u/bitransfem

They found Meth in my system. Meth, turns out thats what Süfranse was, I just got out of the Hospital today. they’re arranging to put me into drug recovery, I finally go home, what do I see on the door? a slip, Im 2 months late on the mortgage payment, I have nothing, 100 cR, thats it, curls up against the door, sobbing my heart out.

I am so fucked, I can never do anything fucking right. wipes my eyes.

I can’t live in this world anymore

click a barrel deploys from the bottom of my barrel, my mouth presses against the bottom of my crutch, everything slows down, I slowly pull the trigger, I stop mid pull “I can’t, something’s stopping me”. pulls my hand from the trigger and pulls the barrel back up. “I need to finish the fucking super rifles” “wait…super rifles? the workshop, I can just move to the workshop” *packs up my stuff, moving to my workshop, working on the MR26 prototype*

I was in my lab, working on the my next weapons project, MR26, an M16 but on crack. But I was distracted, barely able to focus on the rifle under my hand, a cloud was above my head, I felt groggy, weighed down, and suddenly BANG, I accidentally messed up the something in the gun, the whole rifle was now ruined, black soot covered my face. I had messed another thing up “WHAT AM I FUCKING GOOD FOR” I shouted, top of my lungs “I AM USELESS”. I have a full on break down, tears and all on my workstation.

I decided to take a break, calm myself down but, in the corner of my I spot something, a box, little black box that was here ever since I discovered the place, I just never bothered to check the contents, well, “what a better time, it could be interesting and would take my mind off the project” right?

So I check in the box, I find a little white pill bottle in entirely in german, the Label saying “Süfranse, Nur auf ärztliche Verschreibung erhältlich, verschreibungspflichtiges Antidepressivum von Bayer, nicht für den rezeptfreien Verkauf bestimmt, Patienten in Westdeutschland und Österreich 1980”. and “Import of the UoR, 1990”.

I don’t speak german, but the label on the lid of the bottle says “Happy Pills” so it can be that bad right? I take one, and Im through the roof, my mood does a complete 180°, I feel like the happiest girl in the world, I get the MR16 prototype done in one night. and just go home…

the next morning I force myself to wake up early, I feel horrible, I cry to myself the moment Im awake, but nonetheless, I force myself to attend the Pioneers meeting, I feel terrible, like worse than before, my head banging, it feels like storm above my head. I can barely even focus, wait what was that pill from
before? Süfranse? maybe that was the cure.

back at the workshop I take one, but this time, I don’t feel as good as I did before… I just feel normal, I decide to take the pills home. now today I feel even worse, but the Pills make me feel like i’m normal again.

until during your average TCP meeting. everything goes to black…

I wake up in the hospital again

“Wait, whos gonna work on the super rifles now that im in the hospital again?”

I was sitting in my house, bored as fuck, so I decided to for something to do, so I decide to take boat down the river and just chill in the arid desert near the devils peaks, through the dry sand, I make a few sand angels, well while walking, clink, the bottom of my clutches have hit something metal… in the middle of the desert? weird, I look down,I have pressed my clutches down so hard they have gon through the sand, I wipe the sand off, it’s a trapdoor , covered by the tiniest layer of sand so small I dont think it occurs naturally, having no survival instinct, I go down, down the ladder the best I can, it’s an abandoned workshop, left in a right mess, parts everywhere, empty shotgun shells all over the floor, bullet holes all over the walls, a decomposing unidentifiable skeleton, so you can tell it’s been abandoned for a while. after a brief exploration and clean up, I decided to fuck around…

“what if I can upgrade these clutches”

it took a bit of elbow grease but I could successfully fit the inside of a Soviet AK47 in my crutch, even getting the trigger on the hand of the crutch, I also fit a long sword in the other. and used a remote control dummy to test it, I was put my own crutch (which I need to walk) on the line, lucky it went as intended. I decided to call it a day covered the trapdoor back with sand and went home…

I have recovered pretty well and been discharged from the hospital and took the nearest train back to Tuesdayboro, most of my bones have been fixed and cast has been taken off, Im pretty much functional, but there is a catch, my legs have been royally fucked, i’ll have to walk with crutches for the rest of my life and suffer from neck problems, but the thing is, is this even worth it? all this injury all the trauma from getting in a crash. it might be too much for me, I can’t even walk anymore without support… I stand on the edge of the roof of my local TCP branch, conflicted…

I back off, fear over takes me, hopping back over onto the roof top

update: I’ve been in this god damned hospital for 5 days, and they’ve just told me that I will have to stay for a month, I can’t even move a muscle. My body fucking taken over by a tremendous pain, 24/7, is this my personal torture? what have I done to deserve this?, the Doctors have told me they can fix up most the bones in my body and I could be mostly functional, but even in thats best case scenario. I would still have to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. I wish I’d just taken a side-road or another route or something, or just stayed in Tutum.

The feds have just told me the wanker who crashed into was able to jump out mid crash and just leave, while this is the state of me, whats even the point of living in this horrendous world. Worst part is they haven’t been able to identify the fucker, don’t think they’re actually looking, the Eosara police just wanna look like they’re doing something.

In this state I don’t think Im gonna last a month, I might just ask them to pull the plug on me, as even in the best case scenario I’d still be Wheelchair ridden and useless. I wouldn’t be giving much value of to the DoR yet along the World.

if I live, I’ll keep yall updated

update they refused

Packs my stuff into a rented truck, fitting as much as I can into it, and set out on my way, across the country, from Tutum to Multum, an hour went by, stuck in Vasara traffic, my belongings rattling in the back, “Fuck, I wish I hired someone to do this”, but suddenly CRASH, everything went up into the air the last thing I saw in the moment was a lorry, through my Left window, the very next moment, I have woken up in a Hospital bed, In pain, severe, horrible pain but, I was…I am still alive.