u/dingalingslinger69

hey all!

new in town and i have a lot of garbage leftover from moving. my complex doesn't have a dumpster and only does small weekly pickup for normal sized amounts of trash.

i have a bunch of beat up cardboard boxes, furniture that broke in the move (movers were rough but tbh a lot of the things that broke were already halfway there, i keep things for decades) that can't really be re-used and i don't know where to get rid of them or if there's anywhere to put them where someone else could repurpose them. i've been looking around on waze and maps to try and find a city dump, but i wanted to ask what's the best place/method to make sure the most gets repurposed and not sent to a landfill?

basically the title.

i'm largely no contact with most of my family after being disowned for coming out when i was 19. i'm 26 now and they're the same people now as they were then. but apparently one of the few people i trust has been leaking personal information to my abusive mother for years, thus my no contact boundary hasn't been doing anything to keep me safe all this time.

i don't even know how to feel. i just found this out about an hour ago and the room still feels like it's spinning. my abusive mother has inexplicably turned up to jobs, apartments, and run into me "randomly" more times than i care to count despite myself taking every protective measure i could outside of trusting this person too much.

i know i'm okay and not in immediate danger, but knowing that she's had essentially direct access to my life for years is making me question reality right now.

had a panic attack at the very tail end of loading my car to move out of state today. i'm sitting in the bath at my new place an hour and a half away realizing that i really did just leave a set of two lawn chairs and an old cheap vacuum, and a kitchen trash can in front of my old place for no good reason. i'm 90% sure there's still
some food in the fridge too.

it's too late in the day to call the office, but has anyone been in this situation before? i have no idea why i did it. just completely freaked out and hyperventilated after some old trauma from a past move came up and i literally could not move the furniture to the dumpster without almost passing out and i had to be at my new place by three (it was about 1:30pm at the time)

just kinda baffled at myself. where do i even begin?

is that a mask of a chocolate heart, or is her face mutilated/gored into the shape of a heart? i can't find any answers online and i'm fascinated by it. killer design choice either way. on sua's face it seems more clear that it is gore where she is missing an eye, but the cleaner lines on mizi's face/hairline make it harder for me to tell. the mention of candy love/candy hearts also makes me wonder if it's gore meant to look like a chocolate heart.

i move out of my hometown in a little under two weeks and i could not be more excited. it's cost me nearly every penny and then some, but i've been working towards this goal for a decade now and at 26 i will finally be free. my family won't be able to just stumble upon me at the supermarket, or call around and find where i work, or run into me in the downtown parking garage. i'm gonna be free for real and i can't wait.

the only thing that has really sucked has been that all of my family have doubled down on their usual brand of shittiness since i discussed my departure with my father and got all the info from him i needed to get on my own phone plan + car insurance + new bank account that i fully own. i honestly wouldn't have told him if i didn't need to, but he's also the only member of the family that treats me with an ounce of civility from time to time.

my father and i were really close ten years ago right before he divorced my nmom and we've drifted apart irreparably since. he's been wildly inconsistent throughout the decline, but his support sharply dropped off after i fully embraced my identity as a queer alt man despite him not being conservative or religious. it breaks my heart every time i think about it, but i also know that a lot of it stems from his own unresolved issues and limits and he'll never be truly present for me.

so it only kind of hurt when he canceled our lunch plans for the week and asked if he could come over for fast food around ten this friday for what is kind of our last dinner together for foreseeably a while. apparently it was "more convenient" for him since he has an appointment nearby around that time.

i live only 15 minutes away from him.

i wasn't shocked, but certainly disappointed. i gave up on hoping for our relationship to improve some years ago but i'm kind of blown away at how quickly it's fallen off a cliff since i've become fully independent and started really living my truth. i've done a lot of work in therapy to assure myself it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with who he is, but it still hurts. he goes above and beyond for my siblings but i'm still an afterthought no matter what.

i'm so excited and ready for it to just be next month already and be all set up in my new place with my kitty. i know as soon as i get there these feelings will subside, but for now it's so much stress and having to be strong in the face of people who used to have my back no matter what. it's a weird kind of feeling.

he was a coworker at my old job and i basically lost feelings entirely after a different coworker revealed to me that he had a wife and kid at home but some sick starved part of me misses the way he'd look at me. i have been having recurring dreams about this mf for almost a year now even though i quit the job like three months ago and have gone on dates since. pissed that i can't get him out of my head even though i'm well past the point of "caring" about him. work situationships are a DISEASE.

there's been this weird phenomenon in my family where i get invited regularly to dinner with my father and my siblings despite both of my siblings holding a grudge against me for going nc with my nmom seven years ago.

i've since gone nc with both siblings after several instances of them giving my nmom my location and her showing up unannounced or calling local businesses asking for me.

my father still invites me to dinner with them about once a month, which i usually politely decline citing work or a music opportunity coming up.

i just can't fathom why they still "invite" me to things despite the emotional distance between us spanning veritable miles. mind you, it's never my siblings inviting me one-on-one, it's almost always my father (who is the mediator/"peacekeeper" of the family dynamic) making plans with my sibling one-on-one (they choose the restaurant, the time, etc.) and inviting me last minute.

and i do mean last minute, there's very few instances of the invite occurring more than 24 hours before the event. i usually had very little time to prepare in the few instances i decided to attend and every time it was tense, uncomfortable, and my sibling spent the whole meal subtly mocking my lifestyle whilst i downed drinks just to keep myself numb enough to avoid starting a physical altercation if nothing else.

i guess i'm just here to vent my frustration about this continuing to happen. i'm not sure why it does and it continually upsets me.

i have to lie a lot to avoid family events to keep myself from breaking no contact with people that aren't safe. i don't know why i feel so guilty every time, but it doesn't seem to go away.

generally it's to get out of having dinner with my siblings, which is usually just actually my dad and one of my siblings planning to get dinner together and then inviting me last minute. i never get a say in where we eat/what time, and usually i'm told less than 24 hours in advance despite being the busiest member of the family. i have two jobs and two side hustles just to stay afloat/creatively fulfilled and they all know this and disrespect my time every single time.

it's always this weird push/pull internally of knowing they're being shitty to me but beating myself up for holding firm and doing what i need to do for myself.

i'm not really sure how to write this. it was kind of a stupid, trivial moment just now. but it felt like a punch to the gut.

i checked my friends list on Fortnite (i know, i know) and saw that my younger brother had removed me as a friend. i cut contact with him and our younger sister back in march of this year after my nmom (who i have not spoken to since i was 19; i'm 26 now) suspiciously called my job asking to speak with me a week after i had what i thought was a nice lunch with them while they were in town for spring break.

i wrote them a measured goodbye letter after having to leave work and quit that day for my immediate physical safety. my mother is unmedicated, undiagnosed and severely mentally ill, and most of her friends are too. she's violent and unhinged but exclusively towards me. (my father didn't believe she was abusing me growing up until i begged him to not leave the room when she was having one of her "nights" and she was drunk enough to scream at me in front of him.)

i didn't have much of a choice. i'm visibly alt and gay, and getting harassed and assaulted in the workplace by both customers and coworkers has unfortunately been somewhat of a norm for me since i've lived in my hometown.

i basically said in the letter, "if either of you want me in your life, you have to leave her out of our relationship. tell her nothing. she cannot be trusted and she poses great risk to me. these are the conditions, i love you both dearly, please reach out to me when you're ready." and i left it at that.

i've gone above and beyond to be the best older
brother i could to both of them, but it's become clear
to me over time that they either can't or won't put in the bare minimum effort for me and it sucks. i had mostly come to grips with this until tonight. i don't know why checking that stupid list broke me. i'm still reeling after an hour. i guess it just kind of made it all real. i love him and i miss him but i can't have him in my life right now.

i've come so far and healed so much, years and years of therapy and reading and working on myself but i still find myself in these moments where i just fucking hate my mom for what she did to me and to have both of them turn away from me in adulthood was the last thing i had expected. it sounds naïve seeing it written out now, but i guess i really hoped that all three of us would escape her grasp and be able to have a separate relationship at the least.

i don't know. it's hard to sit with these feelings and not feel like i failed them still. it's such a complicated mess of feelings to have. i know what i did is what's best and it still sucks and i still feel angry and sad. i don't know if i could have even done anything to prevent any of this.

i'm not really sure how to write this. it was kind of a stupid, trivial moment just now. but it felt like a punch to the gut.

i checked my friends list on Fortnite (i know, i know) and saw that my younger brother had removed me as a friend. i cut contact with him and our younger sister back in march of this year after my nmom (who i have not spoken to since i was 19; i'm 26 now) suspiciously called my job asking to speak with me a week after i had what i thought was a nice lunch with them while they were in town for spring break.

i wrote them a measured goodbye letter after having to leave work and quit that day for my immediate physical safety. my mother is conservative and mentally ill, and most of her friends are too. i didn't have much of a choice. i'm visibly alt and gay, and getting harassed and assaulted in the workplace by both customers and coworkers has unfortunately been somewhat of a norm for me since i've lived in my hometown.

i basically said in the letter, "if either of you want me in your life, you have to leave her out of our relationship. tell her nothing. she cannot be trusted and she poses great risk to me. these are the conditions, i love you both dearly, please reach out to me when you're ready." and i left it at that.

i've gone above and beyond to be the best older
brother i could to both of them, but it's become clear
to me over time that they either can't or won't put in the bare minimum effort for me and it sucks. i had mostly come to grips with this until tonight. i don't know why checking that stupid list broke me. i'm still reeling after an hour. i guess it just kind of made it all real. i love him and i miss him but i can't have him in my life right now.

i've come so far and healed so much, years and years of therapy and reading and working on myself but i still find myself in these moments where i just fucking hate my mom for what she did to me (my situation is odd in that i was the eldest and the sole victim of her abuse growing up, she used my siblings as pawns to hurt me/spent my college fund on them/told me about it, shit like that) and to have both of them turn away from me in adulthood was the last thing i had expected. it sounds naïve seeing it written out now, but i guess i really hoped that all three of us would escape her grasp and be able to have a separate relationship at the least.

i don't know. it's hard to sit with these feelings and not feel like i failed them still.

hello! i'm brand new to producing EDM, but not necessarily a noob to music if that makes sense? i can play piano, violin, sing, and i've studied music on my own pretty much my whole 26 years on this earth. i can play entire songs by ear and can reconstruct midi maps of songs i know from memory.

however, the bells and whistles of DAWs and figuring out synths are new to me and i tend to learn best by asking questions and learning how other people do it. i'm stuck at the technological learning curve and sometimes more hands-on instruction helps me understand better.

i've been googling and digging into reddit and watching videos and all that good stuff, but i'd love to be a part of a community of people who are also just starting out/welcoming to inexperienced folks. i'm in a few discords already with some people who are quite advanced and i learn good stuff there too, but it's hard to feel comfortable asking questions or asking for feedback on tracks to dudes who are way beyond my current skill level and would laugh me out of the server for asking basic shit like "how do i make a crunchy wub?"

i'm gay, trans, and pretty autistic as well so the nt edm dudebros are usually out for blood the second i say hi. i come off naive and kinda dumb with the questions i ask due to the specificity and genuine curiosity/excitement.

i'm just trying to learn and connect and would love any recommendations for more relaxed and queer-inclusive communities if there are any!

it feels so cringe. it's not sexy or fun. it's like 10-20 minutes of feeling so dysphoric i want to cry every time. i feel better after i do it, but the during never gets easier. it's the only drawback of testosterone for myself personally and i'm just pissed i'm one of the few that has symptoms bad enough to have to dilate daily. i hate it so much.

hello all.

i want to open this post by saying I LOVE T I DON'T REGRET T ONE BIT AND I AM HAPPY TO BE ON HRT. i just personally have pretty shitty mental health on a good day due to a traumatic childhood.

for some reason my dysmorphia shuts off past midnight and i honestly look objectively leaner/healthier than i did pre-t, but seeing the number on the scale rise has made me borderline question my reality some days. it's been so hard and i live in a very conservative town to the point that it's unsafe to leave my house most days.

all that to say i don't have anyone to reality check me (no friends, not in contact with family) when it's really bad and i just don't know how to cope with it lately. i've gone down two pant sizes in my first year on t and yet when i look in the mirror my head tells me i'm the biggest i've ever been.

i'm medicated and in therapy but i feel so limited lately. i move to a new state in a month and combined with the moving stress it just gets worse and worse every day. i work out daily, but i avoid the gyms in my area due to the social unrest and having been targeted and harassed in public before. usually i go for a run every day outside but it's been thunder storming all week.

i just wanted to yell into the void to feel a little more sane and see if anyone else has tips for dealing with this. i'm so tired of covering the mirrors in my house. i feel like i'm doing what i can, but i just hate feeling so alone.

i love her so much. i adopted her almost a year ago now and she's been such a light in my life. she's so silly and i swear she knows how to make me laugh. she unties my shoes when i get up to leave for work because she knows it'll take me a little longer to get out the door. please share your funny cat stories with me!

i'm a new-ish electronic producer at age 26 and i have been reading and writing poetry/lyrics almost my whole life, but for some reason i always get that deeply cringe feeling in my stomach when i do. i'm not sure why it happens and it kind of cracks me up? it's not a serious issue for me as it doesn't stop me from writing because it kind of makes me laugh at myself. not sure if this is a common experience but it makes me laugh often 🤣