u/crazynikki123

I have so many people in my life right now all steering me in a different direction but not one of them have asked what I want or need they say u could do this or that go here go there always dumping me off on the next person who trys but cant and never will understand me im different and thats okay its what makes me beautiful and unique but im drowning everyday that goes by gets harder and harder im at a point now where its sink or swim and the tide keeps pulling me under I come up for air just to get swept down again I cant breath i look in the mirror and im holding my breath but im almost out of air the currents to strong I need something to lean on they call it a higher power I call it confusing and scary now the currents have swept me completely out into the midst of nowhere I can breath now but I cant swim to shore in time im not gonna make it this isint how i thought it would be not me not my family but it is me it is my family but now my arms are getting tired but my feet are still kicking I look up into the sky and see the reflection of the water there that is my salvation my safe space this world truly was not made for peolle like me there is to much evil and ego now my legs are starting to cramp I cant keep swimming I turn onto my back as I watch the world pass me by in slow motion everyone ive ever loved everything ive ever done all comes back to me and I remember im right where im supposed to be

Im in a perpetual state of falling screaming but no one can here me calling this life I live i walk alone about to implode explode this life I live comes with a heavy load I have no one but me but the truth I live will set me free

i am a a true life path master 33 but I am also from the Briggs and Myers test a infj making me personality and mentally wise one of the rarest people on the planet and I have been called by a higher purpose to try to help where I can ive struggled with moderate mental illness my enite life and feeling so alone like master 33s and infjs do I almost ended my life and spiritual I did and was reborn not long ago i struggled with suicidal thoughts and I self harmed terribly but now that seems to have been out of no where lifted and these where things i struggled with for years that night i was touched by something higher then myself im a recovered drug addict and I always heard u need a spiritual experience but I never truly had one I knew something was there in the times I had near death experiences but I never put much more thought into it but going back to that lonely night something has shifted in me for 34 years I hid my words scared of what people would think I was dead inside but since that night I have true purpose and im here to help everyone I can this spiritual knowledge has just been instilled in me over night or maybe it was always there but that night I unlocked a part of my brain that I did not know was there I am aligned with the universe souly and completely as a master 33 usually is but ya this spiritual experience was so strong and ive been opened up to more then I knew existed im praying that god gives me the knowledge of what I need to do and when it needs to ge done some may call me delusional but wasent every person who truly made a difference in the world I am now focusing on greed religion and ego cause those things are what is wrong with the world I see that now and u ask who am I to make such a diffrence im 34 I dont have a job i have no kids but in a way that makes me the perfect person to help im not driven by greed or to worried about losing something that I cant go out on the limb I need to in order to help but I cam go out on that limb and I will for u and u and u cause thats who the fuck I am my name is nicole edwards and im gonna change the fucking world