u/__amethyst__0

mujhe university apne result ki tension kay sath shuru nai karni mein chahti hun university jane se pehle ajaye bohat tension horahi hai kay fail na hojaoun

Guys i am very heartbroken i have been dealing with anxiety for three years now this one is my fourth year but still i showed up during two years of my college while struggling with anxiety still sat through boards with my symptoms my family knew but since they didn't knew much about anxiety and my sessions were terminated they thought i was "perfectly fine" they don't know how anxiety symptoms work i sat through boards passed my exams even though i thought I wouldn't so when my sister says my marks aren't good enough or that i never studied enough ( i was struggling badly with anxiety that time couldn't focus on anything) it really breaks my heart that there is no one who would understand me sometimes i wish there would be someone who would listen to me let me cry my whole heart out without me showing fake strength i wanna cry in someone arms and tell how tired i am from all of this no one seems to understand me and a person without anxiety can never understand someone with anxiety my mom always thinks i suffer from it because i want to she doesn't understand that symptoms show up and i panic cuz my nervous system is sensitive but what hurts me most is that i pass boards even with anxiety and then they just say i didn't do enough while i literally fought two battles??

Guys since i was 12 years i have been bullied by my cousin. She keeps bullying me over my looks and even Infront of everyone she takes every chance she gets to degrade me she used to call me black and ugly and you know what (I AM NOT EVEN BLACK!!) i would call myself light medium skin toned like wheatish type like i don't even have sanwla rang !! she is extremely fair and was born in america so she is very burger type everytime she would call me kaali or badsoorat i would cry she kept bullying me for three years whenever we were playing she would say isko ye Princess ka role dedo ye kaali hai she even called me ugly Infront of my sister and my cousin then one time i was saying kay mujhe blonde baal pasand nai hain then she said haan tumpar suit konse karne hain tabhi tou pasand nai hain and the reason i am so insecure now is because of her long story short i became friends with her i don't even know how but for a short period of time she stopped bullying me then we became friends and i realised we had alot of same interests and we would talk about things we love but she started bullying me again crossed my boundaries and would cling to me everytime she would expect i spend 24/7 with her and she always would say while looking herself in the mirror that oh "i am so beautiful" blah blah and would also ask me to compliment her but i wouldn't because some part in me still hate her what she did to me she always compliments herself infront of me and says she is very beautiful and pretty and would say Kay oh larkay mere par martay hain blah blah then mujhe bura laga that dost banane kay baad bhi mere dil mei uske liye kharabi hai or mene use sab batadia kay tumari past bullying ne mujhe bohat hurt kia or you know what?? usne kaha use kuch yaad hi nai hai but still she apologised and promised not to do it again but again after sometime i was telling her kay haan aik larkay ne mere par confession kia tha she said shukar karo tum par kisi ne confession bhi kia i don't know what she wants she still said that after she said she won't do it again also she copies me alot i apply kajal usne mujhe dekh kar kajal lagana shuru kardia pehle nai lagati thi or mere se hi kajal lagwati hai or aik dfa ham airport jare thay mene pink lipstick lagai tou ganda munh bana kar kehti airport hi jare hain itna tayar kui hori ho or phir khud laal lipstick laga kar agai and then she had the audacity to ask me kay kesi lagrahi hun mein also one time she said kay tum payari lag rahi ho mujhe acha nai lagta jab tum mere se pyari lago

sorry guys I'm new to reddit and need upvotes to post please help me out and if you don't want to simply ignore this post thanks🫪🫶