u/WrenFeyStrider

I’m posting here because I keep going in circles in my head about my marriage ending and I’m trying to understand if I’m missing something or if I’m unfairly blaming myself. I tried divorced forums and mostly men kept telling there was someone else. I don’t believe that so I came here
For context: we got married very quickly. Dated for 8 months got engaged was married by the end of the year. Originally we were going to have a long engagement but she decided she didn’t want to wait. We had a kid just over a year later from our wedding. we have a daughter together, and my wife and I are currently separated and heading toward divorce.
We got married in November 2023. At first things felt normal, but over time I started noticing distance and tension building. About 6 months before the separation, her mood toward me started shifting. She became more irritable, short with me, and less emotionally present. Conversations that used to feel easy started feeling like I was walking on eggshells.
Around that same general period, I lost my job. I was told my employer wanted to go in a different direction with the role. It wasn’t performance-related in any formal sense, just a “we’re moving another way” situation. I know they replaced part of my role with ai.

I immediately started applying everywhere not just in my field, but also factories, retail, fast food, anything I could realistically get. At the same time I started doing DoorDash late nights just to keep money coming in. I was still handle childcare, most of household responsibilities, and trying to stay afloat financially.
From my perspective, I was actively trying not just waiting for something to land.

During this time, the emotional distance between us kept growing. She didn’t really check in on me much anymore or ask how I was doing with the job search or stress. When I would try to talk about how overwhelmed I was, it often felt like she was shut down or didn’t want to engage with it. If I brought up my struggles, the response was usually along the lines of “I have struggles too,” but those conversations didn’t really go anywhere for either of us.
Our anniversary came during this period, and I remember feeling like it might be our last one together. We went out to dinner, but it was a sad, tense night that turned into an argument. I tried to open up emotionally about how much fear and uncertainty I was carrying about everything, and she shut it down. I don’t think either of us was really able to be vulnerable with each other at that point.
Before things fully broke down, I actually tried to address it. I suggested more regular check-ins between us and brought up couples counseling early on, but it never really moved forward.

Fast forward to early the next year, I told her I wasn’t happy and wanted us to work on things. At first she said she wanted to separate and try to work on the marriage. A few days later, that shifted into her saying she wanted a divorce.

The reasons she gave were communication issues, compatibility issues, and feeling unstable with my career situation. She also said she needed a partner who could provide and didn’t want to feel like she was in the position of being the provider, even though we had both worked during the marriage.

At first she gave me about a month to find a place. Then after I spoke with my parents and arranged a backup plan to move in with them, she told me I needed to move there instead.

Throughout all of this, I was still doing DoorDash, still taking care of our daughter, still doing household tasks, and still trying to find steady work.

What I’m struggling with most is this feeling that the main reason for the separation was my job loss. I keep replaying it like if I had just kept that job, none of this would have happened.

I can understand the communication issues and compatibility concerns. I can even accept that we weren’t in a good place emotionally. What I can’t fully process is feeling like losing my job was the breaking point that ended the marriage.

I also keep wondering if I should have done more to “save” it, even though I did bring up counseling and tried to talk about issues before things got worse, and she didn’t really want to engage in those conversations or pursue help together.
For people who have been through something similar: what could have I done differently? how do i stop blaming myself for a separation when my partner ultimately decides they don’t want to work on the relationship anymore? And how do i separate “I lost my job” from “I caused the marriage to end”?

I’m posting here because I keep going in circles in my head about my marriage ending and I’m trying to understand if I’m missing something or if I’m unfairly blaming myself.
For context: we have a daughter together, and my wife and I are currently separated and heading toward divorce.
We got married in November 2023. At first things felt normal, but over time I started noticing distance and tension building. About 6 months before the separation, her mood toward me started shifting. She became more irritable, short with me, and less emotionally present. Conversations that used to feel easy started feeling like I was walking on eggshells.
Around that same general period, I lost my job. I was told my employer wanted to go in a different direction with the role. It wasn’t performance-related in any formal sense, just a “we’re moving another way” situation.
That’s when everything got a lot harder.
I immediately started applying everywhere not just in my field, but also factories, retail, fast food, anything I could realistically get. At the same time I started doing DoorDash late nights just to keep money coming in. Even while unemployed, I was still handling childcare, household responsibilities, and trying to stay afloat financially.
From my perspective, I was actively trying not just waiting for something to land.
During this time, the emotional distance between us kept growing. She didn’t really check in on me much anymore or ask how I was doing with the job search or stress. When I would try to talk about how overwhelmed I was, it often felt like she was shut down or didn’t want to engage with it. If I brought up my struggles, the response was usually along the lines of “I have struggles too,” but those conversations didn’t really go anywhere for either of us.
Our anniversary came during this period, and I remember feeling like it might be our last one together. We went out to dinner, but it was a sad, tense night that turned into an argument. I tried to open up emotionally about how much fear and uncertainty I was carrying about everything, and she shut it down. I don’t think either of us was really able to be vulnerable with each other at that point.
Before things fully broke down, I actually tried to address it. I suggested more regular check-ins between us and brought up couples counseling early on, but it never really moved forward.
Fast forward to early the next year, I told her I wasn’t happy and wanted us to work on things. At first she said she wanted to separate and try to work on the marriage. A few days later, that shifted into her saying she wanted a divorce.
The reasons she gave were communication issues, compatibility issues, and feeling unstable with my career situation. She also said she needed a partner who could provide and didn’t want to feel like she was in the position of being the provider, even though we had both worked during the marriage.
At first she gave me about a month to find a place. Then after I spoke with my parents and arranged a backup plan to move in with them, she told me I needed to move there instead.
Throughout all of this, I was still doing DoorDash, still taking care of our daughter, still doing household tasks, and still trying to find steady work.
What I’m struggling with most is this feeling that the main reason for the separation was my job loss. I keep replaying it like if I had just kept that job, none of this would have happened.
I can understand the communication issues and compatibility concerns. I can even accept that we weren’t in a good place emotionally. What I can’t fully process is feeling like losing my job was the breaking point that ended the marriage.
I also keep wondering if I should have done more to “save” it, even though I did bring up counseling and tried to talk about issues before things got worse, and she didn’t really want to engage in those conversations or pursue help together.
For people who have been through something similar: how do you stop blaming yourself for a separation when your partner ultimately decides they don’t want to work on the relationship anymore? And how do you separate “I lost my job” from “I caused the marriage to end”?

I’m posting here because I keep going in circles in my head about my marriage ending and I’m trying to understand if I’m missing something or if I’m unfairly blaming myself.
For context: we have a daughter together, and my wife and I are currently separated and heading toward divorce.
We got married in November 2023. At first things felt normal, but over time I started noticing distance and tension building. About 6 months before the separation, her mood toward me started shifting. She became more irritable, short with me, and less emotionally present. Conversations that used to feel easy started feeling like I was walking on eggshells.
Around that same general period, I lost my job. I was told my employer wanted to go in a different direction with the role. It wasn’t performance-related in any formal sense, just a “we’re moving another way” situation.
That’s when everything got a lot harder.
I immediately started applying everywhere not just in my field, but also factories, retail, fast food, anything I could realistically get. At the same time I started doing DoorDash late nights just to keep money coming in. Even while unemployed, I was still handling childcare, household responsibilities, and trying to stay afloat financially.
From my perspective, I was actively trying not just waiting for something to land.
During this time, the emotional distance between us kept growing. She didn’t really check in on me much anymore or ask how I was doing with the job search or stress. When I would try to talk about how overwhelmed I was, it often felt like she was shut down or didn’t want to engage with it. If I brought up my struggles, the response was usually along the lines of “I have struggles too,” but those conversations didn’t really go anywhere for either of us.
Our anniversary came during this period, and I remember feeling like it might be our last one together. We went out to dinner, but it was a sad, tense night that turned into an argument. I tried to open up emotionally about how much fear and uncertainty I was carrying about everything, and she shut it down. I don’t think either of us was really able to be vulnerable with each other at that point.
Before things fully broke down, I actually tried to address it. I suggested more regular check-ins between us and brought up couples counseling early on, but it never really moved forward.
Fast forward to early the next year, I told her I wasn’t happy and wanted us to work on things. At first she said she wanted to separate and try to work on the marriage. A few days later, that shifted into her saying she wanted a divorce.
The reasons she gave were communication issues, compatibility issues, and feeling unstable with my career situation. She also said she needed a partner who could provide and didn’t want to feel like she was in the position of being the provider, even though we had both worked during the marriage.
At first she gave me about a month to find a place. Then after I spoke with my parents and arranged a backup plan to move in with them, she told me I needed to move there instead.
Throughout all of this, I was still doing DoorDash, still taking care of our daughter, still doing household tasks, and still trying to find steady work.
What I’m struggling with most is this feeling that the main reason for the separation was my job loss. I keep replaying it like if I had just kept that job, none of this would have happened.
I can understand the communication issues and compatibility concerns. I can even accept that we weren’t in a good place emotionally. What I can’t fully process is feeling like losing my job was the breaking point that ended the marriage.
I also keep wondering if I should have done more to “save” it, even though I did bring up counseling and tried to talk about issues before things got worse, and she didn’t really want to engage in those conversations or pursue help together.
For people who have been through something similar: how do you stop blaming yourself for a separation when your partner ultimately decides they don’t want to work on the relationship anymore? And how do you separate “I lost my job” from “I caused the marriage to end”?

I’m posting here because I keep going in circles in my head about my marriage ending and I’m trying to understand if I’m missing something or if I’m unfairly blaming myself.
For context: we have a daughter together, and my wife and I are currently separated and heading toward divorce.
We got married in November 2023. At first things felt normal, but over time I started noticing distance and tension building. About 6 months before the separation, her mood toward me started shifting. She became more irritable, short with me, and less emotionally present. Conversations that used to feel easy started feeling like I was walking on eggshells.
Around that same general period, I lost my job. I was told my employer wanted to go in a different direction with the role. It wasn’t performance-related in any formal sense, just a “we’re moving another way” situation.
That’s when everything got a lot harder.
I immediately started applying everywhere not just in my field, but also factories, retail, fast food, anything I could realistically get. At the same time I started doing DoorDash late nights just to keep money coming in. Even while unemployed, I was still handling childcare, household responsibilities, and trying to stay afloat financially.
From my perspective, I was actively trying not just waiting for something to land.
During this time, the emotional distance between us kept growing. She didn’t really check in on me much anymore or ask how I was doing with the job search or stress. When I would try to talk about how overwhelmed I was, it often felt like she was shut down or didn’t want to engage with it. If I brought up my struggles, the response was usually along the lines of “I have struggles too,” but those conversations didn’t really go anywhere for either of us.
Our anniversary came during this period, and I remember feeling like it might be our last one together. We went out to dinner, but it was a sad, tense night that turned into an argument. I tried to open up emotionally about how much fear and uncertainty I was carrying about everything, and she shut it down. I don’t think either of us was really able to be vulnerable with each other at that point.
Before things fully broke down, I actually tried to address it. I suggested more regular check-ins between us and brought up couples counseling early on, but it never really moved forward.
Fast forward to early the next year, I told her I wasn’t happy and wanted us to work on things. At first she said she wanted to separate and try to work on the marriage. A few days later, that shifted into her saying she wanted a divorce.
The reasons she gave were communication issues, compatibility issues, and feeling unstable with my career situation. She also said she needed a partner who could provide and didn’t want to feel like she was in the position of being the provider, even though we had both worked during the marriage.
At first she gave me about a month to find a place. Then after I spoke with my parents and arranged a backup plan to move in with them, she told me I needed to move there instead.
Throughout all of this, I was still doing DoorDash, still taking care of our daughter, still doing household tasks, and still trying to find steady work.
What I’m struggling with most is this feeling that the main reason for the separation was my job loss. I keep replaying it like if I had just kept that job, none of this would have happened.
I can understand the communication issues and compatibility concerns. I can even accept that we weren’t in a good place emotionally. What I can’t fully process is feeling like losing my job was the breaking point that ended the marriage.
I also keep wondering if I should have done more to “save” it, even though I did bring up counseling and tried to talk about issues before things got worse, and she didn’t really want to engage in those conversations or pursue help together.
For people who have been through something similar: how do you stop blaming yourself for a separation when your partner ultimately decides they don’t want to work on the relationship anymore? And how do you separate “I lost my job” from “I caused the marriage to end”?

I’m posting here because I keep going in circles in my head about my marriage ending and I’m trying to understand if I’m missing something or if I’m unfairly blaming myself.
For context: we have a daughter together, and my wife and I are currently separated and heading toward divorce.
We got married in November 2023. At first things felt normal, but over time I started noticing distance and tension building. About 6 months before the separation, her mood toward me started shifting. She became more irritable, short with me, and less emotionally present. Conversations that used to feel easy started feeling like I was walking on eggshells.
Around that same general period, I lost my job. I was told my employer wanted to go in a different direction with the role. It wasn’t performance-related in any formal sense, just a “we’re moving another way” situation.
That’s when everything got a lot harder.
I immediately started applying everywhere not just in my field, but also factories, retail, fast food, anything I could realistically get. At the same time I started doing DoorDash late nights just to keep money coming in. Even while unemployed, I was still handling childcare, household responsibilities, and trying to stay afloat financially.
From my perspective, I was actively trying not just waiting for something to land.
During this time, the emotional distance between us kept growing. She didn’t really check in on me much anymore or ask how I was doing with the job search or stress. When I would try to talk about how overwhelmed I was, it often felt like she was shut down or didn’t want to engage with it. If I brought up my struggles, the response was usually along the lines of “I have struggles too,” but those conversations didn’t really go anywhere for either of us.
Our anniversary came during this period, and I remember feeling like it might be our last one together. We went out to dinner, but it was a sad, tense night that turned into an argument. I tried to open up emotionally about how much fear and uncertainty I was carrying about everything, and she shut it down. I don’t think either of us was really able to be vulnerable with each other at that point.
Before things fully broke down, I actually tried to address it. I suggested more regular check-ins between us and brought up couples counseling early on, but it never really moved forward.
Fast forward to early the next year, I told her I wasn’t happy and wanted us to work on things. At first she said she wanted to separate and try to work on the marriage. A few days later, that shifted into her saying she wanted a divorce.
The reasons she gave were communication issues, compatibility issues, and feeling unstable with my career situation. She also said she needed a partner who could provide and didn’t want to feel like she was in the position of being the provider, even though we had both worked during the marriage.
At first she gave me about a month to find a place. Then after I spoke with my parents and arranged a backup plan to move in with them, she told me I needed to move there instead.
Throughout all of this, I was still doing DoorDash, still taking care of our daughter, still doing household tasks, and still trying to find steady work.
What I’m struggling with most is this feeling that the main reason for the separation was my job loss. I keep replaying it like if I had just kept that job, none of this would have happened.
I can understand the communication issues and compatibility concerns. I can even accept that we weren’t in a good place emotionally. What I can’t fully process is feeling like losing my job was the breaking point that ended the marriage.
I also keep wondering if I should have done more to “save” it, even though I did bring up counseling and tried to talk about issues before things got worse, and she didn’t really want to engage in those conversations or pursue help together.
For people who have been through something similar: how do you stop blaming yourself for a separation when your partner ultimately decides they don’t want to work on the relationship anymore? And how do you separate “I lost my job” from “I caused the marriage to end”?

I’m trying to find some places to go to watch the World Cup. My neighborhood East Coast only occasionally has a game on and it’s not a great place to watch it either. I know that Buffalo wild wings has it on, but it’s hard to get in there. So where are some other places I can go to watch it? Preferably with the sound on.