u/TheOneTrueZim

The other ones referenced here are Space King (Praise Be), Means of Destruction, Gameoverse and the Gnome Show!

My Legion, The Horizon Obliterators, believe he is in a workshop in-between galaxies, working on his ultimate weapon to destroy all aliens and threats to humanity once and for all!

Welcome Brothers, 80 Sermons down! I hope you enjoy!

Today is from The Codex of Planets! Please enjoy!

"The Codex of Planets, Page 1,111,111, the planet of Klepto"

"Klepto is a strange planet. While it does have Aliens, they are quite literally unable to do anything but bite things and drag them away. The planet is home to many portals to seemingly anywhere in the universe and other Universes as well, with the local feline species regularly going through them and taking items from them. Due to them being harmless, and most Warriors finding them adorable, there has been no Extermination order sent out.

Last Major Event: a squad of Psycho Warriors watched a single one of the local species play with a ball of yarn for 2 hours."

A planet like this is rare. One we can establish settlements on without any major issues obstructing us. Hopefully more can be found!

The count is still at 2.4 trillion. Another week and it shall rise!

Holy Message Of The Week: "Death is Never the end. Trust in your Medicae."

The Holy Prayer Of Space King:

Long ago, Space King, King of Space, disappeared.

Leaving us, his faithful Psycho Warriors, to pray for his return.

Oh Space King, King of Space! (Oh Space King, King of Space)

I am your son, so bless me with Fortitude! (Praise Be!)

I am your angel, so bless me with Purpose! (Praise Be!)

I am your soldier, so bless me with Triumph! (Praise Be!)

Made in his Image! (Praise Be!)

Gifted with Flesh! (Praise Be!)

Armored in Psychosis! (Praise Be!)

Blessed with Purpose! (Praise Be!)

We are the Eternal Crusaders of Humanity!

For as long as our Globules survive, we will be REBORN! (PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!)

End of Prayer!

As always, share your Legion's news, history, or cries for aid!

And that shall end this Sermon! Captain-General of the Horizon Obliterators Legion signing off!

PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!

It's been delayed for 2 years straight every time it gets close, so what do you think will happen this time?

My ideal name for it would be AVP: Bug Hunt

PSYCHOBIKES! PRAISE BE!

Praise Be, Brothers! May it be an epic event!

Hello, Brothers, I hope you do not mind this being late, I've had an active week!

Today is another file straight from the Heretic Crimes Catalog, may Space King bless this Sermon.

"Heretic Crimes Catalog: File 888,888.

Heretic Name: Luco Marian.

Crime: Illegal Surgery and Medicinal Practice.

Description: After failing the tests to get into the Sanctum Globulari, Luco became bitter and resentful, and set up an illegal clinic. After preforming many operations and giving several metallic limbs to his clients, word eventually got to local law enforcement. His door was broken down as he was in the middle of surgery, and he was taken into custody, with his patient being killed anyways.

Sentence: Death, to be carried out by the Sanctum Globulari."

How many crimes have happened because someone felt bitter? We must always remain vigilant lest one slips through our gaze.

The alien kill count remains at 2.3 trillion, and is projected to rise in 2 weeks!

Holy Message Of The Week: "Ruthlessness Is Mercy Upon Ourselves. Spare none for your enemies."

The Holy Prayer Of Space King:

Long ago, Space King, King of Space, disappeared.

Leaving us, his faithful Psycho Warriors, to pray for his return.

Oh Space King, King of Space! (Oh Space King, King of Space)

I am your son, so bless me with Fortitude! (Praise Be!)

I am your angel, so bless me with Purpose! (Praise Be!)

I am your soldier, so bless me with Triumph! (Praise Be!)

Made in his Image! (Praise Be!)

Gifted with Flesh! (Praise Be!)

Armored in Psychosis! (Praise Be!)

Blessed with Purpose! (Praise Be!)

We are the Eternal Crusaders of Humanity!

For as long as our Globules survive, we will be REBORN! (PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!)

And it is over.

Please spread your Legion's stories, Brothers!

The Sermon for this week has been concluded, Captain-General Of the Horizon Obliterators Legion signing off!

PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!

Praise Be, Brothers! Praise Be! (Also the Sermon will be up tomorrow!)

edit: i mean the Account anniversary, not my actual birthday, I saw the term Cake Day thrown around so I used it, apologies for any confusion

My cat brought back an Eve Hypo. Not even sure how they get all this stuff.

Brothers, welcome to a new Sermon, with a call to arms after the Prayer this time!

I hope you enjoy another file from The Heretic Crimes Catalog, and another exciting adventure of Justice Officer Dreadful!

"Heretic Crimes Catalog: File 1,500,212.

Heretic Name: Lance Santora.

Crime: Embezzlement and Illegally managing a Casino without a license.

Description: Lance's Crimes were long suspected, but no hard proof was found for over 10 years. Eventually, Officer Dreadful found the case and took it up himself. He personally raided the Casino, and took out security as he made his way to the establishment's file room. He personally found evidence and made his escape. Finding out about the raid, Lance tried to flee and make it to a safehouse, but was unsuccessful in escaping the pursuing Officers.

Sentence: Community Service to pay off the amount of money embezzled, over 19 Million."

This man got too comfortable. He assumed he could do whatever he want on his planet, and not get punished. This was a long time coming to him, and the punishment is warranted.

The count sits at 2.3 Trillion, and will rise again in 3 weeks!

Holy Message Of The Week: "Assessment. Assembly. Action. Three steps of a plan, important to follow, and even more important to improvise when things go wrong."

The Holy Prayer Of Space King:

Long ago, Space King, King of Space, disappeared.

Leaving us, his faithful Psycho Warriors, to pray for his return.

Oh Space King, King of Space! (Oh Space King, King of Space)

I am your son, so bless me with Fortitude! (Praise Be!)

I am your angel, so bless me with Purpose! (Praise Be!)

I am your soldier, so bless me with Triumph! (Praise Be!)

Made in his Image! (Praise Be!)

Gifted with Flesh! (Praise Be!)

Armored in Psychosis! (Praise Be!)

Blessed with Purpose! (Praise Be!)

We are the Eternal Crusaders of Humanity!

For as long as our Globules survive, we will be REBORN! (PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!)

Prayer of His greatness concluded.

ATTENTION ALL PSYCHO WARRIORS. THIS IS A CALL TO ARMS. ALL AVAILABLE LEGIONS ARE TO BE BRIEFED AND REPORT FOR BATTLE.

Briefing: The alien species known as the Blap-Blaps, which were previously fought by the Star Defenders Legion and largely wiped out by a Geno-bomb, have returned en masse and taken over the Pasturis Sector.

The Blap-Blaps, also known as "Gobblers" (And several other nicknames), are currently in control of major farms, important for replenishing Psycho Warrior numbers, and have many human hostages.

There have even been reports of beings like Psycho Warriors present in the sector. Caution is advised.

BRIEFING COMPLETE. ALL AVAILABLE LEGIONS, REPORT TO THE PASTURIS SECTOR.

I will most definitely be heading to the Pasturis Sector as soon as I can, me and my allies in the Fortress Defenders Legion.

As always, share any news you have to share, or your thoughts on the upcoming Pasturis Crusade!

And that is all for this news-packed Sermon! Captain-General of the Horizon Obliterators Legion signing off!

PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!

She even has an ADAM Needle

I am horrified at this! Are they heretics that have joined them? Or even worse, are they being CREATED by these damn Gobblers?!

I welcome you all to another Sermon, Brothers! It's hard to make these greetings different or feel fresh, so I'm going to just get into the entry for today!

A new file of the Heretic Crimes Catalog, filled out by Justice Officer Dreadful!

"Heretic Crimes Catalog: File 3,000,980,111.

Heretic Name: Josh Mertins.

Crime: Blackmail of a high ranking military leader.

Description: Mertins was a conscripted soldier in his planet's local defense force. He was reported as being a coward by his fellow troops, and did anything he could to try to get disbarred. After catching his commanding officer in a compromising position, he tried to get him to initiate a promotion to a rank where he wouldn't have to be in active combat. Eventually, evidence was found by a fellow soldier and a nearby Law Enforcement Space Station was notified, and Dreadful responded. Chasing him down, he managed to injure Mertins and arrest him.

Sentence: 5 Years in a public cell in the streets of his nearby city, so that his cowardice is on display."

Dreadful is an incredibly efficient man, and will accomplish whatever he sets out to do. This coward went against Space King and is being justly made an example of.

And lo and behold, the Alien Kill Count is now at 2.3 Trillion! Well done to all Brothers!

Holy Message Of The Week: "Use his Holy gift of Hatred, and deliver it onto his extraterrestrial enemies."

And now, the Holy Prayer of Space King:

Long ago, Space King, King of Space, disappeared.

Leaving us, his faithful Psycho Warriors, to pray for his return.

Oh Space King, King of Space! (Oh Space King, King of Space)

I am your son, so bless me with Fortitude! (Praise Be!)

I am your angel, so bless me with Purpose! (Praise Be!)

I am your soldier, so bless me with Triumph! (Praise Be!)

Made in his Image! (Praise Be!)

Gifted with Flesh! (Praise Be!)

Armored in Psychosis! (Praise Be!)

Blessed with Purpose! (Praise Be!)

We are the Eternal Crusaders of Humanity!

For as long as our Globules survive, we will be REBORN! (PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!)

The Prayer has ended.

Please, if you have any ideas for any Sermons, or tales from your Legions, please share!

And I shall now take my leave! Captain-General of the Horizon Obliterators Legion signing off!

PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!

Ok, so I am about to get the first Case Files omnibus, and I know the crossovers aren't included in them and I'd like to know which Prods to read them between

I welcome all of you once more to another Sermon! I hope that all fellow Psycho Warriors enjoy these, and hope that if you have any ideas, to speak up!

I apologize for being unable to create this Sermon yesterday, I just had a lot on my plate and shall rectify it next week!

Today is another file of The Heretic Crimes Catalog!

"Heretic Crimes Catalog: File 2,012.

Heretic Name: Joseph Anderson.

Crime(s): Attempted Murder of multiple law enforcement individuals, drug trafficking, selling items to aliens, multiple counts of murder against fellow humans.

Discription: As recounted by Justice Officer Dreadful, Joseph attempted to flee off world after skinning several people in his local city while moving his product. Dreadful, along with a rookie partner, gave chase and were targeted by Joseph's allies. Eventually, Dreadful cornered Joseph and recounted the charges, and then personally took him into the atmosphere with a nearby ship, and dropped him from low orbit, where he burned up immediately.

Sentence: (Already given by Justice Officer Dreadful)"

I can't really say much about this, as the sentence given by Dreadful was just and needed. These files shed ever more light onto the threats Heretics pose.

The count it at 2.2 Trillion, and shall ascend next week!

Holy Message Of The Week: "Aliens are not the Law. Heretics are not the Law. Space King is the Law."

Long ago, Space King, King of Space, disappeared.

Leaving us, his faithful Psycho Warriors, to pray for his return.

Oh Space King, King of Space! (Oh Space King, King of Space)

I am your son, so bless me with Fortitude! (Praise Be!)

I am your angel, so bless me with Purpose! (Praise Be!)

I am your soldier, so bless me with Triumph! (Praise Be!)

Made in his Image! (Praise Be!)

Gifted with Flesh! (Praise Be!)

Armored in Psychosis! (Praise Be!)

Blessed with Purpose! (Praise Be!)

We are the Eternal Crusaders of Humanity!

For as long as our Globules survive, we will be REBORN! (PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!)

Conclusion.

As always, please tell me any ideas you have for future Sermons!

And that is now the end for this week! Captain-General of the Horizon Obliterators Legion signing off!

PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!

Gather Brothers, gather as we embark on this week's Holy Sermon from his divine archives!

Today is the 600th most recent entry from The Heretic Crimes Catalog, so please enjoy!

"Heretic Crimes Catalog: File 2,899,001,251.

Heretic Name: Bob Membrane.

Crime: Disruptive insanity.

Description: Bob is a strange fellow, and has been since his childhood. He has always ranted about aliens, which is normal for any loyal citizen as long as they are ranting hatefully, but he also acts like an escaped mental patient obsessed with Conspiracy Theories. He has recently been captured after getting his giant head stuck in a doorway.

Sentence: Mental Realignment Via Hypnosis."

This individual is quite mad. He seems to need this sentence if he wishes to properly serve Space King.

The count is at 2.2 Trillion, and shall rise in about 2 weeks!

Holy Message Of The Week: "Respect the battlefield, and it shall bend to your will."

The Holy Prayer Of Space King:

Long ago, Space King, King of Space, disappeared.

Leaving us, his faithful Psycho Warriors, to pray for his return.

Oh Space King, King of Space! (Oh Space King, King of Space)

I am your son, so bless me with Fortitude! (Praise Be!)

I am your angel, so bless me with Purpose! (Praise Be!)

I am your soldier, so bless me with Triumph! (Praise Be!)

Made in his Image! (Praise Be!)

Gifted with Flesh! (Praise Be!)

Armored in Psychosis! (Praise Be!)

Blessed with Purpose! (Praise Be!)

We are the Eternal Crusaders of Humanity!

For as long as our Globules survive, we will be REBORN! (PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!)

Prayer End.

Please give me suggestions for future Sermons, I greatly wish to hear your thoughts!

And another week has come and gone, as has this Sermon! Captain-General of the Horizon Obliterators Legion signing off!

PRAISE BE TO SPACE KING!