u/ThrowRA739846728973

I was isolated for years. Never allowed to have other friends. Now that I ended my friendship with her I’m alone. I hate using social media because it still has all her friends on it and reminders of my life before. She was very mean to me. Very controlling and manipulative. If I set a boundary with her she would punish me by not talking to me for weeks. I don’t understand why I feel so lonely. I have a loving husband who has been supportive of me for 10 years but when he’s busy and I’m alone I sometimes feel like being lonely is how I am supposed to feel.

I fucked up though. I accidentally manipulated her. I feel like I’m just as bad as she is. She kept saying how bad of a person was and I fucking broke down. I agreed with her. I told her I was so sorry and that I’ll try to do better. I let her know every bad thought I had about myself. How I feel I don’t deserve friends and that I’m manipulating everyone around me so they will love me. She got mad. Said I was fucking with her. I truly felt that way in that moment but sharing that with her was manipulation even if by accident.

But now it’s over. She got mad enough to block me and now I feel safe enough to block her. Now the healing can start. I feel so bad and sad and like a horrible person but there’s nothing I can do to change it. I just have to move on.

Some backstory:
My mother in law is getting a divorce because her husband cheated on her and was on meth. He sucks too but this story isn’t about him.
Well 6 months ago he’s bringing women into the house and being mean to MIL. We offer to have her stay with us. We buy a bed and bed set decorations and transform our office into a guest bedroom. In all we spent about $500 to do this and put her on our lease. Well she stays with us for about 2 weeks maybe less. Whatever it’s cool we didn’t want her to stay with us long anyway. Well fast forward to yesterday. Divorce is going through they’re selling the house and she’s getting $80k out of it (which is a lot in my area) she also got $15k for relocation and her soon to be ex husband has to give her $1500 a month for rent so she can get back on her feet. It’s been a little hard for her to find a place to rent in the meantime because we got a bunch of those AI data centers in our city and the workers are abundant to say the least. At my complex the last opening they had only lasted 3 hours before it was filled. I texted her a few days ago to check up on her. She said everything was fine she’s staying at soon to be ex husbands apartment until she can find a place of her own and he’s staying at his girlfriends house. Win win right? Well they get into a fight because of money and she assumes he’s gonna kick her out (he didn’t and won’t with all his faults he’s still a kind man) so she decides to text my husband, my brother in law, my husbands grandmother and my husbands aunt. She basically says none of them ever do anything for her and she’s going through all this and is now homeless and no one has offered her a place to stay even though everyone has an extra bedroom. Mind you she is still on our lease and still has a bunch of her shit in our apartment. Then the next day she texts my husband “that was to trick Brad into letting me stay at his house and it worked sorry to scare you” as if that makes all the mean things she said about him okay? My husband is heartbroken. He’s done so much for her. Actually the whole family has done so much for her. She’s coming into $80k in less than a week from now. She’s been acting like everything is fine. She has plans to buy a house with that money. We all thought she was fine. She never gave anyone any hints that she’s struggling. God I’m pissed yall. I can’t deal with her shit. I’m cutting her out for good. She’s not welcome in my home and she’s not welcome around me in any capacity. I feel so bad for my husband. His dad is a shitty guy too and he cut him out a few years ago for being shitty. Now he’s considering cutting his own mom out of his life. I can’t begin to understand how hard this is for him. His mom is diagnosed with BPD and has been a horrible part of his life for his entire life. He deserves so much better

Some backstory:
My mother in law is getting a divorce because her husband cheated on her and was on meth. He sucks too but this story isn’t about him.
Well 6 months ago he’s bringing women into the house and being mean to MIL. We offer to have her stay with us. We buy a bed and bed set decorations and transform our office into a guest bedroom. In all we spent about $500 to do this and put her on our lease. Well she stays with us for about 2 weeks maybe less. Whatever it’s cool we didn’t want her to stay with us long anyway. Well fast forward to yesterday. Divorce is going through they’re selling the house and she’s getting $80k out of it (which is a lot in my area) she also got $15k for relocation and her soon to be ex husband has to give her $1500 a month for rent so she can get back on her feet. It’s been a little hard for her to find a place to rent in the meantime because we got a bunch of those AI data centers in our city and the workers are abundant to say the least. At my complex the last opening they had only lasted 3 hours before it was filled. I texted her a few days ago to check up on her. She said everything was fine she’s staying at soon to be ex husbands apartment until she can find a place of her own and he’s staying at his girlfriends house. Win win right? Well they get into a fight because of money and she assumes he’s gonna kick her out (he didn’t and won’t with all his faults he’s still a kind man) so she decides to text my husband, my brother in law, my husbands grandmother and my husbands aunt. She basically says none of them ever do anything for her and she’s going through all this and is now homeless and no one has offered her a place to stay even though everyone has an extra bedroom. Mind you she is still on our lease and still has a bunch of her shit in our apartment. My husband is heartbroken. He’s done so much for her. Actually the whole family has done so much for her. She’s coming into $80k in less than a week from now. She’s been acting like everything is fine. She has plans to buy a house with that money. We all thought she was fine. She never gave anyone any hints that she’s struggling. God I’m pissed yall. I can’t deal with her shit. I’m cutting her out for good. She’s not welcome in my home and she’s not welcome around me in any capacity. I feel so bad for my husband. His dad is a shitty guy too and he cut him out a few years ago for being shitty. Now he’s considering cutting his own mom out of his life. I can’t begin to understand how hard this is for him. His mom is diagnosed with BPD and has been a horrible part of his life for his entire life. He deserves so much better

Favorite tv show: Desperate Housewives
Favorite indie game: Frog Legs
Favorite party game: REPO
Favorite color: pink or dark green
Favorite food: Pizza or pasta
Favorite restaurant: Olive Garden
Favorite “thing”: lists (lol obviously 😂)
Favorite YouTube channel: mrcreepypasta
Favorite movie:
Coraline
Clue
Scary godmother
Dr horribles sing along blog
Favorite band: pierce the veil

Hobbies:
Crochet
Playing with my cats
Diligent note taking on tv shows and movies
Reading (mostly horror comedies)
Researching MLM’s and other pyramid scheme type things (yes I’m autistic)
Coming up with business plans I’ll never carry through with
Budgeting (for myself and others)
Thrifting
I want to learn how to sew I plan on going to a sewing class at my local library
I’m currently learning Java script
Video games (I play on PC)
Collecting things

General likes:
Alternative music
American dad
Communism (in theory and in practice)
Tattoos (I have a few)
My husband (he’s the coolest guy ever)

General dislikes:
Capitalism
The feeling of paper
Drama (I like mine strictly artificial)

No one under 18 please!

Long story short she has an online diary where she shares people real names. I expressed that makes me uncomfortable and she took it down for 2 weeks and now it’s back up.

She doesn’t know I know it’s back up. She wants to hang out today. She’s acting like everything is fine even though she went against my boundary and even made a post in her diary about how dramatic I am.

What do I say? How do I go about breaking this off permanently? And before anyone says anything there is an obvious pattern of her going against my boundaries because she wants attention or whatever other reason. This has been a pattern for as long as I can remember this is just the straw that broke the camels back.

How do I bring up that I know she broke the boundary? I don’t want to be petty or rude. I don’t want to have a conversation about it. I want to express my feelings about that and the fact that she said she was so so so sorry and then proceeded to post about how I’m so dramatic. Idk. Any help would be appreciated.

Please dont be mean to me I’m already very upset. I’m aware I should’ve stopped being friends with her forever ago i dont need to hear it.

Edit to add: she has all of her posts and comments public. If she posts or comments in another subreddit they can simply click on her profile and see everything she’s ever posted or commented making her diary extremely easy to find. I know I click on people profiles just to be nosey sometimes.

I want to put this up here to really drive home why I’m upset. My name is rare. I am one of 2 people on Facebook with my name. I am INCREDIBLY easy to find and I value my privacy.

So some back story on this friend because I honestly feel like I’ve put up with a lot and it feels insane to me that this is the last straw.

We have been friends for 5 years. Share everything with eachother the whole 9. She got her first boyfriend 2 years ago and was insanely obsessed. He was all she would talk about. For the year they were together every hangout was about him. She didn’t care much about me or anyone else. I’d try to talk about my life or something I saw online and she’d shut it down and go back to talking about him. I gave a lot of grace because she was obviously excited about having her first boyfriend. Then they break up. Apparently he didn’t like how obsessive she was and our other friends said some of the stuff she did gave stalker vibes.

After the breakup she started taking it out on everyone around her. Being mean to everyone and acting like none of us really mattered unless we were going to be a listening ear to her (obviously she views this differently from us. Her pov is that we weren’t being very good friends because we didn’t give her enough time to grieve and we expected her to get over it faster than she was capable. Her pov is as important as mine. It wasn’t any of our intentions to make her feel that way we just wanted to talk about things other than her ex but she obviously was not in a place to do that which sucks but it is what it is) the friend group fractured for a lot of reasons. People moving away people growing apart and my friend being mean to everyone didn’t really help any of that.

Well I was the one who stayed being friends with her after that. Naturally I started taking on the brunt of her everything. She was at my house every day if I asked her to ask before coming over it was the end of the world and I didn’t care about her or her feelings (meanwhile I’m married and neither my husband nor I want someone at our house all day every day. We would like some alone time) she’s still doing the thing where all she talks about is her ex. It all comes down to me having a conversation with her that I can’t keep being her emotional punching bag and if she keeps treating me that way I’m going to have to distance myself for my own mental health. Well she takes that as “we aren’t friends anymore” and tells me not to contact her anymore. So I don’t. Well one thing leads to another and we become friends again.

Things are okay for a good long while. I’m happy she’s happy. Well the anniversary of the big friend group break up comes around and now all she can talk about is how those friends were all bad friends and she hates them all so much. I don’t feel like a punching bag as much this time but I do try to set a boundary of “hey I have a lot going on in my life right now. I understand you’re hurt and so am I but when every conversation we have is about them it kinda sucks” and she took it as “you can’t talk to me about your feelings at all and I hate you”

Well I find out she keeps an online diary in a public subreddit she created. She begs me to read it so I can understand her feelings more. This diary has been on the internet for 3 years. 3 years of using people’s real names talking about her true feelings about everyone in her life. I see a lot of things about our old friend group about how annoying they are and how no one cares about her. I even see things about deaths in my own family and how I’m having a hard time coping. Everything is so extreme. I see her posts from when I set boundaries with her and how she feels I “must hate her so much and don’t view her as a real friend” she talks crap about everyone in her life on there again WITH OUR REAL NAMES. She recently started talking about NSFW things on there and tells me about a guy who messaged her wanting to meet up and give her money. I tell her this is starting to get dangerous. There are creeps everywhere and you’ve got everyone you knows real name on here while also posting NSFW things in your “online diary” and might I mention my name is extremely rare. There is only one other person on Facebook with my name. Yeah I’m stressed. I keep my life very private. I tell her I’m uncomfortable with it and I ask her if she would consider privating the subreddit so our information isn’t out there for anyone to grab and be a creep about ESPECIALLY with her posting NSFW stuff. She says she’s sorry for making me uncomfortable and feeling unsafe and she privates the sub… for exactly 2 weeks. I’m scrolling on Reddit and I see a post from her subreddit basically saying “well I’m lonely and miss the attention so I’m opening this back up” I scroll again and see where she says I’m being dramatic and “murder and stalkers don’t happen to me no one likes me enough for that”

Now I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve put up with a lot over the years and it feel insane to me that this might be the final straw. My husband says I could ask her to take it down again and set the boundary that if she doesn’t that’s fine I just can’t continue being friends with her which is a good idea but man does this suck. I guess I have loss cost fallacy? Like I’ve put up with so much and then it’s just going to end like that? I’ve talked to my therapist about how every time I express I don’t like something she stops doing it for a week or 2 but then goes right back to doing it and it’s been a long pattern for 2 years now. My therapist says that to her it seems like it’s performative. Like she will say whatever it takes to shut me up and then go right back to doing whatever it is because she doesn’t really care she just wants me to let her do whatever she wants without being upset or saying anything about it.

I realize I can’t control what she does, I just wish she cared enough to take what I say into consideration. She specifically told me that when people set boundaries with her it makes her upset. It makes her feel like those people don’t love or care about her and that’s why she never sets boundaries with people. (And I mean real boundaries not the bs where you try to control people) any time I set a boundary with anyone I say “it hurts me when you do this, if you continue to do this that is fine but I won’t be around you while you do that thing” just like my therapist told me to do.

I feel like I have to walk on eggshells. I know for a fact that if I tell her “if you can’t take your subreddit down or at the very least take everyone’s names out of the 100’s of posts you’ve made I won’t continue to be your friend” that’s it. She’s done and she’s going to make another 100 posts on her subreddit about how I’m a bad person and I never really cared about her.

Anyway, this all sucks. What would you do given all the context and the current situation? How would it make you feel if you were someone who values privacy and your friend posted not only your name but also your business on a public platform where people actively look at it? I know it’s not a lot of people that look at it but people do look at it.

Edit to add: we are both women in our late 20’s

So my friend made a subreddit a few months ago as her “online diary”. It is completely public and anyone can see anything posted there. She often includes rants and raves about things going on in their life. Often talking about how much she hates certain people or things. She doesn’t use code names for anyone she references on there. I found out about it and saw how many times my name was mentioned on there. Recently she posted something NSFW and someone messaged her being gross because of her post. Likely because they saw a comment she made somewhere else and clicked on her profile or something. EVERYTHING she posts is made public. She doesn’t hide comments or posts at all on her profile. Am I being dramatic by asking her to private her online diary? How would you feel if your friend did something like this and it included your real life name? She says she keeps it public because she likes when someone stumbles on it. It makes her feel less alone. Am I out of line here? Idk I’m worried about my privacy at this point. She says “stalkers and murder doesn’t happen to me so it’s completely safe” but stalkers and murder don’t happen to anyone until they do and posting NSFW stuff increase the chance of weirdos coming around.