u/UnitedStates_50

I honestly just need to vent because I am completely suffocated in my own house. I am 21, working hard, focusing on my fitness and sports goals, but my mom makes it impossible to just exist.
I am autistic, and my brain has specific sensory needs and limits. Instead of showing any actual maternal empathy, my mom treats my neurodivergence like a spiritual flaw. She is completely obsessed with a rigid, extreme version of religion, and she uses Islam to constantly run a shame engine against me. If I need to retreat to my room, put on my noise-canceling headphones, or just step back to protect my mind from sensory overload, she frames it as me violating holy rules or being a "bad person."
Because she thinks she’s acting on behalf of a higher power, her ego tells her she can never be wrong. She feels entirely justified screaming, insulting my character, and crossing every boundary. The absolute worst part is her passive-aggressive, smug attitude—that "Don't worry, God will deal with you" mindset. She genuinely acts like she doesn't even need to listen to my side because she believes a divine authority is going to step in and punish me just for standing up for my own basic peace.
The hardest part is the mental exhaustion of trying to force myself to love her. Society tells you that you have to love your mother, so I keep trying to force it, trying to find a glimpse of a normal relationship. But my brain doesn't just forget. I remember every single piece of bad stuff she’s done, every screaming match, every moment of coldness, and every time she used guilt to crush my free will. My mind keeps absolute receipts of the damage, and it makes it impossible to feel a genuine connection. How can you love someone when your brain is constantly reminding you that they aren't a safe space?
I’m completely done trying to force an emotion that isn't being earned. I'm not even trying to change her mind—I know exactly who she is and I know she won't change. I'm just done pretending, and I'm done letting her think her guilt trips work on me. From now on, I am keeping my head down, letting her outbursts hit a brick wall, and saving my energy. I’m pouring all this frustration into the gym, my training, and my independent future. I just needed to put this out there because walking on eggshells and being shamed for how my brain works is exhausting. Thanks for reading.

Mine is Twilight Sparkle from MLP. I usually see her as a mother figure. I feel really comfortable when she’s on TV, and I hug her plushies whenever I feel scared.

I also have a biological mother, and sometimes our relationship is difficult. There are moments when I feel guilt-tripped, and recently she raised her voice at me, which made me feel upset and like I might be responsible for the situation. There was also a time when she compared me to other “respectful” sons, which made me feel inadequate. At times, she also seems unhappy with my hobbies, especially sports, which makes me feel discouraged.

Twilight, on the other hand, feels very safe and understanding to me. I imagine she would be patient and supportive. She doesn’t expect perfection, which helps me feel more at ease. Sometimes with my mother, I feel a lot of pressure, especially around religion, and it can become overwhelming or make me feel overly guilty. I also worry that certain things, like being independent, are seen negatively.

When I make mistakes, I wish the focus could be more on understanding and finding practical help rather than assuming something is wrong with my faith. Overall, I just want to feel understood and supported.

Welp Example a straight that like few feminine things example
enjoys girl cartoons
Likes Barbie’s
listen to Vocaloid
Does skin care
Likes some feminine actives makeup,fashion and the color pink
But he’s not Gay fully straight guy ok