That’s kind of it. Of course we all use slang for genitals, but please use more ‘adult’ slang, nothing diminutive or rhyming. It is creepy.
I never want to hear another adult talk about someone’s ’wee-wee’ or ‘hoo-hoo’.
I have only been to very few play events, but every time I do, I leave with a bad feeling because of how someone had turned me down. My offense is not fair to the person who was kind enough to be honest with me and I would in now way prefer someone does anything they’re uncomfortable with, but I still leave the interaction feeling uncomfortable and often offended.
Some examples of what I mean:
I don’t play with Asian girls.
I don’t want to play with anyone less than a 7 (on the physical attractiveness scale)
You’re too old for my taste (I am in my early 20s and this person looked much older)
You don’t look strong enough to handle me
I don’t like short girls
Nobody owes me a scene and I would rather they be honest in expressing their boundaries than not. Still, I don’t know how to feel anything but offence when someone says, in no uncertain terms, that I am not pretty enough for them. I guess this kind of rejection takes place in all aspects of life, but for some reason it hurts more when we are in a place intended for emotional and physical vulnerability. When someone says something like that, I feel myself losing interest in playing with anyone at all.
I don’t know how to balance my belief that everyone is entitled to decide who they do/don’t want to play with without judgement, and my belief that categorically dismissing anyone of a single ethnic group is discriminatory. I live in a very racist area and I am frankly losing interest in going to fet events because of the prevalence of (white) people with boundaries about not playing with Asian people.
Relatedly, people are entitled to their age preferences, but having multiple 50+ men tell me they play exclusively with women under the age of 20 makes me uncomfortable. I want to assume the best in everyone and it is not my place to judge or scold anyone’s fantasies, but it makes me viscerally uncomfortable to hear someone proudly proclaim they only dom teenagers.
Am I just too sensitive? Do I just need to get better with rejection? Is it reasonable to be uncomfortable about this? How can I stop feeling hurt when someone expresses a boundary? I do my best to just leave that interaction and mind my own business, but evidently, things like this stick with me. How can I be better at fostering an environment of open communication without judgement when I find myself feeling judged and inclined to judge others?
Just being blatantly mean and derogatory towards the people with no semblance of a joke is not dark humour. Threatening to do horrific things without context that you don’t actually mean to do is not dark humour. Making the people around you viscerally uncomfortable for your own amusement is not dark humour.
There is plenty of dark humour that genuinely is funny and there is also plenty that I don’t personally find humorous but I understand why it could be funny. I’m not here to censor your comedy, but when I meet someone for the first time and they talk about the most disturbing things they can think of to laugh at my discomfort, ‘dark humour’ is not a viable excuse.
I’m a strictly faceless performer and my general technique is just to try and keep my face out of frame. This usually works, but I slip up once in a while and flash my face and it’s generally a cumbersome operation. Periodically I do something artsy with lighting or a silkscreen or silhouettes to keep my face obscured, but I’m looking for more cool ideas!
I know masks are common. Are there any you have found especially alluring (and comfortable)? What are some creative faceless angles? How do you *artfully* avoid showing your face without it looking intentionally censored?
I’m a strictly faceless performer and my general technique is just to try and keep my face out of frame. This usually works, but I slip up once in a while and flash my face and it’s generally a cumbersome operation. Periodically I do something artsy with lighting or a silkscreen or silhouettes to keep my face obscured, but I’m looking for more cool ideas!
I know masks are common. Are there any you have found especially alluring (and comfortable)? What are some creative faceless angles? How do you artfully avoid showing your face without it looking intentionally censored?
I’ve been at it for an embarrassingly long time. Just make me princess already! Ahhhh!
There are millions of books about in-person seduction and How to Win Friends and Influence People, but a lot of the advice doesn’t work well online or through instant messaging. I can’t make eye contact any more than looking at the camera. I can’t read body language and I can only deduce so much when all I’ve got is a yellow bar that says c0ckm0nst3r sent me money. I obviously can’t make any sort of physical contact.
Are there any such resources for long distance interactions? Is there a separate art of seduction when the person you’re seducing can’t see your face, or any of you at all depending on the circumstances? How did you learn those niche interpersonal skills?
I have started collecting some fans who follow me to telegram with the intention of chatting and perhaps exchanging pictures. How do you set up and facilitate payments? Should I make a separate menu for services off of cam sites? What is the most reliable payment service that won’t ban me for being an SW? What is the most welcoming way to introduce a payment structure to someone who might not have understood they are expected to pay? (Obviously I’m keeping my boundaries, but I can also understand the confusion and apprehension some customers have when asked to pay for a service they assumed was just a friendly chat.) I figure it’s best to talk about money very early in the interaction, but I am also not a findom who won’t open a message request without a tribute first. What is a lighthearted way to demand payment?
I tend to lean more into the psychological aspects of domination, but I’ve had multiple subs who need some physical cues to find that submissive mindset. I understand why it might be pretty difficult for some to feel that surrender to someone who is obviously weaker and less physically capable.
My long term romantic partner really craves skin to skin impact play and it’s hard to accept that I’m just not strong enough to hit her in a way that elicits that response. She is very masochistic and I try, but I don’t feel like I have enough control over my body to safely and consistently cause her the kind of pain she wants. I could get that response if I put all of my full force behind it, but nobody has good control over the upper limit of their strength and I don’t have the endurance to sustain that through a scene.
Besides brute strength, my limbs can get very shaky and it isn’t as intimidating to be scratched or held down by someone who is physically trembling. I am a service dom by nature, but I tend to lack the endurance to be physically on top or doing much ‘service’.
In an open relationship, I feel guilty when my partners specifically pursue bigger, stronger people and then encourage me to play more like them. My subs say they feel more submissive with their other Doms and while I can’t blame them, I am pretty jealous that someone else is easily able to do the things my partner wants that I can’t do. I guess I feel like I don’t have much to offer as a disabled Dom in a world where most people have better control over their bodies.
How can I be a strong physical presence when I am not physically strong? How can I give someone the feeling of powerlessness when I need their help standing up? Do I just need to lean into a more psychological style and accept that some subs will not find scenes with me to be physically fulfilling? Bondage can only do so much.
Perhaps I’m just being too sensitive, but it makes me deeply uncomfortable when people brag about having more ‘intense’ or ‘extreme’ kinks. There seems to be an implied superiority in the lifestyle community of those with higher risk tolerances over those who are more cautious and I don’t know how to engage.
I’ve asked a few questions here about finding trustworthy partners or setting boundaries and there is inevitably at least one comment from someone saying something mildly derogatory about how they just don’t set that kind of boundary or aren’t as worried about their safety. I don’t mean to kink shame or say what other people’s boundaries should/shouldn’t be. I don’t know how to be comfortable in a setting where there is implicit social pressure to have fewer boundaries.
This happens in person too, where I will be talking to someone about their boundaries and values only to be proudly told something about how they’ll just let anyone do anything to them. There is nothing inherently wrong with that approach, but I can never tell if someone actually means they will literally let ‘anyone’ do ‘anything’ to them or if that is some hyperbolic way of saying they are into edgier play. Besides the functional misunderstanding, I feel a little uncomfortable when someone blatantly takes pride in having a higher risk tolerance than I do. I know I’m a snowflake, but is there a respectful response? Is there some alternate mindset I need to assume in a space like this?
I’ve also received kind of a lot of shame for being a soft domme. I can be sadistic at times, but people will call me vanilla or naive or infantilise me for not being as open to edge play. Does my style just not belong in BDSM spaces? Do you need to be more aggressive to be a good dominant?
I don’t want to be the kink police and people are obviously welcome to do whatever they want to their bodies (Within the realm of safe, sane, consensual, risk aware) but I keep getting in conversations both online and in person where people casually bring up things that carry risks they seem unaware of.
‘I just prefer using spit as lube or no lube at all’ ‘it’s so hot when I get [insert bodily fluid of choice] in someone’s eyes’ ‘it feels so good to get flogged on my back’ ‘I love when they choke me until I pass out’
Is it an overreaction to be uncomfortable when people say things like that? I don’t want to assume the worst or infantilise them, but I can never tell -especially online- if these people know and accept the risks of doing things that could incur bodily harm. I worry that less informed people in the conversation might hear these blasé references to risky practices and assume these things are normal and safe. I worry that people might have partners who are either coercing them into unsafe behavior or who are taking risks they don’t know about.
Am I just overthinking it? Is there a polite, non-demeaning way to figure out if someone is aware of the risks they’re taking? Do I just need to mind my own business?
Growing up, I was given the impression that only rockstars and truly crazy people (maybe 1 in 1000) had ever used anything stronger than marijuana. I know social media is not an accurate representation of society, but it seems like a lot (around 1 in 20) people have at least tried hard drugs and still quite a few (1 in 100) people use hard party drugs semi-regularly.
Is it normal to do or have done hard substances? Is it within the realm of normal to experiment with party drugs in your youth? What portion of the population has used/uses drugs recreationally?
Edit: for the sake of the conversation, I’m not referring to alcohol, nicotine, or marijuana. I know these are all recreational substances, but I am more curious about substances that are widely illegal (in the US) and are colloquially referred to as hard or party drugs.
Additionally, you do not need to justify your use to anyone here, but please do not mock or dismiss myself or anyone else who you perceive as not having experience with drugs. You are free to do what you like, but you are not cooler or more fun than people who don’t or haven’t used.
I have been doing the standard vanilla and soft BDSM content for a few years, but once in a while, I love doing a dramatic, high production stream. I love sultry lighting and silhouettes and themes. I’m a burlesque dancer so a lot of it is slow, intimate, deliberate striptease.
It seems like the customers who like that style REALLY like it, but the sites I’ve tried (chaturbate and stripchat) are really not the right venue. I sit with a room of 3 anonymous audience members for six hours and then get one customer who can drop some tokens. Are there any live cam sites that might have an audience for what I like to do? Any platforms that are considered more soft core or niche?
I’ve been at this for a few years and I have enough good hours to make it worth my time, but still, at least 75% of the time, my room is only watched by 3-10 anonymous users.
All of the advice I have seen here is ‘just read or play a video game and wait’ and that just is not working. Nobody is clicking on a stream of another girl in cute lingerie doing next to nothing. I don’t want to put on a full show to an empty room, but this ’just advertise and wait’ strategy is not working for me.
Should I try a different platform? Should I change my title more often? Should I price goals lower? Should I wear less or more? I don’t need tips on how to hustle my way to the top, I just want to semi-consistently have people in the room.
I see everywhere on here advice encouraging models to raise their prices and all kinds of anecdotes from people who don’t do anything if they aren’t adequately spoiled. I respect this mindset and I aspire to that, but I have had NO success with a similar business plan.
I have tried all sorts of marketing and flirting and strategic keywords, and I have spent literally dozens of hours trying to attract that kind of attention. I have not made a single penny this way. All of the (very few) patrons who have even entered these streams have left immediately upon realizing I’m not already doing anything entertaining. I see all the advice to stay fully clothed until someone tips and I don’t understand how you’re getting people to stick around long enough to want to. Who is going to watch me do nothing fully clothed? I flirt and I tease, but I haven’t found an audience for that kind of content.
How are you getting people to spoil you? How do you entice someone into caring enough to drop so much money on you when they could just as easily swipe to a video of someone already pulling out all the stops? Is there some secret I’m missing? I’ve been at this for two years and have only found success with my prices on the lower side. What should I do?
I have read the community guidelines and they forbid requesting any form of payment other than tokens and linking to other can sites, but I don’t really understand the nuances of what is/isn’t allowed. I have seen other people post their onlyfans which is a non-token operation that exchanges money off of chaturbate.
I understand that the ‘I saw someone else do it’ defense doesn’t hold up, but does anyone have a better understanding or experience with how you can and cannot market your other services? Can I link my throne? Can I link my telegram where I intend to exchange content for money? Can I post a linktree that is not itself a shop but links to monetary exchange services? Is there any way to interact off of chaturbate with customers you meet on chaturbate?
I know piercings shouldn’t be agonising and that for most people the pain is perfectly manageable, but piercings do hurt…right?
Am I just a total wuss for saying that it hurt when someone poked a needle through my body? Why do we say ‘spicy’ or other euphemisms for pain when what we mean is ‘it hurts a little’. It makes a little sense when we’re talking about a piercing that is really low on the pain scale, but I felt kind of angry when I watched my girlfriend get her nipples pierced and the piercer said ‘kind of spicy, huh?’. Are we just too cool to admit that it hurts or do I just have abysmally low pain tolerance?
This is in no way intended to shame people who do this kind of play. I have fantasies about being able to enter a scene with someone I don’t know very well/at all, and I know that pick-up play is fairly common at fetish events, I just don’t understand how it can be done safely.
Maybe it is in part that my local scene does not feel safe to me. I have been to lots of non-play events and munches and I simply cannot envision myself trusting anyone I’ve met with my bodily wellbeing. Of the few play events I’ve gone to, I have never felt anywhere near comfortable participating. I have heard people on the periphery of conversations saying racist things when they think nobody can hear them. I’ve walked out of an event and overheard men on a smoke break joke about how easy it would be to abduct someone there (not play, actual kidnapping) There are countless examples of things that I cannot 100% confirm weren’t part of a scene, but certainly seemed to be unsafe/derogatory behaviour towards someone who did not seem to enjoy it.
I don’t know if this is how it is everywhere, but where I live, the kink scene is dominated by 50+ year old white conservative male veterans. At the risk of sounding discriminatory, I will admit that I am scared of them. I am small and not hugely experienced, and I have been openly mocked for that in local fetish spaces in a way that was intended as playful but still scares me.
Brief side note that people with mental illness and other physiological anomalies deserve space in kink as much as anyone else and it is not anyone’s fault for struggling mentally. At the same time, I have seen multiple instances of people doing self harm in the bathrooms of events, ticking in ways that are physically violent or verbally aggressive, shift or dissociate into an abrupt change in character, or even have a full psychotic break. Again, I know this is not their fault and these individuals deserve to enjoy fetish too, but it still makes me anxious and reluctant to engage in something where I’m relinquishing any amount of control.
When you are doing a scene with someone you don’t know very well, how do you trust that they have your best interests at heart and have the mental presence to behave safely? How do you know that a new partner isn’t fetishising things you don’t consent to have fetishised (race/age/inexperience/sexuality/gender identity)? How can you know that the people you engage with won’t take a smoke break to joke about how easy it would be to kidnap you? Even when I move to a hopefully safer place where fetish communities hopefully vet more thoroughly, I don’t know how I could ever trust a virtual stranger to play with after only a short negotiation. How do you pick-up in a physically and emotionally secure way?
I enjoy BDSM and I have lots of kinks, but I don’t know how to trust someone to understand my body and mind well enough to have a safe and mutually enjoyable scene if they get frustrated that I don’t cum fast enough. I realized a while ago during an attempted orgasm denial scene that I genuinely can’t remember the last time another person made me cum and that there’s no point in denying an orgasm that is not going to happen anyway. While a scene is not always about ‘sex’ as it were or the pursuit of an orgasm, it feels a little awry that my partner has an orgasm every time wether I’m topping or she is, but it never happens for me. If I’m domming, she will usually safeword when she gets tired or frustrated trying to get me off. I obviously 100% respect her safeword, but that means I just don’t ever have an orgasm when we’re playing. Is it reasonable to require potential partners to demonstrate an ability to give me an orgasm before engaging in a scene?
I (23f) have noticed that ever since I was about 15, I have been treated as a lot younger/more innocent/more naive/etc than similarly aged peers of other ethnicities. A lot of my Asian features can be perceived as juvenile such as short stature, smaller breasts, round face, etc. I find that people often try not to swear or talk about alcohol/drugs in front of me or even exclude me from social gatherings where alcohol will be present even when they know I am of age. I have been turned down for adult roles in theatre and film because I’m too small or look too young. I’ve flirted with people before only for them to tell me that they’re attracted to me, but it makes them feel like a creep.
I think in part because of this, I have started to consciously and subconsciously sexualise myself and seek out situations where I am perceived as an adult. There’s a whole separate conversation about attracting predators that I don’t really want to get into here, but that is also a factor.
I have tried to bring this up when people unintentionally treat me like a child, and the general response has been ‘you shouldn’t complain about looking young. Everyone wants to look younger’ which just doesn’t really help. I wouldn’t mind being perceived as young if that meant being treated like a young, capable, attractive adult.
I don’t want to be cute, I want to be pretty or attractive or sexy. I don’t want to be sweet, I want to be generous and caring. Does anyone have a similar experience? Is there any way you’ve found to hold yourself, dress, speak, present that helps people see you as an adult?