u/Unknownreality7

I’m a Hindu woman who recently ended things with my Muslim boyfriend. Our relationship had gotten a lot serious lately and we were able to compromise on a lot of things but, we had fundamentally different ideas about how we wanted to raise our kids.

I don’t consider myself to be religious. I do believe that there is one God, but I don’t really subscribe to religion like he does. I would consider myself to be more culturally Hindu. Throughout our relationship, he kept reiterating this is not a problem and he never expected me to convert. He always used to say that I should do it if this is something I align with. And so, I thought he was a bit more lenient in his beliefs because he also doesn’t eat halal, he doesn’t always pray 5 times a day, he’s had pre-marital sex and he was with a Hindu woman.

But when we started talking about kids and expectation for them, this is when things changed. He told me that our kids will be raised Muslim. I initially wanted our kids to be taught both religions and then for them to pick what they align with. He then told me it would be fine if they learned about Hinduism and attend prayers and etc but still had to be Muslim. I ended up agreeing with it.

I then asked him what would happen if our kids decided they don’t believe in Islam. He said this would be unacceptable in his eyes and if this happens, he won’t support it. He says he won’t maintain the same relationship with them. He said he’ll be there for them if they need anything but he wouldn’t support it. He also expects our daughter to marry a Muslim man, but our son can marry whomever. He said if our daughter married outside of Islam, he wouldn’t support it and wouldn’t attend her wedding.

We ended up breaking up because I couldn’t support this. But, I’m very sad, we otherwise had a very loving relationship. But I’m also trying to see it realistically. And also get some outside perspective? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I’m a Hindu woman who recently ended things with my Muslim boyfriend. Our relationship had gotten a lot serious lately and we were able to compromise on a lot of things but, we had fundamentally different ideas about how we wanted to raise our kids.

I don’t consider myself to be religious. I do believe that there is one God, but I don’t really subscribe to religion like he does. I would consider myself to be more culturally Hindu. Throughout our relationship, he kept reiterating this is not a problem and he never expected me to convert. He always used to say that I should do it if this is something I align with. And so, I thought he was a bit more lenient in his beliefs because he also doesn’t eat halal, he doesn’t always pray 5 times a day, he’s had pre-marital sex and he was with a Hindu woman.

But when we started talking about kids and expectation for them, this is when things changed. He told me that our kids will be raised Muslim. I initially wanted our kids to be taught both religions and then for them to pick what they align with. He then told me it would be fine if they learned about Hinduism and attend prayers and etc but still had to be Muslim. I ended up agreeing with it.

I then asked him what would happen if our kids decided they don’t believe in Islam. He said this would be unacceptable in his eyes and if this happens, he won’t support it. He says he won’t maintain the same relationship with them. He said he’ll be there for them if they need anything but he wouldn’t support it. He also expects our daughter to marry a Muslim man, but our son can marry whomever. He said if our daughter married outside of Islam, he wouldn’t support it and wouldn’t attend her wedding.

We ended up breaking up because I couldn’t support this. But, I’m very sad, we otherwise had a very loving relationship. But I’m also trying to see it realistically. And also get some outside perspective? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

My (32F) partner (32M) and I just broke up. We were together for 4.5 years. He was everything to me, he was a part of my soul, my heart. I loved him with my entire being. We were talking about how we wanted our wedding to look like. We were talking about whether or not we wanted to get married in the summer time or fall. This was literally last week. He was telling me how much he loves me and how his heart belongs to me and only me.

We knew we were both very different. We had different views on a lot of things but we were able to compromise on a lot and it felt like things were moving in the right direction. The biggest mistake we made was not talking about how we wanted to raise our kids sooner.

That’s when things went downhill. We fundamentally had very different ideas on how we wanted to raise our kids. He’s religious and I’m not and his religion played a big role in how he wanted to raise our kids and I couldn’t agree to it. My heart knew I couldn’t agree to the way he wanted to raise our kids. We talked about this over the course of 3 weeks or so. I really thought we could come up with a solution but we couldn’t.

The conversation came to a head 3 days ago. We realized this was not something we could compromise on. We talked, we cried our hearts out, devastated at the thought of breaking up. We said our goodbyes.

And now, 3 days later, I’m grieving and mourning the future I thought we would have. He was telling me how much he loved me and I told him the same. Fuck this hurts so bad. Knowing that we both loved each other but our differences is what tore us apart. This hurts more than breaking up for reasons like cheating. At least then, I could just hate him and it’d help. But how do I move on from a person where the love was still there? I’m broken and I don’t know how I’ll ever get over this relationship.

We were together for 4.5 years. He was everything to me, he was a part of my soul, my heart. I loved him with my entire being. We were talking about how we wanted our wedding to look like. We were talking about whether or not we wanted to get married in the summer time or fall. This was literally last week. He was telling me how much he loves me and how his heart belongs to me and only me.

We knew we were both very different. We had different views on a lot of things but we were able to compromise on a lot and it felt like things were moving in the right direction. The biggest mistake we made was not talking about how we wanted to raise our kids sooner.

That’s when things went downhill. We fundamentally had very different ideas on how we wanted to raise our kids. He’s religious and I’m not and his religion played a big role in how he wanted to raise our kids and I couldn’t agree to it. My heart knew I couldn’t agree to the way he wanted to raise our kids. We talked about this over the course of 3 weeks or so. I really thought we could come up with a solution but we couldn’t.

The conversation came to a head 3 days ago. We realized this was not something we could compromise on. We talked, we cried our hearts out, devastated at the thought of breaking up. We said our goodbyes.

And now, 3 days later, I’m grieving and mourning the future I thought we would have. He was telling me how much he loved me and I told him the same. Fuck this hurts so bad. Knowing that we both loved each other but our differences is what tore us apart. This hurts more than breaking up for reasons like cheating. At least then, I could just hate him and it’d help. But how do I move on from a person where the love was still there? I’m broken and I don’t know how I’ll ever get over this relationship.

I’m a Hindu woman who was in a relationship with a Muslim man. Our relationship had gotten a lot serious recently and we started talking about marriage, future, kids and etc. He is definitely more religious than me. I consider myself to be more spiritual than religious. I grew up Hindu and partake in Hindu traditions and etc but my religion doesn’t define me. For him, religion does define him.

We started talking a few weeks ago about marriage and he told me I wasn’t expected to convert, that I should only do that if that was truly what I wanted. We talked about other things such as finances, roles as a husband and wife, careers and etc and we were able to come to a compromise.

One thing where we were not able to compromise on is our kids. I’m okay with our child being Muslim. I still want to teach them about Hinduism, take them to prayers and etc. he said he would be okay with it but he said at the end of the day, they will be Muslim. I’m okay with it honestly. My fear comes from what the aftermath would look like if our child decides they don’t align with Islam. He told me that would be unacceptable in his eyes, that he has certain expectations for our child and if they decide they don’t want to follow Islam, then he doesn’t know if he’d be able to keep a relationship with his child.

Another thing he told me is if we have a daughter, it is expected that she marries a Muslim man, no questions asked. He said if she decides to marry outside of the faith, then he may not even attend the wedding. And, he said this isn’t something he’d be able to support and that it would be a huge disappointment in his eyes. My thing is, if I’m being completely honest, he’s technically not even supposed to marry a Hindu girl. It is permissible for him to be with a woman of an Abrahamic religion (Christianity, Judaism, Muslim), so how is it that he can set certain standards for our child if he himself didn’t meet that standard. He says he’d still love his child but he just wouldn’t be able to support something like this. He doesn’t have the same issue if we had a boy, he said he can marry whoever he wants.

I’m not that type of person at all. I won’t let god or religion get in the way of my relationship with my child, he will. He told me, he loves God the most, everyone else comes second. If I’m being honest, this made me cringe a little. I could never view God that way. I want to teach my child about both religions and for them to make a decision based on what they believe. I don’t ever want to enforce certain beliefs on my child because they are their own person and I don’t want them to resent me.

Besides this whole religion thing, our relationship was so full of love and happiness and so I asked him if he’s willing to throw away our entire relationship for the sake of his religion and he said he is. I’m hurting so fucking bad. I hate that he chose his religion over me and over our potential children.

I’m a Hindu woman who is in a relationship with a Muslim man. Our relationship has gotten serious recently and we started talking about marriage, future, kids and etc. and I’m seeking some advice on how to proceed. He is definitely more religious than me. I consider myself to be more spiritual than religious. I grew up Hindu and partake in Hindu traditions and etc but my religion doesn’t define me. For him, religion does define him.

We started talking a few weeks ago about marriage and he told me I wasn’t expected to convert, that I should only do that if that was truly what I wanted. We talked about other things such as finances, roles as a husband and wife, careers and etc and we were able to come to a compromise.

One thing where we are not able to compromise on is our kids. I’m okay with our child being Muslim. I still want to teach them about Hinduism, take them to prayers and etc. he said he would be okay with it but he said at the end of the day, they will be Muslim. I’m okay with it honestly. My fear comes from what the aftermath would look like if our child decides they don’t align with Islam. He told me that would be unacceptable in his eyes, that he has certain expectations for our child and if they decide they don’t want to follow Islam, then he doesn’t know if he’d be able to keep a relationship with his child.

Another thing he told me is if we have a daughter, it is expected that she marries a Muslim man, no questions asked. He said if she decides to marry outside of the faith, then he may not even attend the wedding. And, he said this isn’t something he’d be able to support and that it would be a huge disappointment in his eyes. My thing is, if I’m being completely honest, he’s technically not even supposed to marry a Hindu girl. It is permissible for him to be with a woman of an Abrahamic religion (Christianity, Judaism, Muslim), so how is it that he can set certain standards for our child if he himself didn’t meet that standard. He says he’d still love his child but he just wouldn’t be able to support something like this. He doesn’t have the same issue if we had a boy, he said he can marry whoever he wants.

I’m not that type of person at all. I won’t let god or religion get in the way of my relationship with my child, he will. He told me, he loves God the most, everyone else comes second. If I’m being honest, this made me cringe a little. I could never view God that way. I want to teach my child about both religions and for them to make a decision based on what they believe. I don’t ever want to enforce certain beliefs on my child because they are their own person and I don’t want them to resent me.

I’m really sad because I know my relationship with him will likely end because of this, I think I’m maybe holding on to a little bit of hope that he may change his views? At the end of the day, I still love him so so much and thinking about not being together makes my heart hurt.

My boyfriend (32M) and I (31F) have been together for 4 years. We have a semi-long distance relationship. We usually see each other about once every week to week and a half. He works long hours with a rotating schedule and swing shifts, while I work a pretty typical Monday-Friday 9-5 job. Usually when he’s off work, he’s off for a stretch of 3-4 days at a time.

Lately, I’ve started to feel deeply unfulfilled in the relationship, and I think part of the issue may be our schedules, but I also feel like it’s more than that. I’ve realized that the only things we really do together are go out to eat and have sex. That’s basically become our entire relationship dynamic and he seems perfectly content with it. He doesn’t really plan dates, take initiative, or put much effort into doing things together outside of that. Usually I’m the one bringing up ideas or trying to plan something different.

The thing is, he talks a lot about wanting to experience things with me, travel with me, make memories, etc. But it rarely actually happens. And lately it’s been bothering me more and more because when I really sit back and think about it, throughout our entire relationship, we’ve maybe only done something outside of eating/having sex around 6-8 times total.

What’s bugs me even more is that I see him put effort into doing things with his friends and family. He’ll go on day trips with family with them and etc. So I know he’s capable of planning. It just feels like that effort doesn’t exist within our relationship.

I first brought this up to him about 3 months ago. I told him I was getting tired of the same routine and wanted more shared experiences together. I told him I wanted to make memories with him, go on little adventures, explore places together, and feel like we were actually building something outside of just hanging out, eating, and being intimate. He told me he understood and said he would try harder, but honestly nothing has really changed.

A good example I can give is I’ve been wanting to visit this little beach town that’s about 2 hours away from me. I’ve been wanting to go there with him for months now. First it was “end of March,” then “end of April,” then “mid May,” and now it’s “end of this month.” At this point I don’t even feel excited about it anymore because I feel like everything just keeps getting pushed back.

Then recently he brought up that his friends were talking about planning a Europe trip later this year. He tried to make it seem like nothing is officially planned yet and that it was more his friends bringing it up than him, but honestly it still upset me. Not because I think he shouldn’t go with friends, but because in 4 years we’ve never even gone on a trip together despite me trying multiple times to plan one with him.

I think what’s hurting me the most is that I no longer really trust the follow-through anymore. Whenever he brings up future plans or things we should do together, my immediate thought now is “I’ll believe it when I see it.” And I hate feeling that way toward my own partner.

I’ve tried communicating all of this to him more than once. He usually says he understands and will try harder, and sometimes things improve for a few days, but then everything goes back to how it was before. And I think that’s why I’ve started feeling hopeless lately.

I actually had another conversation about all of this in person just 2 days ago. I told him I don’t want our relationship to only consist of eating out and having sex and that I want us to actually experience life together more. His response was basically asking me if doing something once a month would make me happy, and I know he was trying to problem-solve, but honestly it made me feel worse because I don’t want him to do things just to keep me satisfied or check off a box. I want him to genuinely want those experiences with me too.

I also want to clarify that I’m not asking for constant entertainment, expensive vacations, or huge grand gestures. I don’t expect us to go on adventures every single time we see each other. I just want more effort, follow-through, and shared experiences. I want to feel like he genuinely wants to build memories with me too instead of us just repeating the same routine over and over again.

How do you tell the difference between a relationship that’s going through a rough phase versus one where you’ve genuinely outgrown the dynamic?

Hi all! I’m visiting Italy from Sept 19th-October 2nd with a friend. The first 4 days will be spent in Rome. We specifically want to visit Vatican City on Tuesday, September 22nd. I’ve been hearing differing opinions. Some people are saying to split the visit into 2 days since it can take up a significant amount of time while others are saying it’s possible to do in one day. We ideally want to visit both in one day but we hear horror stories on how long the lines at St. Peters can be. We don’t mind arriving early but we’re having a hard time strategizing what to do first/what time. Should we visit the Vatican museums first at an early time (8am-8:30am)? And then head to St. Peters after or vice versa? We also want to visit the dome so I know that’ll add more time to the visit. Anyone who has visited recently (or visited around September), what would you all recommend? And what was your experience like?

My (32F) partner (31M) and I are long distance and live in different states but we are able to see each other 3-4 times a month. It’s 3 hours time difference between us. And our work schedules are somewhat opposite. I work Monday-Friday from 10:30am-7pm and he works roughly 3pm-3am different days. My job is pretty chill, I tend to have a lot of down time but his job requires a lot of focus and attention and he’s often busy and I definitely don’t expect constant communication when he’s busy at work.

I value phone calls and I’ve told him this. I told him that texting is just not the same as talking on the phone. So I’m constantly telling him “if you’re not too busy, can we talk on the phone?” and he’ll often say “yes we can” but the phone call doesn’t happen because either he got too busy or when he actually is free (usually after midnight), I’m already asleep.

So I asked him why can’t he call me before he goes to work? And he essentially told me that he sleeps in til the absolute last minute before he has to get to work to make it on time (since he works long hours). And he said he’s usually occupied by the thoughts of work and he kind of gets all up in his head and can’t really concentrate on anything else. His job can be stressful so I’m trying to be understanding on that part.

But I’m also like.. I have wants and needs too. I told him it makes me feel more connected when we have a chance to talk on the phone. This morning I woke up feeling upset because I have been trying to get a phone call for the past 3 days. But, he’s just been too busy. Then last night, he messaged me around 12:30am asking if I was awake. I was asleep, I didn’t see the message til the middle of the night when I went to use the bathroom.

So, my question is, is there a way to make this work? I often times feel like I’m the one that’s expected to sacrifice my sleep to talk to him and I don’t want to have to do that. Once in a while is okay, but it feels as if I’m the one who needs to accommodate and not him. He also doesn’t proactively just call me unless I ask. I’ve also brought this up before and I don’t know what else to say at this point to not sound like a broken record.

ETA: sorry I meant 2 hour difference. He often comes home to visit and I go visit him as well. He moved for work and his family still lives in CA (where we both are from) and when he has off, he’s off for a couple of days so he always makes it a priority to come visit. That’s how we’re still able to see each other like 3x a month

We’ve been together for 4 years. He’s genuinely a good person. Kind, calm, and not toxic. When we’re together, things can feel comforting and nice, and there’s no obvious “bad behavior” in the relationship.

But for a while now, I’ve had this feeling of not being fulfilled, and I can’t tell if it’s incompatibility or if I’m overthinking something that’s not really a big deal.

The best way I can describe it is that the relationship feels a bit unbalanced. I feel like I’m the one carrying a lot of the intention, especially when it comes to communication, planning, and creating experiences/moments together.

For example, I’m usually the one bringing up ideas for things to do, trips, or even simple plans. I’ve been trying to plan something like a day trip to this beach town that’s not too far from us for months, and it just hasn’t happened. He’ll agree in the moment and say things like “next time we’ll go,” but then it doesn’t end up happening. The same thing has happened with other plans as well.

For me, when I care about someone and haven’t seen them in a while, I naturally feel excited to spend time with them. I want to be intentional with that time, make plans, and create memories with them.

We are somewhat long distance because of his work, so there are times we can go a week or even close to two weeks without seeing each other. For example, last night I saw him after 10 days and we only spent 1 hour together. So when it’s been that long and we end up only spending about an hour together before he leaves, it honestly makes me feel sad. It’s not that I need constant time together, but I do want that feeling of “I missed you and I want to be with you.” And I don’t feel that way with him sometimes. He’s kinda just nonchalant about it. His way of thinking is basically like “oh I’ll talk to her when I can” or “I’ll see her when it’s convenient for me”.

I don’t want to feel like I’m just being fit into whatever time is convenient. I want to feel like time with me is something that’s being prioritized and looked forward to.

Another thing is communication. He works a lot and tends to get very in his head, and during those times we barely talk. Sometimes I won’t hear from him until later in the evening. I try to be understanding because I know he’s busy and stressed, but it still leaves me feeling disconnected.

I don’t need constant communication, but I do need some level of consistency to feel connected, and I don’t always feel that from him.

I think what makes this more confusing is that I’ve seen that he is capable of these things in other areas of his life. For example, he’s currently planning a two-week Europe trip with his friends, and I’ve seen him commit to plans in those contexts. So it’s not that he can’t do these things, which makes it harder for me to understand why that same level of intention doesn’t consistently show up in our relationship.

Overall, I don’t think he doesn’t care about me. I do believe he cares in his own way. But I don’t feel consistently prioritized or intentionally chosen in the way I think I need to feel in a relationship.

It’s confusing because I can see the good in him, but something still doesn’t feel right.

Has anyone been in a situation like this? where your partner is a good person, but the relationship still doesn’t fully meet your needs? How did you figure out whether it was something that could be worked through, or if it was a deeper incompatibility?

I’m a 32F in a relationship with a 31M for 4 years now. He’s genuinely a good person. Kind, calm, and not toxic. When we’re together, things can feel comforting and nice, and there’s no obvious “bad behavior” in the relationship.

But for a while now, I’ve had this feeling that something isn’t fully aligned, and I can’t tell if it’s incompatibility or if I’m overthinking something that’s actually fine.

The best way I can describe it is that the relationship feels a bit emotionally unbalanced. I feel like I’m the one carrying a lot of the intention, especially when it comes to communication, planning, and creating experiences together.

For example, I’m usually the one bringing up ideas for things to do, trips, or even simple plans. I’ve been trying to plan something like a day trip to this beach town that’s not too far from us for months, and it just hasn’t happened. He’ll agree in the moment and say things like “next time we’ll go,” but there’s no real follow-through. The same thing has happened with other plans as well.

I think a big part of what I’m struggling to articulate is this sense of urgency and intention in a relationship. For me, when I care about someone and haven’t seen them in a while, I naturally feel excited to spend time with them. I want to be intentional with that time, make plans, and really be present with each other.

We are somewhat long distance because of his work, so there are times we can go a week or even close to two weeks without seeing each other. For example, last night I saw him after 10 days and we only spent 1 hour together. So when it’s been that long and we end up only spending about an hour together before he leaves, it honestly makes me feel a bit deflated. It’s not that I need constant time together, but I do want that feeling of “I missed you and I want to be with you.” And I don’t feel that way with him.

I don’t want to feel like I’m just being fit into whatever time is convenient. I want to feel like time with me is something that’s being prioritized and looked forward to.

Another layer to this is communication. He works a lot and tends to get very in his head, and during those times we barely talk. Sometimes I won’t hear from him until later in the evening. I try to be understanding because I know he’s busy and stressed, but it still leaves me feeling disconnected.

I don’t need constant communication, but I do need some level of consistency to feel connected, and I don’t always feel that from him.

I think what makes this more confusing is that I’ve seen that he is capable of showing intention and follow-through in other areas of his life. For example, he’s currently planning a two-week Europe trip with his friends, and I’ve seen him commit to plans in those contexts. So it’s not that he can’t do these things, which makes it harder for me to understand why that same level of intention doesn’t consistently show up in our relationship.

Overall, I don’t think he doesn’t care about me. I do believe he cares in his own way. But I don’t feel consistently prioritized or intentionally chosen in the way I think I need to feel in a relationship.

That’s where I’m stuck. There’s no obvious “reason” to leave. He’s not a bad partner, and there are good moments. But at the same time, I often feel like I want more effort and intention than I’m getting, and I don’t always feel emotionally fulfilled or deeply connected.

It’s confusing because I can see the good in him, but something still doesn’t feel right.

Has anyone been in a situation like this? where your partner is a good person, but the relationship still doesn’t fully meet your needs? How did you figure out whether it was something that could be worked through, or if it was a deeper incompatibility?