u/disconnectedisco

Bwiset na ulan to. Napapa yearn tuloy ako nang di oras. HAHAHAHAHAHA 🫠

I miss having someone who speaks my love language, ‘cause I never had to translate my soul with him.

Wala lang, namimiss ko lang talaga. Huli ko naexperience yan eh mga 6-10 years ago na, ofc I was younger.
Yun bang di ko na need ipaliwanag, kasi wala pa kong ginagawa, alam nya na. Puppy love pa nga. HAHAHA

“Nagrarant ka na naman sa twitter, may problem ka ba?”
“Alam kong may pinang gagalingan tampo mo. Di lang basta tampo yun.”
“Dati madalas ka mainis sakin pag di ako nakakareply agad, mag rarant ka na agad nyan sa twitter. Di ka na ganun ngayon.”

me: di ako makatulog
him: may problema ka, that’s not a question

Siguro dahil sa burnout lang din kaya I’ve been missing the feeling of not having to explain myself, it really feels nice to have someone who just gets you.
Someone who knows what to say, someone who says the right thing at the right time.

Lesson learned: ADULTING IS REALLY AN ANNUAL SLAP IN THE FACE. :))))

Edit: Aaahhhhhhhhhhhh I just miss it tonight. No more, no less. I don’t miss anyone specific. Just the way I was treated before. Wholesome kasi yung samahan namin before. We were childhood friends. Siguro yun din namimiss ko sa ngayon.

Ngayon kasi pag may kausap ako, karamihan halos parang walang usad convo pag hindi naughty ang topic. T_T but that’s an issue for another day. Let me just miss being known on a deep, emotional level.

Just thinking about my work makes me physically react, I feel like sobrang fed up na ako.

It’s not that I hate my job, pero pakiramdam ko my body is rejecting the concept of working at my current job. SOBRANG BURNT OUT NA AKO. Pero ang hirap kasi mag hanap ng work ngayon, and I haven’t heard back from the companies I’ve sent applications to.

Part of the reason I’m burnt out is because I feel like all this effort I have been doing, sacrifices I have been making, parang wala naman ako nakukuha from it. Temporary joys lang.

Not another travel can solve this, not another impulse buy ng gadget.

Minsan feeling ko sobrang OA ko lang, kasi di naman kami required mag OT, pero onsite kami everyday. Madali naman mag file ng leave, di mahigpit boss. Iniisip ko na lang na may iba dyan mas malalang problem, like mga saleslady sa mall, mga guard na maghapon nakatayo, may mga taong baon sa super laking utang, idk.

Pero ngayon ko lang to nafeel, as in sa total of 5 years kong pag tatrabaho, ngayon ko lang naramdaman to.

I genuinely don’t know what to do about it, it’s affecting my work na. I feel so overstimulated.

Maybe both? I have been teaching myself emotional independence this year, due to my not so good experiences in my past friendships and ..relationships?

Pero it only helped me to an extent. I felt healed alone, but I got triggered again when I tried to get close with people. I felt like running away from people who show me interest, and I feel all giddy towards people who don’t like me like that. Why don’t you just sh00t me in the head? 😃 JUST KIDDING. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Trust me when I say this and I’m not exaggerating when I say I haven’t been genuinely treated right. No matter how much self love and self respect I have, I almost always end up wanting something unpredictable ‘cause that’s what I’m used to.

And it’s so hard to heal this side of me, because I know I don’t want it, but I’m here. I’m still here.

I may have gotten over someone I considered my first love.. but hell, was he the blueprint of all the emotional patterns of my relationships, romantic or platonic.

It’s like I’m Carrie Bradshaw and all the people I find myself wanting company from is Mr. Big.

Labas parents ko here since they are the best parents I could ever ask for. I was spoiled as a kid, but I got really humbled growing up. I love them. But not to the point where I’m duper devoted to them. That’s all I can say.

I’m looking for new friends I can hang out with, weekly bi-weekly, monthly pwede rin HAHAHA or whenever free.

About me:
- 27, F, currently residing & working in Pasig
- I’m often in Alabang and/or BGC, pwede rin sa mega
- I like to journal and go on walks
- I like travelling too :> pls lang, kaladkarin ako HAHAHA but I haven’t gone on hikes yet

about you:
- kaladkarin din sana HAHAHA just the right amount of sponty like me
- 23 and above, preferrably working
- I’m sorry pero ayaw ko sana sa brokenhearted 😭 I don’t have the emotional capacity sumalo these days. Other problems, I’ll listen. But if it’s about boys.. issa no from me :c

You know why? Most men, if not all, ang hilig mang breadcrumb. Gets ko naman if may preference, pero tell it na agad. Hindi yung ang daming paligoy ligoy.

God forbid a woman expresses her dismay. 😟

(Edit again: GIRL, NATAWA AKO SA COMMENTS. I had to lock this post bc ang daming triggered. Even downvoted pa the one comment I found HILARIOUS. Just because gusto kong companionship or lovelife, doesn’t mean I don’t love myself. Tao lang din ako, hindi naman ako pusong bato.)

Hindi naman ako scared of rejection, pero yung para bang sobrang popogi nila to act that way?

Hindi naman ako galit, I just wanna have a good time sana getting to know other people pero they make it really hard no? If you don’t like me, be straightforward with it, so I can go be happy with someone else. 😃💤

Anyway, sige na nga. Sa career and travel na lang ako mag focus, kesa masayang oras ko kakaread between the lines at pag decode ng mga taong wala namang bitaw. CHAR HAHAHAHAHA

Edit: I should probably prioritize myself na talaga, like for real. Pero yung pag date ko naman sana was my way of prioritizing my happiness too no? Pero kung ganto lang din naman, might as well shift my focus.

Hey, just because I want to experience genuine connection, doesn’t mean I will leave my life behind for a man. 🙄

I never thought I’d get here. BUT I’M HERE.
Sobrang tagal kong hinintay tong araw na to.

It happened to me last month, in July. In a snap of a finger, my brain and my heart finally caught up with each other. I’m grateful now for everyone in my past, whether it ended badly or not.

I can finally say I made peace with it. It feels really good, even if I was stuck in limbo for a while.

In case you’re going through something you never seem to heal from, just keep going, even if it takes time. Time will pass anyway.