u/_Blue_Sky_Noise

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️Mentions of abuse, rape, domestic violence and abortion.)

Like so many here I fell into an abyss post discard. I was bed ridden and in emotional pain for months. So much trauma. rape, domestics violence, unwanted abortions, bodily traumas…

A year later I’m even more obsessed over all he did & traumatized by the near waste of human life that I encountered. I am ang at myself too. The endless ruminations, regrets, bodily traumas, and medical traumas he caused just haunt me. His belittling voice rings in my ear anytime I try to love myself. 

After initially crashing out once he discarded me while pregnant, I put him him jail for abuse & realized he was a soul sucking demonic force of nature. 

And I couldn’t keep my babies because of the predicament he put me in (and which I stupidly risked being in) and I regret it all till this day. My mind goes to dark places and sometimes. I can’t see how to heal. I feel I have tried everything I have heard to do…

worst of all I struggle to brush my teeth and likely will be losing teeth because of it. Trust me. 

I have given up on a happy future.

I hate my aging face and body.

He is young and hot and can get anyone. 

I am sometimes SHOCKED at how I clung to him post discard, even when he was a monster who had ripped his mask off. 

so basically, I am going to avoid shrimp for now because I’m not quite sure what happened. And I know no one can diagnose me here, but I’m just trying to see if I’m the only one who I didn’t really see too much online about it all the way to see some things. So basically I love shrimp and whole life know not anyone who’s ever had an allergy to it. But I hadn’t had shrimp in like about a week and we ended up making a bunch of fried shrimp. And I stuffed my face. I love it. I had like at least like 10 or 14 pcs. and I remember my neck was also really tight that day so I sat down and I was like leaning my neck down and trying to stretch it. . In my past in occasion I might feel like overstretch it and I gotta be careful with that. but usually that weirdnes of over stretching that causes a light headed feeling in my head and neck both, will pass after like five or 10 mins max.

But this time suddenly like went beyond that. about say like 20 minutes after eating the shrimp and doing a little 10 second stretch or whatever, suddenly like I just felt really like I was gonna faint, and my neck felt kind of floaty like it was weird. And I felt all this blood rushing to my head. And I thought it first maybe it was just becauseof stretching but it went on for hours. I felt such intense blood flow to my head and I still sat up and no longer was stretching my head anymore, but I had to sit there and keep my head so I felt like for a couple of hours, it just felt like a bit faint like with a a weird brain fogginess.

Then went to lay down when the blood pumping and “floaty neck” feeling got better. But it didn’t fully get better entirely as I have been having a headache and mild faint like feelings since last night somewhat. Like if I talk sometimes it kind of feels like it’s vibrating into my head..

it. And I do feel like there was some swelling like in my neck in the front and like mild tingling on my lips. But it was so mild that it was so hardly noticeable. It wasn’t until the next day that I realized that there had been any swelling or tingling at all. It was kinda like you didn’t know it until you felt lighter/less swollen or like your neck/face was “drained out.” But my roommate said I didn’t look swollen.

I feel conflicted on whether Trevor to some degree did semi care or semi love Riley and also felt bad about Colin

Like it seems some feelings + guilt set in and he was trying to balance manipulation of both Riley and Voight so that voight got his sacrifices, but without Riley or anyone human getting killed.

Other clues point to some of this but I’m unsure

For instance he was trying stop her by taking it from her after the hospital visit to Serena.

I felt like he felt too guilty and was going to seek someone new who he didn’t care about.

plus he was constantly trying to get her to leave the house before roommate got stabbed by Voight.

And once the female roommate gets stabbed,  he says

”We gotta go! we gotta call the cops! Let’s leave!”

He jumps into the van and tried to get everyone out.

 any point Colin  may have said 

”Yes good idea Trevor. I’m calling police”, in which case he would not have gotten his money and everyone is saved and he goes and finds different victims later.

Also when he lets the doors open to let Riley outside, he could have shut them on her so she is locked outside and forced to sacrifice herself or let Colin go to hell &  next let back in  Colin or Riley (whoever isn’t sacrificed outside )  stick around & let Voight stab them.

Obviously in the end he also wanted money because he didn’t outright fire himself and tell everyone the truth right away. it seemed like last minute regret. 

He also oddly tells her he loves her when it didn’t seem he needed to. She was already having sex and seemed into him enough. It’s not like she said it first and he felt he had to say it back to get her to under a spell, sleep with him, and do whatever he wanted.

what do you all yall think of his contradictory actions? because he sure didn’t seem to just rush to make everything easier for Voight 

I was always really into Hellraiser 2 but so disappointed they spent some time in hell but it wasn’t fully explored or complex in its nature. I really would love to see them truly make some epic horror adventure through hell where they face lots of interesting obstacles and possibly “games within games” or levels of hell etc. Maybe they even free her brother or others via rules and games they didn’t know existed. maybe even a cenobite helps them in exchange for something. basically a really dark version of Labrynth (minus silly puppets etc and replace with cenobitesxand trapped victims) mixed with What Dreams May Come hell landscape and Event Horizon LOL. Just not basic slasher bs or running through hell for a quick side quest and back out again. i wish it could be epic like LOTR in terms of deep characte building bit with very dark adventures and much more evil and interesting creatures, and not some long walking journey but just trying to escape out or kill Leviathan and end hell maybe. HellBound was like a fast in and out side quest but still int. we but didn’t see much of the landscape and whatever we learned of of it was so basic ( People get tortured forever. ) I hope they expand the lore and make it interesting and complex.

i discovered my brother killed a kitten on purpose to upset his live-in gf. he also punched and body slams their large dogs whenever he feels like it. And I just also found out he regularly beat a little chihuahua/jack Russel mutt dog some yrs back of his ex wife’s. He‘s 6’0 and got large fat hands and that dog was tiny. I can’t even imagine. Allegedly it was purpLe and blue on its stomach. That was yrs ago and the ex escaped and lived a happier life with her and her dog. so no proof it happened. And the dead kittenI have no idea what happened to it but it allegedly happened a year ago. He’s currently got 7 cats * 2 large dogs in a 2 bed room apt. He also “spanks” his cat and it’s old and is traumatized now from it. The cat hides away a lot and lost hair.

He’s not even supposed to have animals in his apt per the apt rules.

the gf confessed all this days ago and she wants to save money and leave him in 6 months. but she also admit she has been wanting to leave him for a while but he always goes through her stuff and knows what she is up to. so idk. I want to offer her only 5 months of time to get out. But my sister thinks that my brother’s gf should have left a long time ago (they been together about 10 yrs.) Especially once he killed the kitten a yr ago, is when I feel she should have left asap. it should not take a year. This whole thing is just horrendous.

the issue is the gf has now shut down and doesn’t want to talk anymore about the abuse and is asking to be left alone. my mom thinks I’m a gossiper for telling my sister.

she think I need to stay out of it.

Idk what to do because from all I read, it’s not going to be like some movie plot where officers rush in and arrest him and ASPCA just scoops them up and rescues them. What I hear is they go and investigate only if you bother them enough and then make a conclusion eventually on what they see or don’t see. But I doubt she will admit he hurts those animals if she is still stuck living there. because he will hurt her or the animals the moment the ASPCA or police leave.

because it’s not like any are laying down and dying (that I know of.) So it would be hard to prove anythin.

Idk how to handle it.

my sister is unsure how long she can sit in this information. I feel so bad because U know the gf wants out and she wants to take her pets with her. the dogs have ptsd issues and likely will be put down if taken from the home.

idk how to feel/cope. my mom hid from me that he beat up a small tiny dog of his ex wife’s when mad at her. he locked himself in the room with it and beat it. its stomach was purple and blue I heard. he did it more than once but to what degree idk.

then in recent yrs me he squeezed a kitten to death when his newest gf was trying to leave him or upset him (I can’t remembet which).

again I’m barely finding this out yesterday

and when upset he body slams his big dogs he has and punches them.

and he has a cat he “spanks” often to the point it has lost hair and hides all day and night.

his gf has finally decided to leave him but he doesn’t know. she confessed this to us yesterday because she had a breakdown alongside my mom when my brother refused to let his gf take my mom to my dad’s funeral. he wouldn’t let her because she simply told him he needed to take his shirt off before brushing his teeth so he wouldnt get toothpaste on his shirt before the funeral.

he said ”She’s being unsupportive so she can’t take you now”.

my mom was devastated because the funeral was 4 hours away in a different city (they’re divorced but still loved each other) and she had no ride.

I had no car and I was flying into town and at the funeral home when I was told my brother wasn’t allowing my mom to go.

I was floored.

and she couldn’t just ignore him because she said “He‘ll hurt my dogs if I go.”

so I called her during the viewing and her and his gf were crying and they spilled all this to me.

in 6 months she will be leaving with her 2 dogs and the one super abused cat. but she can’t take on his 7 other cats.

so now I know I have to report him once she leaves so I can save those animals.

she plans to have cops escort her out and tell them he is abusive, but if there’s no proof, the cats can’t be removed.

all I or she can do is report him to mgmt company who does not allow pets in his home.

I feel so shaken up.

on top of grieving my dad, I hear my mom crying about not going and feel her pain. and I cry now for those animals.

i just wish I knew how to cope.

he has now begun to shove his gf too which is why she is finally leaving.

idk what to say because he can’t know I know for now. or else he’ll hurt the dogs is what she said. i’m so enraged and cried a lot over this.

i know this will end our bond because idk how to look at him the same. What do I do? Will managm ent take the pets out if I tell?