u/Temporary_Panda_1881

Basically want your opinions and critiques of Carol Dweck's philosophy on fixed vs growth mindset. To preface, I'm a teacher and have a lot of colleagues using it in the classroom and I just want more understanding of its merits. Any and all info is appreciated!!

Currently half-way through The Body Keeps The Score ep and something that jumped out at me is Peter's definitive "I don't know anything about trauma" stance. I think it's great that he isnt speaking on something he's unfamiliar with, but it's eye-opening to realise a lot of people DON'T have trauma. I've been living with what I suspect is CPTSD from mostly sexual trauma and have never spoken much about it at all. I kind of live with this "everyone has experienced this" attitude, but actually, not everyone has. Sounds really obvious when I type it out but actually flipped a switch in my brain.

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I dont know what I'm gaining from this post aside from just putting a name to my experiences and realising what I have been through was actually ... traumatic.

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I want to also add that talk therapy has not worked very well for me when it comes to trauma, so that's one aspect of the book I might agree on.

EDIT TO ADD: I just got to the part where they talk about CBT. I have actually gone through CBT which was extremely helpful for other issues I've had in the past (eating disorders etc). Maybe talk therapy on certain issues hasn't worked for me because I wasn't ready to face certain things. I'm not sure

My 1yo is teething, has been sick on and off from childcare the last few weeks, I have to miss work to stay home and look after her, she wants to be held *all day*. I can't even transfer her to the cot. She naps for 20 mins, twice a day. She is so squirmy and wriggly all the time that I have really bad RSI in my wrist and hand, the one I do *everything* with, and I can barely move it without wincing. When I hold her, she wriggles, when I put her down she cries until she's so worked up she might vomit. I'm in pain. I'm exhausted. I'm emotional. My partner is home now and I said *please I need a break.* He is making dinner. Everytime I hear a slight noise from our daughter, I wince because I want to recoil into my own bubble away from everyone I love dearly. Days like these are hard. Apologies for the stream-of-consciousness, I feel like a broken shard of a person let alone a Mama

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DYN-BgfMYKs/?igsh=MWE1eXlyZnJtc2hwcQ==

Seeking advice.

I am a FTM to an 11mo daughter. My parents (her grandma and grampa) are mostly good, especially my dad. I've had issues with my mum on and off but I like to believe she has a good heart, albeit very stubborn.

I am trying to be strong on boundaries where my partner and I think its important, but stay relaxed where we can. Things like food and screentime are important topics. We arent asking for anything crazy mind you. There was an instance where my mum fed her a fruit juice cup, which is mostly just sugar (she got back nappy rash from the acidity and sugars). My mum went out of her way to buy it when I left enough food for her. We had to go through my dad to reiterate to please only feed her the food in her lunch box when babysitting (which is a rare occassion mind you). The reason we have to tell my dad first is because she doesn't take requests or perceived criticisms lightly, she takes it as a personal attack and has fully blown up at me in the past. My dad and I decided to discuss things first so he can bridge the conversation with her.

Now, the specific issue I have happened earlier today when I went out to lunch with my mum and cousins. My daughter has been particularly difficult about getting into a highchair/carseat/pram lately. I usually redirect and try again until she cooperates. Im figuring it out as I go. It usually works for us, but its tricky I wont lie. I tried putting her in the highchair at the cafe and she wanted to be held for a bit longer - no biggie. I stopped and was going to try again in a minute, plus I had some objects to redirect her (she loves my keys). My mum pulled out her phone and said "I'll put on Elmo." I said calmly but straightforwardly "No, that's okay she is fine." The thing is, I'm really avoiding using screentime as a redirection because I dont want that to become the norm or expectation. I thought I was clear in saying no. I was getting my keys out when my mum turns her phone e around to show my daughter a reel of Elmo (from youtube or something). I looked at her, puzzled, and said again "No, its okay." She kind of laughed me off and put her phone away.

The advice I am seeking - should I bring this up to either my mum or dad to let them know I that i dont appreciate being undermined in that way. Or to reiterate that we are avoiding using screentime as a redirection for defiant/challenging behaviours? Or, should I let it go this time? Im really upset that my mum went ahead and did it anyway, with a smirk on her face, even when I asked her not to. Its really bugging me.l the more I think about it.

I am a teacher and I am educated on the effects of extensive access to screentime in children/teens. Plus, we are trying to teach her how to exist in society without using phones/iPads as a crutch. Even I have had to look at and limit my own use to support my babies developing mind.

Well, this aside, any and all advice is welcomed and appreciated! thankyou