u/andthenisayhi

Im 22 so I prefer to talk w people around my age. Sfw.

I honestly wonder at times why im breathing. What purpose does my existence even serve? Am i talented? No. Am i hardworking? No. Lazy? Very. Stupid. Dumb. Doormat personality. Boring personality.

I am a mosaic of mistakes and faults.

I am everything bad and ugly that humans have to offer. My mere existence is a mistake. Every breath that i take is space of inconvenience i cause for everyone around me.

I cant even remember what i studied. I am the most stupid one in my class.

I cant make people find me interesting enough to be friends w me. Today, my classmates were talking about Marvel movies,animes, and i had nothing to contribute to. I decided at that moment that i will watch marvel movies too but will that make me fun enough? Will that be enough to be included in socialising?

No one takes me seriously. People dont even see me as a person. I dont blame them. I am to be ignored because that's how i am. People dont care if their words or actions hurt me, or cause an inconvenience to me.

I want to give up this life so bad. Ive always been a quitter. Ever since i was a child. I wanna quit this life game too. I dont see anything that will make me want to keep breathing without my family. To live is the difficult part.

I know im a no one and i deserve nothing good. But my family deserves everything good in this life. Who will take care of them? Im pathetic but selfish enough to live for my family.

Edit: im 22

To be in love

It is a privilege to be in love with a person. How bizarre is it that someone's presence makes you want to smile stupidly? It's bizarre and makes no sense but for some reason, it's the best thing ever to exist. How simple it is to be happier just because you think of someone. It is so easy to be in a better mood.

I want this. I want to be in love. Fall in love. Cry in love. I want heartbreaks ,i want tears ,i want joys. I want everything that love has to offer. I never got my teenage love story,but ,God, please let me experience it in my 20s. How cruel must life be to deprive me of this?

I was never the pretty one or talented one. i have always been a dot on the wall,not even the wallflower. no one was in love w me.no one asked me out. Always been the socially awkward and stupid,ugly girl.

Some of you might call me stupid for wanting a heartbreak. But when you have felt nothing for most of your life,you want something of everything that people your age experience. Even if i get my heart shattered,let me bask in the moment of being in love, being loved and to love.

I want to send random texts about my day,give small gifts ,make stupid clay crafts,sit tgt for hours long ans go on walks. Talk about the future and learn to love our lives tgt. I want this. I know what i lack but call me selfish,i want a normal life.

How pathetic must i be to cant help but think of being in love w any guy who talks to me irl. everyone irl is a victim to my desperation.

It is a privilege to be in love with a person. How bizarre is it that someone's presence makes you want to smile stupidly? It's bizarre and makes no sense but for some reason, it's the best thing ever to exist. How simple it is to be happier just because you think of someone. It is so easy to be in a better mood.

I want this. I want to be in love. Fall in love. Cry in love. I want heartbreaks ,i want tears ,i want joys. I want everything that love has to offer. I never got my teenage love story,but ,God, please let me experience it in my 20s. How cruel must life be to deprive me of this?

I was never the pretty one or talented one. i have always been a dot on the wall,not even the wallflower. no one was in love w me.no one asked me out. Always been the socially awkward and stupid,ugly girl.

Some of you might call me stupid for wanting a heartbreak. But when you have felt nothing for most of your life,you want something of everything that people your age experience. Even if i get my heart shattered,let me bask in the moment of being in love, being loved and to love.

I want to send random texts about my day,give small gifts ,make stupid clay crafts,sit tgt for hours long ans go on walks. Talk about the future and learn to love our lives tgt. I want this. I know what i lack but call me selfish,i want a normal life.

How pathetic must i be to cant help but think of being in love w any guy who talks to me irl. everyone irl is a victim to my desperation.

Idl why im crying at this hour. man,i love my country. my love my country despite its flaws and ugliness. I may hate the system,the politicians, even some people,but deep down,i will always love my land.

For me,my nation is like my "first love". People say you cant unlove your first love no matter how many new people you meet. you will always have a spot corner for the love you first felt for someone. And i feel that way for this country

I fantasize about living in some foreign country where you get the basic standard of living,where castea aint an everyday problem,where you dont have to always worry about not getting something because of the huge population. I may want a lot kf things.

But what my heart truly desires is for my nation to be the way i want -clean and nice. I dont want to go to some other country to get some good lifestyle,i want that in India.

I grew up reading about the greatness of this land and it wont ever go from my heart.

India,i may hate some people of this land, but no force on earth can make me not love you.

I know this is a stupid question.

For most of my life, I thought they were two separate things. But,then i see on the internet that some refer to them as the same. For example,I'm a karbi, so as per the labels of culture,I'm a karbi. But when it comes to the "castes" ,I'm an ST. And a naga is a naga as per the 'culture' but according to the caste,they are an ST. So,we have the same caste but different cultures. Am i understanding it wrong? I'm confused at this point.

ik it sounds weird af but i think when i was a kid,i saw a dream that id only live up to my mid or late 20's. aka not make it to my 30s.since then, this has been the 'truth' that my mind just believes in. im not suicidal or anything like that but it's imprinted in my mind that id die in my 20s.

Hi

Question.

22. be older than 20

Be around my age and sfw.

Does anyone want to talk? 20-25

This was a book that i read on Wattpad,my first bl book that has stayed in my mind since then. I cant describe how beautiful this piece of work is.

One day, a man received a call on the telephone. It was from another man, 50 years apart, from the same telephone and the same room. The two of them never got to meet each other, neither did they speak for a long time. They talked for a very short time, but it was in the tiny space of time that they learnt what it was to be in love.

I cried a lot when i first read it. I still remember the day, i was in my bed under the covers crying my heart out while my dad tried to pull the blanket over because according to him, it was evening already and i should be going out instead of rotting on my bed.

I had dived into this book not knowing it was a bl AND a fanfiction.

The words- "innocent girl", "billionaire" , "little",cringe ass nicknames,

And if i see that the cover is ai generated. i know it might seem a stupid reason to not read a book and it's the classic case of judging a book by its cover. but i cant help it, i hate when the covers are ai generated.

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i will try my best to explain what I'm trying to do.

i will separate my body from my soul,not literally. i will view them as two different entities (?) so that when im hating on my body, im hating on someone else because i am my soul. idek what im talking about rn.

how do i explain this? Or am i even thinking it the right way?

You know, bad hair sucks,but what's worse you might ask? Inability to write a paragraph. what's the use of school and college if i cant even imprint my emotions and thoughts into words? -5 for life. I dont want to use ai.

Anyways,if i ever go " my hair is so ugly" ; following this, i will try to detach my soul from my body. that way, itd be as if im hating on someone else's hair, someone whos not my because im "soul" and not body. And i do not like to hate others , especially on their physical appearance,so id start regretting hating on THAT hair aka my hair. so maybe id be kinder to myself this way.

I should just sleep.

it hurts to write my misery into this reddit post but i think i need to let it out, be it on the internet.

i have always been a loner and college is no different. i cant socialize even when i try to. i cant contribute to conversations, nor can i hold one without making everyone awkward. i have tried to improve myself, but it's simply not working. im trying more to get better at the socializing thing.

and, big factor, im not pretty.

so you can assume that my social life is almost non existent, consisting of walking alone to clg and sitting alone while everyone laughed with everyone. i dont really mind that. but there are times when i wished i could talk to people. i want to want to talk to people. idk if this sentence makes sense. rn im no fan of talking w people, but i wish that was not the case.

theres this guy in my class whod speak to ME. me. Me. ofc it was rare but it was something. hed even say 'hi,how are you' and thatd send me to cloud 9.

soon enough, he became the major reasons for me to attend class. every hour, id hope to hear him say "present" and that always made my day, to know that even if i don't get to talk to him, we are in the same space.

In a crowd, my eyes always longed to see him. i love the way he laughs, the way he talks, especially about subjects hes passionate about, politics, outfits, hair, movies.

I cant describe how much i love listening to him talk. i never understood why people wanted to hold hands or hugs. But,ik it might sound corny but i want to hold his hands. hes the first guy who has made me wish to know how his hand would feel on mine. something that's impossible btw. but i like to dream.

and have i told you about his hair? Hes obsessed with it. ive held the phone just so he could fix his hair and that was the cutest thing ever.

but lately, he doesn't reply to my texts like he used to. i think he realised his worth.

If anyones wondering, we had nothing going on. we only ever said hi hello rarely irl and he treated me the way he treated any girl, with respect. but maybe because he was the only guy who talked w me, i fell for him. do i like him or the idea of liking him?

he will never like me and as much as it hurts me to say this, i dont want to like him anymore. i do like him. I still do. but i dont want to.

how much longer do i need to wait for you? Must i light a diya in your name? Or keep on writing hopeless letters for you? My ink is running dry and my fingers hurt from gripping the pen tight,but my heart is so full of love, begging to be poured into words.

I dont even know you but i love you so much already. Whoever that you might be,im really proud of you and happy with what you have made with your life.

p.s i hope you exist. I'll wait.

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i am the epitome of "nothingness" if that exists. nothing is interesting about me, neither my thoughts nor the words that i utter. i can walk alone while everyone is with someone;i can eat alone in the crowded dining hall;i can sit alone in class and be left out. i can bear all these pretty much since it has always been the same. i can. I am capable of it. But. But i dont want to.

I dont want to walk back all alone nor do i want to eat alone in a room full of laughter and joy. i dont want to spend all my days cooped up in my room , listening to girls hanging out in the room next door.

i dont want to keep on pretending that i am happy w the way i am.

Im so sick of never being interesting or fun enough for people to talk to me again. When i was younger,I used to blame others for leaving me out but after growing up and introspecting, i would not talk to "me" too if i were someone else. how long will you blame people for your miserable personality?

I want to laugh with the girls in my class, talk with the boys with ease, joke around, make stupid mistakes and learn from them. I want to know the gossip, whos dating who, everything. I want to be included.

But I never am. never called to hangout even if im sitting w them while they make plans.

What's wrong with them you might ask? A better question is what's not wrong with me?

I am blessed with great people in my life. Ive gotta admit that.(not being sarcastic). my friends try to talk to me but i just cant. I try so hard to hold a conversation but it always fumble badly, it doesn't matter the gender,you just need to be a human and I'll make sure to make you feel awkward. Unintentionally.

I can barely hold eye contact with anyone. i dont remember purposely looking at any guy just as we pass by since forever. and then i expect people to acknowledge my existence? Aint i greedy?

"Just talk to them". I try to. Trust me i do(sometimes). I cant explain it but i find it extremely difficult to hold a conversation knowing im boring. Ive been told that i often try to "run" when someone's talking to me, especially in public.

Should i talk about my love life? No. Because it's non existent. I lie to myself and say i will find someone someday, a lie ive been feeding since i was a kid. But now im mature enough to accept that i am simply not enough to be loved. I will never experience the flowers and butterflies. to be loved, you need to offer something.,be it a pretty face or personality. I got none.

I have a crush on a guy and it feels like a crime to even like him.

I do not like the way i am if anyones wondering and i don't say it in the sense that "i hate myself". i know im shit but im selfish enough to not hate myself.

I know i need to work on a lot of things before i even consider myself worthy of anything that life has to offer-companionship.

Good night.

Im 22 and looking for people around my age.