u/analisee02

hi everyone!

i’ve reached a point where i can no longer function in my room due to the amount of things i have accumulated. i regularly donate/sell/throw out anything that 1. doesn’t bring me joy, 2. doesn’t serve a purpose, and/or 3. i have multiples of. after spending a while doing this, i still find myself with sooo much stuff.

it doesnt help that i have attachment issues to inanimate objects. things that have sentimental value are especially hard to get rid of (but i do it eventually.) i also have the “what if i need this one day” mindset. im starting to break out of this but its awfully difficult.

i used to have a pretty minimalist lifestyle ages 14-16 (im 22 now). everything was much simpler. now, im in LOVE with things.

i love collecting cd’s and listening to them while crafting. i love collecting coach bags. i also love to thrift. i LOVE crafting. all of these things bring me so much joy. trust me, i tried so hard to hate these things but i love them and cant help it.

after years of having no hobbies and not knowing who I was, i feel like i’m finally starting to gain a clear(er) sense of self.

the issue with all of this is that it’s becoming harder to organize and clean my room. i have ADHD and live with my bf who also has ADHD. we both get overwhelmed with how many things we have in our room. it also doesn’t help that he adores maximalism. (look up debby ryan and josh dunn’s house tour. that’s my bf’s inspo.) my bf also loves to collect pokemon cards and little trinkets.

how can i work towards a minimalist lifestyle while still keeping/doing the things i love? anyone with ADHD that has tried minimalism and got it to stick?? any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated, thanks!

My boyfriend and I both have ADHD, and we’re trying to clean/organize our room. The problem is that we approach cleaning VERY differently, and it’s becoming frustrating for both of us.
My boyfriend is actually really good at cleaning.

His method is basically:
- pick an area (like the dresser)
- put away everything that doesn’t belong there
- don’t stop to organize every category
- once the surface is cleared, clean/organize it
- move on to the next area

For example, if there’s makeup on the dresser, he’ll just put the makeup where it belongs and continue cleaning.

I literally cannot do that.

If I go to put away makeup, I suddenly feel the need to reorganize ALL of my makeup and create a new system for it. Then I’ll notice something else (ex: hair products) and suddenly I’m reorganizing that too. Every category becomes its own “project.”

The bigger issue is that I usually don’t even finish these projects. I start with a ton of energy and motivation, hyperfocus on creating systems, and then crash halfway through. By the end, the room somehow looks even worse than before.

I also struggle REALLY badly with “out of sight, out of mind.” My boyfriend can put dirty laundry into garbage bags and bring them to the basement laundry room, and he’ll still remember they exist and eventually do them (if not in that exact moment). If I do that, the laundry basically stops existing in my brain. I’ve regularly forgotten about clothes for so long that I convinced myself I had no clothes and bought more. Before my boyfriend moved in with me, I was in a 1-year long process of doing my laundry. (my boyfriend has been living w me for 1 year and 4 months and i’m STILL stuck in the process of doing laundry. he’ll do all our laundry on his day off but it piles up very quickly since i struggle to help)

This whole issue with cleaning/organization has been stressing both of us out because our room constantly becomes disastrous, and I genuinely want to help more and be functional with this. My boyfriend is so understanding of my struggles and hasn’t gotten mad at me once, surprisingly.

Things I’ve already tried:
- bins/baskets
- “organize later” methods
- timers
- limiting hyperfocus time
- turning cleaning into a game
- doing a little every day
- marathon cleaning sessions
- hiding the mess
- keeping the mess visible
- decluttering/minimalism

Some things help temporarily, but nothing really sticks.
Does anyone else experience this? How do you stop yourself from turning every small “put this away” task into a giant organizational side quest? (as my therapist likes to call it lol)

My favorite question to ask is "why?" I always seem to do it and for as long as I can remember, I would always get yelled at or reprimanded for "talking back." A month or two ago, my boyfriend and I were bickering more than usual and he kept saying that he felt like I was attacking him. I genuinely thought that he was over reacting to my questions, until one day my therapist was on the phone with me and overheard an interaction between my boyfriend and i. She asked me to walk through the conversation I just had, exactly how I perceived it. Afterwards, she told me "If I didn't know how you are as a person and how you talk, I would have assumed you were mad at your boyfriend."

This sentence absolutely shattered my brain. I couldn't understand how. I still can't. My therapist explained how my tone of voice can make those "why" questions come off as if I'm mad, but I don't quite understand how my tone of voice fluctuates (unless it's really obvious. like being super loud or being quite.)

So now, I'd like to ask for advice on how I could either begin to understand and hear my tone of voice, ask my "why" questions without sounding like I'm attacking someone, or both.

Thanks!

im a first gen baby w my parents both from ecuador. i ALWAYS thought i was fluent in spanish my entire life because i’ve been told that but now that i’m actually in ecuador, im finding out that my spanish speaking is pretty weak. instead of my family (or anyone really) correcting me, they just kinda giggle and share looks. very annoying. anyways, how can i improve my spanish to really ensure my fluency?

im not sure if this post will get taken down but here goes nothing.

on may 3rd 2026, there was an awful car accident in Azuay between 2 cars. finding out that my uncle was the one who died in the car accident absolutely turned my world upside down. my mom was absolutely devastated and i was left to pick up the broken pieces.

my relatives in ecuador dont understand why i would be grieving since I barely knew him. there’s a lot they don’t know.

almost every day I would tell my boyfriend, “I cant wait for you to meet my uncle”, “you HAVE to meet my uncle”, “you’re gonna LOVE my uncle.”

and now, he will never have the chance to meet my uncle. he will never have the opportunity to have a conversation with him or share a laugh. my uncle will never get to meet the man i’m going to marry.

my uncle will never meet us at the airport anymore. he will never drive us to and back from cuenca.

and my mom. my sweet mother. watching her grieve her baby brother has been one of the hardest things i’ve dealt with. wondering “who will she talk to every morning now?” is a heartbreaking thought. my uncle was a part of her morning/night routine. instead, i will now hear her cry in her room and talk to her brother from the clouds.

my heart breaks for my family, my mother, and the bond I was looking forward to growing with him.

mi tio querido, siempre te recordaré. gracias por todo que has hecho para nosotros, para mi familia, y para mi mama. descanse en paz mi angelito 🤍

for some context, im latina and everyone in my family can tan within minutes of being in the sun. i however, cannot. the only time i really got a satisfying (crisp and deep) tan, i was on vacation in NJ 5 years ago. it was the middle of july and i was in the sun all the time. of course, i got burnt to a crisp AND THEN the tan came in beautifully. ive been trying to tan since for years. ive tried many oils, gels, lotions, etc. ive used a few different sunscreens. i tried flipping sides every 15 mins and even laid out in the sun for 2 hours (i fell asleep). sometimes i’ll burn, but other times, i get the faintest tan lines. anyways, if anyone has any product recommendations pls lmk. thanks!

im not sure if anyone here struggles with eating out alone, but i know i have for as long as i can remember. when i watch people eat alone, i feel like crying for them. just the thought of me eating at a restaurant alone brought tears to my eyes. i never understood why anyone would ever do it or how they could ever enjoy being alone.

today i had to go to a different state by myself for a few hours and decided to face that fear. thinking about this had me tensing up and heart racing. as i walked into the restaurant, i considered just getting take out and eating in my car. instead, i acted opposite to my emotions and sat at a booth. i ordered my food, and looked around me. it was at that moment that i realized, people really dont give a shit about me.

a part of my fear of eating alone came from what others might think of me. i thought that someone might think that me eating alone was sad. and in turn, that would make me feel sad. the general concept of eating alone was just sad to me overall.

from the second i sat down, i felt a wave of relief. it was me surrounded by a bunch of people wrapped up in their own little worlds. and so, i wrapped myself up in my own little world. i pulled out a book (gone girl by gillian flynn if anyone wants a good rec) and began eating a really good turkey club. and you know what… i really enjoyed it.

acting opposite to your emotions isnt an easy thing to do at all, but it is absolutely worth practicing.

here’s to day one of not letting bpd take over my life.