u/Yourpanpal_KAI

I’m 17F and my sister is 13F. We both grew up in a physically, mentally, and verbally abusive household with our mother from birth until about a year ago. We now live with our dad, and things are much safer than they were before.
My sister has always been the quieter one, and I’ve always thought she was a little different, but lately I’ve started becoming genuinely concerned about her behavior and mental health. I’m not trying ti assume things, and I know Reddit obviously can’t diagnose a child. I’m just trying to understand what could be going on and whether I should be pushing my dad to get her professional help.

Some of the things I’ve noticed:
She makes extremely disturbing jokes about things like killing people, ripping someone’s hair out, or ripping off someone’s fingernails. Sometimes she says things about doing these things to herself too.

She draws anime-style pictures pretty frequently, and a lot of them contain blood or violence.

She has previously hurt herself, although it hasn’t been severe as far as I know.

She has a really difficult time with boundaries and personal space.

She can have extremely intense meltdowns over things that seem small. For example, today our dad asked her to clean her bed because she had plates sitting on it. She immediately started sobbing and saying that nobody listens to her and that we don’t care about what she says.

She frequently compares herself to me, especially because I’m older and have different rules. For example, today she became upset that I have unlimited screen time while she gets about two hours.

She is extremely attached to her phone. Her screen time is limited, but she can earn additional time by doing chores or being well-behaved.

She told us that at school she intentionally pretends to be stupid so teachers and classmates will think she’s incapable and won’t expect as much from her.

She doesn’t seem to care much about her appearance or hygiene. She often doesn’t brush her hair even when we offer to help, and her showers are sometimes only around five minutes.

She sings in ways that can be really creepy/disturbing and sometimes deliberately tries to freak people out.

She eats pencil lead even though we’ve told her not to.

When she gets in trouble, she can start stuttering, crying, and acting extremely distressed, and sometimes it feels like she’s putting on a whole performance that makes everyone feel guilty for disciplining her.

She struggles with respecting other people’s personal space and boundaries.
She doesn’t seem to have many friends at school and apparently isn’t very well-liked.

She can be very quiet and withdrawn at other times.

I’ve started wondering whether this could be trauma-related, ADHD, autism, depression, anxiety, emotional dysregulation, or some kind of behavioral disorder. I have also wondered about narcissism or psychopathy, but I don’t know if that’s completely unreasonable to think about. I don’t want to label a 13-year-old based on things I don’t understand.
I’m also starting to feel resentment toward her, which makes me feel horrible because I know she’s a kid and she went through the same household I did. But I’m becoming genuinely uncomfortable around her sometimes, and lately I’ve even started feeling afraid of her because of some of the things she says and does.
I love my sister and I don’t want to do the wrong thing. I often feel she wants things to be worse for her than it is. i went without seeing her for 2 years because i was in a residential group home but i came for again a year ago so im not sure what happened to her during that period.

I’d really appreciate advice from people who have experienced something similar, especially people who grew up with traumatized siblings

I’m 16F and I honestly don’t know what the right thing to do is. I feel stuck between wanting my mom back and trying to protect myself from getting hurt again.
My parents have been divorced since I was 9. Growing up, my relationship with my mom was really hard. She struggled with drugs and alcohol, and because of that there were times she was neglectful, unpredictable, and not safe to be around. There were also times when she was physically abusive toward me when I was younger.
Because of all that, I ended up not living at home for a long time. I was in foster care, group homes, and hospitals. This resulted in me having Major Depressive disorder, anxiety, ocd ,and a tic disorder. That whole experience changed me a lot, and a big part of it came from not having a stable mom in my life.
My mom has done a lot of things that are really hard for me to move past. She has made false accusations against my dad that could’ve seriously hurt his job and reputation. She’s made choices while she was using that affected me and other people. One time she was so high she couldn’t drive me home, and she had her drug dealer drive me instead. There are a lot of moments I look back on and just wonder how things got that bad.
But the complicated part is my mom isn’t always that person.
When she’s sober, she can actually be really sweet, funny, and loving. She’s someone I can laugh with. She wants to spend time with me and know what’s going on in my life. I still love her, and I think a part of me has always just wanted my mom.
Recently I started seeing her again because she has newborn kittens. A few days ago I asked if I could come see them, and she picked me up. We went out to eat, went shopping for new shoes, and she even got me squishies as an early birthday gift since my birthday is coming up.
That day was really emotional. She cried a lot in the car and at the restaurant. She told me she’s changing, that she’s done with drugs and alcohol, and that she’s clean. She said she knows she missed a lot of my life and she doesn’t want me to grow up without a mom. She said she wants to actually be there for me and be my mom.
The confusing part is she has said things like this before. In the past she’s told me she would change, but it never really lasted or felt real. This time felt different though. She seemed more emotional and like she actually understood what she lost.
But I’m scared.
I don’t know if I’m being too guarded and not giving her a chance, or if I’m ignoring years of pain just because I miss having a mom.
I don’t want to punish her forever if she really has changed. People can mess up and people can get better. But I also don’t want to let her back in fully and end up getting hurt again.
I truly need help please
I’m not looking for people to just say “forgive her” or “cut her off.” I’m just trying to figure out what’s actually healthiest for me.

I’m 16f and since i was 11 ive had this sound i make with my nose uncontrollably. The first time it came i was freaked out and it stayed for a few weeks then disappeared for almost a year, it got brought up in a conversation and it started again. it’s been on and off since then, sometimes it takes me a few seconds or let it out and it’s so annoying. i think these are anxiety tics but im not sure since they happen even when im not stressed. Just wanted to know if others on here go through anything similar?

Hi, I’m 16F and so is my best friend. I really need advice because I feel like I’m falling apart and I don’t know what to do for her.

About a year ago, she had a lump under her right ear. Doctors said it was probably nothing and didn’t really take it seriously. But over time it kept growing, and now it’s huge (like the size of a large fist), hard, and it’s made her ear go numb. She also can’t hear out of that ear anymore.

Now doctors are saying it could be lymphoma or some kind of head/neck cancer, possibly a parotid gland tumor. They’re also worried it might be on a nerve that controls her face, which means when they remove it, it could cause facial paralysis (temporary or permanent).

She’s had a lot of scans recently, and this Thursday she gets the results and schedules surgery. I’m going with her.

It’s not confirmed cancer yet, but the doctors sound pretty serious. What scares me even more is that she told me if it turns out to be stage 4, she doesn’t want treatment and just wants to enjoy whatever time she has left. I don’t even know how to process that.

She’s the sweetest person I know and has been there for me through really hard times. I love her so much and I’m so scared of losing her or seeing her go through something like this.

I don’t know:
- what this could actually be medically
- how serious this sounds
- how to support her the right way
- what to say if she keeps talking about not wanting treatment

Also her dad is talking about suing because doctors didn’t take it seriously earlier, which just makes everything feel more intense.

If anyone has been through something like this (either as the friend or the patient), I would really appreciate advice. I just want to be there for her the best way I can, but I feel so lost and scared.

Hi, I’m 16F and so is my best friend. I really need advice because I feel like I’m falling apart and I don’t know what to do for her.

About a year ago, she had a lump under her right ear. Doctors said it was probably nothing and didn’t really take it seriously. But over time it kept growing, and now it’s huge (like the size of a large fist), hard, and it’s made her ear go numb. She also can’t hear out of that ear anymore.

Now doctors are saying it could be lymphoma or some kind of head/neck cancer, possibly a parotid gland tumor. They’re also worried it might be on a nerve that controls her face, which means when they remove it, it could cause facial paralysis (temporary or permanent).

She’s had a lot of scans recently, and this Thursday she gets the results and schedules surgery. I’m going with her.

It’s not confirmed cancer yet, but the doctors sound pretty serious. What scares me even more is that she told me if it turns out to be stage 4, she doesn’t want treatment and just wants to enjoy whatever time she has left. I don’t even know how to process that.

She’s the sweetest person I know and has been there for me through really hard times. I love her so much and I’m so scared of losing her or seeing her go through something like this.

I don’t know:
- what this could actually be medically
- how serious this sounds
- how to support her the right way
- what to say if she keeps talking about not wanting treatment

Also her dad is talking about suing because doctors didn’t take it seriously earlier, which just makes everything feel more intense.

If anyone has been through something like this (either as the friend or the patient), I would really appreciate advice. I just want to be there for her the best way I can, but I feel so lost and scared.