u/TempBikeAccount1

So I am talking to a friend and she say lot of my behavior is very rude and insensitive which i now see. I have cptsd/autism and I am starting to realize much a shitty person i have been without realizing it. She also said i sound like I want to hurt someone when I would socialize with her and I know see most of my life I been projecting this to others scaring the shit out of people or making them uncomfortable.

I feel so bad on how much drama/pain I have caused how much I was in denial. Even with medication I still am very angry socially wise but not as much emotional currently.

I had punch my door and wall 3 times in total, I have been to therapy but I never really address these anger but some therapist I have tried fixing it but I never actually changed.

I know can change not be like this in the future. I just can't believe i been like this for so long and how blind I was about my behavior towards others.

I want go back to therapy but I don't have the money for it right now. What can I do?

So I am talking to a friend and she say lot of my behavior is very rude and insensitive which i now see. I have cptsd/autism and I am starting to realize much a shitty person i have been without realizing it. She also said i sound like I want to hurt someone when I would socialize with her and I know see most of my life I been projecting this to others scaring the shit out of people or making them uncomfortable.

I feel so bad on how much drama/pain I have caused how much I was in denial. Even with medication I still am very angry socially wise but not as much emotional currently.

I had punch my door and wall 3 times in total, I have been to therapy but I never really address these anger but some therapist I have tried fixing it but I never actually changed.

I know can change not be like this in the future. I just can't believe i been like this for so long and how blind I was about my behavior towards others.

I want go back to therapy but I don't have the money for it right now. What can I do?

I am autistic and have cptsd and other disorders. Looking back i was such an ass and just weird with social interaction which got me into trouble at times when I didn't mean harm. My partner told me I need to be aware on how my behavior can affect others which is true but can only go so far.

Like i know mental illness plays a role but how do I grieve and hold myself accountable. I know I won't see those people again since i'm graduating high school soon.

I am looking for work right and there is only CNC jobs. I don't know how to operator those machines or G-code, i'm wondering how i can self teach operating a CNC machine and G-code.

I already know how to do manual machining such as using a lathe and vertical and different operations (end milling, side milling, drilling, reaming, counter boring). Including deburring and using measurements tools.

I have a interview today about a CNC plasma job today.