u/StatementCareful522

Look Deb is fine. She was in a very safe boat and it’s water so humans float. Have you ever seen a human sink in water? no? inless they’re already dead they are generally fine. “fun in the sun“ wouldnt be a phrase if people were dying all the time. it should be “fun in the water under the sun” really, but i digrss

deb is an Adult woman and she has adult body capabilities that allow the natural body to be able to swim in water. you dont move to somewhere like Arizona if you CANT SWIM!

Tim however had to get out of there because his health is more fragile what with all the sicknesses and his wig would get wet. also he is a politician or at least he might be so he needs to be protecyed because the goverment and politics are important.

Tim is a cinema and national TV treasure from such classics as Decker and mastermind of Doodle Dots IP. He had to get out of there! Deb is fine, trust me.

My girlfriend (34F) and I (41M) live in a house we rent together. We aren't married, but we've been together 7 years. I love her a lot and the last thing I want to do is make her upset. However, since we moved in together in 2022, I notice that NOTHING around the house gets done unless I do it. No vacuuming, no dusting, no general tidying, not even quickly wiping down our glass coffee table. Garbages don't get taken out, and if she leaves something somewhere it NEVER moves. I'm talking Amazon boxes, makeup stuff (which is everywhere and always cluttering the coffee table), and piles of clothes all over the bedroom. Just to clarify, I don't expect HER to do housework instead of me, but I think it's only fair we both try to keep the house from becoming disgusting.

I've talked to her about this gently, trying not to pressure her or come across as a taskmaster. In fact she's even brought the subject up to ME before, in tears, telling me how much she's struggling, how much she wants to change. She's been in therapy for years and I'm certain she's talked about this. But no matter how much guilt she has about it, I don't see much progress. Her excuse is that she gets overwhelmed and doesn't know where to start. I've suggested when I get up to clean (something I do almost every day after getting home from work and my weekends) that she join me. We can put on music and have fun. I've tried convincing her that despite her trouble starting, she'll feel SO MUCH BETTER after she gets something done. It seems to take, if only for the day we have the discussion. However, before long, it's the same old thing. She's on the couch, scrolling Tik Tok on her phone while I'm running around the house doing chores.

Admittedly I have a bit of nervous energy that causes me to want to clean. Not a compulsion, but more of this inability to relax or focus on other things if the house is too messy. I'm relatively messy myself, I leave clothes on the floor, etc...but it ALWAYS gets to a point where I hit my limit and have to do something about it FOR MY OWN SANITY. She NEVER DOES THAT. It just gets worse and worse and she feels more and more guilty.

Like I said, she's been seeing a therapist for years (not specifically about this, but general depression and anxiety). She has an hour long telehealth session with her therapist every week. She closes her office door, and I don't hear any of it - it's not my business and I choose to respect her privacy. But I don't see any changes happening. I don't see any actions being taken.

Yesterday - SUNDAY - I told her "I'd like us to clean up a bunch of boxes of Halloween decorations that we never put away (I know) that are taking up space behind our couch". She sort of quietly agrees. Then I get up and start doing work and...she buries herself in Youtube. I don't want to nag, so I don't say anything, but I leave a box of her hearth decorations on the recliner and I say "hey I'm leaving this out, can you please put this stuff back when you have some time?" Again, DESPERATE not to create a vibe that makes her get quiet and start crying and/or retreat to the bedroom and go to bed depressed at 7pm. She sort of mumbled in acknowledgement. I didn't want to push it.

Today I got home from work - she's been home working all day (she has a state job but the nature of her remote work means she has a lot of free time to run errands, take our dog to training classes, etc.) and I see she didn't even touch the box. Also now there's unfolded laundry piled on top of the box. Admittedly, with maybe a hint of sarcasm, I start folding the laundry and say "I guess you didn't have time to put this stuff away like I asked yesterday?". She suddenly gets up and starts frantically trying to put stuff from the box back on the hearth, but I can't help but ask "why didn't you do this earlier? You've had all day." She didn't dust the hearth first either and I mention maybe doing that and she sort of mumbles "yeah that probably would have been smart" and proceeds to keep putting stuff on the dusty hearth.

I feel like the bad guy. I feel like no matter how sheepishly (or more firmly) I urge her, it always seems to bring her to the verge of a breakdown. I don't think she's mad at ME for asking, I think she's mad at HERSELF for her "inability" to initiate doing chores. And I don't know how to approach that...anything I say - no matter how encouraging, no matter how much I try to motivate her to work together as a team - seems to hurt her emotionally.

We are grown adults, not teenagers, so this seems weird to me. I am NOT some clean freak, I just know STUFF HAS TO GET TIDIED UP AND CLEANED. I'm at my whits end here, because like I said I feel like the bad guy for even mentioning it. I have a sense of resentment growing and I don't like it at all. Ive tried being open, I've tried urging, I've tried giving her time and space, I've tried being a bit more direct. I love her very much, and I want this to work, but it's putting a strain on our relationship and I can't say I'm happy at the prospect of nothing changing for years. Any advice is appreciated!

TLDR - Girlfriend and I have lived together for years but she doesn't help much with general chores around the house and most of it falls on my shoulders, even though she works from home and I don't. Anything I suggest seems to make her sink into a pit of self loathing and despair and I don't know what to do to avoid resentment.

I was home alone working on collage art and listening to Inferno for the second time and Memory Death came on. The medical equipment beeping and the wailing voice had me looking over my shoulder. Definitely felt like something was standing right behind me when I hear that track.

Somebody else suggested taking shrooms while listening to Inferno? Fuuuuuuuuuuuck that noise haha

Seefeel has a new album out today and it’s also their first full length in, what, 15 years?? Obviously different vibes but they’re fellow Warp alumni. Curious how many here are fans?

I can’t believe May is bookended by new albums from two legendary ambient electronic artists.