u/Timely_Knowledge4250

I came home from uni yesterday and now I have so much stuff to unpack that I question where it all used to be before I went. You have no idea how much stress I’m under. I know I have to clear space in my room and stuff but it’s an actual nightmare because I don’t want to let go of anything. What if I need that random thing that I haven’t used since 2016? It’s either that mentality or sentimentality that’s the problem. I have the same issue with my phone, not deleting any photos in case I need them one day so how I have a full camera roll going back to 2021 and there’s almost no space in my phone.

Idk if this counts as a sensory issue but it’s all because I hate sudden loud noises. I know it makes everyone jump but it leaves me shaken for a few moments. I get sort of angry and really emotional. Loud engines are the worst (I get genuinely furious as well since there are idiots choosing to make that noise because they think they’re cool). But for the last year I’ve lived in a big student block and we get fire alarms every so often but now it’s my biggest fear. It comes without warning and it’s SO LOUD, the shock of it actually brings me to tears, especially if it’s at night when I’m asleep. I used to feel like this with alarms as a young child until I started managing my better at about 8 but suddenly I’m 19 and it’s back.

I’m waffling like hell about one of the most universal traits but I want to say it anyway. It’s currently the middle of the night and the dread of it is always in the back of my mind. God I hate it in here.

God some of you are so chronically online. NOT EVERY ACTIVITY I DO IS FOR THE “AESTHETIC”. I DO NOT CONFINE MYSELF TO ONE “AESTHETIC”. PERSONALLY I LIKE TO READ OR WORK ON THE TRAIN OR IN THE PARK BECAUSE I ENJOY IT AS A PASSTIME. IDGAF WHO’S LOOKING and quite frankly I’d rather not be seen at all now that I’m probably getting quietly laughed at

Sorry this was prompted after my friend posted a picture of the painting she was doing at the park and jokingly said “who wants to come and be performative in the park 🤗”

And fuck, even STANDING/SITTING DOING NOTHING is now performative according to some boring fuckers who live on tiktok.

My phone gives me a headache at this point. I feel deep despair every time I open social media. God forbid I want to do something else when I’m out.

Because SOMEONE has it drilled into my head that my appearance/self expression is “unflattering” (mainly my hair) and they tell me how to improve my social skills after talking to someone we know because I (19AFAB) look rude or whatever (which is me masking really hard because I’m autistic and I feel extremely tense talking to people from home and I don’t know what to do when it’s not my turn to talk). Also it’s my mum. So now every time I go outside and see someone I’ve known my whole life, I think they’re secretly laughing at me because I look like a mess to them, and I’m a rude person with no social skills). And I’m sort of trans (ftm) which is just another thing to be insecure about around people who knew me before that (and I lose a bit of self confidence every time I’m called the name that I don’t use anymore)

I just feel inferior

I spend most of my time at uni now so I don’t have to worry about it as much

Idk if I’m in the right place for this but I’m desperate to make myself heard

I (19AFAB) have been experiencing this for a long long time. Literally just today I posted something on tumblr that turned out not to be a good idea (nothing offensive or anything, just a piece of advice that I thought was a good idea but someone made it VERY clear that it was a terrible idea.) I deleted it immediately and I still feel like an evil twat because that’s probably what one person thinks of me.

Like, I KNOW I’m not an inherently bad person for being uninformed and careless as a one-off, but my body and mind reacts like I am. And today I realised that I’ve been experiencing that since probably my pre-teen years. If someone points out something wrong that I’ve done, I’ll apologise and correct it but freak the fuck out inside and really beat myself up over it. One that really sticks out to me was when I accidentally cut the long queue at a chip shop on my road when I was 12 (waiting in line is VERY important in the UK and you look like a monster if you disobey). In my defence I thought everyone in the queue was just waiting for their orders to be ready, but an old man was very arsey with me about it, however the people at the till were very kind and understanding. I cried all the way home and really hated myself for a while; what he said to me played over and over in my head all night. In recent months, I’ve been looking more into the way my brain behaves (I’m diagnosed autistic at the very least) and apparently it’s not normal to believe you’re awful after making an honest mistake and dwell on it for ages and want to run and hide from everyone. It’s a massive issue for me actually. It makes me act so so carefully to the point that I just can’t do a load of everyday things just in case I do something that could possibly maybe get me in trouble. I can’t even forgive myself when the other person is being kind about it.

This might not be specifically OCD so forgive me if I’m in the wrong subreddit, but if you do know what this sounds like and where else I should take it then do let me know :)

We are in a long distance relationship so we rely heavily on calling and messaging. He seems to get annoyed when I’m away from my phone for long periods of time because it means we can’t talk to each other, so I tend to let him know when I’ll be offline and try to estimate how long but sometimes it’s longer than I expect and I just keep thinking that he’ll be asking where I’ve been, or he’ll think that I’d rather not be spending time talking to him or something. What he doesn’t get is that I just like to be away from my phone completely sometimes or how I like to spend the evening with my family without being distracted by my phone, but I feel really guilty when I’m gone longer than I said I’d be. I also hate having to end calls and conversations because I know how disappointed he always gets and I hate feeling responsible for it. He seems to think I’m less committed than he is because of it, but I just operate different to him. We both know that communication is key but I don’t want it to cause a massive rift.

TL;DR my boyfriend finds it hard to understand my relationship with my phone

I’m so damn tired of carrying around my passport because that’s the only widely accepted ID I own. I can’t get a driver’s license because I’m epileptic, so that’s not the answer to every club telling me to just get a provisional. CitizenID and Post Office ID cards aren’t accepted everywhere (I’ve seen people get turned away and the internet says that it’s not accepted everywhere) so what the fuck do I do?? Honestly it’s pretty damn ableist if you ask me since many people can’t drive for a lot of reasons but that’s the only reliable alternative to carrying a whole passport around which is just a risk I don’t like taking.

Edit: if one more person says “just get a provisional license and don’t tell them you have epilepsy” I will kill myself

Edit 2: do not come and tell me “that’s life” you condescending pricks

I acquired this compulsion a few years ago and it’s pretty damn annoying. I’ve got a few irrational phobias that makes it unbearable to look at certain everyday objects and every time I do, I have to look away and find something nicer to stare at so it replaces the image in my head. I even have a Pinterest board full of things that I like to look at to counteract it. And then with sounds (I also have misophonia) I have to dig my dingers deep into my ears to “remove” the noise and/or listen to something through headphones.