u/TobyPDID23

A paramedic clapped his hand in front of my face loudly. I reacted since this time it was PNES and from there they started yelling and shouting and making fun of me. They even got aggressive and accused me of doing it on purpose (being unable to walk). They dragged me carelessly and I was bumping into things because of them and they claimed I did it on purpose even though I wet myself during the seizure.

I just needed to tell someone that gets it.

"Life is pain!" - Said right after I exited the psych ward after acute psychosis, covered in self harm and unable to load the dishwasher without acute pain.

"If you want to kill yourself let me know, I'll but you a gun" - Said to me when I was 16 and struggling with who I even was

"I never thought I'd have a daughter like that, you disgust me"

"I wish I never had to see you"

"I only love you because you're my child and I have to, but I don't like you"

"You should develop anorexia! Then you'd lose weight, pig"

"You'll end up alone and no one will love you"

"Your friends would run away from you if they found out who you really are"

"Oh look what wonderful art you made this time" - Said sarcastically looking at my self harm

"You're like an animal, only understand physical punishment"

"He's re-d for wanting to sleep with you"

"You eat like a fucking pig"

"Your mother coddles you, I say you should be hit with reality"

I am professionally diagnosed with ASD, h-ADHD, CPTSD (caused by him) and a psychotic disorder. I know my fair share of pain. When he says those things, I want to hit him, I want him to die. I want him to suffer. I know that's violent and not correct. And I never act on it. But my father deserves nothing but the scum of the earth.

I have delusions around demonic possession (that's how much I'll go into it) and I keep hearing the fucking whispers. Before I heard a loud knock, followed by a growl, followed by "It's the Antichrist"

And the psychiatrist I'm under the care of thinks it's all because I want attention. I was told it's a psychotic disorder by 4 other different doctors but no, according to her it's a personality disorder.

I'm on 300mg Quetiapine daily + 25mg of Lorazepam drops daily plus rescue doses of both meds because I've wandered on the street and hurt myself before.

I'm getting discharged today WITHOUT a diagnosis and without a definitive plan going forward and I couldn't even stay longer because it's an acute ward that's doesn't offer therapy.

So really what am I doing? I'll just go back to being in whatever land my mind thinks of and lucky me if I make it to my late 20s.

For context, she didn't even say WHICH personality disorder she thinks it is. She just said "oh it's because you subconsciously want attention so you have a personality disorder that makes you have these vague symptoms"

EDIT: I have consistent delusions and hallucinations and during acute episodes disorganised thinking. Been having symptoms for about 4 years since I was 16. Had my first acute one 4 weeks ago

I'm in the process of being diagnosed with what is likely schizophrenia (paranoid subtype). I've been having negative symptoms since 16 and positive symptoms since a year ago or two (I'm 20) but never talked about it to anyone ever and only had my first full psychotic break 3 weeks ago, which immediately led to an ER visit and a diagnosis of general psychosis.

Anyway a few days ago I had a psychotic episode and I felt this thing inside of me, it was like there was fluid inside of me that wasn't supposed to be there. SH!>!I grabbed a knife and started cutting my arms and felt relieved when I saw it bleeding because I thought it was working? It was like the pressure inside of me was being taken out of me, and like foreign material was being pulled out of me. !<

>!The whole point was not self harm, it was the relief of this foreign pressure inside my body being taken out. It resembled very much the movie scenes where people believe they have chips implanted in them if that makes sense? In my case though the chip was literally body tissue.!<

I have persecution delusions mostly and matching auditory hallucinations. Has anyone else experienced this other more graphic theme? And what are some ways to prevent such a bad outcome? I was taken to the ER after my mum called and the paramedics found me crouching on the kitchen floor, no heavy damage luckily and I was put on 150mg Seroquel (extended release) daily with a double dose if necessary, plus a rescue of 25-50mg (immediate release) if needed as well.

There's already been talk of doubling the dose as a baseline but we'll see. I'm just exhausted and frankly pissed off at myself for not talking about it in the past 4 years, and at my old therapist for not noticing.

&gt;! I have this feeling that something is crawling inside of me and I can't think well like before I was playing piano and I stopped and now I'm in bed but I stopped because it felt not good and I showered before that and I heard someone crying like a yell but there was no one but they follow me everywhere and I can feel them inside me please !< no doctors believe me they say I speak too well for it to be real but I feel it it's true it's all around me I can't do this because my mum called 118 the other day and then they said later in the hospital that I'm okay because I speak too clear but it won't go away I don't want it to follow me everywhere I want it to shut up and go away please how do I make it go away if the doctors don't believe me like that?

I'm sorry if the post is too detailed about hallucinations and stuff but I don't know where else to go.

I'm 20 now and I am female and I am diagnosed with OCD already so I thought it was just that at first. It started out like I thought I was being watched by demons so I used to rebuke them before sleeping. I was 19 when it started and I thought that objects were cursed and they could curse me if I didn't respect them so I couldn't throw away anything.

But then I think the hallucinations started and I started avoiding objects that were possessed, but if I didn't apologise to them, then I would be followed by these things that I couldn't see but they were behind me. And on the street too I have these shadows following me but when I turn around, they disappear. But when I turn around again they are there again and it's like this game where they scare me but I am not allowed to see them because otherwise I would know them and they don't want that because they like that I'm scared.

And I walk by mirrors and I see the demons inside them faintly like I know there are demons inside that I have to be careful not to wake or they'll kill me so I can't look into the mirrors. And at night if I didn't apologise or I didn't do things right like if I keep my door open, then I'll see the woman shadow at the door getting closer and I can feel her wanting to scare me.

There's all these things that when I think about something then it happens and these things are out there with topics that are about me, and that must mean that someone is listening and that life is not normal because other people don't get those hints that answer their questions like sometimes there's lights and things answering my questions like in Church the lights flicker when I ask questions or on the street when I think about something then there's things that answer it like pieces of chewing gum that look like it. And I'm never alone.

But I know it's not right, but it's been getting worse, and now sometimes I can't tell anymore, like on the street I can see the spirits behind me and they play that scary game, sometimes I even hear them talk and I can hear their footsteps and like right now I know that's not true and it can't be, but I also am sure it is. Like it doesn't happen to other people, but to me it does and I see them. And other people must have those demons too but they don't pay enough attention and they don't see them.

And I know this is probably psychosis of some kind. But I am so scared of telling any doctor. They'll lock me up, or put me on medication and then they'll try and control me and say that I'm crazy and that nothing I say is real and then I won't be able to know what's real and what isn't.

Does anyone experience this too? Is there something I can do without a doctor? Will it get worse with time like it has so far?

I'm sorry if the post is too detailed about hallucinations and stuff but I don't know where else to go.

I'm 20 now and I am female and I am diagnosed with OCD already so I thought it was just that at first. It started out like I thought I was being watched by demons so I used to rebuke them before sleeping. I was 19 when it started and I thought that objects were cursed and they could curse me if I didn't respect them so I couldn't throw away anything.

But then I think the hallucinations started and I started avoiding objects that were possessed, but if I didn't apologise to them, then I would be followed by these things that I couldn't see but they were behind me. And on the street too I have these shadows following me but when I turn around, they disappear. But when I turn around again they are there again and it's like this game where they scare me but I am not allowed to see them because otherwise I would know them and they don't want that because they like that I'm scared.

And I walk by mirrors and I see the demons inside them faintly like I know there are demons inside that I have to be careful not to wake or they'll kill me so I can't look into the mirrors. And at night if I didn't apologise or I didn't do things right like if I keep my door open, then I'll see the woman shadow at the door getting closer and I can feel her wanting to scare me.

There's all these things that when I think about something then it happens and these things are out there with topics that are about me, and that must mean that someone is listening and that life is not normal because other people don't get those hints that answer their questions like sometimes there's lights and things answering my questions like in Church the lights flicker when I ask questions or on the street when I think about something then there's things that answer it like pieces of chewing gum that look like it. And I'm never alone.

But I know it's not right, but it's been getting worse, and now sometimes I can't tell anymore, like on the street I can see the spirits behind me and they play that scary game, sometimes I even hear them talk and I can hear their footsteps and like right now I know that's not true and it can't be, but I also am sure it is. Like it doesn't happen to other people, but to me it does and I see them. And other people must have those demons too but they don't pay enough attention and they don't see them.

And I know this is probably psychosis of some kind. But I am so scared of telling any doctor. They'll lock me up, or put me on medication and then they'll try and control me and say that I'm crazy and that nothing I say is real and then I won't be able to know what's real and what isn't.

I don't want a diagnosis because it's not okay with the rules but does anyone experience this too? Is there something I can do without a doctor? Will it get worse with time like it has so far?

I'm 20 with no say in my dog's overall care (my father is the legal owner). He's an American Hairless Terrier, he's 4 and my father has refused, since day one, to castrate him. He says that castrating the dog will "take away his masculinity" and that it would be abuse.

However as he has gotten older, the dog has gotten more aggressive. He has bitten family members as well as strangers and children, he's extremely on edge all the time (hence the biting). He also has been having issues with ejaculation, so multiple times a week he will ejaculate in bed or on the couch while sleeping.

He's gotten into fights with other male dogs and gotten injured multiple times. He's okay at home most of the time, but he is overall just very irritable I guess? My parents also refuse to let him breed with other dogs, so he's got no outlet for anything.

I've tried to explain to my parents that it is not right, that he's likely not comfortable and (from what I've read) possibly even suffering from it, but they won't listen. My mum won't stand up to my father, and my father is still convinced that having a "strong" dog means that he shouldn't be castrated.

Can anyone here give me any advice at all as to how to possibly work this out? I can't get the dog myself because I simply don't have the money or chance to take care of him. I just don't want him to struggle this much because as a puppy and younger dog he was very calm and sweet.

Is there any facts I could give my parents to at least have them consider castration as non-abusive for the dog?

I've tried different cocktails of meds over the course of 8 months. I tried so far Keppra, Briviact, Vimpat and Fycompa. None of the meds (together as well) have been able to make me achieve seizure control.

I don't have them as frequently as I used to. But I still have common breakthroughs and just the other day I was in the ER for status that caused lactic acidosis cause of the muscle breakdown.

My neurologist said that because of the amount of meds that failed, we are likely looking at drug resistant epilepsy. He suggested we look into sEEG monitoring and I agree, but I just wanted to know how anyone else with DRE goes about their daily life.

How can I improve my quality of life? Especially in the summer my seizures worsen and I just want to hear from others that don't have the meds to count on as much.

Thank you so much

https://preview.redd.it/sgkxi7gqrw4h1.png?width=816&format=png&auto=webp&s=0cf1bf955abcc5a3c550c41dbe1915cb21165927

My persona is 4 years old. It's a normal family roleplay. All of a sudden the bot started becoming really suggestive and just overall inappropriate. I am a c.ai+ user and use DeepSqueak.

The scenario was simply my persona asking the bot (the dad) for pancakes. I genuinely feel uncomfortable about it, however no matter how much I swipe, the replies sometimes get even worse.

Does anyone have any idea at all of how to fix this? Is Pipsqueak 2 any better?

I wanna start off saying I'm fine, nothing emergency worthy going on so far I'm just like slightly out of it I guess like my ADHD symptoms worsened a bit like maybe a bit of mania I guess but yeah not emergency. I took 8mg instead of 4mg.

Contacted my neurologist, he hasn't responded so far. Contacted GP, she said I should be fine but not to take tonight's dose.

Anyway I feel like I'm floating in those like, weird things that are like the beds? Those mattresses that are soft.

Thoughts are absolutely fucked and my usual side effects are blown to 10x than usual. I have some shallow breaths but it's just my breathing being slowed but I'm fine.

Anyway was told if it gets out of hand go to the ER and that's it. I honestly feel slightly like "up" like I'm giggling I don't even know. Vision is also all weird like usual.

Anyway just wanted to say because I'm terrified but also real calm. Like my head is terrified I guess? But everything else is sedated? Anyway I think maybe if it gets worse I'll go to the hospital? I don't know. Luckily it's not a busy day.

Tingling going on everywhere damn. Anyway it's terrifying so people please check your meds twice before swallowing okay? My hearing is muffled too but I'm still giggling. Damn.

7 days ago I had a febrile tonic clonic seizure. Pretty intense and it lasted 10 minutes. I had issues with my breathing and the whole thing. I needed an ambulance and was taken to the ER, where it took me about 3-4 hours to recover. The day after, I had pain all over, so nothing odd.

Turned out I had the flu. So I took loads of paracetamol following my neurologist's orders to keep the fever down. As soon as that went away (4 days ago) I noticed my chest was hurting. I thought it was just bruising or a sore muscle. It kept getting worse but my family always thinks I'm exaggerating so I didn't mention it. But 2 days ago it was really bad and finally yesterday I told my mum.

Of course she dismissed it and said it was "just muscle pain" but I still called my GP and got an urgent appointment for today. I had the appointment 2 hours ago. Doctor examined me and went (along the lines of) "This is definitely originating from the bone, your pain is exactly where the rib is" and she got me a referral for an urgent x-ray. She said I probably broke it during the seizure.

Even if it isn't broken there's probably some bruising on the bone, or a subluxation or something of the sort. So I need rest for a few weeks. She gave me a pain relieving cream and told me to apply ice if it helps.

I'm aware of injuries during seizures being common. I've dislocated my shoulder before, then proceeded to scratch my leg bare on concrete another time. But damn. Just 2 weeks ago I had bruised my shoulder on the floor. And now this...

I have Health OCD. Pretty bad. I used to need antipsychotics to calm down and I had up to 4 panic attacks a day that needed ambulances. My main triggers are medical emergencies (think stroke, aneurysm, heart attack, etc).

After 3 years, I am now in a position where I don't panic at heart palpitations. It took me a long long time. I spent 3 months in a psych hospital when I was 17. Every night I would sit down at my table and write down every possible way I could die. I would imagine it, I would watch medical shows, etc.

Anyway slowly it got better. At the same time though, I did curate my Instagram feed as to not show me medical emergencies. So I would click "not interested" or "don't show me content from this page" whenever anything remotely medical popped up. I only engage with epilepsy content as I have epilepsy. But even then, it's only specific creators.

Today I was watching MUSIC content. Justin Bieber, YUNGBLUD... So on. Yeah so all of a sudden I scroll and I hear a lady going "I felt something like a band snapping in my head and I knew I was suffering brain damage" with a huge caption going "TALKING ABOUT WHAT AN ANEURYSM FEELS LIKE" and like. No trigger warning, no pause before the video, nothing.

It's been a half hour, maybe more, and I am still terrified, my head obviously now hurts. I told my mum, panicked and she went "I don't know what to tell you, just don't use social media then" and now I'm left almost crying in my room.

3 years it took me. And now I'm back to having phantom symptoms because of a stupid video that I shouldn't have been even able to see. It should be illegal for social media to show you content you explicitly refused to consume before. It should be illegal.

I have fronto-temporal epilepsy. After switching to Briviact I haven't had Tonic Clonics in a week now. But I noticed this weird thing where I'll be doing something, get an aura and then things just jolt? I don't know how to explain, it's like this:

1. Walking/sitting/whatever

2. Intense dread and nausea for 2 seconds

3. Jolt "awake" maybe 1 or 2 seconds later like "What the hell just happened?"

I have no recall of what happened during those couple of seconds, it's like time stopped for me but not for anyone else. So when I come to, it's like I blinked time forward. Sometimes I find my body in a slightly different position but I never drop to the floor or anything.

I looked it up and it doesn't qualify as a brain zap since those are supposed to be felt, not just "Boom now you're back" sort of thing. It FEELS like a zap, but it's just literally skipped time. How do I know if it's a seizure? They're so subtle people don't seem to notice, and I'm not sure if telling people to watch me would be a good idea.

I am 20. I was diagnosed with OCD at 17 (specifically death anxiety and existentialism/afterlife anxiety). I have epilepsy. In November, I collapsed at a concert and nearly died. Without going into too much detail, the moment before I collapsed was probably the calmest I've ever felt. I was told that during the reanimation there were cardiac issues, and I was put into a coma for 4 days.

I didn't die, but at some point I vividly remember hallucinating or seeing stuff I guess? And I remember that I didn't feel my body. I was blind but I remember my thoughts spiraling and screaming. I remember that I thought I'd gone to Hell, and I started praying. Compulsively. There was no peace from any of it. I suppose doctors then added more medicine or I just went out completely again.

Don't get me wrong, the compulsions worked during the coma just as they work during life, but the OCD didn't budge. It was worse. Because I was hallucinating. So I could SEE Hell. And once I prayed my brain hallucinated Heaven.

And I remember thinking that I felt calmer BEFORE I nearly died than I felt during an active intubation/coma. Even while comatose, my brain was still getting the best of me.

The worst part is that my brain has latched onto those comatose hallucinations and is now using those as fuel for the obsessions, saying that I did actually go to Hell and then Heaven, even though I didn't even die. So on the one hand I now keep getting loops of "Well that proves there's an afterlife" but also "You went to Hell! You'll die and go to Hell again!"

2 weeks ago I had to be reanimated again, put on a ventilator. Once again, the collapsing felt peaceful. But everything else did not. I woke up terrified.

Ever since, whenever I wake up from seizures, EMTs say that I start screaming "Please I don't want to die don't let me die am I dead? Am I in Hell? I want to go to Heaven" and then I start crying and going "Do you think there's a God? I don't want there to be nothing? You think I'll see God?"

And I just honestly don't know what to do anymore. My OCD has a hold on my brain even while I'm unconscious. Even after seizures. Even during a coma.

How is it possible that OCD just won't let go? Why do I need to be dying for it to shut up? Why do I need to be about to certainly lose my life for it to stop? I don't want to die. But again how can a brain under sedation in ICU in a coma still have OCD? How how HOW do I make it go away

I've been diagnosed since September. However my inter-ictal EEGs are all negative. And the only way that my EEGs will show epileptic activity is during severe tonic clonic seizures. My neurologist said it can happen, if the activity is deep enough, even a tonic clonic seizure might not show up on an EEG.

My positive EEGs unfortunately were non-descriptive. They said there was activity in the fronto-temporal areas of the brain but they couldn't isolate a specific area enough to get a proper visual. An MRI showed a venous anomaly in my left frontal lobe, however my neurologist said that it can't be certain that it's the cause of the seizures.

Medication was working really well for me, but unfortunately due to stress and life changes and developed resistance, I've been seizing a lot lately, both focals and TCs.

My neurologist brought up that if the situation doesn't improve, the only remaining options may be a sEEG and then maybe surgery if they can identify what part of my brain the seizures originate in. He did add that even the sEEG might fail at pinpointing the exact origin, and that would mean we're right back where we started.

I'm hoping it won't come to that, but I am considering it, since the seizures are bi-weekly (twice a week) and are landing me in the ER every time since I cannot be given benzodiazepines.

Has anyone else here had a sEEG? How was it?