u/Temporary-Sink-3693

TL;DR: Meeting happens very close to a place where weed is sold, so I don't wanna risk going.

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In our town, 2-3 different groups have meetings on different days.

Tuesday and Saturday's meeting happens at St. Josephs, and yeah very close to there you can buy weed.

I generally don't have money, but that weed is so incredibly cheap that I can afford it.

I was told by a chair that I must come to every meeting in early recovery since there is a high chance of relapse...

But I don't think risking it is a good idea, I'll just go another day to another place.

But I used to use it every Saturday evening, so I'm having a really hard time right now, I don't know what to do, maybe I'll order monster ultra as some sort of substitute?

I don't know, I don't like the idea of substituting, because that has caused me to stay stuck with the substitution, sometimes along with the substitutee :/

Whatever, caffeine is I suppose more acceptable than cigarettes or weed...

God!

TL;DR: Meeting happens very close to a place where weed is sold, so I don't wanna risk going.

---

In our town, 2-3 different groups have meetings on different days.

Tuesday and Saturday's meeting happens at St. Josephs, and yeah very close to there you can buy weed.

I generally don't have money, but that weed is so incredibly cheap that I can afford it.

I was told by a chair that I must come to every meeting in early recovery since there is a high chance of relapse...

But I don't think risking it is a good idea, I'll just go another day to another place.

But I used to use it every Saturday evening, so I'm having a really hard time right now, I don't know what to do, maybe I'll order monster ultra as some sort of substitute?

I don't know, I don't like the idea of substituting, because that has caused me to stay stuck with the substitution, sometimes along with the substitutee :/

Whatever, caffeine is I suppose more acceptable than cigarettes or weed...

God!

TL;DR: Meeting happens very close to a place where weed is sold, so I don't wanna risk going.

---

In our town, 2-3 different groups have meetings on different days.

Tuesday and Saturday's meeting happens at St. Josephs, and yeah very close to there you can buy weed.

I generally don't have money, but that weed is so incredibly cheap that I can afford it.

I was told by a chair that I must come to every meeting in early recovery since there is a high chance of relapse...

But I don't think risking it is a good idea, I'll just go another day to another place.

But I used to use it every Saturday evening, so I'm having a really hard time right now, I don't know what to do, maybe I'll order monster ultra as some sort of substitute?

I don't know, I don't like the idea of substituting, because that has caused me to stay stuck with the substitution, sometimes along with the substitutee :/

Whatever, caffeine is I suppose more acceptable than cigarettes or weed...

God!

Oh man, I had my reservations about AA, but Im glad I joined, I plan to go to every single meeting. Anyhow today was my 3rd day and I had to share.

It was so nerve wracking, I have crippling social anxiety, I was stuttering and like.my leg kept jittering throughout.

But like slowly I got comfortable and now I feel quite good about it I suppose.

I don't fw the "being an alcoholic" thing, I am going to join my first SMART meeting today too.

Lets see the difference for myself.

Man everyone understands, every addict has led similar lives, this sense of belonging means a lot and will go a long way in my opinion.

I also happen to be the youngest person there and I kinda wish there were more people my age with whom I could socialize but it's not that big of a deal.

Crazily, I actually don't even have an alcohol issue I would have gone to na if there were any meetings here. But another person has a similar substance issue story as mine.

Although they went the Codeine Phosphate route and I went the DXM route.

I just wish I don't lose steam of sorts and slowly trickle out of meetings.

I have a bad history of losing momentum :(

Disclaimer: I am copy-pasting this from whatsapp, I won't bother to erase all emojis, please bear with it, thanks.

Tl;Dr: I am awkward as fuck and would rather stay with a clogged sink for a week than call someone to fix it.

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Calling anyone about it felt too awkward, I just like lived with it, survived on bread for the whole week. Finally had enough and called my dad.

Dad said call the landlord, so after fidgeting around awkwardly for an hour or two I did...

He sent a person to fix it 😭

Now here is where things got incredibly awkward. I absolutely did not want to have a conversation with him so I pretended to be on the phone.

He brought along another person who was doing the actual fixing...

The supervisor guy was like rude and a bit prone to yelling at that guy who was doing the work 😭

Now I really have issues when someone speaks loudly around me 😭😭

So I kinda just kept telling to the imaginary person I was in call with that, "Its fine he isnt yelling at me" 😭

Apparently something got stuck in the sinkhole, as sink drained he asked how long was it like this.

I said, "since yesterday" 😭😭😭

Even though it was clearly clogged for a week, the sink had sedimentation marks and stuff.

I have social anxiety 🫪 probably that has something to do with that.

Going to my first AA meeting offline, small concerns though.

TL;DR:

Whatever the case, I am willing to play along if it gets me sober.

Concerns:

1. Victim Blaming

2. God involvement

3. Powerlessness

Q. Is there any kind of recovery focused meetings I can join which happen online anywhere except zoom, and in my time-zone which is IST. (+5:30) Talking online ofc.

---

I made a post earlier today asking if I can join AA meetings as NA meetings dont happen offline in my town, AA does though.

From what I understood it is acceptable, so I gave them a call, got their number from AA website. He said its okay I can join. So today will be my first AA meeting, and it will happen offline.

I felt quite good about that. Started looking into AA, got to an unofficial subreddit of them. There I came across some things which concerned me.

I came across a post of a frequent relapser, he was asking for advice. And in the comments people told him things the following of which concerned me:

1. He was told that he didn't follow the steps correctly, thats why he keeps relapsing. I am not sure if thats actually the case.

2. The full surrender thing feels kinda uncomfortable. Why am I powerless against it, I managed to quit every other substance other than this on my own.

3. The god and prayer part, I am not much of a believer, I am willing to just do the motions though if it gets me sober.

Going to my first AA meeting offline, small concerns though.

TL;DR:

Whatever the case, I am willing to play along if it gets me sober.

Concerns:

1. Victim Blaming
2. God involvement
3. Powerlessness

Q. Is there any kind of recovery focused meetings I can join which happen online anywhere except zoom, and in my time-zone which is IST. (+5:30) Talking online ofc.

---

I made a post earlier today asking if I can join AA meetings as NA meetings dont happen offline in my town, AA does though.

From what I understood it is acceptable, so I gave them a call, got their number from AA website. He said its okay I can join. So today will be my first AA meeting, and it will happen offline.

I felt quite good about that. Started looking into AA, got to an unofficial subreddit of them. There I came across some things which concerned me.

I came across a post of a frequent relapser, he was asking for advice. And in the comments people told him things the following of which concerned me:

1. He was told that he didn't follow the steps correctly, thats why he keeps relapsing. I am not sure if thats actually the case.

2. The full surrender thing feels kinda uncomfortable. Why am I powerless against it, I managed to quit every other substance other than this on my own.

3. The god and prayer part, I am not much of a believer, I am willing to just do the motions though if it gets me sober.

TL;DR:

Whatever the case, I am willing to play along if it gets me sober.

Concerns:

1. Victim Blaming

2. God involvement

3. Powerlessness

Q. Is there any kind of recovery focused meetings I can join which happen online anywhere except zoom, and in my time-zone which is IST. (+5:30) Talking online ofc.

---

I made a post earlier today asking if I can join AA meetings as NA meetings dont happen offline in my town, AA does though.

From what I understood it is acceptable, so I gave them a call, got their number from AA website. He said its okay I can join. So today will be my first AA meeting, and it will happen offline.

I felt quite good about that. Started looking into AA, got to an unofficial subreddit of them. There I came across some things which concerned me.

I came across a post of a frequent relapser, he was asking for advice. And in the comments people told him things the following of which concerned me:

1. He was told that he didn't follow the steps correctly, thats why he keeps relapsing. I am not sure if thats actually the case.

2. The full surrender thing feels kinda uncomfortable. Why am I powerless against it, I managed to quit every other substance other than this on my own.

3. The god and prayer part, I am not much of a believer, I am willing to just do the motions though if it gets me sober.

TL;DR:

Whatever the case, I am willing to play along if it gets me sober.

Concerns:

1. Victim Blaming

2. God involvement

3. Powerlessness

Q. Is there any kind of recovery focused meetings I can join which happen online anywhere except zoom, and in my time-zone which is IST. (+5:30) Talking online ofc.

---

I made a post earlier today asking if I can join AA meetings as NA meetings dont happen offline in my town, AA does though.

From what I understood it is acceptable, so I gave them a call, got their number from AA website. He said its okay I can join. So today will be my first AA meeting, and it will happen offline.

I felt quite good about that. Started looking into AA, got to an unofficial subreddit of them. There I came across some things which concerned me.

I came across a post of a frequent relapser, he was asking for advice. And in the comments people told him things the following of which concerned me:

1. He was told that he didn't follow the steps correctly, thats why he keeps relapsing. I am not sure if thats actually the case.

2. The full surrender thing feels kinda uncomfortable. Why am I powerless against it, I managed to quit every other substance other than this on my own.

3. The god and prayer part, I am not much of a believer, I am willing to just do the motions though if it gets me sober.

TL;DR:

Q1. Is there any kind of recovery focused meetings I can join which happen online anywhere except zoom, and in my time-zone which is IST. (+5:30) Talking online ofc.

Q2. In my town AA meetings happen offline, can I join them even though I don't have an alcohol problem?

----

As they say, the brain will choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven...

So like 2 weeks ago, I was hospitalized because of urinary retention getting wayy too extreme. It was an incredibly unpleasant experience. (Although the high itself was quite psychedelic which I want to forget somehow, I don't want to like that high, but I do, I dont know what to do)

Anyways, after that incredibly painful, horrible, unpleasant hospital experience, I thought no matter how much I like the high, the downsides are significant enough to make me not want to use again.

But lo and behold,.one week later, I used it again. Didnt go to hospital this time. And then about 3 days later, again.

This time I again had an unpleasant experience, the high was also shitty this time, basically nothing that I liked happened. So I wrote it all down this time, to read it when I get the urge next time. I wonder if that will be helpful...

Also the dosage I used has significant risk of seizures.

it was 900mg DXM + 2100mg Bupropion.

BUT in the periphery of my mind, there is this thought, that if I up the dosage, I will be able to experience that psychedelic thing again.

The mo5re try to ignore it the more I will think about it, So I'm kinda just paying as little as possible attention to it.

But I am worried that when like one week passes, I will again get the urge, again I will forget all the negatives and just the positives will fill my mind.

I just hope that at that time the experience I noted will be of use.

By the way, I am want to attend NA and SMART meetings both, but I hate zoom, And the ones I found on discord happen at like very inconvenient timings, probably because It might be convenient in their time-zone.

So if any of you can let me know, about meetings that I can attend, anywhere except zoom. Meetings of NA or SMART or even any other type of recovery focused meetings then it will be very helpful. My timezone is +5:30. I live in India.

And one more thing, Although NA meeting dont happen offline in my town, AA meetings do. Would it be okay for me to join them even though I don't have any alcohol related problem?

EDIT: follow up

TL;DR:

Q1. Is there any kind of recovery focused meetings I can join which happen online anywhere except zoom, and in my time-zone which is IST. (+5:30) Talking online ofc.

Q2. In my town AA meetings happen offline, can I join them even though I don't have an alcohol problem?

----

As they say, the brain will choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven...

So like 2 weeks ago, I was hospitalized because of urinary retention getting wayy too extreme. It was an incredibly unpleasant experience. (Although the high itself was quite psychedelic which I want to forget somehow, I don't want to like that high, but I do, I dont know what to do)

Anyways, after that incredibly painful, horrible, unpleasant hospital experience, I thought no matter how much I like the high, the downsides are significant enough to make me not want to use again.

But lo and behold,.one week later, I used it again. Didnt go to hospital this time. And then about 3 days later, again.

This time I again had an unpleasant experience, the high was also shitty this time, basically nothing that I liked happened. So I wrote it all down this time, to read it when I get the urge next time. I wonder if that will be helpful...

Also the dosage I used has significant risk of seizures.

it was 900mg DXM + 2100mg Bupropion.

BUT in the periphery of my mind, there is this thought, that if I up the dosage, I will be able to experience that psychedelic thing again.

The mo5re try to ignore it the more I will think about it, So I'm kinda just paying as little as possible attention to it.

But I am worried that when like one week passes, I will again get the urge, again I will forget all the negatives and just the positives will fill my mind.

I just hope that at that time the experience I noted will be of use.

By the way, I am want to attend NA and SMART meetings both, but I hate zoom, And the ones I found on discord happen at like very inconvenient timings, probably because It might be convenient in their time-zone.

So if any of you can let me know, about meetings that I can attend, anywhere except zoom. Meetings of NA or SMART or even any other type of recovery focused meetings then it will be very helpful. My timezone is +5:30. I live in India.

And one more thing, Although NA meeting dont happen offline in my town, AA meetings do. Would it be okay for me to join them even though I don't have any alcohol related problem?

TL;DR:

Q1. Is there any kind of recovery focused meetings I can join which happen online anywhere except zoom, and in my time-zone which is IST. (+5:30) Talking online ofc.

Q2. In my town AA meetings happen offline, can I join them even though I don't have an alcohol problem?

----

As they say, the brain will choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven...

So like 2 weeks ago, I was hospitalized because of urinary retention getting wayy too extreme. It was an incredibly unpleasant experience. (Although the high itself was quite psychedelic which I want to forget somehow, I don't want to like that high, but I do, I dont know what to do)

Anyways, after that incredibly painful, horrible, unpleasant hospital experience, I thought no matter how much I like the high, the downsides are significant enough to make me not want to use again.

But lo and behold,.one week later, I used it again. Didnt go to hospital this time. And then about 3 days later, again.

This time I again had an unpleasant experience, the high was also shitty this time, basically nothing that I liked happened. So I wrote it all down this time, to read it when I get the urge next time. I wonder if that will be helpful...

Also the dosage I used has significant risk of seizures.

it was 900mg DXM + 2100mg Bupropion.

BUT in the periphery of my mind, there is this thought, that if I up the dosage, I will be able to experience that psychedelic thing again.

The mo5re try to ignore it the more I will think about it, So I'm kinda just paying as little as possible attention to it.

But I am worried that when like one week passes, I will again get the urge, again I will forget all the negatives and just the positives will fill my mind.

I just hope that at that time the experience I noted will be of use.

By the way, I am want to attend NA and SMART meetings both, but I hate zoom, And the ones I found on discord happen at like very inconvenient timings, probably because It might be convenient in their time-zone.

So if any of you can let me know, about meetings that I can attend, anywhere except zoom. Meetings of NA or SMART or even any other type of recovery focused meetings then it will be very helpful. My timezone is +5:30. I live in India.

And one more thing, Although NA meeting dont happen offline in my town, AA meetings do. Would it be okay for me to join them even though I don't have any alcohol related problem?

EDIT: follow up

TL;DR:

Q1. Is there any kind of recovery focused meetings I can join which happen online anywhere except zoom, and in my time-zone which is IST. (+5:30) Talking online ofc.

Q2. In my town AA meetings happen offline, can I join them even though I don't have an alcohol problem?

----

As they say, the brain will choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven...

So like 2 weeks ago, I was hospitalized because of urinary retention getting wayy too extreme. It was an incredibly unpleasant experience. (Although the high itself was quite psychedelic which I want to forget somehow, I don't want to like that high, but I do, I dont know what to do)

Anyways, after that incredibly painful, horrible, unpleasant hospital experience, I thought no matter how much I like the high, the downsides are significant enough to make me not want to use again.

But lo and behold,.one week later, I used it again. Didnt go to hospital this time. And then about 3 days later, again.

This time I again had an unpleasant experience, the high was also shitty this time, basically nothing that I liked happened. So I wrote it all down this time, to read it when I get the urge next time. I wonder if that will be helpful...

Also the dosage I used has significant risk of seizures.

it was 900mg DXM + 2100mg Bupropion.

BUT in the periphery of my mind, there is this thought, that if I up the dosage, I will be able to experience that psychedelic thing again.

The mo5re try to ignore it the more I will think about it, So I'm kinda just paying as little as possible attention to it.

But I am worried that when like one week passes, I will again get the urge, again I will forget all the negatives and just the positives will fill my mind.

I just hope that at that time the experience I noted will be of use.

By the way, I am want to attend NA and SMART meetings both, but I hate zoom, And the ones I found on discord happen at like very inconvenient timings, probably because It might be convenient in their time-zone.

So if any of you can let me know, about meetings that I can attend, anywhere except zoom. Meetings of NA or SMART or even any other type of recovery focused meetings then it will be very helpful. My timezone is +5:30. I live in India.

And one more thing, Although NA meeting dont happen offline in my town, AA meetings do. Would it be okay for me to join them even though I don't have any alcohol related problem?

EDIT: follow up

I remember when I used to wear arm sleeves in summers, to hide the marks. I have stopped doing that now, I don't care anymore. People do ask about it when they notice, and cmon isn't it obvious, why do they need to ask. Doesnt matter though I just say its self harm marks.

And then they shut up lol.

As title says, I am stuck on my last substance, dxm and I use it once a week more or less.

I already know last one is hardest to quit, but like I cannot make ANY progress. In april-may I was in mental hospital, there I was sober for a month.

But back home the most I can stay sober appears to be one week currently.

I have no idea how exactly to overcome this, feels like a losing battle honestly.

I swear to god half the time I bet everyone thinks I want to do substances. I really don't.

​

But this is the longest I have made on brute force alone. Every single day I psyche myself out. I am on edge all the time. I need to stay vigilant, but I need not to put so much pressure on myself too.

​

​

This is too hard, maybe I am not meant to be sober. The whole time I am negotiating myself to get to not get to get it to not get to get it to not get it to get it to not fucking get it.

​

I am pissed off, why the fuck did I put myself in this position. I hate this, I am frustated and this is a fucking rant.

​

I have only failed at getting sober, so even though it is my longest soberity streak, I am still scared to hope that maybe this will be it.

​

I have made it harder for me to get funds, I closed all my credit lines permanently, the financial bleeding is impossible to do now.

​

I dont know. What else to do, one day at a time, one step at a time, I am moving, I am moving but its so hard. And I have nonody who I can cry about it to. Nobody understands nobody gets it, how it feels.

​

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I will not lose. Not today, I just need to chill out, breathe, drink water. I will be fine. And if I aint. Well whatever nobody expects anything from me or believes in me anyway. What do I have to lose.

I feel like i tend to get stuck on atleast one substance somehow, like many times i have gotten down to just smoking or just dxm or just pregabalin type stuff.

​

​

But quitting that last one has defeated me always. If someone who can relate and has some way to get around this then please do tell

​

Or like do I just have to white knuckle it?

I feel like i tend to get stuck on atleast one substance somehow, like many times i have gotten down to just smoking or just dxm or just pregabalin type stuff.

​

But quitting that last one has defeated me always. If someone who can relate and has some way to get around this then please do tell

Someone in another subreddit recommended this subreddit, I have known about recovery group type things but didnt really join any, till now i was trying to just work it out staying in mental hospitals and what not.

Ngl it does help a lot, but like I need some accountability too. I looked into NA (since I did polysubstance abuse)

Got intimidated by how much god is involved in the journey also the idea that this is a disease and im powerless against addiction does not sit right with me.

I acknowledge the urge to use masquerades itself and makes your brain think its as important as hunger or thirst.

​

Still im not completely powerless, or maybe i am and i have just not realized it yet, I don't know.

​

I liked the approach of the SMART way of doing things but I feel I could use the one on one thing you have with your sponsor in NA.

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So right now im thinking, I could use the best of both, use the mindset of smart way and also the one on one accountability with NA.

​

Anyways if you would be so kind as to share what are your experiences with these methods, what worked/did not work for you and what do you like or dislike about certain methods then that would be awesome thanks.

Polysubstance abuse, currently on meds for mood management, emotion regulation type stuff.

​

I tried negotiating with addiction, thought i will use once a week and then slowly once every 2 weeks. But honestly that never worked isnt working and i realise wont work ever. Addiction does not negotiate it just takes all.

​

Anyways I think joining NA or SMART type groups might be useful for me, I was looking into NA and got intimidated by their inclusion of god in the recovery path.

​

SMART looks promising, will try joining a meeting this evening to see.

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If you would be so kind as to givw any recommendation and/or review of what kind of recovery path worked/did not work for you, that would be awesome, thanks.