u/deevee318

I’m desperately trying to come up with more ideas for things I (35F) can do together with my Little (16F) that are free or very inexpensive.

She comes from a low-income family, so I want to be mindful of cost and not suggest things that would feel inaccessible. She also has a lot of anxiety and doesn’t leave the house much outside of school and our outings, so I’m trying to find activities that feel fun but not too overwhelming.

Some of her interests include reading, movies, baking, and hiking. So far, we've done:

- Thrift shopping

- Hiking & ice cream

- Kite festival at the beach

- Red Bulls soccer game (tickets provided by BBBS)

- Lunch and trip to the mall

- Valentine's Day bazaar/local market

- Barnes & Noble cafe & walking around looking at/talking about books

For those of you who are matched with teens — especially older teens — what kinds of local (free or cheap) activities would you suggest? I’d love any recommendations, especially ideas that help build confidence/get her out of the house without putting too much pressure on her.

Thanks in advance!

Hi! I’m a Big with Big Brothers Big Brothers and my Little is a 16-year-old girl who’s a high school junior. I’m trying to come up with more ideas for things we can do together that are free or very inexpensive.

She comes from a low-income family, so I want to be mindful of cost and not suggest things that would feel inaccessible. She also has a lot of anxiety and doesn’t leave the house much outside of school and our outings, so I’m trying to find activities that feel fun but not too overwhelming.

Some of her interests include reading, movies, baking, and hiking. So far, I’ve been thinking about things like easy local walks/hikes, baking something simple together, free community events, or maybe a casual movie night-type activity.

For those of you with teens — especially older teens — what kinds of local activities would you suggest? I’d love any recommendations, especially ideas that help build confidence/get her out of the house without putting too much pressure on her.

Thanks in advance!

I’m 35F and have been dating my boyfriend, 40M, for about 10 months. He has an 11-year-old son. I don't have or want kids of my own, and I went into this relationship knowing his son would always be his priority.

His custody schedule is every Monday and Wednesday, plus every other Friday-Sunday. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, he usually works overtime (6am-6pm), so our time together is very limited. We usually see each other once during the week for a couple of hours and then every other weekend. I'll occasionally hang out with him and his son during the weekends he has him.

One of the biggest issues we've had over our relationship is that any time I bring up a feeling, concern, or need, he says I am “attacking” him. He gets defensive, angry, and reactive, and then the original thing I brought up never gets addressed. I’ll start by calmly saying something like, “This situation hurt my feelings,” or “I’m struggling with this dynamic,” and somehow the conversation becomes about how I’m criticizing him, making him feel like a bad father, or not accepting his son.

This happens around: me not feeling like we have enough quality time, not feeling included in his life, feeling uncomfortable with the level of contact and closeness with his ex-wife, and wanting more reassurance/clarity about where I fit in his life.

Instead of talking through those things, he often frames it as me making him choose between me and his son. I’ve repeatedly said I am not asking him to choose between us. I understand his son comes first. But I also think there should be some room for a serious partner to have feelings, needs, and boundaries without it being treated like a threat.

Another thing I’m trying to understand is whether his dynamic with his son is typical or whether it sounds unhealthy/enmeshed. I know his son is 11, and I know divorce is hard on kids (I'm a child of divorce myself). But sometimes it feels like my boyfriend babies him and treats him as far younger than he is. A lot seems to revolve around making sure his son absolutely never feels uncomfortable, upset, or has to adjust to anything. I absolutely support being a loving, protective parent, but I wonder where the line is between being sensitive to a child’s needs and using the child’s comfort as a reason to avoid moving forward in a new relationship.

For example, after nearly a year together, he won't so much as give me a peck on the lips in front of his son, and I can't spend the night there if his son is over. On the days he has his son, communication between us is minimal, and he usually only calls me for a few minutes once his son is asleep. It feels like I’m kept completely separate from that part of his life.

I feel like I am being asked to accept a relationship where I'm expected to adapt, but he's not expected to make meaningful room for me

I’m genuinely looking for perspective. Is this normal when dating someone with a child? Am I being unreasonable for wanting more boundaries, more inclusion, and better communication? Does this sound like healthy co-parenting/parenting, or does it sound like someone who is not ready to build a serious relationship after divorce?

For stepparents: how do you know the difference between “the child comes first” in a healthy way and “there is no real room for you in this family system”?