u/anotherladysoldier

I’m feeling completely put off by my 52yo FIL divorcing his wife of over 20 years and dating a 22yo. I’m seeing the age old trope play out in real time. Husband’s stepmom and dad were married for basically his entire childhood. We just celebrated their anniversary, it was a big expensive trip that the stepmom planned and covered. This amazing woman (45yo) is smart, financially independent, thoughtful, and also a complete bombshell. Like the kind of woman you’re surprised to see walking around because you think she’s on TV. I hope I look half as good when I’m her age. FIL (54yo) has had weight issues for over a decade of their marriage and tbh let himself go. 3 months after their anniversary, we’re told they’re separating and seeing if they can reconcile after his business trip in another country. He spends a few weeks out there and they are for sure no question about it divorcing. He met and slept with this 22yo mom, is now moving to this country, and is talking about how amazing she is. Reasons why? She unpacked his luggage for him, was good at golf her first time playing, has no strong opinions, and will cook for him when he gets back. Oh, and she and her 4 yo son will be living with him in the new place. He is MOVING to this country after mentioning wanting to be around for his grandkid.

She’s 32 years younger than him, what do they honestly have in common? All the things he likes about her seems to come from a place of subservience which makes me uncomfortable because she’s still like a child herself? Kind of worried about her being taken advantage of but at the same time… like come on. She sleeps with a dude more than twice her age who is now willing to cover all of her living expenses. He’s talking about trying to lose weight now more seriously, but his ex-wife tried helping him for health reasons and he didn’t stay consistent. Also, before he went on the trip he was asking all these questions about what we would think if he ended up with someone in their twenties… makes me thing is was more premeditated then he played it out to be. All of it just feels so gross and wrong. I’m 30ish, pregnant with my first (a girl) and feeling so grossed out by a man I was excited to call my FIL. I really looked up to him as my own dad, and even began to call him Dad as mine was never around. I don’t want him to bring his new whatever she is around and my husband is on the same page about it too, says he’s even weirded out by it and wouldn’t date a someone her age, and he’s in his late twenties.

Ultimately I feel bad because I’m having all these judgements about the situation, and now I’m so uncomfortable with my FIL that I find myself not talking much OTP when my husband and I call. I fake being normal. I feel bad to think about excluding him from her life, but I really wanted more positive male role models she could look up to but it seems like her dad and step-grand father in law will be it. I don’t know what to do and don’t want my daughter to resent me when she grows up from keeping a grandparent from her. It just feels wrong. Do I just get over it?

Hey all! So excited to *finally* get into the science of washing my clothes. I’ve mostly just used tide powder as we always had old or public washers and I honestly wasn’t ever thoughtful enough. Everything was more “needs to be done quick and this is how I’ve seen everyone do it so 🤷🏽‍♀️”

r/laundry has taught me better than that, and with plans of cloth diapering I’ll certainly need a proper wash set up.

Would love to see the laundry products people have in their rotation and what combo they use for what! I’ve already introduced downy’s rinse thing with citric acid, but I plan to just get the powder when it’s out.

Excited to be here, thanks for being such a great resource. :)

Edited to fix typo

I’m seeing the age old trope play out in real time. Husband’s stepmom and dad were married for basically his entire childhood. We just celebrated their anniversary, it was a big expensive trip that the stepmom planned and covered. This amazing woman (45yo) is smart, financially independent, thoughtful, and also a complete bombshell. Like the kind of woman you’re surprised to see walking around because you think she’s on TV. I hope I look half as good when I’m her age. FIL (54yo) has had weight issues for over a decade of their marriage and tbh let himself go. 3 months after their anniversary, we’re told they’re separating and seeing if they can reconcile after his business trip in another country. He spends a few weeks out there and they are for sure no question about it divorcing. He met and slept with this 22yo mom, is now moving to this country, and is talking about how amazing she is. Reasons why? She unpacked his luggage for him, was good at golf her first time playing, and will cook for him when he gets back. Oh, and she and her 4 yo son will be living with him in the new place.

Here’s where I feel incredibly judgmental and like TAH. She’s 32 years younger than him, what do they honestly have in common? All the things he likes about her seems to come from a place of subservience which makes me uncomfortable because she’s still like a child herself? Kind of worried about her being taken advantage of but at the same time… like come on. She sleeps with a dude more than twice her age who is now willing to cover all of her living expenses. Shes “never played golf” but her job as someone in the country’s government allows her to be around the type of people who enjoy golfing. He’s talking about trying to lose weight now more seriously, but his ex-wife tried helping him for health reasons and he didn’t stay consistent. Also, before he went on the trip he was asking all these questions about what we would think if he ended up with someone in their twenties… makes me thing is was more premeditated then he played it out to be. All of it just feels so gross and wrong. I’m 28, pregnant with my first (a girl) and feeling so grossed out by a man I was excited to call my FIL. I really looked up to him as my own dad, and even call him Dad as mine was never around. I don’t want him to bring his new whatever she is around and my husband is on the same page about it too, says he’s even weirded out by it.

Ultimately I feel bad because I’m having all these judgements about the situation, and now I’m so uncomfortable with my FIL that I find myself not talking much OTP when my husband and I call. I keep getting grossed out. AITAH?

Active duty dual military married solider, and have been waiting since we got here a month ago for an anatomy scan only to be told there’s no capacity for new pregos rn. Main concern is how much we are going to be paying out of pocket for delivery and care off post. Does anyone have experience with this and can ease my anxiety about finding proper care and not going into debt over it? First pcs, first kid.

ETA: Hawaii. First referral they gave me was to a clinic that didn’t take prime, hence me stressing.

I’ll probably delete this later but yelling into the void feels better than keeping it all in. We moved to Hawaii for work. I have nobody here but him. We have argued so much. He is so miserable with me. I gave up on my stance, asking him to stop watching/looking at porn. I still hoped it would stop but I know I gave up the right to be upset/argue over it. Before we moved, I confronted him about something I found because it still hurts that he was doing it while I’m pregnant. I wasn’t coming from a place of anger, I just wanted comfort… he said i had nothing to worry about was using a private browser to surprise me with something in Hawaii. I gaslit myself into believing. Mother’s Day passes, and he plans nothing for me. Today I found something else and he noticed I was bothered. I told him I was trying to get over what I found because everything is supposed to be okay. I am still trying to work past it. I brought up that I feel like he lied about the last thing I brought up and he admitted he did.

Years of dealing with this and just asking for the truth, and he not only lies but holds me close and says “there’s nobody but you and me in this relationship”. We are married and this is our first kid. A baby girl. I wish I wasn’t like this. He says I’m the minority for feeling this way. I’m living in one of the most beautiful places in the world and I have never been in this much pain. I know I should start seeing a therapist, but right now I’m just trying to make it til tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

Husband and I are stuck on our baby girl’s middle name. Our families come the Dominican Republic and Ireland. Her first name rhymes with ‘Eye-ah’ and last name rhymes with ‘Owling’. I’m leaning against anything short ending with an A, but something with 3 syllables like Camilla sounds better to me. Or maybe it’s just pregnancy brain? Haha. I don’t know. Hoping to get some inspiration from you lovely folks. :)