (add something about your specific skillset that adds value), I would feel most comfortable with a rate of (salary range). I'm confident that my skills will add value to the team, and I look forward to finding a number that works well for both parties.

Thank you again for the opportunity, looking forward to working together."

Aaaand there you go. get your money.

ive been working my shitty barista survival job since my last company dissolved. finally got a job offer. triple my salary. cool company. the plan is to relocate to NYC. two fridays ago i get the offer email and "we'll get the paperwork to you by monday", monday i get an email saying "things are busy right now, we'll get paperwork to you Wednesday" cool, fine i've waited this long. wednesday i get an email "hey, we'll actually get it to you by friday" and friday i hear nothing.

I sent an email on monday "hey, just following up on that paperwork, excited to start!" and.... nothing. sent another follow up this morning... still nothing.

i dont know what to do. this feels cruel. if things changed, just let me know. now i have 0 clue if im being ghosted, or if this is due to the fact that the company is putting on a massive event this week and onboarding just fell to the bottom of the priority list, the budget for the role got lost, nothing.

like im still holding onto a sliver of hope but im at the end of my rope. im so sick of applying. i finally thought i made it through, and now im worried its all going to crumble and im going to have to go to square one again. thank goodness im not dumb enough to quit my survival income without signing anything but it still sucks

yeah that was horrible 💔

so many mediocre dudes going through the drive through and getting a handful of 10 dollar gift cards (which like... whats that gonna buy your wife/mother/other woman in your life who youre probably disappointing buddy) and/or complaining about having to do the bare minimum of picking up 3-4 drinks and making nasty comments about "all this sweet shit".

and so. many. men. yellinggggg at me because we're out of stuff. we ran out of basically everything. brown sugar syrup, all cake pops, brownies, butter croissants, cheese danishes, bacon goudas, sausage cheddars, turkey bacons, and bacon sausage wraps. "okay well my wife sent me to get xyz, what am i supposed to do?" GO TO ANOTHER STARBUCKS? or if you wanted to guarantee items, make a reservation at an actual restaurant, not do a half assed starbies run? and dont even get me STARTED on the "wheres my drink ive been waiting for 5 minutes" WE LITERALLY RAN OUT OF SPAACEEEEEE ON THE HAND OFF PLANE. because every single mobile was like a minimum of 5 drinks. at one point I hit 40 hot bar.

i need a cigarette. or 20.

So like the title says, my friend has unfortunately ended up the affair partner in a grand old cheating scandal. shes been dating this dude for nine-ish months now, and 3 months ago found out he has a girlfriend of SEVEN years. we live in city A, he lives in city B, but works in city A so is consistently driving the 3 hours from B to A and staying in city A for about a week every month. his girlfriend lives with him in city B, along with their two dogs. "work travel" is how he was keeping things all hush hush.

but secrets dont like to stay hidden. 3 months ago my friend managed to find the gf's instagram with all of their couple pictures. she was devastated, but didnt confront him about it until a month later. she did not send a "hey girly" message. He pulled the typical "im not happy with her but its complicated because we live together, but i swear i only want you! i'll leave her i pwomise pwincess" and my friend bought it hook line and sinker. she told him "you have a month to leave her"

and he did....nt. yeah. shockingly, the liar lied. he said he broke up with the gf a month ago, but the gf posted recent photos of them together, and they did a whole "may the 4th be with you" costume photodump on instagram. very much so still together.

Now my friend is upset all over again, the gf is STILL being cheated on, and this guy is having his cake and eating it to. i can tell my friend has 0 intention to leave, he has her wrapped around his finger. My friend deserves better (she can scream "but daddy i love him!" all she wants, but she has no business being a side chick), the gf deserves better, and the guy deserves to lose them both.

the guy also knows who i am and has my social media, and has taken to DMing ME if my friend doesnt respond to him qucik enough and asking me to tell her to call him.

I have the gfs instagram account. her dms are open, and i dont know if i should dm her or not. i have screenshots and proof. i just dont know if its my place to get involved to this level.

EDIT: wasn't thinking super hard while writing this, but im 26F on an 85k/yr salary. im not really into nightlife or picky about in unit washer/dryers. Im also from dc and used to a loud city, so i dont need a super quiet neighborhood. not fully opposed to a roommate in the future, i just work better living solo if im not living with a romantic partner.

Hey! I recently got a job in the city and will be relocating to NYC shortly. I'm trying to decide between Astoria and Yorkville. the office i'll be in is pretty close to times square, and i dont want an insane commute. I'm from a city with a subway system already, and i know that a 45 minute commute is the longest im able to tolerate on the train.

im not looking to live anywhere fancy, a studio is enough for me and im okay living and paying alone. are these two solid neighboorhoods to look at, should i consider other locations?