20. Everything feels hollow and pointless
so much shit is going on right now. for context, I'm a queer living in a Muslim country, and am going abroad for uni soon. on top of being indecisive about my future career, I'm being driven insane by the fact that I'll need to come out soon, to rip the bandage off and to live my life somewhat freely. I feel like I'm being torn in half. I love my family more than anything, and thinking about them cutting me out makes everything feel hollow and meaningless.I don't believe in Islam, but even assuming I could convince my mom that I have a valid stanxe, which is likely impossible, even if I could, it would just make her deeply unhappy because how much Islam means to her. I love my culture but it's caused me so much pain. I'm considering just ending it all. I'm not going to be happy in this life anyway, so might as well