u/UpstairsBright1762

This is going to sound petty but I need an outside opinion.

Back in May I organized a long weekend at a lake house for four of us, me, my sister (37F), and two of our mutual friends. We split the rental cost evenly before anyone booked anything. $340 each, transferred to me upfront. I was clear about the headcount because the house had exactly four beds.

My sister showed up with her daughter (16F). She did not mention this to me or to either of our friends beforehand. She told me at the door that she assumed it would be fine since her daughter "doesn't take up much space" and would sleep in the bed with her.

The daughter ended up on the pullout couch in the main living area because sharing a bed didn't work out. Our friend who'd planned to use the evenings for work had nowhere to sit. The daughter ate most of the shared groceries we'd all stocked together ahead of time. My sister doesn't drive, so every time we went anywhere we were on the daughter's schedule too.

After the trip I sent my sister a Venmo request for $340 same as everyone else paid. I said it was a late addition fee since her daughter was a fifth person in a four-person rental. She called me and said I was treating her teenage daughter like a hotel surcharge, and that it's embarrassing to charge family for this.

I told her the four of us each paid $340 and her daughter was a fifth person who slept in the house, ate the food, and used the car. She's now telling our mom I'm "obsessed with money."

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/ThrowRA_resent2000

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has a lot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment?

Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

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Original Post: July 12, 2026

My GF and I went to college together and started dating three years ago. My GF graduated two years ago, could not find a job for her degree, and decided to stay around in the city where our college is and continue to wait tables. I graduated last year. We moved in together starting last September.

We make roughly the same amount of money and split shared expenses (rent, utilities, groceries) 50/50. My girlfriend has a number of expenses I do not have (car payment, car insurance, health insurance, cell phone, $80,000 in student loans, etc.). I do not have those expenses. My parents paid completely for my college and those other expenses are paid by my parents. Also, I have a credit card on my parents' account to use in case of "emergencies."

My GF's birthday was in May, and I threw her a surprise birthday party, and a number of our friends came into town for it. Apparently, during the party, she expressed her frustration to some of our mutual friends about our relationship. Afterwards, I received some messages from some of these friends saying I needed to "talk" to my GF. They did not go into details about what she said.

I asked her about it and at that time, she admitted she had frustrations, but it was on her to deal with them. I told her I would like to discuss, so we did. She said she is constantly worried about money and I am not. She said it is hard not to notice the contrasts between our lives despite being basically at the same point in life and having the same income.

She feels like she did the responsible thing and got a STEM degree (her degree is in biology), but got no offers from it. While I went and got a degree (English) that was simply the easiest to get (that is why I chose that degree program), but I have a job I love (I work for myself as a private music teacher) and she hates her job. I asked her if there was anything I could do to make it better, she told me "No," but that she is just frustrated is all. I tried to inquire more, but she resisted going into more details.

I have an older brother (25M) who I am very close to. He recently got engaged and our set of mutual friends, and my brother, decided they wanted to do a trip to Hawaii to celebrate. I told him I probably could not go because of the cost, but for them to have fun. He told my parents who then told me to put the trip on the credit card. We are leaving in a week.

This pissed off my GF and in a heated moment, she said, "This is why I resent you." She has tried to walk that back, but it felt like that comment is an expression of her true feelings. How do you work through resentment? I love my girlfriend very much but do not know how or what to do from this point. And we have to decide in the coming weeks if we are renewing on the lease for another year.

Editor’s note: OOP made lots of responses, I am listing the significant details that will help with the context

Relevant Comments

OOP on why his parents providing support when he graduated college and a career

> OOP: It costs my parents little to nothing to have me on their car insurance (about $30/month difference), cellphone family plan (about ($25/month difference), and my dad's work pays the health insurance premium. And my car is paid off and in my parents' name (same car they gave me when I started driving at 16).

Commenter 1: It’s a better deal for your parents to have you listed on their car insurance and phone plan, but are you paying your parents for your phone and car insurance? If you’re not, then you should be at this age, out of college, and with a career.

Your financial situation is not equal to your girlfriend’s if your parents are supplementing your income by covering a large portion of your expenses.

> OOP: My dad refuses to take my money. I offered to pay it when I was in college, and they refused. > > I do not think our financial situations are equivalent, but I also consider it precarious to make financial split on something other than income. One of our biggest fights prior to moving in was her decision to purchase the car (as a graduation gift to herself). She made it clear it was her money and her decision. And she was 100% right. But, I think anything other than 50/50 of shared expenses means we are effectively combining income. And we would have to revisit the car. >> >> Commenter 2: I have to admit, it sounds like you guys moved in together before you were truly ready for it. Moving in with a significant other is much different than just having a roommate. >>> >>> OOP: I agree it is different than having a roommate and I cover things and do things for her that I would never do for a roommate. One of the goals of this arrangement was to help her financially. She had a roommate move out mid lease and for about 5 months, while finishing school, I was also paying to cover that roommates share of the rent. My GF is doing better than she was when I moved in (or awhile post-graduation, she was going into debt). >>> >>> But, I did not expect to help subsidize these other expenses.

Downvoted Commenter: Follow up: why couldn't you go because of the cost? You make the same as your girlfriend, and she also pays for car, phone, insurance and loans. Which means you have the equivalent to put in your savings. Are you just blowing your money all of the time in front of her?

> OOP: I do not make the exact same as my GF. We make "roughly the same" (as I said in my post). And I meant pre-tax. As I said in the post, I work for myself (i.e.. I have my own business). That comes with business expenses and overhead. Once you deduct those and taxes and whatnot, I make pretty significantly less take home income. > > I do spend about $200/month for studio time for my band. > > But, no, not blowing through money. At the end of each month, after business expenses, taxes, rent, utilities, groceries, gas, a 3% IRA contribution, dates, I have about $300/month left over.

OOP on excluding car payments if GF did not purchase a car (part of her graduation gift) > > OOP: If you exclude the car payment ($680/month), my GF has more left over at the end of the month than I do. >> >> Commenter 3: But you can’t exclude the car payment, can you? What would happen if she got rid of the car tomorrow? Is it easy to commute around your town without one? To get to work, supermarket, etc.? >>> >>> OOP: Yes. I regularly use public transit and go days without using my car. I had suggested going down to just my car when we moved in together because I so rarely need it.

OOP on his GF's living situation prior to moving in together. Can GF move in with her parents to save money?

> OOP: She lived with girlfriends last year. One of the girls stole from her, when confronted, lied about it, moved out mid-lease, and I had to help my GF cover that girl's portion of the lease. > > Her parents are not an option.

OOP breaks down the shared expenses

> OOP: Rent - $1650/month (this includes a $75/month per car parking fee) > utilities - about $500/month (electric, water, internet, streaming services, etc.) > Groceries - about $1100/month (this includes food, paper products, beauty products, cleaning supplies, basically anything you can buy in a supermarket) > > I also pay about $300/month for our weekly date nights. > > Regarding food, I eat more, but my GF eats strictly organic. So, not sure how it breaks down price wise. > > I cook 90% plus of our meals. Eating out is almost exclusively a date night activity (if at all).

OOP on if he and GF spends on anything else that are not in their shared expenses, including his band

> OOP: My band is not a "hobby." It actually has generated revenue for me (not much, to date, but some. > > Not sure what constitutes a "hobby" to you, but My GF spends well over $200/month on her hair and nails. And yes, she contributes about 5% to retirement. She will not tell me how much she has at the end of the month (how much she pays for her car is a point of contention). > > And I am able to support myself. I simply would need to do more lessons to pay those expenses for me and/or charge more for my lessons (I am below the market rate where I am). > > +

> About 25% of my students for private lessons learned about them through my band. My band does not directly pay much, but it has significantly helped my business.

What happens if OOP's parents did not cover his expenses? What would he be paying for?

> OOP: I do not know what I would be paying. I was offered a teaching job when I graduated that would have paid for these as part of my benefits package (they still want to hire me). I did not take that job due to the encouragement of my GF and parents.

Commenter 4: You’re 23, so I understand your parents helping you since they can. Have they talked about when you’ll be taking over your car payment, car insurance, etc.? Eventually it will happen. Have you budgeted for what life is like at that point? Might help give perspective on how your GF has to live

No one is wrong here. Your girlfriend is most likely jealous you have a family that can financially help you. You don’t really understand how it feels to be 100% on your own, while your girlfriend does.

> OOP: My car is a 10 year old Camry. No car payment. I can pay the car insurance now, I have been offering to pay it since I turned 18. They refuse to accept payment. I can pay my cell phone too. They refuse payment. My dad's work pays health insurance. I will need to do less stuff with my band, raise my lesson rates (I am currently well below market so lower income families can afford me), and/or take on more students (and I have plenty that want me to teach them). > > I also have the option of an official teaching job. There is a local private school that keeps trying to hire me and offers great benefits. > > But, the plan right now is to keep doing what I am doing to try and see if my band can make it work and it becomes our full time job. My parents basically take the position that I am young and have no kids, so this is the time period in life for me to take a shot/risk.

OOP on how much it cost for his college and other things

> OOP: My parents paid about $30,000 for my college (do I need to repay that immediately, or am I given the option to opt into an income drive plan that caps my monthly payment). > > Assuming I am allowed to pick my own car insurance, health insurance, cell phone plan, and can opt into the income-driven repayment plan for loans, I can start paying that tomorrow. It would mean ($20/month for cell phone, $35/month for car insurance, $90/month for health insurance, & $175/month for "student loans"). > > Will this help my GF in anyway? No. > Will it somehow prove I am an adult? No. > Will it do anything? Also, no. > > And I have not asked my parents to buy me anything since I was living in their house.

OOP on taking his parents' money for Hawaii with his brother

> OOP: I "take" their money to go on a trip with my brother. I did not ask to go on this trip. I did not pick the designation. I was asked by my brother to go on a last minute trip, told him I cannot afford it, and then he told our parents, and they said they would pay. > > Should I have told my GF she could not go to the bachelorette party weekend for her sister back in December because her sister paid for her? Does being an adult mean you can never accept gifts from family? > > Once a week my parents pay for dinner for me and my GF. Should we tell them no? About twice a year, my mom takes my GF, my brother's fiancée, and my sister on a girl's trip. My mom pays for everything. It is during these trips that my GF gets most of her new clothes. Should I tell her she cannot go?

OOP responds to a comment about if it's fair that GF is dealing with financial struggles and he is not?

> OOP: I save $300/month, each month, after everything I pay for my business and our shared expenses. On my own, I am not doing great financially either. If I took all that $300 and put it into shared expenses, she is still struggling. > > Everyone here seems to think I live some fancy lifestyle while she lives like a peasant, that is not the case. She drives a 2 year old full loaded RAV 4 with exactly a $678/month car payment, I have a 10 year old Camry. She did not pay any of her student loans during her first year post graduation when we were not living together because she could not afford it. She is now paying but still behind. She also has credit card debt from that time. > > The biggest difference between us is that I do not have financial anxiety (because of my family), while she does. Unless she had the same support system I do, she would still have that same financial anxiety. The reason my parents pay for what they do for me, is to allow me to spend these years trying to see if I can make my band become my full time job. I had a job offer that would have covered all those expenses teaching but would not allow me to spend the time on the band to work on music. She is expecting a financial commitment from me she did not communicate. We talked about our split of expenses when I moved in. We agreed to this split. > > My plan at this point is to breakup and focus on the band. This is not working for either of us. > > + > > It has been two years of me financially supporting her. I also do all the household chores except her laundry (because she is very particular about it). If she got rid of her car payment, she would have more money than me at the end of the month every month. She refuses to even discuss that with me. This is not a temporary financial incompatibility, it is more than that. I really was not seeing it until a comment forced me to run the numbers. I might break the car subject again. But, if she is not willing to compromise there, then I see no choice but to end it. > > Ultimately nothing will change if these are the financial choices she is making. But, if you think being used like this is love, then I hope that love finds you.

 

Update: July 17, 2026 (five days later)

UPDATE: My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has a lot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment?

Update: As mentioned in my comments, my GF graduated from our college two years ago and I graduated last year. Right after she graduated, she purchased a brand new car. The car payment is exactly $678/month. During her first year post-graduation, my GF lived with a couple of roommates. One of the roommates moved out about 3 1/2 months into the lease. While finishing my last year of school, I helped pay that roommate's portion of the bills.

At the encouragement of one of the commenters, I went through and ran the numbers on expenses for my GF and I. All of them. What it made me realize is that had my GF not purchased that car, that I would have never had to provide financial support during my last year of college. Also, in our present situation, if she did not have that car payment, she would have more money than me at the end of the month.

I am leaving tomorrow for my trip with my brother. A couple of days ago, I sat down with my GF and told her that I wanted to discuss finances. I told her that I think, in terms of her struggling financially, the most logical thing is for her to get rid of her car. As I did when we moved in together last year, I offered her the option of us sharing my car. I use public transportation often and can go days without needing to use my car.

Also, since I have my own business, I have greater control over my schedule, and we can figure out a schedule. She refused that plan. We have had a number of fights about the car, and she thinks I am being an asshole. Buying that car for herself, on her own, was a great accomplishment for her. I told her it just is not affordable for where we are. I told her that unless she is willing to offer some compromise. I think we need to breakup.

She told me that I screwed both her and I by not marrying her after I graduated. She told me that after my older sister and my BIL got married immediately after college, while they were both going through grad school, my parents paid for all their living expenses (rent, utilities, groceries, etc.) and she thinks that same thing would have happened if we were married (or at least engaged).

But, now, with the breakup, she is just screwed. She cannot afford her own place and most of our friends are in relationships, just or about to get married, etc., and she will have nowhere to go. And she still loves me despite her frustration with me. I told her I think we are just incompatible financially and need to end things. She cried and I left to a friends and been staying there since until my trip.

This morning she called and said she would be willing to sell/get rid of the car. She really has no choice but to do it anyway. I told her I still think we need to end things.

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments here in the update

 

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I, 30F, went Camping on a Family getaway and brought along my Boyfriend, 28M, to meet some of my siblings for the first time. We've been together for around 8 or 9 months, so this was a great way to have him meet the rest of my family.

He'd already met my mom and dad, 63M and 56F, a few weeks earlier and they liked him on the spot. Good because im head over heels inlove with him and i know one day we will be married.

Recently my dad's brother, the Uncle of the story (65M) has been living with my parents while he goes through yet another rocky divorce. This one is i think wife number 4.

With those introductions complete we will continue on.

We got to the double campsite that we had been invited to stay at after my parents had parked their motor home and my Uncle had parked their boat that he had towed for them with his Toyota pickup.

Despite this being a double campsite in a provincial park, with plenty of space to have hosted all of the family members that were coming out that weekend, the way my dad and my uncle had parked everything evaporated any chance of anyone else using the other half of the campsite.

We settle on a spot that is a little to the back of the campsite and start setting up our tent. Our teensy weensy 6 man tent barely fits on the campsite. And the ground is solid gravel that's been packed down, so our tent pegs won't go into the ground.

Thank you, Provincial Parks Canada.

We take four pieces of firewood after about 45 minutes of hell and hammering, bent tent pegs and all, and put them into the corners of our tent with hopes it won't collapse on it. Its pouring rain at this point and my boyfriend and I are soaked.

My older sister, 39F, her husband (is it weird i dont know my BIL age?) And my nephew, (6M) arrive, and set up their tent in the only other available spot directly beside our tent.

Everyone hides under my parent's RV awning and we have a few S'mores after dinner, and then we all turn in around 10 o'clock at night.

The next morning Uncle complained that my boyfriend and I snore.

This man slept in the truck bed of his Toyota Tacoma, while his new to him puppy barked at every random breeze or fly that flew by. I love puppies, im not mad at the puppy.

We apologize and give it a little laugh, everyone has breakfast. Dad and Uncle head out with the boat while boyfriend and I head into the nearest town to get some things we had forgotten. When we get back, dad and Uncle are still gone, and we decide it would be a great idea to move our tent to the other side of the campground. There would be more space between my sister's tent and ours, and we all could appreciate a little more privacy too.

We find the ground is softer on the other side of the campsite too, and that makes us happy because the night before the tent did almost collapse on us.

My mom says we didnt need to, that Dad and Uncle won't like it when they come back, and I explained I didnt like how close our tent was and the point of having a double site was to have space to camp, not for Uncle and Dad to have a parking lot. I also informed her we had been told we snore too loud, and not by just my Uncle.

Fast forward to later at dinner, my Dad and Uncle come back and huff and humm and puff at each other when Dad gets out to spot Uncle so he could park his truck.

Directly against our tent.

I get up and tell him to move his truck because its directly against our tent and it would collapse if he doesn't and he scoffs as he walks away.

I follow after him and repeat myself and add in we moved our tent so we could have some privacy and so we didnt disturb everyone with our snoring, that I would appreciate him moving his truck away from our tent, because he was right up against it and his dog would be barking all night so I wouldn't be able to sleep.

He groaned and makes a comment calling my boyfriend a buzzsaw but his dog would bother my sleep, but moves his truck so its more into the other half near my parent's motor home.

Not even twenty minutes later he comes over and starts yelling and cussing at me about asking him to move his truck. He calls me a C word, a fat a** B word that has no respect for her elders, and takes off when my boyfriend looks up at him from where he was sitting beside me by the fire.

We start packing up to leave. I try telling my parents what happened but as it has been every time my Uncle does this my father worships the ground his brother walks on and tells me he's not listening to a wh*** like me make excuses for my disgusting behavior towards his brother. Im shocked. I try to tell my mom not just what Uncle said to me, but the horrible things my dad said to me, but she doesnt listen and says "I told you they wouldn't like it, but you wouldn't listen!"

My uncle starts mouthing off again.

Then I have my boyfriend walking towards my parents campsite and I stop everything to stop him from knocking my dad and my uncle out. I know he would have.

Thank god he listened too and did not, because my nephew was camping there too.

Luckily this drama occurred while my sister and BIL were at the jungle gym the provincial park offers with my nephew, and my nephew wasn't traumatized at all, just sad that I was leaving.

This is not the first time my uncle has picked me to be his victim. Not the first time my dad has gone blind to his brother's crochety old ways. Its just the first time my father has called me that name. And the first time I had unbiased witness.

My boyfriend supported me when I decided to go no contact.

I'll never speak to my parents again

And im not upset about it at all.