u/ThrowRa-Cherryz

For context I’ve been on T now for nearly 5 years. I pass, have facial hair, deep voice, I’m built etc. Not once have I been misgendered in public or by strangers for years, however, when I talked about being trans and answered questions about it in front of my boyfriend’s friend’s boyfriend (mouthful there sorry) he immediately started ‘slipping up’ and referring to me as “she” instead of “he”. He had only met me a few days ago as I was invited to meet my boyfriends friends and we’re all staying in an Airbnb over the weekend, chilling and obvs we got talking etc and I’m quite open about being trans when folk are in my orbit or are going to be.

But during a convo that revolved around my transition he just switched, he then just immediately just started to call me she sometimes. At first I thought it was harmless and his gf apologised profusely, then she then referred to me as “she” when referring to me when talking to someone else when I was in ear shot. Her bf started doing it the next day too on multiple occasions, my boyfriend let her know how upset I was and she apologised again and that’s all good, he on the other hand keeps on doing it, goes to her and says he’s mortified yet keeps on doing it.

I honestly know neither of them are bigots but the switch when some folk know your biological sex is wild and it made me dysphoric as fuck each time it happened. Again, I’m a big guy, haven’t been misgendered in years, a part of me is now so understanding of people who are stealth because fuck this shit.

Every time it happened he was just so oblivious as well, I just ignored it but by the forth time I had to get up and leave and go to bed. I understand when folk are anxious and worry about getting pronouns wrong and do it on accident, I reassured his gf that I understood her because I think that was the case for her… I thought the same of her boyfriend… now after the FORTH time… no, I think he’s just a dumbass.

No one else here has slipped up, my boyfriend never has, his other friends here haven’t. So I’m just… not feeling brilliant about it all, kind of wish I was never so open about my transition.

Any advice on what to do if it happens again? I said to my bf if it does I will just straight up call it out and be very blunt that this doesn’t feel like a slip of the tongue anymore, and that he never knew me as a woman or pre transition so he needs to understand how patient and calm im being to not lose my actual shit and give him a slap lol (jk ofc I wouldn’t do that) because there’s not justification whatsoever! I’m just SO tired after this omfg.

It’s been five weeks after he told me that it would never work between us after a year of maybe’s. I loved him. I told him that. He said he didn’t see himself being with someone like me, he’s a little older which bothered him which he said was the main reason. I was gutted. I begged, he said he’d never change his mind.

Funnily enough he changed his mind throughout the entire relationship, so did I, it was a mess. He told me to trust him this time. He said that we should have space for a couple of months which was reasonable and I said that if I loved him I had to let him go. I ended it by saying “I love you.”

Fast forward to this week. It’s been so tough. I got with another person, thought of him throughout it. I got attacked in the street and I just wanted him to hold me, tell me everything was ok. He’s on my mind even more because he sent a message then instantly deleted it as well, it was an Instagram sticker or something bizarre.

He’s also viewed my socials on and off all week, especially on TikTok. Whenever I post he’s one of the first to view it out of my friends, he never did that before. I think he misses me, I miss him. God it’s so tough.

His birthday’s coming up, a part of me wants to send him a card with a QR code with a selected song that says everything I want to say. It would probably be ‘Streets Of Philadelphia’ by Springsteen. I don’t want to text him, I’m a meaningful and romantic person and a text for the emotions I feel surrounding this would be too small.

I don’t know what to do. I just want him back, I know and I think he knows he made a mistake.

Do I send the card?

It’s been five weeks after he told me that it would never work between us after a year of maybe’s. I loved him. I told him that. He said he didn’t see himself being with someone like me, he’s a little older which bothered him which he said was the main reason. I was gutted. I begged, he said he’d never change his mind.

Funnily enough he changed his mind throughout the entire relationship, so did I, it was a mess. He told me to trust him this time. He said that we should have space for a couple of months which was reasonable and I said that if I loved him I had to let him go. I ended it by saying “I love you.”

Fast forward to this week. It’s been so tough. I got with another person, thought of him throughout it. I got attacked in the street and I just wanted him to hold me, tell me everything was ok. He’s on my mind even more because he sent a message then instantly deleted it as well, it was an Instagram sticker or something bizarre.

He’s also viewed my socials on and off all week, especially on TikTok. Whenever I post he’s one of the first to view it out of my friends, he never did that before. I think he misses me, I miss him. God it’s so tough.

His birthday’s coming up, a part of me wants to send him a card with a QR code with a selected song that says everything I want to say. It would probably be ‘Streets Of Philadelphia’ by Springsteen. I don’t want to text him, I’m a meaningful and romantic person and a text for the emotions I feel surrounding this would be too small.

I don’t know what to do. I just want him back, I know and I think he knows he made a mistake.

I left secondary school, high school for other parts of the world, in 2019. I had a lot of mental health problems so the designated safeguarding lead who I’ll call Mr Wall had weekly if not daily run-ins with me. Not to mention I was groomed by another teacher there which gave me C-PTSD amongst other things that happened growing up. I know I have severe trauma surrounding the school I went to, so technically anyone who did support me there and who was heavily involved with me I have a trauma bond with, I acknowledge it and I’m aware he is probably one of my trauma bonds. I’ve never stated this as he doesn’t need to know.

Anyways, since I left that place I’d update him with things I’ve achieved and done, where my life is going etc. I think I do this because at one point I was constantly trying not to be here anymore, no one ever expected me to stay alive this long, not to mention even get qualifications or go to uni so I kind of always want to prove how hard I’ve worked to the people who helped me somewhat.

But when it comes to this, I would never email him constantly just every year or so, the gap has gotten larger now I’ve got older. Why I’m writing this post and asking for opinions is because I’m currently
drafting an email after two years of not reaching out to him and I told a friend to which she said “that’s honestly so weird, it’s been nearly seven years isn’t it time to move on from that?” I felt judged and worried if maybe it was time to just move on.

That being said, I’m considering becoming a teacher myself and one of the things I wanted to say to him was that I was wanting to become a teacher. Now I’m second guessing if I should send him anything at all, maybe it’s quite narcissistic to send him emails about everything I’ve done every so often. I do ask him how he is, to keep on being an amazing teacher. But idk it just got in my head a little bit.

I’ve lost nearly a stone over the last three months. I’m not doing any exercise, I’m just eating within a calorie deficit of 1,700, eating home cooked food with lots of veggies and super food etc. On weekends I’ll just eat what I want, sometimes even binge. I was talking to my friend about it and they said that by going crazy on the weekends I’m going to be undoing my progress? But I’m making progress with this system?

I have struggled to diet for years, I’ve only ever lasted a month with no binging. But with this system it’s been manageable.

Basically, should I stick to what I’m doing or is my friend right and maybe it’s just not caught up with me yet? Or am I losing weight because I’m not eating as much as I thought I am on the weekends to ruin my calorie deficit during the week?

Hey I’m 22 (FTM) and I’m moving to Manchester in September. I’m wanting to find people who I can go to queer clubs and events in gay village with, they don’t always have to be NSFW, but I want to be able to go to places and party with other trans and queer folk and feel safe and supported. I want to go clubbing but whenever I have gone with my straight friends I just haven’t felt safe and able to be myself. I feel like I haven’t found my crowd yet and would like to find it.

I M22 have been on and off with this guy since September 2025 who is M26. Things started off intense, we were hooking up initially, he said he wasn’t looking for anything. Next thing I know we were talking everyday and went on one date in December. I self sabotaged (wasn’t in a good headspace at all) and that severely hindered our relationship. I came back a week later saying I regretted it, that yeah I loved him (instant regret I got in my feelings) and he said he wasn’t interested in me romantically and expressed that he didn’t have the same feelings for me but was more than happy to be friends.

After a few months of what turned into a turbulent friendship we went no contact as he stated he wanted nothing physical or romantic with me going forward even though he would flirt with me and told me he’d always be sexually attracted to me hence why I asked for more from him. Very confusing, but it was clear I crossed a boundary so we took some time apart. I massively worked on my mental health and was doing overtime in therapy sessions and beyond.

Come the end of March we reconnected to where he said that he didn’t know what the future holds for us, that my actions needed to speak louder than my words and that he’d love continue being friends but it was very hard to say there was a definitive outcome. We met up with each other for lunch in April and it went very well, we then met up again a few weeks ago to see a movie and get some dinner and it was very apparent there was chemistry. We had a chat about taking things slow afterwards and he said that we needed to find healthier ways to connect before we become sexual. If I’m honest I don’t want to just hookup with him, I want to build something more than sex.

Fast forward to the other day he told me he wanted to take me to a theme park for a summer day out. I was thrilled! But drifted back to our future plan of meeting up the first week of June for a walk in the mountains, he said he forgot that we had made that plan and said he was going to Canada for 10 days? I was quite upset as I’m autistic and plans changing freaks me out whereas he’s kinda a go with the flow guy. I expressed that this upset me to which he just said “that’s who I am”. Anyways, after a little tiff we got over it and I asked if he’d like to see me next week instead to which he said he was busy and made no effort to plan something that would be closer than far apart, he just said “Let’s meet up in the second week of July?”

This has made me quite annoyed. You want to go slow yet you don’t want to see me for 7 weeks? How are we meant to build a meaningful connection when you want to put things on hold for that long. Texting really doesn’t do it for me? I guess the question is, is he really going slow or just stalling? Am I out of line and being too needy or do I have a point? All thoughts welcome!

I M22 have been on and off with this guy since September 2025 who is M26. Things started off intense, we were hooking up initially, he said he wasn’t looking for anything. Next thing I know we were talking everyday and went on one date in December. I self sabotaged (Wasn’t in a good headspace) and that severely hindered our relationship. I came back a week later saying I regretted it and he wasn’t interested in me romantically and expressed that he didn’t have the same feelings for me but was more than happy to be friends.

After a few months of what turned into a turbulent friendship we went no contact as he stated he wanted nothing physical or romantic with me going forward even though he would flirt with me and told me he’d always be sexually attracted to me hence why I asked for more from him. Very confusing, but it was clear I crossed a boundary so we took some time apart.

Come the end of March we reconnected to where he said that he didn’t know what the future holds for us, that my actions needed to speak louder than my words and that he’d love continue being friends but it was very hard to say there was a definitive outcome. We met up with each other for lunch in April and it went very well, we then met up again a few weeks ago to see a movie and get some dinner and it was very apparent there was chemistry. We had a chat about taking things slow afterwards and he said that we needed to find healthier ways to connect before we become sexual. If I’m honest I don’t want to just hookup with him, I want to build something more than sex.

Fast forward to the other day he told me he wanted to take me to a theme park for a summer day out. I was thrilled! But drifted back to our future plan of meeting up the first week of June for a walk in the mountains, he said he forgot that we had made that plan and said he was going to Canada for 10 days? I was quite upset as I’m autistic and plans changing freaks me out whereas he’s kinda a go with the flow guy. I expressed that this upset me to which he just said “that’s who I am”. Anyways, after a little tiff we got over it and I asked if he’d like to see me next week instead to which he said he was busy and made no effort to plan something that would be closer than far apart, he just said “Let’s meet up in the second week of July?”

This has made me quite annoyed. You want to go slow yet you don’t want to see me for 7 weeks? How are we meant to build a meaningful connection when you want to put things on hold for that long. Texting really doesn’t do it for me? I guess the question is, is he really going slow or just stalling? Am I out of line and being too needy or do I have a point? All thoughts welcome!