u/arcticcirclebathroom

Like the title says, every time someone who’s been absent from my life appears in my dream, they come back very soon after. Last time it happened was with an ex best friend who is now my best friend again. It was the night before my birthday (April), we hadn’t talked for months, and she reached out about an hour after I wake up. This has happened with family members I don’t see often, other exes, abusers, etc. and now with my most recent ex. It doesn’t matter if the relationship ended harshly, on good terms, or if it was a natural drift.

The only inconsistency this time is that I’ve been dreaming about him every night for the past week… nothing. We broke up two weeks ago. I’ve never dreamt about someone to process loosing them, maybe as a child but I wouldn’t remember. Even my sister who’s passed, I have never dreamt of her since her passing 10 years ago.

When me and this ex were together I dreamt of him almost every night until the end of our relationship when we started drifting. And then I started dreaming about him again. I don’t remember what has been happening in these dreams, but the general feeling and attitude is negative. But not in a bad way, I think just uncomfortable.
Interestingly, when we were together, one time we were sleeping in the same bed and I had a dream about a crazy break up. I woke up disturbed and panicked, went back to bed, the dream continued from the moment the other dream ended, this happened about 5 times that night and the next day I was dissociated and panicked all day. I’d say around that time is when we began drifting apart.

I never dream about real people unless it’s significant. I don’t typically remember dreams either. I’m not sure what this means. Maybe it’s as simple as I’m just processing loosing him, but then again I’ve never done that before. And I’ve lost many, many loved ones.

All of my life people act so happy and excited around me, especially in group settings, but when it comes to hanging out, people just don’t seem to want to. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Yeah I have autism but whenever someone says “it’s not your fault, people are just ableist” it makes me feel even worse, because there’s nothing I can do about it.
I’m 19 now, no one is saying I’m a shitty person, I’m only confronted with little things that the average person does by mistake. People compliment me all the time. My personality, kindness, looks even. But when it comes down to actually sitting down with me for a cup of coffee, I guess I’m just not worth the time. It just feels so passive.
I feel like most of the time when people hang out with me, it’s either because they need something or they have pity for me (say I’m suicidal or sick for example).
People tend to cancel plans with me last minute. Like today I was going to help a friend, I was quite literally on my way to the car and she canceled. She said she ran out of energy all the sudden. She said “don’t come yet”, here I am thinking she just needs a moment to gain energy back so I sit on the edge of the couch for an hour waiting for her to tell me she’s ready. This happens very regularly with friends and family.
Even on my own sisters headstone. There’s a photo of all of our siblings except for me. The picture represents her siblings. I was 9 when she died, there’s no way I did something so bad I didn’t deserve to be represented on her headstone and everyone else did.
With my mom too, she’d rather go to lunch with a friend than take me to the emergency room.
I just don’t get it. I ask people if there’s anything I can do to be a better friend or brother. They say they don’t know. Anything they bring up is just normal human mistakes (IE “sometimes you’re a bit rude without realizing”)
I really don’t understand. People call me and say “hey (endearing nickname)! Do you wanna do something today?” I say yes, get ready, and they change their mind. Obviously I know it’s not always personal but it gets to the point where this has been all I know. And I’ve done self reflecting for my whole life. I’ve changed my personality dozens of times. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong
To make it clear I don’t think anyone “hates “ me. I just wish I could experience what it’s like to be a top priority in someone’s life, or experience what it’s like for someone to call me their best friend and actually mean it.

Btw yes I have diagnosed BPD, I tried posting this on the autism subreddit because this is a pretty typical thing autistic people experience but the only feedback I got was people saying “no one likes maskers”, “I didn’t have this problem”, and then one person said I had NPD.. so.. I took it down and I reckon I may as well post it to the subreddit that actually correlates with the correct personality disorder.

Hi, I’ve been documenting my symptoms all day (I’m a CNA, so literally all I ever do is document symptoms). Here it is in a nutshell (btw yes I did take it at 4:00PM, I work overnight so my morning starts around 2-4). Positive effects after the symptom documentation (you can quickly skim over I basically just felt like shit, anxious, euphoric, didn’t want to eat, dissociated, dizzy, fatigue, confusion)
4:00 took with food, immediately became disgusted
4:30 expected good stuff
5:00 sudden euphoria but also anxiety, heavy dissociation (I have severe dissociation issues so trust I know what heavy dissociation is), tachycardia (120 BPM)
5:30 started going nonverbal but could talk when prompted
6:00 went on a walk to try to burn off the anxiety and jitters. Vision distorted, dizzy (walk was fine but I was confused as fuck the whole time)
6:30 came home, mom is a nurse so she checked pupil responsiveness. It was dilated, minimally reactive. Anxiety had gone down at this point
7:00 distracted myself by hyper focusing on plant research. Very focused and productive atp
8:00 super motivated and focused, drove to Home Depot to get said plant stuff
8:15-50 adderall crash as soon as I got there, socialization a bit off, took FOURTY MINUTES to get three bags of soil and a damn pot, could not figure out for the life of me how to scan the items for self check out, girl had to come help me
I got home fine, driving ability unaffected, but I was still dissociated and felt funky
11;30 finally ate
1:30-now: I have a horrible head ache, I’m overstimulated, I’m irritated, hungry even though I already ate, restless. I’m usually awake until 4-7 in the morning so it’s not like I’m way too awake right now compared to my usual.

TIME FOR THE POSITIVES YAY: I didn’t crave nicotine at all (it’s been a problem recently), I was way more productive than usual (I’m typically just on my phone all day but I was actually doing shit), I was motivated, people noted I sounded a lot more focused on what they were saying and even happy, I generally got all I wanted out of adderall but I feel like absolute dog shit. Does it get any better? And how soon will it get better?

I don’t even really know where to begin, I guess ever since I was little (I’m talking as soon as I could speak), people made claims that I don’t like people, I’m antisocial, and I must enjoy being alone. The trouble is I was always trying really hard to play with the other children and I can’t figure out why no one ever really wanted to play. Now I’m 19, it’s the same thing but in adult form. And I’ve heard a lot of people say they don’t think I’m interested in them even though I try my best to stay engaging and force facial expressions that are unnatural to me. I’ve asked people why they think I’m uninterested, they don’t have an answer. They either say “I don’t know you just don’t” or something else vague. I guess I’m kind of quiet and not very expressive but it’s not like I’m on my phone constantly or canceling plans with people. I feel like I’m doing everything I can to make people happy and comfortable around me. I can’t really even remember the last time I canceled plans with someone. I’m so desperate for connection that I’d do anything to hang out with someone even just for an hour. Or even talk to someone on the phone. I just had a break up because he was genuinely convinced I wanted nothing to do with him.

No one’s ever been able to point out what exactly makes it difficult to be around me and I’m never confronted for poor behavior. For a while I thought maybe I’m just too clingy so I tried not to be clingy and nothing changed. Every time I think I’ve figured out what it is about me that people don’t like, I ask someone if I for example seem too clingy or angry, they say no and always say “I’m not sure why you don’t have more friends” and then go on to praise me.

What’s going on? Why do people seem to love the idea of me, what I have to offer and who I am at my core, but they don’t want to just hang out with me? After all this time, don’t you think someone would’ve confronted me about behavioral issues? Why do people keep saying they loved hanging out with me, that they want to do it more, and then it’s just radio silence?

Btw I’m posting in the autism subreddit because for one thing I’m diagnosed, and for another thing, the only answer I’ve ever gotten is “people are just ableist” or something to do with autism, including my therapist. I’ve had trouble posting in the wrong subreddits so I’m sorry if this is the wrong one

Heyo I’m a (19yo) binary trans man, I’ve been realizing I really want to spend the rest of my life with a woman, or at least be in relationships with women. I’m bi and it’s always been so easy to flirt with men, but when it comes to women I’m just afraid of making them feel uncomfortable/creeped out especially as a survivor myself. Do I ask for their numbers and compliment their smile or some corny shit like in early Disney teenage romcoms? Or would that be even worse? And how to I pick up on flirting? Idk guys help a brother out here 😭

I’m new to shoegaze, but it’s one of my favorite subgenres. I figured the best place to find good bands is to ask the community directly

I’ve had a couple close relationships with people who have gotten burned out by my “venting” or they say they feel like a therapist/feel like an escape from my problems. I’m super hyper aware about it and ask them repeatedly if they’re okay with it and they say yes, and I never reach out when I’m in active crisis unless I know i don’t need to be babysat. I intentionally only tell people about it after I either split, spiral, or have flashbacks, etc.
it was a big issue with my (now) ex boyfriend and I had no idea until we broke up. I’ll try not to make this venty and just give the only details that matter. He says he felt like a therapist and an escape from my family. But I only told him what was wrong if it was relevant to things like intimacy issues (IE talking about how it’s difficult due to sexual abuse I endured). In the beginning hed ask how I am, I’d ask if he wanted the long or short answer. He said “I’m happy to listen” and “you don’t have to ask if you can vent”. I’d say something like “I was having flashbacks but I’m okay now” or tell him about how I’m having a hard time due to my abusive step dad. Eventually I stopped asking because he said every single time that he didn’t mind it. Ive been going through old texts and he seemed enthusiastic about helping me. And then when we broke up he said he felt like when he had a bad day I had a worse one (I always asked how his day was, he’d say something vague, I’d ask what was wrong, he’d ignore the question or he’d be vague). I’m just kinda struggling to figure out what he’s getting all of that from. Especially cause he also said he has to walk on egg shells around me, I don’t know what he was talking about and he wouldn’t say when asked. I feel terrible that I made him feel that way. And then when we broke up he just laid it on me, I tried my best to validate and apologize, and then communicated how I was hurt as well but I wasn’t angry at him I just wanted to be heard (in a nutshell). He got upset with me that I was asking him not to constantly bring up that I didn’t give him enough affection and was asking for acknowledgment of my pain. I’ve asked my therapist and friends about what they think, they say I did nothing wrong. I’ve showed them texts as well and they all validate me. Am I just being overly validated? Am I just surrounded by yes men? Especially since my therapist is validating me and he specializes with BPD.

This also isn’t the first person this has happened with, it’s happened with one other person but she took it all back and now she’s one of the people who’s validating me. Am I missing something? Is there another way I can let people know I’m having a really hard time/ask for help/comfort? I do tend to type extremely long texts, like this post for example, this is legitimately just how I talk to people regardless of if I’m angry or if it’s a happy situation. Could people be interpreting that as a dump even when they tell me they like it when I talk a lot like this?

Important note: he’s 20, im 19, we’re both men (including this to avoid confusion of gender in replies). I’m formally diagnosed. We broke up because I wasn’t giving him enough affection and I felt like he didn’t want it because he acted uninterested/cold, he felt like a therapist, and he was upset that I’d take short breaks (no longer than 10 mins) from conversations/arguments to avoid splitting. He also brought up an open relationship out of nowhere and got mad that I assumed he wanted sex from other people. I didn’t see a way to make both of us happy so I just ended it after we decided to take a break. He replied with “I don’t think we’re compatible whatsoever and I feel the exact same, I don’t think you could ever give me what I want or satisfy me “ which was very triggering and I asked him to stop bringing up how I’m not enough for him, and he got mad about it.

Sorry this is so long. I don’t know how to summarize very well

I’ve noticed a culture of people taking supplements just to take them, if that’s not you then this post isn’t for you. But for example, I just saw a post about a guy having a daily intake of liquid IV for no reason and wondering why it was making him sick. I’ll use liquid IV as an example of why I’m making this post. You should only be using this supplement if you’re already dehydrated, not to drink after a work out just because you figure it would be better than plain water. Liquid IV is making you sick because your body is already producing or consuming enough salt, sugar, and electrolytes. Adding more is going to make you sick and long term it’ll give you health issues. Here’s a personal anecdote for why I take liquid IV. I work in health care, 12 hr overnights where I don’t have time to eat or drink enough water. I come home after every shift super dehydrated and with a stomach ache. Water alone is unbearable for my pre existing health issues. So maybe once or twice a week I’ll have a liquid IV if I can’t handle water. My current box of 10 has lasted 2 months and I’m not even out of it yet. If you’ve noticed that you crave it THE SAME AMOUNT as you crave water, then you drink. If it starts making you sick, you already have enough of the supplement you’re taking. It’s true that you can technically have one packet a day, but it’s not recommended. “Safe” doesn’t mean you should, it just means you won’t heel over and need to visit the ER. Some situations you should be drinking it: heat exhaustion, lack of water availability, after a night out, or when you’re genuinely dehydrated.
Another quick example is melatonin supplements. Your body is already producing melatonin, you often don’t need supplements. You probably just need to do something that will trigger your body to produce more melatonin naturally like shutting off the lights and relaxing. If melatonin becomes ritualistic, you’re dependent on it, not benefiting from it.

This same rule applies for any other supplement not prescribed by a doctor. If your body isn’t craving it the same way it craves what you’re supplementing (IE protein, melatonin, electrolytes, water, food, vitamins) then stop taking the supplement. If it makes you feel worse, stop taking it. You already have enough of what you’re taking. This is especially true for the “health conscious” and gym bro crowd. That culture promotes a lot of supplements you don’t even need. Supplements are to help you along with things you don’t have. So if you’re only taking a supplement that TikTok recommended and haven’t noticed benefits or if it makes you feel worse, that’s the opposite of what you need to do. Having a mind set of “I don’t feel good, what supplement should I take” is also negative.

Disclaimer: while I’m technically state certified to give this kind of medical advice and it’s within my scope of practice as a health care professional, I’m not at work and I’m not treating you (reader) personally. This post shouldn’t ever replace medical advice from doctors or your own independent research. This post isn’t meant to be medical advice, please do not take it as such, rather I’m trying to open peoples minds to the possibility that maybe you don’t need all these supplements and you should consider working with your body naturally instead of forcing chemicals onto it. And like I say in the beginning, if this post doesn’t apply to you, it doesn’t apply to you. Supplements aren’t bad, but they are if you overuse it and many people are not aware of this. Supplements should never be replacement for something you can give yourself naturally. Too much of anything is bad for you.

I see too many people online trying to settle any argument with “I’m trans and it’s not a big deal” or “I’m trans and I disagree”. It’s true that in a lot of arguments being trans is relevant, but not when your only point is that you’re trans so it’s not an issue for anyone else. For example, today I saw a video about someone talking about how they/them is disrespectful for people who don’t use it, which I firmly agree with. There were people saying things like “as a trans person, it’s fine”. Or discussions having to do with labels, for example a trans man not wanting to be labeled as transmasc/tboy (or vise versa but I never see it vise versa) and the only argument people have against it is “it’s not that deep” “bigger fish to fry” etc. and it’s like bro?? Just because you’re trans doesn’t mean you have the right to speak over other trans peoples voices when they say something is bothering them. Especially in online spaces people just say “let’s focus on different issues”, my brother, there are infinite videos to be published. It’s not taking away from any bigger trans related issue if someone brings up not liking having they/them used towards them.

I’ll try not to make this super venty and negative, but it’s low key been really hard to get my personality back. I used to be really funny, outgoing, everyone loved me. I was weird but in my own way. Problem is, i was too weird for some people, then I realized I wasn’t getting as many friends the way I was. So I started changing. This was in 2023. Then unfortunately I got sexually assaulted, fell down a path of abusing weed for months with no brake, I haven’t been the same since. I’m not even medicated anymore, but I still have the “personality” of a highly medicated individual. I’m just kind of a mindless drone now, I’ve been abused so many times by so many different people and have been told so many times that people hated my personality that I don’t know how to please really anyone anymore. By default I’m usually monotone and straight faced now. That’s not how I used to be, I was super expressive and curious about the world. I just want my personality back. No one really enjoys talking to me because I’m not all that interesting anymore. It used to be the opposite, they didn’t like talking to me because I was TOO much.

It’s becoming an issue with all my relationships, instead of being too clingy people think I’m super apathetic and uninterested in everyone and everything. Especially with my boyfriend. But I’m not, inside I care a lot about the people and things around me. I think that I’ve just gone so long not knowing why people liked me that I just killed my personality completely, problem is I’ve been trying to get it back for 2 years and it’s just not coming. I can’t express myself body language and tone wise without forcing it anymore. I thought I was just burned out at first but 2 years?

I think I mostly care because my boyfriend doesn’t think I’m interested in him, which sucks because I love him so much. Sometimes I’m really charismatic around other people but it’s just a mask, but with him I don’t mask cause I’m comfortable around him so I’m just kind of in my state of nothingness. And it hurts him. Idk what to do, he keeps saying he thinks I’m not interested but I really am and idk how to convince him of that. I try to mask with him but I think he can tell it’s fake when it’s towards him. What do I do? How do I get my personality back?

Side note: I am diagnosed formally with BPD. I don’t know if these symptoms are BPD specifically but I’m assuming so?? Idk I have so much going on my brain is it’s own case. I figured I’d post here since alot of people can likely relate to complicated symptoms in general