u/Stormpixelzzz

I've always had terrible anxiety, for as long as I can remember, but this is some of the worst I've ever felt. I don't know why, or what started it, but about three weeks ago I couldn't sleep because I just kept thinking about the fact that one day, I'm going to die. My partner is going to die, so will my parents. And I got cold and shaky and overwhelmed in the way I always have in the past when I think about it all a little too hard. But it. Hasn't. Stopped. Normally I'm fine by the next morning. It's been nearly three weeks. I'm mostly okay during the day, mostly (except I'm scared of near everything giving me cancer, or being a sign that I already have cancer, more than normal), but it gets bad as soon as the sun starts to set. I can't sleep until the sun is up, so I've basically become nocturnal (shoutout being unemployed and not in school atm so. Not as bad as it could be) and that's... Not ideal. I can't really watch or read anything that has any sort of themes that are related to mortality like, at all, so I've literally been playing animal crossing and watching MLP until the sun rises and then sleeping until late afternoon. I'm on meds, I'm taking them, but nothing is really helping. Does anyone have any idea how to help, I'm getting desperate

Ran out of my testosterone today, called it in, they didn't have it by the end of the day. My mom seems convinced they aren't giving me more bc I forgot to schedule a sleep study I was recommended to do after I started. I checked MyChart, testosterone is no longer listed on my medication list. If I can't get any by tomorrow I won't be able to get any until after a vacation, and if the sleep study really IS necessary (i wasn't told they would take me off it if I didn't do it in a certain time range so???) then it'll be even longer. I dunno. I'm upset. I'm probably being paranoid

I mentioned this in a comment earlier and then I realized I could just. Post about it and keep it vague as to not expose too much. I just need to vent about it all bc it's insane and telling this story is helpful.

So we got a few important characters: S is an English teacher at my high school. So is her friend T. At some point, S and T start a romantic relationship with S's husband, A, and they were in a poly relationship for a while before T broke up with them bc A was, from what I've been told, a real piece of work. L is a friend of mine who was close with S bc S was a sponsor for a school club L was involved in. L's best friend M was also incredibly close with S.

I show up to school after being sick for a few days only to be told that S was escorted out of her classroom by our principal and our school resource officer because her husband had an inappropriate relationship with a student and she did nothing about it. The relationship was NOT sexual, but was well beyond the boundaries of the relationship a teacher's husband (who didn't work in the school, or even in the district) should have with his wife's student. The student in question was L.

Things are quiet for about a week before, one afternoon, an email is sent out to families informing everyone that S had taken her own life. We go to school the next day. Her classroom is already completely empty.

Another week goes by relatively uneventfully before people start noticing that we aren't allowed out of the building. Normally pe and photography classes would go outside if the weather was nice, and sometimes other teachers would do lessons outside just for fun. The weather was nice, we were not allowed outside bc the building was under a soft lockdown and nobody would tell us why.

Turns out, A had been showing up to school in S's (his dead wife's) car. He wouldn't leave the car, I don't think he ever attempted to enter the building, but he would circle the campus and park the car outside of T's (his ex girlfriend's) window. As a result, the district requests extra police presence around the building as well as the ongoing soft lockdown. They didn't tell us anything about it.

A is eventually told he isn't allowed to drive the car around our campus anymore, so he pivots to driving around and parking outside of our district offices.

A former student who was close with S and A reports that A had been showing up to her work. Said former student is a freshman in college. A is a man in his 30's.

Around this time students who had been following S on Instagram noticed A's account. For a while, it was pretty normal posts where he mourned his wife. Then he began posting S's suicide notes, and writing long, deranged notes to the people they were addressed to in the description. He would go on rants about how it was T's fault S was dead, how the whole senior class at the school had contributed to her death. He began counting down the days until graduation. He made references to something bad happening that day, and how he couldn't wait to try out his new military vest *the day of our graduation*.

School district assures us that they are in contact with local law enforcement, and students are closely monitoring A's social media and sending anything alarming or suspicious straight to the cops. He gets arrested two days before graduation. Terrorism and stalking charges.

The day after his arrest, T, L, and various other teachers who knew S well received letters A had sent before his arrest. 11 people file restraining orders.

I need to know if I'm alone in this so just. I'm 18, they/them trans masc, I've been out and proud since thirteen and never once doubted it. I recently got on testosterone and when I was asked if u want to preserve eggs I said no. I never want to be pregnant, the thought of it makes me so anxious I become nauseous, getting pregnant would fucking kill me. So of course I said no, I'm not saving jack shit. Not even for a surrogate, because for some reason even the idea of the process of saving eggs makes me panic almost as much as the thought of pregnancy. So I'm probably never going to have kids that are *mine*. Sure adoption is an option, but it isn't the same. If I was going to have kids, for some reason, I'd want to have them the way a cis man would. I don't want to have people refer to me as a birthing parent or having to explain that to other parents I'd just want to be. A dude. I really don't know how else to explain it. I love being transgender, despite the challenges, I do, I love being the way I am, but for once I wish I was cis.

And I knew this. I discussed this choice with my boyfriend, who completely understands why I made that choice and values me over any potential children. And I always knew I was going to make this choice, not to save anything. I've thought about it a lot. But I'm.. grieving it, now. What I could have if I were braver, if I could just get over the dysphoria. The kids we could have, the father I could be, in a universe that's just a little kinder. I just needed to vent and see if anyone else has experienced this. It's a weird mix of guilt and grief that I don't think I've seen people talk about before. I have an incredible partner and family who've supported me through all of this but I wanted to see if I'm alone or not.

I'm 18. I just graduated highschool. I'm in a loving relationship with a man who's more than I deserve. I just started testosterone about a month ago. My family is supportive. But it feels so fucking over.

I have a plan. I was supposed to get a job over the summer, my boyfriend and I will save up, I'll spend two years at community college, we'll move towns and I'll finish my education at a different school (not saying which for privacy). I'm going to be a journalist. That's the fucking plan

But I don't want. To do any of it. I really don't. I don't want a fucking job, for some reason it's just such a scary thing to me. I'm 18 and I've never worked. I can't drive, I totaled my dad's car two weeks ago practicing and I feel like shit about it. My younger cousin has a job and a car. We used to be best friends. I kind of hate her now. I don't do anything all day. I just sleep and jerk off and eat. Supposedly I'm an artist and a writer, but I haven't drawn anything good in a while and I haven't written in longer. I don't have many friends, the few I have either don't respond to me or are currently going through things I wish I could help them with, but I literally can't do jack shit. I feel like a kid playing dress up in his dad's clothes. Everything feels too fucking big for me.

I graduated a month ago. I was supposed to buy a camera with my money because well, I wanted one. I dunno if I want one anymore. I don't really want much of anything. I hate writing thank you cards. I just don't want to. I threw a minor fit over it earlier. The gifts are generous but I really don't. Fucking care. I just don't care. I don't know half of these people. I don't. Care.

Soon I'll be a year clean from self harm but I really wish that wasn't the case. The only reason I'm not currently bleeding out on my floor on a daily basis is because my bf would feel guilty for it, like he failed me, and that's the last thing I want on my conscious. I don't know how long I have until my family gets fed up with me being unemployed and completely useless

When I was a kid my grandma had the 1993 plush set of cub Nala and Simba with the magnetic noses. It was always my favorite thing she had over there and now that all her kids and grandkids are grown, she said I get to have them!! Ahh!!!! Just wanted to share cause I'm so excited about them

Hey y'all, I've recently fallen back into my tlk/tlg obsession and I was wondering if anyone had any good fan comics they would recommend? This goes for both lion king and lion guard