u/centralcadenza

I am 25F and my parents are in their late 60’s (boomers). I’ve started seeing this guy kinda, haven’t done anything with him, just kinda seeing if we even like hanging out with each other and stuff just as friends (I met him organically). I hung out with him recently and he told me he is bi and was talking about dating in the place we both live in, in your 20’s and such. I think I kinda like this guy and I talk to my mom all the time, so naturally I mentioned him, later mentioning that he’s bi. Now I didn’t think she’d have an issue at all because my parents try to act all like they are so accepting and inclusive, but I think I’m starting to see that they aren’t. I am straight, siblings are straight, so sexuality is not something that’s been really discussed in our family since there isn’t much to discuss. My mom of course told my dad about it because she tells him everything and he also wasn’t okay with that. He was telling me that I’m going to get aids and then he won’t be okay with that and that he doesn’t want me with someone who is with men and women. My mom agrees and says “you think worrying about women is bad, wait until it’s men and women.” Firstly, AIDS, while not ideal, is not something I really worry about especially being safe and such. And second… if for some reason that were to happen, it is treatable now and not a death sentence. My parents were talking all about how they’ve lived through this already and it happens more than I’d think, blah, blah, blah. I think my parents are homophobic lowkey. They say they don’t care if people are whatever they choose to be, but as soon as something is brought up that’s close to home, they show their true colors. If not this guy, what if there’s another guy who is bi that comes along in my life, I just hide that from my family and I have to tell him that he can’t tell them?? I’m very disappointed ://

I’m 25 and I’ve had cats my whole life. There is not a time I have ever been “catless”. I recently moved to my own apartment and decided to rescue a 1 year old cat from a shelter in mid-February. She is still a “kitten” I guess given she is young but she’s a largeee kitten. 12 pounds. Not overweight, just a large build. Not much background about the cat other than age and that she’s a DSH, but she was cute and seemed to like me.

A day into having her, she pooped and peed on my bed 2 days in a row while I was at work. I then started putting shower curtain over my whole bed while I was gone to stop this behavior which worked and she hasn’t done this since. She is a very vocal cat and is always screaming. I don’t know what she wants! She has an automatic feeder that feeds her 3x a day, equaling in total, 3/4 cup of dry food, and an automatic water fountain where the filter and sponge are changed every 2.5 weeks. She has more toys than a cat should have LOL and her own bed as well as my bed and anything else she wants to sleep on or explore. She won’t stop meowing and it’s not like cute little meows, it’s annoying. Really annoying. I’ve taken her to the vet 2x now and there is nothing wrong with her health wise and the vet also said no free feeding since she’s already pretty big. She is always begging me for food too and thinks anything I open for myself to eat might be for her. I also have her food bag with the extra that doesn’t fit in the feeder in my one closet and she will run to the closet and butt her head into it whenever I open it as if I’m going there to feed her (I’m not).

Now, she has started to chew on cords. She just chewed through her automatic water fountain cord and I just had to order a new one and also cable protectors now because I’m worried she will chew through more of my cords like chargers or my wifi router.

I just don’t know what to do. The meowing is so annoying and I don’t understand why 4 months in now she has started eating random things. I’m so frustrated. I’ve never had any other cat that I’ve had in 25 years of life like this. I’m obvs not going to rehome her to anything but I seriously don’t know what to do. Any advice?? Why is she doing this??

I’ve been noticing something lately… both in media and real life, and it’s been bothering me more than I expected.

I’m Chinese, but I was adopted at 1 year old due to the 1 child policy and grew up in a very rural part of PA. There were maybe 5–6 Asian kids in my entire school. My parents are white, all my friends growing up were white, and I wasn’t really connected to my culture at all. Because of that, I always felt kind of out of place… I didn’t look like everyone else, and I got made fun of for it constantly (eye-pulling, “made in China” jokes, stereotypes about math/music, “you eat cats and dogs,” etc.). I remember really wishing I could just be white, typical blonde hair, blue eyes, when I was younger. My parents offered to enroll me in mandarin classes or other ways to learn about my culture but then I wanted nothing to do with it. Besides, they weren’t going to be the ones to teach me anyways. Why would I, as a child who was scrutinized for my looks, want to learn more and embrace a culture I was trying to distance myself from?

I then went to a small college in Massachusetts that was also overwhelmingly white, and it was more of the same. This I willingly chose, but it didn’t feel weird to me because this was what I was used to. Even now, I still find myself in spaces where I’m the only non-white person in the room. It’s something I’ve always been aware of.

After graduating and moving to a bigger city, I’ve finally been around more diversity and met more Asian Americans and international students. But that’s also been confusing in a different way. I don’t feel fully “white,” but I also don’t feel “Asian enough” to relate to people who grew up with strong cultural ties or in Asian communities. My parents are great, but they don’t really understand what it’s like to grow up as a minority here, so it’s been hard to explain that feeling to them and have gotten into fights with my mother over this whole is a white cis-gender woman who has experienced no racism in her life.

In 2020, COVID made things worse people were openly hostile, making comments about “kung flu” or blaming me for something I have no connection to beyond how I look. That definitely stuck with me.

I think what’s really been getting to me lately is how “being Asian” feels kind of trendy now. I’m seeing a lot of non-Asian people romanticizing or even fetishizing Asian culture… art, food, media, aesthetics, sometimes without much understanding behind it. And it just feels… very off. Like I grew up being mocked or othered for this, and now it’s something people can pick up and put down whenever it’s convenient or cool.

I’ve also been noticing more identity-focused spaces and conversations, like events or groups centered around being Asian or mixed, that sometimes come across as very curated or exclusive. I understand the need for community, but at times it feels a little disconnected from the reality of people who didn’t get to choose when or how their identity showed up in their lives.

On top of that, it’s frustrating seeing people who are completely white-passing suddenly claim being “Asian” because of some distant ancestry, when that identity didn’t seem to matter before. Meanwhile, I didn’t get to choose how I was perceived growing up, and I definitely didn’t get to opt out of the downsides.

I guess I’m just trying to figure out where I fit. I was raised in a very “American” environment, but I’m still seen as Asian, and I’m only now starting to process what that means for me. It’s been kind of an identity struggle, especially being in a more diverse environment for the first time. I have come to terms with being Asian American and I am starting to embrace it but also feel weird still from time to time.

Not really sure what I’m looking for here, just wondering if anyone else has felt something similar.

I’ve been noticing something lately… both in media and real life, and it’s been bothering me more than I expected.

I’m Chinese, but I was adopted at 1 year old due to the 1 child policy and grew up in a very rural part of PA. There were maybe 5–6 Asian kids in my entire school. My parents are white, all my friends growing up were white, and I wasn’t really connected to my culture at all. Because of that, I always felt kind of out of place… I didn’t look like everyone else, and I got made fun of for it constantly (eye-pulling, “made in China” jokes, stereotypes about math/music, “you eat cats and dogs,” etc.). I remember really wishing I could just be white, typical blonde hair, blue eyes, when I was younger. My parents offered to enroll me in mandarin classes or other ways to learn about my culture but then I wanted nothing to do with it. Besides, they weren’t going to be the ones to teach me anyways. Why would I, as a child who was scrutinized for my looks, want to learn more and embrace a culture I was trying to distance myself from?

I then went to a small college in Massachusetts that was also overwhelmingly white, and it was more of the same. This I willingly chose, but it didn’t feel weird to me because this was what I was used to. Even now, I still find myself in spaces where I’m the only non-white person in the room. It’s something I’ve always been aware of.

After graduating and moving to a bigger city, I’ve finally been around more diversity and met more Asian Americans and international students. But that’s also been confusing in a different way. I don’t feel fully “white,” but I also don’t feel “Asian enough” to relate to people who grew up with strong cultural ties or in Asian communities. My parents are great, but they don’t really understand what it’s like to grow up as a minority here, so it’s been hard to explain that feeling to them and have gotten into fights with my mother over this whole is a white cis-gender woman who has experienced no racism in her life.

In 2020, COVID made things worse people were openly hostile, making comments about “kung flu” or blaming me for something I have no connection to beyond how I look. That definitely stuck with me.

I think what’s really been getting to me lately is how “being Asian” feels kind of trendy now. I’m seeing a lot of non-Asian people romanticizing or even fetishizing Asian culture… art, food, media, aesthetics, sometimes without much understanding behind it. And it just feels… very off. Like I grew up being mocked or othered for this, and now it’s something people can pick up and put down whenever it’s convenient or cool.

I’ve also been noticing more identity-focused spaces and conversations, like events or groups centered around being Asian or mixed, that sometimes come across as very curated or exclusive. I understand the need for community, but at times it feels a little disconnected from the reality of people who didn’t get to choose when or how their identity showed up in their lives.

On top of that, it’s frustrating seeing people who are completely white-passing suddenly claim being “Asian” because of some distant ancestry, when that identity didn’t seem to matter before. Meanwhile, I didn’t get to choose how I was perceived growing up, and I definitely didn’t get to opt out of the downsides.

I guess I’m just trying to figure out where I fit. I was raised in a very “American” environment, but I’m still seen as Asian, and I’m only now starting to process what that means for me. It’s been kind of an identity struggle, especially being in a more diverse environment for the first time. I have come to terms with being Asian American and I am starting to embrace it but also feel weird still from time to time.

Not really sure what I’m looking for here, just wondering if anyone else has felt something similar.