u/darkshinyboy

I dated a guy for about 8 months and something happened repeatedly that I still can't fully explain. He's not an aggressive person, has this nonchalant kind of aura about him, nothing that would look provocative. And yet, over and over, completely different contexts, strangers would try to start physical fights with him out of nowhere:

• A guy tried to attack him at the gym after he threw a weight plate on the floor
• A woman told him off aggressively at the gym too one time
• Someone bumped into him on the street and it almost escalated into a fight, even though he didn't want to fight
• A group of guys tried to jump him at a mall once, before we even met
• He mentioned that when he was younger, someone ripped his clothes at a party because he was wearing a knock off tshirt or something
• He went through bullying when was a kid

He's only 20/21. I've never seen anything like this happen to anyone else around me at this frequency, across so many different environments (gym, street, mall, social events). It really doesn't seem random anymore.

I'm curious if anyone here has experienced something similar, either personally or with someone close to them, and what your take is on it from an energetic/spiritual perspective. Is this a "weak boundary" / exposed aura thing? Something more like unresolved karma? An energetic vulnerability that reads as a target to people already carrying aggression? Genuinely curious to hear different takes, not looking for a purely psychological explanation — more interested in the energetic/spiritual read on this pattern.

One more thing I keep wondering about: he's not someone I'd call a deeply good person morally — he has some biased attitudes and viewpoints that come out here and there. But these aren't things a total stranger would pick up on just by looking at him or interacting with him for two seconds at a gym or a mall.

Estou fazendo esse post por via de curiosidade! Não pretendo tomar nenhuma atitude sobre sem consultar meu psiquiatra antes.

Recentemente terminei um relacionamento. Desde que terminei, se tornou um hiperfoco meu: eu não consigo operar faz semanas já, não consigo comer direito, etc etc etc. Nunca senti algo assim na minha vida. NADA me distrai, eu não consigo escutar música, eu tento ver filmes, mas nada parece mesmo aliviar o que estou sentindo. É como eu tivesse me tornado o meu término. Eu não sou mais eu mesmo, sou o meu término e os meus pensamentos só giram em torno disso do momento que acordo até o momento que vou dormir.

Antes de tocar no tópico venvanse, nunca fui diagnosticado com TDAH. Mas esse término está me fazendo questionar se eu na verdade não tenho algum traço.

Li em algum lugar que venvanse é uma medicação que acalma o caos da mente e ajuda em ruminação intensa. Alguém já teve uma experiência positiva, quanto a isso? Vocês acham que pode ser uma boa alternativa de eu abordar com o meu psiquiatra?

OBS: por favor, entendam que estou em uma situação emocional muito pesada. não se sintam ofendidos se voces acharem que estou banalizando o TDAH! não é o caso. mas eu não encontro nenhuma outra alternativa, por isso estou tirando essa dúvida

I was in a relationship with a very anxious person for 8 months. At the time, he knew he had ADHD, but he just wouldn't treat it. Instead, he would go after quick dopamine (ecstasy, gym and me)

It was a VERY intense relationship. First, because we truly loved each other and had a lot of physical attraction. Second, because he was constantly anxious about our daily interactions. He refused to accept that I had a life outside the relationship. He would get incredibly anxious if I took more than 10 minutes to text back, and he always had an issue with me going out with my friends. Everything seemed to trigger his anxiety.

He also has a HUGE ego. The fact that he allowed himself to be so vulnerable with me made me feel safe—it made me believe that despite his messy anxiety, he truly loved me. Once, after a serious argument, I threatened to break up and he cried, hyperventilated, and had a full panic attack.

A few weeks ago, I asked for a break because he got jealous of me going out with my parents, which was just too much for me to handle. He tried to talk me out of it (he was devastaded), but I stood my ground and said we needed some time apart. After one week, I reached out, we talked, and we got back together. However, he seemed very defensive. Shortly after, he went to a 3-day party, used a lot of ecstasy and inhalants, disappeared. I got mad. I didn't talk to him for a day to cool off. The next day, I tried talking to him in a very loving way, but he completely exploded. In a fit of rage, he said we were done. I tried calling him, but he refused to answer, telling me to just accept it.

Two weeks later, I called him. He was VERY cold. He told me he felt a sense of relief after the breakup. He said that even though he still cared about me, he didn't feel like keeping contact or engaging in anything with me and wasn't even thinking about me. He even said, "Don't be sad, you'll find someone else along the way"—which felt like a complete slap in the face. I want to note that I kept the call very calm; I was apologizing for things and telling him I missed him. Yet, he spoke to me like I was a complete stranger. It didn't feel like he was being vengeful.

My questions are:

Is this a ADHD symptom? To detach because of object permanence? I read a lot about that, sometimes I'm afraid my boyfriend simply don't remember I exist or how he felt about me.

If so, is it ever gonna hit him, the grief? Is there a chance of him reaching out? I feel so lost at his behavior. Sometimes I feel like reaching out, asking to meet up, but I don't want to push him even further away (I know there are situations where people just don't love each other anymore, it wasn't the case for us, but at the same time he doesn't seem like he used to)

If there's a good 1.5 months of no contact, would you find weird or annoying for a dumpee to reach out and ask to meet up?

In my case, me and my ex had a huge amount of love towards each other, but the breakup was kinda messy and left us with a bad closure. He was also VERY anxious in the relationship (I would even say obsessed with me) and during the breakup he felt angry and then detached quickly.

I was in a relationship with a very anxious person for 8 months. I don't know much about attachment styles, but looking back, he might be a Fearful Avoidant.

It was a VERY intense relationship. First, because we truly loved each other and had a lot of physical attraction. Second, because he was constantly anxious about our daily interactions. He refused to accept that I had a life outside the relationship. He would get incredibly anxious if I took more than 10 minutes to text back, and he always had an issue with me going out with my friends. Everything seemed to trigger his anxiety.

He also has a HUGE ego. The fact that he allowed himself to be so vulnerable with me made me feel safe—it made me believe that despite his messy anxiety, he truly loved me. Once, after a serious argument, I threatened to break up and he cried, hyperventilated, and had a full panic attack.

A few weeks ago, I asked for a break because he got jealous of me going out with my parents, which was just too much for me to handle. He tried to talk me out of it (he was devastaded), but I stood my ground and said we needed some time apart. After one week, I reached out, we talked, and we got back together. However, he seemed very defensive. Shortly after, he went to a 3-day party, used a lot of ecstasy and inhalants, disappeared. I got mad. I didn't talk to him for a day to cool off. The next day, I tried talking to him in a very loving way, but he completely exploded. In a fit of rage, he said we were done. I tried calling him, but he refused to answer, telling me to just accept it.

Two weeks later, I called him. He was VERY cold. He told me he felt a sense of relief after the breakup. He said that even though he still cared about me, he didn't feel like keeping contact or engaging in anything with me and wasn't even thinking about me. He even said, "Don't be sad, you'll find someone else along the way"—which felt like a complete slap in the face. I want to note that I kept the call very calm; I was apologizing for things and telling him I missed him. Yet, he spoke to me like I was a complete stranger. It didn't feel like he was being vengeful.

My questions are:
Is this emotional shift real? I’m having a hard time understanding how a guy who was completely obsessed with me can feel total relief just two weeks later, telling me to simply move on. Even with detachment, how is this behavior normal? Will the grief of this relationship ever hit him? There was genuine love, care, and attraction until the very last minute.

During my relationship (we’re both gay), I was, by most objective measures, the more stable partner. I had a good job, my own apartment, academic oriented, a supportive family, and I was usually the one taking care of things. I’m not saying this to sound arrogant, just to give context. I was the provider (financially) and I'm also good looking (and I feel like this is important also, not trying to sound cocky I swear)

My ex, on the other hand, came from a very difficult family background. He struggles financially, uses ecstasy almost every weekend, and has a lot of unresolved trauma. He also experiences some unusual perceptual issues, especially during or after drug use, where he sometimes sees or hears things that aren’t there (some schyzotipical condition, even sometimes sober too).

Throughout our relationship, I supported him in many ways. Not just financially, but emotionally and practically too. I cooked, cleaned, took care of him after nights of drug use, and helped him through anxiety episodes. He was extremely affectionate and very attached to me. At one point, when I considered leaving because of repeated lies, he had severe anxiety attacks over the possibility of losing the relationship. He was also constantly jealous of me with other people.

Then things changed.

After another incident involving dishonesty, I asked for a one-week break. During that week, he initially seemed devastated. But after a few days, he became strangely apathetic. When I asked to get back together, he agreed, but suddenly became very defensive toward me, almost as if I now had to prove myself to him.

A week later, he got upset because I didn’t want to attend a party with him. He became angry and abruptly ended the relationship. He said that he loved me but that I didn’t love him, that he was tired of the situation, and that he’d had enough. After that, he refused my calls and completely shut me out. But even though he said he loved me, he ended things very coldly.

The whole thing felt surreal. One moment he seemed deeply attached to me, and the next he was completely done. I didn’t even feel like I had time to process what was happening.

It’s been 12 days since the breakup, and I’m struggling a lot. Meanwhile, he’s still going clubbing and using ecstasy almost every weekend.

My question is: does a breakup like this eventually hit people like him? Can someone genuinely go from being intensely attached to completely detached in such a short time, or is it more likely that he’s avoiding his feelings and they’ll catch up with him later? Chemically speaking, people often compare a breakup to withdrawal from an addiction. If that’s true, why does it feel like I’m the one crashing while my ex seems completely fine?

I’m having a hard time understanding how someone who seemed so emotionally dependent could walk away so suddenly.

All the possibilities.

Forget about being in a romantic relationship for a second.

“I’ll never have that kind of bond again.”

Well, not in this phase of your life. And that’s exactly the point.

One of the most important parts of a breakup is understanding that it’s a phase and respecting it for what it is: a moment for you NOT TO BE giving that much energy to anyone else.

Right now, your body, your mind, and your soul aren’t ready to give themselves to someone else. You’re in a season of planting and harvesting, not in a season of sharing a five-star Michelin meal with another person.

You’re rebuilding yourself in a whole different way.

And honestly, how cool is that?

You get to become someone new.

You can discover new hobbies. Make new friends. Spend time in places you’ve never been before. Change your routines. Change your habits. Redirect all the energy that used to go into loving someone else into building a life that feels exciting to wake up to.

There are so many possibilities waiting for you.

A few months from now, you’ll look back and smile at how much a certain artist, a certain album, a certain book meant to you during this chapter of your life.

You’ll thank yourself for learning how to cook.

For going to the gym.

For taking that trip.

For spending time alone instead of running from loneliness. But also not spending time alone, being with friends and family, doing activities!

For becoming your own home.

And one day you’ll realize something beautiful:

The goal was never to replace what you lost.

The goal was to discover everything you could become after losing it.

I’ll give myself as an example.

Tomorrow, I’m going back to my hometown.

I was only supposed to stay for a week. Instead, I’ll be spending two whole months there.

I’ll be starting tennis lessons. I’ll be going to therapy for the first time in my life. I’ll spend more time with my parents, cooking with them and learning from them. I’ll reconnect with old friends. I’ll go to the gym as much as I can.

I also quit smoking weed.

And none of these things are really about “moving on.”

They’re about moving forward.

That’s the beauty of this phase: nobody is telling you who you have to be.

You get to be curious again.

You get to try things just because they sound interesting. You get to surprise yourself. You get to become someone you haven’t met yet.

So, for a moment, stop asking yourself who you’re going to love next.

Ask yourself who you’re going to become next.

Let your most curious, inspired version take the wheel for a while.

See where it takes you.

I broke up a week ago. Every hour, my humor shifts completely, I'm never fully happy tho. Sometimes I start to talk alone about what I would say to him, and depending on the time of the day, the "answer" is completely different. How normal is this?

Meu namorado terminou comigo de forma muito abrupta e injusta (não quis conversa) depois de eu ter feito tudo pra salvar a relação. Preciso de uma perspectiva externa.

Eu e Luca nos conhecemos em novembro do ano passado. Desde o início foi diferente, na primeira vez que a gente se viu, ele ficou doente com intoxicação alimentar e ao invés de irmos pra festa que tínhamos planejado, fiquei cuidando dele. Ali já deu pra perceber que era algo além do físico.

A gente namorou, passou o Natal junto, ficou um mês inteiro se vendo todo dia (morando na mesma casa, ele tirou férias e veio passar em SP comigo). Nossa rotina era simples, academia, comida, filme numa telinha de computador, mas era muito boa. Nenhum dos dois tinha muito dinheiro, então não tinha interesse envolvido. Era genuíno.

Absolutamente QUALQUER pessoa que passasse 1h perto da gente, diria que somos muito companheiros e apaixonados.

Terminamos uma primeira vez por brigas frequentes sem resolução. A maior parte delas partiu dele mesmo, de comportamentos que não foram resolvidos (problemas constantes com mentira, ciúme de amizades, gaslight constante). Quem terminou fui eu, mas dei a entender que acima de um término definitivo era um término para pensarmos melhor sobre o que queremos para nós mesmos e dentro de um relacionamento (falei isso em voz alta e clara).

Voltamos semana passada, eu fui atrás, pedi pra voltar disse que amava ele e queria que déssemos certo. Ele pareceu muito chateado com tudo isso, dizendo que parecia que eu não me decidia do que queria e estava "fazendo ele de trouxa", mesmo eu não concordando, colocamos os pingos no i's. Ele veio a São Paulo mas passou três dias de festa sem me ver (foi com os amigos), sumiu quase 24h sem dar notícia. Fiquei chateado, mas não briguei, apenas fui recíproco na "secura".

Quando tentei conversar sobre o que estava acontecendo entre a gente, ele foi extremamente agressivo. Disse que eu não o amava, que não queria mais me ver, que era pra eu seguir minha vida. Me recusou qualquer conversa. Eu me abri completamente — disse que o amava, que faria tudo, ofereci até pagar passagem pra ele vir comigo visitar minha família em Recife. Ele continuou frio e definitivo, e ainda reforçou uma narrativa em que eu era o culpado por tudo.

Eu faltei me humilhar, implorei pra conversar. Ele se recusou de todos os jeitos e parecia que ele só queria que eu calasse a boca e aceitasse que ele tava certo, independente se iríamos ficar juntos ou não.

O que mais me confunde é que ele sempre lutou muito pela relação antes (vice versa, fiz MUITO por ele). Dessa vez parecia que o objetivo era só encerrar com a narrativa dele vencendo, não importava o que eu dissesse ou fizesse.

Não consigo entender o que aconteceu. Alguém já passou por algo assim? Será que tem chance de arrependimento?

a parte social e de leetcode das entrevistas de estágio são bem claras, mas tenho medo quanto ao design system

existe alguma dica? como funciona para estagios? nível de complexidade?

vou fazer para uma empresa internacional (“PortaDeslize”) e o breefing é que iria existir um código e que iriamos implementar. Mas nao entendi como devo me preparar. Alguém que já prestou esse tipo de desafio ou sabe a respeito consegue me ajudar?

preciso de uma opinião genuina:

atualmente trabalho para uma fintech boa (nível C/B-) como engenheiro de software. estou lá a 4 anos e simplesmente não consigo ascender porque ainda sou estudante (comecei na faculdade mais tarde e ainda estou no 4o período).

recentemente apliquei para uma vaga de estagio na amazon para Business Analyst (e parece estar caminhando bem). Será que essa troca vale a pena? Ou será que ir de efetivado CLT para estagiário (mesmo sendo Amazon) não e uma boa opção?