u/Valorenn

After an almost 8 year relationship from 16-23 i've spent the last 4 years single. Largely working on myself and my career. Now i'm in a really good spot financially and I thought I was a catch. Thing is, my work is very stressful and I developed a pretty bad porn addiction, and I didn't see anything wrong with it because I was single and not hurting anyone. Well, recently I decided to get back into dating because I really want a family one day, and believe it or not I met the most amazing girl who was super into me. The past month we've texted and called every day and been on a few dates, all lasting atleast 5 hours of just great conversation. And then I ruined it and hurt her emotionally, because of the porn addiction. I didn't think I was hurting anyone, but I was hurting myself and my mind. Porn teaches you to objectify people, it isn't right.

I want to be better. I want to be the best guy for some girl and the best husband and father some day. I really hate myself right now for screwing up something so perfect.

So here I am. Just deleted about 50gb or garbage from my phone. I feel like utter shit. The scum of the earth. I had a gorgeous girl that cared about me and was everything I wanted, and I fucked it up. She ended it and I don't blame her. Disgusted with myself. I slept maybe 3 hours last night.

I'm hoping this resolve lasts this time. I so dearly want to change. I want to be better. I wanted to be the perfect guy for her but my addiction has always gotten in the way. Fuck me. I don't deserve a girlfriend, and I don't deserve love. I've wanted a wife and to start a family but how can I ever have it, everything I do or see or go people use sex to advertise and pray on my weakness. It triggers me and I can't focus on anything else. The triggers are absolutely everywhere: any social media, video games, the beach, girls in skimpy clothing walking down the street, etc. I spend atleast an hour a day on porn, and jerk usually 2-4 times a day. I can't stand it, I wish I wasn't like this. Literally in tears rn because i'm such a piece of shit and i'll never see her again. She'll find someone wonderful and deserving of her and it isn't me.

So here I am. Just deleted about 50gb or garbage from my phone. I feel like utter shit. The scum of the earth. I had a gorgeous girl that cared about me and was everything I wanted, and I fucked it up. She ended it and I don't blame her. Disgusted with myself. I slept maybe 3 hours last night.

I'm hoping this resolve lasts this time. I so dearly want to change. I want to be better. I wanted to be the perfect guy for her but my addiction has always gotten in the way. Fuck me. I don't deserve a girlfriend, and I don't deserve love. I've wanted a wife and to start a family but how can I ever have it, everything I do or see or go people use sex to advertise and pray on my weakness. It triggers me and I can't focus on anything else. I spend atleast an hour a day on porn, and jerk usually 2-4 times a day. I can't stand it, I wish I wasn't like this. Literally in tears rn because i'm such a piece of shit and i'll never see her again. She'll find someone wonderful and deserving of her and it isn't me.

I have a copy of [[exquisite blood]] that came in the blood rites precon I got a while ago. I play mostly B2 / B3, and specifically without infinite combos. This card is like 50$, one of the most expensive in my collection, and honestly i'm not sure it's even good enough to slot into any of my decks when you take away the fact it's one of the most well known infinite combos.

For reference, decks I own that it could slot into are [[edgar markov]], [[braids arisen nightmare]], [[eriette of the charmed apple]], [[betor ancestors voice]], and [[the infamous cruelclaw]].

Edgar is more about pumping out cheap vampires, and the deck contains several [[sanguine bond]] type effects that I would not be allowed to combo off with in my pod. Braids usually does 2 damage to each opponent each turn unless someones playing go-wide, so i'm probably healing about 4 life per turn off of it. Eriette wants auras, and a 5 mana non-aura is a slot that could be an aura. However she does regularly do 5+ noncombat damage to each opponent each turn, which turns into considerable healing. Betor is a life gain/loss deck where the damage to opponents would come from big beaters hitting them, but that deck already has a substantial lifelink theme. Cruelclaw probably doesn't make much sense, it just has black and might be cast for discard instead of mana.

Why is [[landtax]] so expensive? I have yet to find a use for this card. As long as your deck has decent draw and ramp, hitting lands should not be an issue. Even if it draws you 3 lands, it isn't ramp it just lets you hit your drops. You likely won't have space for those 3 in your hand as well. It just seems like a bad card for how expensive it is, it isn't fast at all.

I have a [[kaalia of the vast]] deck, and honestly i've only played it a few times. I'm considering cutting back some decks, and this one might not make the cut. The reason i've always kept it is just it's a sort of catch-all deck for those cool dragons, demons, and angels that I had leftover from other decks (like Giada) that were just too high mana cost to play without cheating them in. And demons angels dragons is sick af.

As everyone knows though the deck relies very heavily on Kaalia and with her removed once or twice, you're basically out of the game at that point. It's too aggressive for most casual tables and not fast enough for most bracket 4 tables. Honestly I don't think this deck can even win turn 6 unless your opponents don't even defend themselves.

Is it just a bad deck despite being the #6 most popular commander?

I only have the Jinx precon and my friend has the Vex precon. How much would it cost to make like a custom Kai's deck, or Miss Fortune or something?

When someone says they have a Kai'sa deck, do they mean the legend or the champion unit? The legend seems like just a passive effect

I've built about 30 or so decks now and I feel like in order to be competitive at even most casual tables, you need to build a pretty specific gameplan. Decks trying to do more than like 2 things are just unfocused and durdle most of the time. The issue is when they become so focused and tuned that every time you pull the deck out, you already know what's going to happen and how it's going to play and how you're going to try and win. Is it just me or does every deck feel like it has low replay value? You spend all this time brainstorming and researching and optimizing, play it once or twice and then find some new commander you want to build up. I know packs are addictive but I think the deckbuilding is just as or more addictive to most people.

Pointless rant inbound. I just feel so frustrated lately. I often go to a local game store to play Magic the Gathering on Tuesdays, and tonight I played a few rounds with a guy and his girlfriend, and i'm honestly so jealous. I'd love to have a girlfriend who would be interested in playing a co-op game, Magic, watching something like Lord of the Rings, and not just think i'm a dweeb. I was never raised in a sports loving household and so i've just never been that typical enthusiast guy. I don't fit in with most guys, i'm more the reading/science type.

I've tried filtering nearby profiles within 30km for interests like fantasy, gaming, etc. And the results are none. ZERO! The apps show me all these beautiful models, but it's honestly not what i'm after. I want someone I can relate to and share some interests with. I'm not in the top percentage of men but I think i'm not ugly. I used to get a few matches a week reliably and lately it's just been nada.

I try to think of ways to even meet the type of women i'm looking for, but it's tough. From experience any girl at a card shop/game store is there with her boyfriend almost guarenteed, so none of them are single. There aren't really nerdy type events near me, I don't live in a major city. I know there are tons of women out there, but man, after you leave college/uni it is just so damn difficult to meet people.