I did purge and restrict myself from food but recently I can’t help myself
I purge after every single meal no matter how little or how big it is
And also if I decide not to purge I find myself getting gagged
If any of you are/have gone through this would you guys mind helping me or sharing your experiences
I did purge and restrict myself from food but recently I can’t help myself
I purge after every single meal no matter how little or how big it is
And also if I decide not to purge I find myself getting gagged
If any of you are/have gone through this would you guys mind helping me or sharing your experiences
I just feel like when people come to know I force myself to vomit after every meal they’re gonna get disgusted or think I’m overreacting/attention seeking because I’m not extremely skinny I have an above average body and I just feel like everyone thinks I fake this ed
It’s over I thought I had it under control but it’s gone I purged 3 times yesterday twice the day before that and twice before that too
Today I had around 150 calories and I purged that out too
It’s caught up to me
I find myself getting gagged after eating a small meal like my body gags itself before I do I can’t consume food without gagging
I just feel like when people come to know I force myself to vomit after every meal they’re gonna get disgusted or think I’m overreacting/attention seeking because I’m not extremely skinny I have an above average body and I just feel like everyone thinks I fake this ed
I just feel like when people come to know I force myself to vomit after every meal they’re gonna get disgusted or think I’m overreacting/attention seeking because I’m not extremely skinny I have an above average body and I just feel like everyone thinks I fake this ed
Hear me out every single mitski “poser” will hear her song daily but people who actually enjoy her and feel her lyrics listen to her only once a while because it hits so deep
Ever since I got this I haven’t been able to enjoy any of my meals I’ll littr devour everything in front of me in under 5 minutes I just wish I could enjoy food again instead of eating to live or living to eat
I wish I could eat in normal amounts and not think about how I’m going to vomit this food out whilst I’m eating it
I’m being the best I can be but I don’t think I can stand to be where purging won’t reach me
Bro I SWEAR I LOVE SPOCY FOOD BUT WHEN I PURGE IT OUT MY ENTIRE THROAT BURNS LIKE HELL
We’ve never really gotten any major characters with bulimia it’s always treated like a joke
On the other hand anorexia is very commonly bought up and talked about in shows but bulimia is always dismissed
I know what we see on tv we think oh so that’s not that abnormal maybe someone I know has it it normalizes it and I would love to see bulimia representation so that’s people know it’s normal and deadly not just a joke
Whenever I tell someone (I’ve barely told anyone irl I have bulimia) they act like it’s some disease I like having like I enjoy every second of it and they say
“I wish I had bulimia so that I’d stay skinny”
Like no bro wtf it just pisses me off immeasurably they glorify it and act like it’s a trophy
I wish that they understood all points of it that u can’t just get skinny because you’re binging and you don’t enjoy food because ur constantly thinking about purging
Yesterday I had 2 full calorie filled meals and it was hide I ate 2 whole servings of fries I ate 3 cutlets and 4 pieces of bread and I ate6 packets of chips and I felt so happy and today I feel like absolute shit I don’t know what to do I feel so overwhelmed and I can’t throw it up now I had sm fun yesterday and I was so happy but I don’t fucking know what to do today
When I’m sure there’s nothing more in my stomach I feel a wierd sense of pride like I managed to do something amazing I used to feel sad before and I always cried but now I don’t even shed tears I throw up and feel proud of myself like I’ve achieved an amazing feat is this normal?
What’s the most disgusting thing you guys have done I eat once every 2-4 days and that eat is one meal which I purge sometimes when I’m unable to fully purge and my hand already has vomit on it I’ll rub it against my toungue and that induces vomiting quicker I hate how disgusting this is
I’m 17f and people have mixed feelings about my face and point it’s gotten to a point where I can look at myself in a mirror and literally not even see what I look like clearly I have developed an eating disorder too
I am the ugliest one in my friend group and all of my friends know that and don’t even try to hide it
Overall I’d say I have okay features but I don’t have facial harmony
I hate the way I look I constantly try to hide it with my hair or my hand
I love my friends don’t get me wrong but I wish I could steal thier faces and give them mine I love them more than anything in the world but sometimes I wish they got ugly so that I could feel more secure
I have disorganised attachment issues I either devote myself completely or detach myself and I finally figured out what I’ve always wanted
I want love that follows me around that never lets me go I want the love that’s considered unhealthy I want love to consume me I want it to swallow me I want to feel the pain the joy the love the hurt the chase everything once
I want to be scared of losing them I want to be scared I want to feel the pain more intensely not just the joy
If it makes sense I want to feel the ecstasy when I feel like I’m going to lose them I wanna feel like I’m drowning
And then I want them to break my heart I want to feel all that pain every single second of it
Because I know without it I’ll never be the person I’m capable of being
I am waiting for a love that consumes me completely a love that does not just touch my heart but pulls me under every part of me every joy every fear every pain every longing I want to drown in it and love it even as it terrifies me I want to be lost in someone so fully that the past fades that the world fades that even I fade but still feel alive in every fiber of my being I want a love that is real and mutual that chooses me completely even if life or circumstances force it to end I want heartbreak that hits my soul not my ego pain that comes from losing something irreplaceable not from being less than enough I want to surrender fully to the intensity to give almost everything and feel almost everything I know this will reshape me make me see who I am who I can be make me understand the depth of feeling and living I want a love that is overwhelming that makes me fear losing it that makes me ache that makes me feel joy and terror all at once I want to feel every part of loving and losing to finally understand what it means to be alive and human and fully myself
I want this to end I don’t what to feel empty I don’t want to feel this way I’m actually typing this post with tears in my my eyes
I want to enjoy food
I want to go out and not think about sucking my stomach in every moment
I want to be with my friends and eat with them
I want to be able to stomach the delicious food I eat
I want to eat without thinking about when I’m gonna purge
I want to enjoy without the thought of food I ate 3 days ago coming up to my throat
When does it end please help me
No one is mine and I am no one’s
I am free only bound by the chains of my sorrow
I am love with grief rotting me
I am hopeless for hope
I am not affection I am attraction
I am not attached I am infatuation
I am the pain of hunger
I am the child of hate
I am selfless selling little pieces of me in hope they bring joy to someone else
I am selfish because what’s mine is mine
I am a hypocrite who’s full of herself
Yet at the end of the day I am nothing
(Criticism and notes are heavily appreciated)
For me i usually feel like im watching my own life in third party but its not as severe as what other people have described i can do things and feel things i can make choices but its always feels like im watching myself and my brain is working like im a video game character
The only time i really feel like im completely dissociated is when im getting abused physically and mentally