I'm thinking of transitioning once I turn 18 but this sub has me a little cautious now. I'd like to hear all perspectives and I already have the cis and trans side but not the detrans side. So I'm curious. I mean this very respectfully btw.
Chair this, Chair that. How about electric chair? How about we put Chuck in an electric chair?
This image is so funny to me for some reason
For context, I am genderfluid (doesnt matter what that means) and I've been trying to look more fem before I can start estrogen. Obviously i know that growing my hair out is a must. My hair also has grown pretty long in the past with no problem, me shaving it off was because I wanted a refresh. Anyway, I go to a subreddit asking for tips to pass better and I see this shit. Mind you, the post was about EYEBROW SHAPES. It had nothing to do with my hair or my curls. Like this has to be racist. And the comment is so absurd that it's literally funny. Anyway, the main reason I'm making this post is because I literally cannot tell if this is racist or not.
Listen, I don't know if it's because a lot of yall are 4tran lurkers or if some of yall are just plain mean but the way yall treat trans people who are even the slightest bit clocky is actually disgusting. This subreddit is meant for people who need help passing but yall seem to think it's a subreddit that's only meant for trans people who pass well.
I've more so noticed this with trans women but I've also noticed it with trans men too. Yall will be straight up rude to people and then when they say something about it yall will say something like "well don't ask for advice if you can't handle the truth" or some bullshit like that.
I saw a trans man who in my opinion passed really well and someone said something about how trans men always have piercings and it gets them clocked and the trans man responded "God forbid I want to be alternative" and then he was drowned with down votes and people were just being unnecessarily rude. Like yeah, God forbid he wants to be alternative. What's wrong with that?
Another was of a pre-HRT trans woman asking if they had a good base for estrogen and someone basically started pointing out features on her face (the specific features that were pointed out weren't even masculine, mind you) like hooded eyes and basically said something along the lines of "yeah but you'll probably be ugly and wanna get surgery because of it" and when she defended herself by saying she actually liked those things about her face and that she didn't plan on hating herself, people flooded her with down votes and acted like she was the one being rude.
And yall act like being clocky is like some crime against humanity or that it's disgusting or something. Clocky does not equal ugly. If I read "are you even trying?" one more time, I'm going to break something. Like yeah, they are trying that's why they were brave enough to publicly post their face on this bitch ass app to to ask your punk ass for advice but you know what you did instead of giving them advice? You treated them like less than a human being for daring to even slightly resemble their assigned gender at birth. News flash, sometimes trans women are gonna have strong Jaws, and brow bones, and beard stubble. Sometimes trans men are gonna have baby faces, and high cheekbones, and full lips, and sometimes they're gonna want fucking piercings.
"Oh my God, trans women sometimes look like men?? Oh my God, how disgusting? I've never heard of such a thing? I mean do they even deserve to be trans? At least trans men don't look like women sometimes. Oh, they sometimes do? Oh no...this can't be..."
Like sometimes people aren't blessed with the ability to pass well. It just is what it is. That does not give you the right to treat them like shit or insult them or downvote their posts when they ask for advice. It is not hard to give advice without being a dick but since some of you think it is, I'll give an example of how you can do that.
You see a trans woman with a noticeable 5 o'clock shadow that's asking for advice. Here's what you don't say "Are you even trying/ You clearly have a beard/ Why even ask for advice if you can see you have facial hair?", you can instead just simply say "You can try to get rid of your facial hair" and if you're feeling extra decent, you can throw in a little compliment for some razzle dazzle idk.
Your treatment of someone should not be contingent with your opinion of if they're "trying hard enough" because you don't know what people are going through and you of all people should know that no aspect of being trans is easy in any capacity and that depending on people's circumstances, it can be made even more difficult, so for you as a trans person to make that even worse for someone by being a bully is fucked up, not only because you know what it's like but especially because you know what it's like.
I saw another trans woman who obviously didn't know what she was doing and honestly just looked like an overweight man with long hair and 5 o'clock shadow asking for advice. The comments tore her to shreds. And when she explained that she struggled to get hrt and that she was living with transphobic people and that she couldn't support herself, almost no one sympathized with that at all. And the few comments that tried to give advice or uplift her were downvoted for some reason which pissed me of more than the mean comments because it was proof that people were being mean just to be be mean. And it made me especially sad because she genuinely looked so sweet. Like it's so simple: give advice or shut the fuck up. That's it. Those are your options.
And one more thing. A lot of the people on this app pass better than yall think. Just because they don't fit your narrow view of a what a woman or a man should look like does not mean that the general public will know that they're trans. I assumed the whole reason that people wanted to pass was for safety because it's not easy being trans. Just because someone is clocky to trans people does not mean that they're clocky to cis people. And someone being clocky to trans people only isn't bad imo.
TL;DR stop being a dick.
I shaved the top parts of my brows because I thought it would make me more androgynous but it just made me look more masculine.
As I get older, the girl I could've been becomes more distant and elusive. The woman that I imagine myself as may have been possible if I started years ago but I don't think so anymore. I'm 17, I don't have that feeling of being trapped in the wrong body. It's more perverse than that. It feels like I've been cursed. It feels like my body is betraying me. It feels like I'm slowly mutating into something monstrous. My jaw gets stronger, my shoulders broader, my ribcage wider. It feels like I'm being disfigured. I can't even start hrt until I'm 18 and worse yet I can't undo any of this. I'm stuck being like this. I don't wanna get surgery, God knows I can't afford it. I don't wanna look like an ogre with lipstick on. I don't wanna be wide and hairy and broad and unlovable. I hate that I never got the chance to be a teenaged girl. I hate that my existence will always be "political". I hate that I'll always have to defend my identity and explain it. I hate that I'll always have to worry about being raped or murdered or tortured. I hate that I'll always feel like I'm comitting some crime against humanity just for existing. I hate that I'll always be seen as a freak. I hate that no one will ever see me as a real girl. I wish I was just born a girl. It would make things a lot easier. But no, I'm forced to have to go through all of this shit until I die.
It kinda makes me look like an Asian fisher, don't love that. The main thing it changed is my eye area and it cleared up my skin.
I'm so scared that it's too late for me and that my face is fully developed and I'll always look like a man and never pass at all. I'm 17 rn but I wanna start E at 18 because I can't right now but I'm worried that my face will always be a dead giveaway I'm trans. My goal is to be androgynous like Lola Bahia or Hunter Schafer but idk if that's possible. I went on androgynous subreddits and they say i look pretty androgynous already but idk. I really don't wanna get ffs and I can't afford it anyway so... I wish I could've transitioned at 13 or 14 or something.