u/coal-sting99

I can't wait for my in-laws to leave my place till their new home is ready.

Here's context my post.

She's soooo 'worried' or obsessed,she would ask how I'll reach home safely if my husband is not fetching me from work. I'm a fucking adult, I'll just fucking book Uber home. I'll handle it just fine.

I feel we're too enmeshed with the in-laws and it's been like this from the start of our marriage. Both husband and MIL need to stop with the infantalization. Stop it!!!!

And what's worse, I feel even when they've moved out, she'll still text and worry if I'm alone etc. I need like long periods of no contact with her.

My resentment is at high that I fucking hate the sound of the notification chat whenever she texts. I feel like punching both my SO and MIL.

I'm already in therapy, yet my problem won't be resolved because I can't have a sit down with my SO who has never understood me.

I'm slowly resenting my husband and MIL, that it's driving me crazy. Cursing and punching pillows when I'm alone.

Any mention of in-laws sending/fetching me from work just makes me boils.

Before marriage, my husband is slightly controlling and gets angry easily at slightest thing I did and at any inconveniences to him.

My in-laws are nice and generous people, especially for MIL her 'generosity' is soooo suffocating. we lived at theirs for 4 years while waiting for our new home. During those years, husband always asked his parents to send and fetch me to and fro work. it's only 5 mins bus journey to my workplace. I tried telling my husband I want to travel on my own but he kept saying it's for my safety etc. fuck that. All those years, I don't have a fucking say/autonomy.

I respect MIL but I don't do long conversations with her because I don't have anything in common and she's too old fashion. She's talkative, overreacts, rambles over obvious things that she's doing and is repetitive. It's fucking tiring. She doesn't understand boundaries unless I gave short answers.

My husband will always use parents generosity thing against me, whenever he sees me as being 'rude' to his parents or him. Only God knows, how I have been patient with my husband treatment towards me. He expects his wife to obey him without question.

Currently, the in-laws are currently staying at ours as they're waiting for the new house to be ready. my husband still asked his parents to fetch me from work. and I fucking hate that!!! why can't I travel back on my own!!

My husband will firmly say just go, why am I not listening to him? I tried to reject their offers but they kept insisting. Seriously these people have no sense of social cue. They really make my blood boils.

I blame myself for marrying him and not speaking up for myself.

I'm currently in therapy because I've been having self doubt, low self esteem and questioning the way my husband treats me as a wife.

He works hard, is a responsible man. Provides a home, pays for food, pays utilities, my well being etc. At times can be too financially irresponsible. Which I tried advising him, as long he knows how to manage.

The issue is he can be controlling which disguised as care & protection. before marriage I've been well independent and all. Now as much he allows me travel work on my own, go to class for hobby, run errands nearby store only, I know deep inside his heart, he still feels I shouldn't be doing such things.

I think the term is coercive control.

He has anger issue and will get annoyed easily which at times get scolded by him. Whereas I can't show similar reaction, because then he'll get reactive and ask me why I'm acting this way and that I'm being rude/disobedient to him. This feels like I can't be myself, show emotions. because of this, I kept a lot of feelings to myself. To the extent, it's self harming to me, I screamed and punched my pillows when I'm alone.

I feel he's also not emotionally intelligent. We had a conversation about menopause, he said he kinda understand it but says as long women don't act like a B. My heart sank because I needed a partner who's able to give me rahmah.

He got mad too when we're discussing about my brother who's not married yet, I said marriage is not compulsory and he got real defensive and said 'what do you mean?! Prophet has said marriage should be good', in which I said it's only Sunnah.

I don't know how long I can take this, I've been way too patient.

I'm currently in therapy because I've been having self doubt, low self esteem and questioning the way my husband treats me as a wife.

He works hard, is a responsible man. Provides a home, pays for food, pays utilities, my well being etc. At times can be too financially irresponsible. Which I tried advising him, as long he knows how to manage.

The issue is he can be controlling which disguised as care & protection. before marriage I've been well independent and all. Now as much he allows me travel work on my own, go to class for hobby, run errands nearby store only, I know deep inside his heart, he still feels I shouldn't be doing such things.

I think the term is coercive control.

He has anger issue and will get annoyed easily which at times get scolded by him. Whereas I can't show similar reaction, because then he'll get reactive and ask me why I'm acting this way and that I'm being rude/disobedient to him. This feels like I can't be myself, show emotions. because of this, I kept a lot of feelings to myself. To the extent, it's self harming to me, I screamed and punched my pillows when I'm alone.

I feel he's also not emotionally intelligent. We had a conversation about menopause, he said he kinda understand it but says as long women don't act like a B. My heart sank because I needed a partner who's able to give me rahmah.

He got mad too when we're discussing about my brother who's not married yet, I said marriage is not compulsory and he got real defensive and said 'what do you mean?! Prophet has said marriage should be good', in which I said it's only Sunnah.

I don't know how long I can take this, I've been way too patient.

I am going more crazier each day and I've been bursting/cursing in anger when I'm alone.

Context, before marriage, my husb is slight controlling and snaps or gets angry easily at slightest thing I did and at any inconveniences to him.

My in-laws are nice and generous people (at times MIL can be too generous). we stayed at their place for 4 years while waiting for our new home. During the 4 years, husband always asked his parents to send and fetch me to and fro work. it's only 5 mins bus journey to my workplace. I tried telling my husband I want to travel on my own but he kept saying it's for my safety etc. fuck that. I thought ok maybe I just have to fucking suck it.

as days goes by, I started to resent my husband and MIL. she can be too nice to the extent of overbearing. she's talkative, overreacts, rambles obvious things that she's doing etc

My husband will always use in-laws generosity thing against me, whenever he sees me as being 'rude' to his parents or him. Because to him, any form of me speaking up for myself is seen as disobedience towards him. I've been way too patient and kept my feelings to myself too long.

now we have our own house,and the in-laws are currently staying at ours as they just sold their house to move to a smaller space and they're waiting for new house to be ready.

my husband still asked his parents to fetch me from work. and I fucking hate that!!! why can't I travel back on my own?!!!

sure I could have spoken up to my husband and say it's not required. Here's the thing, my husband will firmly say just go. why am I not listening to him?this will see me as being ungrateful. no one understand that all I WANT/ASK, is for my decision or autonomy be question. Not wanting the in-laws fetch me doesn't make me a disobedience wife.

As much as freedom he gives me, I still feel is not as much as I wanted. I just want to be given the option to say no without it backfiring me. I've always been the patience one, I've never shown my anger openly (only screamed when I'm alone).

please am I overreacting? or plain fully ungrateful because I have nice in-laws.

I am going more crazier each day and I've been bursting/cursing in anger when I'm alone.

Context, before marriage, my husb is slight controlling and snaps or gets angry easily at slightest thing I did and at any inconveniences to him.

My in-laws are nice and generous people (at times MIL can be too generous). we stayed at their place for 4 years while waiting for our new home. During the 4 years, husband always asked his parents to send and fetch me to and fro work. it's only 5 mins bus journey to my workplace. I tried telling my husband I want to travel on my own but he kept saying it's for my safety etc. fuck that. I thought ok maybe I just have to fucking suck it.

as days goes by, I started to resent my husband and MIL. she can be too nice to the extent of overbearing. she's talkative, overreacts, rambles obvious things that she's doing etc

My husband will always use in-laws generosity thing against me, whenever he sees me as being 'rude' to his parents or him. Because to him, any form of me speaking up for myself is seen as disobedience towards him. I've been way too patient and kept my feelings to myself too long.

now we have our own house,and the in-laws are currently staying at ours as they just sold their house to move to a smaller space and they're waiting for new house to be ready.

my husband still asked his parents to fetch me from work. and I fucking hate that!!! why can't I travel back on my own?!!!

sure I could have spoken up to my husband and say it's not required. Here's the thing, my husband will firmly say just go. why am I not listening to him?this will see me as being ungrateful. no one understand that all I WANT/ASK, is for my decision or autonomy be question. Not wanting the in-laws fetch me doesn't make me a disobedience wife.

As much as freedom he gives me, I still feel is not as much as I wanted. I just want to be given the option to say no without it backfiring me. I've always been the patience one, I've never shown my anger openly (only screamed when I'm alone).

please am I overreacting? or plain fully ungrateful because I have nice in-laws.