r/ask_transgender

This is something I got curious about recently. Hypothetically, imagine there was a button that could instantly remove gender dysphoria completely. No discomfort, no distress, no mismatch feelings anymore.

Would you still want to transition, identify as trans, change your presentation/body/name/pronouns, etc.? Or would the absence of dysphoria completely change how you see yourself?

I'm curious because I see people describe being trans as relief from pain, while others describe it more as moving toward joy, authenticity, or gender euphoria.

Interested in hearing different perspectives.

How do y'all shave your faces to avoid getting ingrown hairs and bumps or rough skin because I'm having issues with that? I'm biracial, black/white, and I have 4C hair. I shave on the daily to get rid of it but as a result I get rough patches of skin and ingrown hairs and usually it's back by the time of a five o'clock shadow and I'm just looking for tips.

i am man with vagina after vaginoplasty surgery .i identify as man ,i have non gender genital only dysphoria ,so i have done all surgeries ,and my gf is no op transwoman , she is a sex worker proffessional escort . Do it or not ?

I’m a 36 AMAB and over the last 2 years I think my “egg” has been slowly cracking — been talking about my gender in psychoanalysis the entire time, the first year unknowingly, the second explicitly. In the last 6 months it’s become much more urgent, vital, and at the surface. At this point I think about the possibility of transitioning almost all day, every day; either abstractly, or looking up how to get hair extensions, or buying women’s clothes, buying make up, or getting my nails done, dying my hair, shaving my legs.

Somehow, despite all this I’m still PLAGUED by doubt, afraid I’m deluding myself, or that this is all nonsense. I think primarily because my sense of gender dysphoria is extremely diffuse — I like my genitals, I have at times in the past liked having a masculine-appearing body, I don’t feel acute pain at being a man.

I have always been a man who has been very, very masc presenting, but highly gender non-conforming in practice: i.e. extremely uncomfortable with stereotypical man spaces, very anxious around men (didn’t really learn how to socialize with men until I was in my 30s, despite having gone to an all-boys school from ages 7-15), most of my friends have been women, comfortable wearing women’s clothes, comfortable kissing men even though I’m mostly attracted to women, most of my partners have been lesbians (aside from me lol), etc. In the past, I did not find these things to conflict with my sense of being a man — I saw my identity as an extremely capacious category of man who hated stereotypical masculinity. At the same time, that fear/anxiety of being around men has always been there, and was so acute I would weep when I was younger. When I was younger my “male beauty ideals” were all androgynous or intensely femme men, or were masc presenting people who would (interestingly) later come out as trans. And I’ve always had a very intense body hatred/body dysmorphia which I even used to analogize to gender dysphoria, but saw as categorically different (primarily about my weight & also just seeing my body as inherently wrong or not mine).

But in the last few years that category of “man” has begun to feel constricting, perhaps it’s NOT a capacious category but something I’ve been limiting myself with. What’s really been expediting things has been the realization of how much gender envy I’ve always had — how much my attraction to women is a desire to look like them. I in fact have always talked about this openly, have been very comfortable being like “god she’s so hot, I want her and GOD if only I looked like that,” but again it always seemed sort of compatible with my being a man. Somewhere in the last 6 months something shifted, where I realized, well, “if you want to look like that…you could.” And ever since then I’ve been tumbling down & recovering old memories and looking at everything in a new light. At the very least it’s clear to me that I’m some flavor of genderqueer/non-binary/genderfluid — but somehow that doesn’t feel like enough, and I really chafe against the idea of suddenly just claiming that identity & having nothing to really show for it.

And then I think “well, I must be a woman then” and then I feel profoundly confused. I’m terrified of HRT — only because I’m afraid of the effects on my genitals & libido, interestingly. Terrified of atrophy & not being able to get as hard, etc. If those could be avoided I think I would absolutely get on HRT. That terror then makes me doubt again — when at the same time I’m looking into laser for my facial hair.

I don’t know, I know this post is all a mess, I just feel so lost. And so scared of being wrong. And in some ways scared of losing being a man; if anything because my socialization as a man feels so hard won — ie if it took me 31 years to become comfortable with masculinity and feel OK with other men, am I really ready to lose that? Can’t I just be NB? Why does that feel like a cop out when I know it’s not? Why doesn’t that feel like freedom and why am I so scared of “getting it wrong”?

Would love any thoughts. Would love someone to just tell me I’m trans or not lmao.

Hello

L want to start saying I have no issues or anything with trans people . But I have a question im hoping I can get answered. Would someone explain to me why is it when your talking to a Trans person most always ask for a tribute or something? I mean like general conversation ,

My wife transitioned in the early 2000s and has always tucked by wrapping it tucking then putting on panties and some thick bicycle like shorts. The issue is she is a nurse and has to lots of walking so she develops sores. Is there any new tech I could tell her about?

I have fairly dark hair, so i need to rely on regular shaves and colour-correcting makeup to hide the appearance of a beard. I have been receiving ads for the “bumzy” lately which promises a stubble free shave. do these sorts of shavers actually work, and if so, do you have any recommendations?

Thank you!

I'm almost 10 months hrt, and my weight (and hips/thighs/curves) is going up, when the daily estradiol peak hits me i'm diving into the freezer compartment for ice-cream. My brain-body-and soul is practically sending me to cream based products. What's going on, is this normal, are others experiencing this? I have been skinny-gangly-wiry all my male life and have never been able to pinch an inch, but now I have celulite on my thighs, curves, literal round hips, ankles and feet which no longer show ligaments when i flex, and my shoulders and upper arms wobble. I'm thrilled, because I literally shed a happy overwhelmed tear last night seeing myself in the mirror and finally seeing more girl than boy but I just wanted to ask others about food cravings, wobbles, jiggles, and those damn weighing scales going upward by a pound or two when I thought I was just me who would never put on weight. k Thanks in advance.

41 M, and I'm starting to put thing together in a way that has me asking genuine questions.

I'm always been comfortable in my masculine form. Never really had a dislike of my body, or felt like it wasn't mine like I see described with dysphoria. But for a long time, when I've looked at the female form, it's felt right too. Like I wanted a way to overlay it onto me. And anytime there's a gender-flipping show, manga, story, whatever.. I'm always very interested.

Ok, now the question part. I always play female characters in games. Video games, roleplaying, whatever. Was fun to be in female "shoes", so to speak. I was making character art for a recent one using an AI generator (artists can vilify me here) and I decided to plug myself in. Like an actual picture of me, as a reference. But then I started making the character female. And I really liked seeing myself like that. But the deeper I sank into that, which was a few weeks, something began to feel missing again. So I made the character a bit more muscled to match my current physique, and gave her back male genitalia.

And now I genuinely am feeling like I want to be a futanari. And it's been weeks. Now I've started reflecting back on years of comments, habits, interactions. A lesbian that I was really good friends with, telling me that I was a "lesbian in a man's body". Like, she felt I should be male, but I radiated such a "female energy" that she was comfortable around me in a way she wasn't with other males. A trans friend commenting about me being an "egg", which I just actually looked up. I've been looking up other "egg cracking" stories and find myself resonating with some of them. Sexual tastes. I've been a fan of futanari stuff for a long time, and I always told myself it was just more women on screen to look at.. but I realized I've been self-inserting as the futa this whole time. I even tried putting myself in the mindset that last time I was intimate, and me, as a 41 year old M, went for 4 rounds over nearly 5 hours. I was insatiable in a way I haven't been in a very long time.

But I feel like even as I'm realizing things, I'm nowhere. Does it even make sense to try and speak with someone about this? I'm not really dysphoric, at least I don't think I am. I don't know if I can maintain my physique, while bolting on or trying to grow breasts and appearing feminine enough to pass. And I know there's no way to give me both sets downstairs; hell, I don't know if I can even maintain male sexual function well as a transfem.

I want to speak with my trans friend about this, but she and I have drifted apart in recent years, mostly due to geography. Particularly with her comment, I feel like she might have opinions.

I guess I'm just looking for opinions. If I'm just fetishizing, or if there's something bigger in there. Because it's not going away. That feeling. And I keep coming back to those pictures I made. Me as.. both, male and female, at the same time. And I can't stop starting at them, and not in a sexual way. Like I can't stop feeling that that's what I should be.

edit: been hanging around without any comments for about two hours, have to head out. hopefully someone will have a thought.

I'm a 14 year old who is almost fifteen. After a large series of events that had happened to me that I would rather not discuss, I have found myself feeling transgender. I have done research and it's something that apparently is common for teenagers who go through traumatic experiences. I have felt like a girl for a long while and I remember the first time I felt like a woman was when I was in kindergarten, it sounds dumb but ever since than it has became more prominent and I blame my decision of ignoring it for the reasons I have been feeling depressed and anxious all the time but I also know that that alone is not the only reason however it is still a big reason. What I'm trying to say is that I'm struggling to tell my mother and father and my therapist that I'm trans, my mom is severely transphobic and not in the way that she's an asshole, that's not a phobia, I mean she actually is scared of trans people and doesn't know how to react to it so whenever I had tried to tell her the first time I was transgender she got very angry and over anxious. There's a lot of conflict that me and my mom have and I feel like she just has given up on me, my dad never talks to me about it and has becoming distant and I do still feel trans. I need some help with telling my parents that I'm trans and that im actually serious in a way that won't end horribly. I thank every one of you peoples and person and what have you for any advice and any advice will help. Have a good day!

Hi

White pre-everything trans man here. I highly prefer trans women & transfems reply to this post, I need to properly hear their personal experiences and thoughts about this topic.

Aside from the bioessentialist malgendering and name calling (theyfab, birthdayboy etc) that's being directed to trans men recently, there's been a lot of general hostility towards transmascs from just about anybody in the queer community, at least from what I've seen on Twitter. And as much as Twitter is a cesspool on its own, there are still real human users who still carry over their beliefs into real life, so I believe this discussion is still worth having. And don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy to complain about the many problems within the transmasc side (primarily within white transmascs) such as the masculinizing demonization of trans women and the questionable artistic depiction of transfems, but I feel the discourse has come to the point of outright denying any oppression trans men still face in the real world. Still, it's making me question a lot of things about the transmasc identity and if I'm missing a lot of things.

I was always under the impression that trans men and trans women were of different but equal oppression under the white cismasc system, but there are so many who argue that trans men inherently have more power over trans women, no matter if they're of color or non-passing or poor or disabled. An example I've seen is that they're more capable of securing housing thanks to "AFAB only" spaces whether they're passing or not, and that AMAB housing is completely awful in comparison. Aside from this, I genuinely can't tell if there's something else I'm ignoring or missing from the transmasc side, especially because, for as long as I don't pass and for as long as the government and my doctors know my birth sex, I will still be a victim of systemic misogyny and be at a great risk of femicide and sexist abuse, so that shapes a lot of how I go about my life.

Is it also that stealth cismasc-passing trans men have more social privilege over trans women - even when keeping intersectionality into account (race, disability, economic class etc) - that makes the entire transmasc identity inherently more privileged than the transfem identity? I genuinely do want to keep holding myself and my peers accountable for any remaining transmisogynistic biases we express, but I have to be honest in that it's becoming disheartening because of how much our transmasc struggles are becoming silenced yet again, even if it wasn't intended. I don't know what to feel other than I'm lost and overwhelmed, and I really need a proper discussion about this.

Once again, I highly prefer the input of trans women & transfems. If any transmasc is to reply, then I expect zero infighting or belittling from either side in the comments.

Edit: I'm at awe of the responses I already got, and I'm genuinely starting to realize I've been getting too used to an environment that's even more toxic than I thought it already was (no duh), I thought I was taking the proper precautions but I actually wasn't. I have a lot to think about regarding my beliefs, and I'm genuinely very thankful for the reminders I've been given. Holy shit.

I’ve been wondering if some trans women choose to do things like laser hair removal/electrolysis, FFS, breast augmentation, or even SRS without taking HRT.

Is that actually common or possible?
Do surgeons usually require hormones first, especially for BA or SRS?

I’m also curious about people who don’t want HRT for medical, personal, or nonbinary reasons but still want certain parts of transition.

Would love to hear personal experiences or what the process was like for you or your opinion…

I am amab 25, I am kind of in a difficult circumstance to get into hrt. My possibilities are in the very low side. I wish I was born in a much more trans friendly country with a more open society. But I know there is a certain limits I have to keep because I look like a guy so I still haven’t concluded or accepted anything, mostly I consider I am a questioning guy. But I just wanted to know can I be atleast part of online trans woman community if one day I accept it fully but still not getting hrt. This is not about physically being in a place as a woman this is more about cognitively being a part of trans woman community.

Is not liking Eliot Page as Achilles Transphobic, because there is a big backlash over it

Edit - Not me but there is a backlash about it, last time for fantastic beast people didn’t like replacing Jonny Depp, like that is it preference or transphobia in this scenario

I am 25, I’ve been questioning my gender a lot lately and I think I might fall somewhere under the transfem umbrella, but I’m still unsure and trying to understand myself better.

The hard part is that I can’t really experiment or express any of it openly right now because of lack of privacy and financial issues, so everything mostly stays in my head. Sometimes I wonder if I’d understand myself more clearly if I actually had the freedom to explore any of this properly instead of constantly overthinking it alone.

Lately I’ve been reading a lot of other people’s experiences and realizing how different everyone’s journey seems to be. I honestly keep wondering how people knew the feelings were real before they were actually able to try anything outwardly.

I want to ask if anybody has had luck and success finding a cis boyfriend who wasn’t queer, and what kind of conversation did you 2 have.

To me it feels like I only come to men’s attention or gaze is when they want to have sex with me, or want to experiment.

I haven’t experienced anything genuine really, so I am just wondering what some other girls are experiencing.